So Imperfectly Perfect, 29
Title:So Imperfectly Perfect
Author: heartsdesire456
Rating:Up to NC-17, but not for a while
POV: 3rd
Pairing: Treckett
Summary: Time has little meaning for William Beckett. His once full and vibrant life has been reduced to the inside of his apartment and his three friends. For a person so young, his life holds little hope for anything more than hiding. Hiding from fear, hiding from pain... even hiding from his family. When a stranger moves in down the hall, William's routine is shattered by this unexpected intruder. Whether or not he wants the intrusion is a whole other question.
Disclaimer: ...i'm almost certain William Beckett isn't a shut in with emotional scars, but if that changes, I'll be sure to update this disclaimer.
WARNING: This fic contains possible triggers for certain people. I won't warn and give it away (though it's pretty obvious from the start) but it does get pretty triggery and intense at moments. Not terribly, it's mostly just emotional responses, but still... be warned!
Author's Note: THIS CHAPTER IS NC-17... YES! IT REALLY IS!!!! (also its the penultimate chapter)
Travis sighed when Bill handed him the guide book. “Baby it’s Christmas eve, do you have to study?” he asked and William gave him a glare.
“Yes, I have to study!” William straightened up. “So, you ask me a question and I’ll answer it.”
Travis raised an eyebrow. “And why should I? It’s Christmas Eve, we should be relaxing and getting some rest. Aren’t you heading to your mom’s for lunch tomorrow?”
William smirked. “I’ll give you a kiss for every one I get right,” he suggested and Travis chuckled.
“Tempting me with kisses, you sure are manipulative,” he said and William pouted.
“Pleeeease?” he asked, batting his eyelashes. “Travie, don’t you want me to be smart?”
Travis smiled. “I love that you want to study, but the thing is it’s Christmas Eve. You don’t need to study on a holiday. It’s like a rule,” he said and William sighed.
“Alright, alright.” He took the book back and went to flop on his belly in front of the Christmas tree, watching the lights with a happy smile. He turned his head and looked up at Travis. “I just want to do well. Carl failed it once before. We were talking about it and he says the section on the constitution is really hard. Macy says she’s been studying for months for the one in January and I’m just worried I won’t be as prepared.” He hummed. “Although, Macy’s been hitting on me. Maybe she just wants me to freak out so she can like… I don’t know, get some ‘one on one’ time,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. He grinned. “I told her I’ve got a boyfriend but she seems persistent.”
Travis gave him a strange look that made William feel tense. “Is she pretty?” he asked and William raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t really looking very hard. I mean, I’m not interested,” he said pointedly.
“You seem to be getting a lot better socially,” Travis said, reaching out to catch William’s swinging foot playfully, tickling his foot. “I’m proud of you,” he said in a strange voice and William sat up, frowning.
“What’s with you lately?” William asked, crossing his legs as he faced Travis. “For days you’ve been distant and you keep asking me about my study group,” he said, raising an eyebrow.
Travis sighed, shutting his eyes. “It’s nothing baby.”
William rolled to his knees and knee walked to Travis’s knees, frowning. “Travie?” he asked uneasily.
Travis just smiled, reaching out to push his hair back from his face. “I just think you’re doing pretty well socializing with people your own age. I’m happy to see you getting out and talking to other kids.”
William frowned. “You know I’m not going to start ignoring you or something, right?” he checked and Travis chuckled.
“Baby, I’ve always known one day you would be better and you would be able to make new friends some day. I want you to meet new friends and have a life,” he said firmly, smiling at him affectionately.
“Then why are you so weird about it?” William asked.
Travis gave him a sad smile, stroking his cheek tenderly. “I’m just worried you’re gonna meet someone your own age and realize you’ve got no business dating my old ass,” he said and William leveled him with a glare.
“What?” William asked fiercely and Travis sighed.
“Nothing, baby-“
“You think I’m going to meet somebody my own age and suddenly not want you?” William asked, crossing his arms in annoyance.
