some crazy shit

[heartshaped79]

Well. I've been through a really hard time in my life the past couple of months. I feel like things are getting better, I don't want to say that though b/c I feel like if I do things will come crashing down all over agian. I was reading all my old ass entrys in here, I was a really different person then in a lot of ways. I wish I could still be as care free as I used to be, but when your 18 and no longer go to school or have a job you kind of have to care haha. My mom tried to kill herself on her birthday...It was really surreal, my dad told me she was dead because he thought she was...then the police came and it turned out she was alive. I talk to her a lot more now, I just hope things are getting better for her, it seems like it is. I dont know what I would do without my mom, shes who I go to when I need help for anything, I would of been lost if she had died. Colt is not being a bastard ass anymore...so thats good. We're actually doing better than we have for soooooo long. Our relationship was really doing horribly for a while. Our two year anniversary is coming up...That is a long time lol. For a while I didnt talk to my friends very much which made me feel like complete and total shit, I was just really depressed, more depressed than I ever have been and I guess I was just scared. They helped me a lot when my mom was int he hospital, even if they dont realize it. I dont know how I could of gotten through it all without them. One day in the hospital when it was just me and my mom, she started talking to me about how good my friends are and how it made her so happy that they all came to spend the night with me, and i just started crying because its true, no matter what ive done, how stupid , or how mean ive been they've never stopped being my friends. I don't want to take that for granted ever agian. Well this entry got all too real!
Peace out
~Mariah