だれもいない。。。
I don't think I can explain what D'espairsRay means to me. They have truly been an important part of my life in the past 7(!) years. It's true that I lost sight of them for about 1,5 years until only recently, but that doesn't change what they have meant to me. They were the first visual kei band I saw live in 2004. Sander and I had only been together for half a year, and we travelled all the way to Berlin to see this Japanese band I sort of knew. I remember their autograph session being so weird. Karyu was up first and right when I wanted to say thank you, he said thank you and I got all confused and flustered and just smiled and nodded. And during the concert I was wearing a leather corset, but then I got all sweaty and it slowly started to slip down, so while I was jumping up and down and headbanging, I had one hand in the air and one was holding my corset lol.
Then the year after that we went to Munich for them. Kagerou performed first, but I didn't care. So, when Despa started their set we were somewhere in the back, until during Born Sander propelled me forward through all the boring people who were just watching and being boring. And then during the last few songs I stood in the front row with Karyu right in front of me which was beyond amazing. My neck hurt so much from all the headbanging that while we were at the station waiting for our train (in the middle of the night) I had to lean on Sander's shoulder because I couldn't keep my head up. Whenever I listen to Coll:set all these feelings and memories rush back at me.
And then in 2006 they came to Utrecht, of all places. Nothing will ever beat the Munich concert, but it was good. I will forever remember when Hizumi was at the edge of the stage, singing incredibly intense with his eyes closed, and he held his hand out and noone was there to take it but me. And when the guys were leaving the stage, Zero crouched in front of us, his eyes searched the crowed, and WHAM, he spat half a bottle of water into my face.
After that, I wasn't able to see them live anymore, which hurt a lot for a while. Especially because Mirror was released after that which became my favorite album of theirs. When Sander went to Japan and I was alone for 5 months, they are what kept me going. I never got to see Screen live, or Angeldust, and I never will.
Click to viewI lost track of them somewhere along the line. Life changed, I changed.. jrock and visual kei changed. I started listening to them again a few months ago, and remembered how much they meant to me. And now they have disbanded. I will never forget them, because they are so intertwined with such an important and defining part of my life.
Goodbye.