Travis sighed, “Baby-“
“Don’t ‘baby’ me!” William said, bracing himself with his hands on either of Travis’s knees. “Don’t you want me?” he asked, eyes wide and angry.
“William,” Travis said gently. “I love you. I want you, of course, but you’re so much better than that-“ Travis flinched when William’s enraged eyes began to look even angrier. “I’m just saying, you deserve so much more than who I am and what I can be for you and what I can give you.”
William just growled. “Shut the fuck up,” he said and Travis jerked, surprised at William’s reaction. “I can’t believe you,” he said, fingers digging slightly into Travis’s legs. “I love you FOR who are you are. I don’t need you to be anything more than that.” He shook his head. “And you’ve given me more than anybody else ever could. You’ve given me your time and your attention and your space and money and your love,” he stressed. “I love you, Travis. Your age, your job, your apartment… nothing matters but you.” William leaned closer, kissing Travis sweetly. “What, do you think you deserve someone your age, with a career, and nice stuff?” he asked and Travis rolled his eyes.
“Baby, no-“
“Then why would I deserve more than what I have?” William leaned close and hugged Travis, kissing his lips sweetly. “I’ve got a gorgeous man who loves me and has shown more patience and kindness with me than anybody ever before.”
Travis chuckled and shook his head. “Alright, baby, alright,” he said, cracking a smile. “I love you, you know that?” he said and William smiled.
“Well yeah, you wouldn’t spend so much time taking care of me if you didn’t,” he said sweetly. He curled his fingers in Travis’s hair and pulled him into a kiss. “You’re not a phase, Travie,” he said softly. “And I’m not throwing myself at you because you’re the first person to give me attention that isn’t practically my brother, that’s a degrading thing for you to even think about me,” he warned and Travis gave him an innocent look. William kissed him softly, sliding his hands up Travis’s thighs slowly, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked into Travis’s eyes playfully. “I love you because you’re funny,” he whispered, leaning in as he spoke. “And you’re sweet. You’re so kind. You’re pretty smart.” He kissed him almost teasingly gently. “You treat me like I’m beautiful even when I don’t feel it. You make me feel safe when I’m at my most vulnerable. Your heart is so big and you are so kind and respectful even when people are assholes.” He brushed his lips across Travis’s lips softly. “I love that so few people ever meet a man as amazing as you and you’re all mine,” he whispered.
Travis groaned as William kept his lips a breath away. “I’m so, so yours,” he said weakly and William smiled, kissing him after his teasing. Travis groaned when William pressed as close as the couch allowed, moaning breathily when Travis claimed his mouth.
William whined when he tried to press further into Travis and found the couch stopping him from going any further. “Travie,” he whined, nails digging into the material of Travis’s jeans. He tugged at the material, trying to make Travis come closer.
“Baby, you’re pretty much pulling my pants off,” Travis teased, catching his wrists.
William paused, eyes flickering up from Travis’s lips to his eyes. He licked his kiss-swollen lips and breathed sharply. “What if I’m trying to?” he asked, almost a challenge.
Travis’s pupil’s dilated almost comically. “A-are you?” he asked.
William looked up at him through his eyelashes, lips curving almost shyly. “I- I want to,” he said, a bit more confident sounding that he felt. He slid his palms along Travis’s thighs. “Will-“ he looked up, taking a breath as he looked at Travis, needing to know Travis wanted him. “Will you make love to me?” he asked in a small voice.
Travis stared at him for the longest. William was pretty sure they could’ve heard a pin drop in the silence that followed his words. “I-“ Travis shook himself some. “Are you- are you sure?”
William bit back a smile and nodded. “I’m ready. I want to be with you… like that,” he added, feeling his cheeks flushing slightly.
Travis looked uneasy. “You know I’m not… it was always girls for me,” he said and William nodded.
“I know, but maybe we can learn together?” he asked and Travis couldn’t think of a more precious thing in the world than the innocent, loving expression in William’s face as he spoke those words. “I mean… do you think so?” William asked and Travis nodded reassuringly.
“We can, if you want,” he said, and William nodded, leaning in for another kiss. “Now?” he asked and William nodded again, grinning against his lip.
“Why not?” he asked and Travis shook his head, smiling.
“You sure?” he asked playfully and William pouted.
He sat back and tugged at Travis’s hands. “Yes, God, I know I’ve got problems, but making a man want to get naked with me shouldn’t be one of them,” he said and Travis choked out a laugh. “I realize I’m pretty. I’m not blind-“
“Oh baby, I know, trust me,” Travis said, leaning forward to kiss him sloppily, making William moan. “Your pretty face is far from the only thing I care about though. I want to be positive you’re ready so I can make this perfect for you.”
William shivered slightly. “The fact it’s you pretty much does that already,” he said and Travis felt his heart thudding at William’s words. “Travie-“
Travis nodded, kissing him quickly. Travis held William’s hands and helped him stand before standing himself. He curled his arms around William, kissing him slowly, stroking his hands up and down William’s back and sides as he held him close. “Bed?” Travis asked softly against Williams lips.
William moaned softly and nodded, letting Travis back them slowly towards his bedroom, not breaking the kiss. William bit his lip when he looked over at Travis’s bed. “Do you know, I’ve only been in here once?” he said and Travis smiled.
“I know, it’s just so much easier to fall asleep on the couch with you. You can’t get away from me,” he teased and William giggled, letting Travis guide him over to the bed.
William crawled back onto the bed, smiling up at Travis nervously when Travis laid down beside him. They just lay there for a moment, looking at each other. “I need to know what you want,” Travis said, stroking his fingertip along the side of William’s face. “There’s just too much to go wrong to feel it out,” he said and William nodded, kissing him sweetly.
“If I say stop, stop,” William said and Travis smiled.
“Baby, even if you weren’t suffering bad mental harm, that would be a given.”
William rolled his eyes. “Look at me a lot. I need to see your eyes. Not all the time, but if I ask to look at me do it. Don’t grab my wrists,” he said firmly. “If you grab my hands, that’s okay, but do not hold my wrists. Touch me just so I know you’re here,” he added. “I know that sound stupid, obviously I’ll know you’re here, but I always feel more calm when your hands are touching my skin,” he said, smirking as he turned and kissed the hand caressing his cheek. “Most of all, if I do freak out, which I don’t think I am, but if I do,” he said, reaching up to cup Travis’s cheek. “Don’t feel bad. Don’t feel guilty. I know that’s a lot to ask, but you never hurt me. Never. I don’t think you could hurt me,” he said and Travis kissed his wrist, holding his hand to his face. “If I freak out, it’s over what happened to me before, not over anything happening now.”
“It’ll hurt,” Travis warned him, kissing down his forearm, towards the inside of his elbow. “That’s what scares me most. You’ve only associated this with pain and its going to hurt no matter what and I’m worried it’ll remind you-“
“You love me, Travis. Nothing can hurt me,” he said, pulling Travis down nearly on top of him to kiss him. “Not the kind of hurt that matters,” he said and Travis nosed into his cheek, kissing along his jaw. He gasped softly as Travis kissed down his throat, paying attention to the places he remembered made William turn into a puddle of goo. William felt Travis reaching up his shirt slowly, carefully. He moaned softly at the feeling of Travis exploring his skin as he found every erogenous zone on his throat.
For a while it was just kissing and touching, slow, unhurried making out. William, however, had other ideas. He shifted and rolled over, straddling Travis. He looked down at him with flaming cheeks and grabbed the bottom of his shirt, arching his back as he pulled it off over his head. When he shook his hair free from the shirt and looked down, Travis sighed.
“That is so hot,” he said and William grinned, leaning down to kiss him. Travis’s hands settled on his hips, holding him as he sat on his lap. William squeaked some when Travis rolled them over, settling between William’s knees. William watched with wide eyes, moaning when Travis tugged his own shirt off. William had never seen Travis without a shirt before.
“Wow, you really do have a lot of tattoos,” William said stupidly, sliding his hands up Travis’s chest, up to his neck, where they curled and tugged Travis down on top of him, kissing him hungrily. He knew later on he would have to take time to taste every tattoo on Travis’s body. The feeling of Travis’s skin all over his was intoxicating. Travis kissed down from his lips, his chin, down his throat, and continued down until he was nipping at the sharp ridge of William’s hip bones. “Oh God,” William groaned, eyes rolling at the feeling. He had no idea all the things his body liked until Travis started touching him.
Travis kissed back up, kneeling as he undid William’s jeans, looking at William to make sure he was alright with it. When he unbuttoned them and started tugging, he glared at them. “How the hell do you get these things on?” he asked and William giggled, biting his fingertip as Travis wrestled his pants down. He lifted his hips to help, but otherwise he just fought giggles at how frustrated Travis was getting with them.
It wasn’t until Travis finally snatched them off and tossed them rather viciously across the room than he realized William wasn’t wearing any underwear. “Oh wow.”
William smirked. “That’s how I get them on,” he said and Travis just groaned, leaning down to kiss William as he trailed his fingers up the insides of William’s long, slender legs, making him shiver. “I know you wanna look, and I do to, but it’s sort of freezing,” he whispered and Travis chuckled but nodded, moving so that William could pull back the covers and climb under them. He hummed happily. “Join me,” he said seductively and Travis groaned, quickly climbing off the bed to get his jeans and boxers off before sliding into the bed with William.
William quickly tugged Travis back on top of him, kissing him hungrily. He let out a choked sound as Travis’s body pressed against his, both of them naked. “It is pretty damn cold,” Travis agreed, tugging the covers up his back some more.
William hummed. “Wanna heat things up then?” he asked, snickering at the look on Travis’s face at his words. “I’m sorry, I can’t help myself when I’m nervous,” he said and Travis gave him a soft smile.
“Don’t be nervous, honey,” he said, kissing him gently. He lowered himself so that he was lying almost fully on William, elbows holding most of his weight on either side of William’s body. He pressed his hips down and William moaned softly at the feeling of Travis’s erection sliding past his. Travis’s hands framed William’s face as he kissed him slowly, gently letting William just feel. William groaned, wrapping one leg around the back of Travis’s thigh, knee bracketing his hip. Travis stroked his hand down William’s side, sliding it all the way down his body, over his ass, and up the outside of his thigh, earning a soft moan. “Whenever you think you’re ready for more-“
“God, whenever, seriously,” William supplied, gasping as Travis nipped at his shoulder. He wrapped his fingers around Travis’s upper arms. “I’m ready,” he said and Travis kissed him softly.
“Okay,” he said, then slid away from William just a little, but enough to make him make unhappy sounds. “Just hold on, baby,” he said, sliding his hand across William’s middle as he leaned out of the bed to open a drawer and dig around. “Hey, do you think we need a condom?” he asked and William snickered as Travis flailed a bit, nearly falling out of the bed. “Don’t laugh at me,” Travis said and William giggled again.
“Probably not, but if you think we should be safe just to be sure, that’s totally fine with me,” he said.
“Well,” Travis said, still digging around in the drawer, though he seemed increasingly frustrated. “I haven’t had sex in a really long time,” he stressed. “And I was tested but I don’t remember if it tested for everything or just HIV,” he noted. “I’m assuming you were tested…” he trailed off and William nodded.
“Yeah, I’m fine, thank God,” he said, then shrugged. “Whatever, Travis, seriously, just make up your mind and get your ass over here,” he said and Travis laughed, then nodded.
“Well, just to be safe,” he said, grabbing a bottle and a condom before falling back into bed. “Can’t be too careful with the man I love,” Travis said, and William rolled his eyes, but tugged Travis into a kiss, amused at how much cooler Travis’s shoulders were after being exposed to the cold air for a while.
“Let’s do this,” William said confidently and Travis kissed him deeply, eliciting a moan.
“You sure?” Travis asked, kissing cross William’s chest as he parted his legs, curling his big hands around William’s skinny thighs.
“I love you, I couldn’t be more sure than that,” William said and Travis nodded.
It wasn’t as carefree as William could’ve hoped, but it was much easier than it could’ve been. There were moments, mostly when Travis was first spreading him open, gently preparing him with his fingers, that the pain brought back flashes of the only other time he’d felt that same pain. It worried him some, but he quickly figured out that looking into Travis’s eyes and not looking away was the key to quelling those memories. Travis was gentle and loving and caring and doing everything in his power to make it good. Those memories were of something bad and wrong done by evil people. Travis was the man of his dreams, the man who loved him unconditionally and was doing his best to erase every horrible moment of those memories.
There was another momentary panic when Travis first entered his body in which William has a flash of the actual first time someone had been there. He shuddered and Travis stopped, offering immediately to stop, but William looked into his eyes and shook his head, fighting the memory of being face down and in pain. This wasn’t pain. The twinge of discomfort he felt wasn’t pain. Pain was dirty and bad and horrible. Pain was something to be avoided.
This was love. Love hurt sometimes, it was just a fact of life, and William couldn’t imagine anything hurting too much for love to heal it. When Travis was inside of him, William clung to him, shaking more from the adrenaline in his body than fear, though some of that still lingered. It took a few moments of kisses and encouragement before his body began to release its tension and give over to love, but almost as soon as Travis’s thrusts began to rock his body, William felt an intense rush of warmth and pressure and some other inexplicable feeling fill his entire body.
Everything felt beautiful. He felt beautiful. Travis lavished his lips, face, and throat with kisses as he made love to him, keeping it slow, since William was still so tight. “Travie,” he breathed and Travis kissed his jaw. “Oh Travis,” he groaned.
“You’re so beautiful,” Travis groaned, kissing his face, only to shock William by grabbing William’s hips and rolling them over, without losing contact, so that William was on top of him.
William squeaked, moaning as Travis planted his feet and rocked up into him. He sat up and cried out at the change of angle. He’d felt plenty of small thrills of surprising pleasure as Travis shifted inside him, but the feeling was intense as he sat up, moaning and rocking down onto Travis. “Oh God,” he panted, balancing with his hands on Travis’s stomach. “Travie!” he groaned, tossing his hair back, sliding his hand to his erection. “Holy fuck,” he groaned, whining.
Travis slid his hands up the insides of William’s thighs, grunting as he thrust up into William, eliciting a sharp cry of his name. “God, you’re beautiful, baby,” Travis moaned, batting William’s hand away from his erection as he took over for him. “You look so good like this.”
William panted, looking into Travis’s eyes as he rocked harder. “I need- Travis- I- fuck- I need-“ Travis watched his frustrated face and sat up, curling his arms around William as he rolled them back over, settling between William’s thighs again, bracing himself on either side of William’s head. “Yes, that,” William moaned, arching his back as Travis thrust faster, harder, showing his body pleasure he didn’t know he could feel.
Travis slid his hands up William’s sides, up his arms, catching his fingers to lace together above their heads as he thrust harder, making William whine at how close he was and how he couldn’t get a hand on his erection. It was deliciously torturously to get only the friction from Travis’s belly against his erection, but it paid off when, after such a slow, painfully drawn out set of infuriatingly light touches and what seemed like hours right on the edge, he came so hard he couldn’t hold in the whine he made as he arched his back, body tensing in orgasm. He couldn’t see, hear, or feel much of anything other than white hot perfection.
When he finally fell back to earth, the blood pounding in his ears, he barely had time to drop his arms shakily around Travis’s shoulders, holding on tight, before Travis’s thrusts grew erratic and he tensed, groaning low and long, following William’s orgasm by moments.
It took more than a few minutes for them to catch their breath and the whole time, William couldn’t help the bright smile on his face as he trailed his fingers down Travis’s sweat-slick back under the covers they had dragged up around them. “I love you,” he whispered and Travis hummed, kissing him.
“I love you so much,” Travis agreed, smiling so peacefully William felt his heart ready to explode from happiness. “You okay?” he asked and William sighed, cheeks hurting from smiling.
“I couldn’t be more perfect than I am right now.”
Author: heartsdesire456
Rating:Up to NC-17, but not for a while
POV: 3rd
Pairing: Treckett
Summary: Time has little meaning for William Beckett. His once full and vibrant life has been reduced to the inside of his apartment and his three friends. For a person so young, his life holds little hope for anything more than hiding. Hiding from fear, hiding from pain... even hiding from his family. When a stranger moves in down the hall, William's routine is shattered by this unexpected intruder. Whether or not he wants the intrusion is a whole other question.
Disclaimer: ...i'm almost certain William Beckett isn't a shut in with emotional scars, but if that changes, I'll be sure to update this disclaimer.
WARNING: This fic contains possible triggers for certain people. I won't warn and give it away (though it's pretty obvious from the start) but it does get pretty triggery and intense at moments. Not terribly, it's mostly just emotional responses, but still... be warned!
Author's Note: THIS CHAPTER IS NC-17... YES! IT REALLY IS!!!! (also its the penultimate chapter)
Travis sighed when Bill handed him the guide book. “Baby it’s Christmas eve, do you have to study?” he asked and William gave him a glare.
“Yes, I have to study!” William straightened up. “So, you ask me a question and I’ll answer it.”
Travis raised an eyebrow. “And why should I? It’s Christmas Eve, we should be relaxing and getting some rest. Aren’t you heading to your mom’s for lunch tomorrow?”
William smirked. “I’ll give you a kiss for every one I get right,” he suggested and Travis chuckled.
“Tempting me with kisses, you sure are manipulative,” he said and William pouted.
“Pleeeease?” he asked, batting his eyelashes. “Travie, don’t you want me to be smart?”
Travis smiled. “I love that you want to study, but the thing is it’s Christmas Eve. You don’t need to study on a holiday. It’s like a rule,” he said and William sighed.
“Alright, alright.” He took the book back and went to flop on his belly in front of the Christmas tree, watching the lights with a happy smile. He turned his head and looked up at Travis. “I just want to do well. Carl failed it once before. We were talking about it and he says the section on the constitution is really hard. Macy says she’s been studying for months for the one in January and I’m just worried I won’t be as prepared.” He hummed. “Although, Macy’s been hitting on me. Maybe she just wants me to freak out so she can like… I don’t know, get some ‘one on one’ time,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. He grinned. “I told her I’ve got a boyfriend but she seems persistent.”
Travis gave him a strange look that made William feel tense. “Is she pretty?” he asked and William raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t really looking very hard. I mean, I’m not interested,” he said pointedly.
“You seem to be getting a lot better socially,” Travis said, reaching out to catch William’s swinging foot playfully, tickling his foot. “I’m proud of you,” he said in a strange voice and William sat up, frowning.
“What’s with you lately?” William asked, crossing his legs as he faced Travis. “For days you’ve been distant and you keep asking me about my study group,” he said, raising an eyebrow.
Travis sighed, shutting his eyes. “It’s nothing baby.”
William rolled to his knees and knee walked to Travis’s knees, frowning. “Travie?” he asked uneasily.
Travis just smiled, reaching out to push his hair back from his face. “I just think you’re doing pretty well socializing with people your own age. I’m happy to see you getting out and talking to other kids.”
William frowned. “You know I’m not going to start ignoring you or something, right?” he checked and Travis chuckled.
“Baby, I’ve always known one day you would be better and you would be able to make new friends some day. I want you to meet new friends and have a life,” he said firmly, smiling at him affectionately.
“Then why are you so weird about it?” William asked.
Travis gave him a sad smile, stroking his cheek tenderly. “I’m just worried you’re gonna meet someone your own age and realize you’ve got no business dating my old ass,” he said and William leveled him with a glare.
“What?” William asked fiercely and Travis sighed.
“Nothing, baby-“
“You think I’m going to meet somebody my own age and suddenly not want you?” William asked, crossing his arms in annoyance.
Travis sighed, “Baby-“
“Don’t ‘baby’ me!” William said, bracing himself with his hands on either of Travis’s knees. “Don’t you want me?” he asked, eyes wide and angry.
“William,” Travis said gently. “I love you. I want you, of course, but you’re so much better than that-“ Travis flinched when William’s enraged eyes began to look even angrier. “I’m just saying, you deserve so much more than who I am and what I can be for you and what I can give you.”
William just growled. “Shut the fuck up,” he said and Travis jerked, surprised at William’s reaction. “I can’t believe you,” he said, fingers digging slightly into Travis’s legs. “I love you FOR who are you are. I don’t need you to be anything more than that.” He shook his head. “And you’ve given me more than anybody else ever could. You’ve given me your time and your attention and your space and money and your love,” he stressed. “I love you, Travis. Your age, your job, your apartment… nothing matters but you.” William leaned closer, kissing Travis sweetly. “What, do you think you deserve someone your age, with a career, and nice stuff?” he asked and Travis rolled his eyes.
“Baby, no-“
“Then why would I deserve more than what I have?” William leaned close and hugged Travis, kissing his lips sweetly. “I’ve got a gorgeous man who loves me and has shown more patience and kindness with me than anybody ever before.”
Travis chuckled and shook his head. “Alright, baby, alright,” he said, cracking a smile. “I love you, you know that?” he said and William smiled.
“Well yeah, you wouldn’t spend so much time taking care of me if you didn’t,” he said sweetly. He curled his fingers in Travis’s hair and pulled him into a kiss. “You’re not a phase, Travie,” he said softly. “And I’m not throwing myself at you because you’re the first person to give me attention that isn’t practically my brother, that’s a degrading thing for you to even think about me,” he warned and Travis gave him an innocent look. William kissed him softly, sliding his hands up Travis’s thighs slowly, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked into Travis’s eyes playfully. “I love you because you’re funny,” he whispered, leaning in as he spoke. “And you’re sweet. You’re so kind. You’re pretty smart.” He kissed him almost teasingly gently. “You treat me like I’m beautiful even when I don’t feel it. You make me feel safe when I’m at my most vulnerable. Your heart is so big and you are so kind and respectful even when people are assholes.” He brushed his lips across Travis’s lips softly. “I love that so few people ever meet a man as amazing as you and you’re all mine,” he whispered.
Travis groaned as William kept his lips a breath away. “I’m so, so yours,” he said weakly and William smiled, kissing him after his teasing. Travis groaned when William pressed as close as the couch allowed, moaning breathily when Travis claimed his mouth.
William whined when he tried to press further into Travis and found the couch stopping him from going any further. “Travie,” he whined, nails digging into the material of Travis’s jeans. He tugged at the material, trying to make Travis come closer.
“Baby, you’re pretty much pulling my pants off,” Travis teased, catching his wrists.
William paused, eyes flickering up from Travis’s lips to his eyes. He licked his kiss-swollen lips and breathed sharply. “What if I’m trying to?” he asked, almost a challenge.
Travis’s pupil’s dilated almost comically. “A-are you?” he asked.
William looked up at him through his eyelashes, lips curving almost shyly. “I- I want to,” he said, a bit more confident sounding that he felt. He slid his palms along Travis’s thighs. “Will-“ he looked up, taking a breath as he looked at Travis, needing to know Travis wanted him. “Will you make love to me?” he asked in a small voice.
Travis stared at him for the longest. William was pretty sure they could’ve heard a pin drop in the silence that followed his words. “I-“ Travis shook himself some. “Are you- are you sure?”
William bit back a smile and nodded. “I’m ready. I want to be with you… like that,” he added, feeling his cheeks flushing slightly.
Travis looked uneasy. “You know I’m not… it was always girls for me,” he said and William nodded.
“I know, but maybe we can learn together?” he asked and Travis couldn’t think of a more precious thing in the world than the innocent, loving expression in William’s face as he spoke those words. “I mean… do you think so?” William asked and Travis nodded reassuringly.
“We can, if you want,” he said, and William nodded, leaning in for another kiss. “Now?” he asked and William nodded again, grinning against his lip.
“Why not?” he asked and Travis shook his head, smiling.
“You sure?” he asked playfully and William pouted.
He sat back and tugged at Travis’s hands. “Yes, God, I know I’ve got problems, but making a man want to get naked with me shouldn’t be one of them,” he said and Travis choked out a laugh. “I realize I’m pretty. I’m not blind-“
“Oh baby, I know, trust me,” Travis said, leaning forward to kiss him sloppily, making William moan. “Your pretty face is far from the only thing I care about though. I want to be positive you’re ready so I can make this perfect for you.”
William shivered slightly. “The fact it’s you pretty much does that already,” he said and Travis felt his heart thudding at William’s words. “Travie-“
Travis nodded, kissing him quickly. Travis held William’s hands and helped him stand before standing himself. He curled his arms around William, kissing him slowly, stroking his hands up and down William’s back and sides as he held him close. “Bed?” Travis asked softly against Williams lips.
William moaned softly and nodded, letting Travis back them slowly towards his bedroom, not breaking the kiss. William bit his lip when he looked over at Travis’s bed. “Do you know, I’ve only been in here once?” he said and Travis smiled.
“I know, it’s just so much easier to fall asleep on the couch with you. You can’t get away from me,” he teased and William giggled, letting Travis guide him over to the bed.
William crawled back onto the bed, smiling up at Travis nervously when Travis laid down beside him. They just lay there for a moment, looking at each other. “I need to know what you want,” Travis said, stroking his fingertip along the side of William’s face. “There’s just too much to go wrong to feel it out,” he said and William nodded, kissing him sweetly.
“If I say stop, stop,” William said and Travis smiled.
“Baby, even if you weren’t suffering bad mental harm, that would be a given.”
William rolled his eyes. “Look at me a lot. I need to see your eyes. Not all the time, but if I ask to look at me do it. Don’t grab my wrists,” he said firmly. “If you grab my hands, that’s okay, but do not hold my wrists. Touch me just so I know you’re here,” he added. “I know that sound stupid, obviously I’ll know you’re here, but I always feel more calm when your hands are touching my skin,” he said, smirking as he turned and kissed the hand caressing his cheek. “Most of all, if I do freak out, which I don’t think I am, but if I do,” he said, reaching up to cup Travis’s cheek. “Don’t feel bad. Don’t feel guilty. I know that’s a lot to ask, but you never hurt me. Never. I don’t think you could hurt me,” he said and Travis kissed his wrist, holding his hand to his face. “If I freak out, it’s over what happened to me before, not over anything happening now.”
“It’ll hurt,” Travis warned him, kissing down his forearm, towards the inside of his elbow. “That’s what scares me most. You’ve only associated this with pain and its going to hurt no matter what and I’m worried it’ll remind you-“
“You love me, Travis. Nothing can hurt me,” he said, pulling Travis down nearly on top of him to kiss him. “Not the kind of hurt that matters,” he said and Travis nosed into his cheek, kissing along his jaw. He gasped softly as Travis kissed down his throat, paying attention to the places he remembered made William turn into a puddle of goo. William felt Travis reaching up his shirt slowly, carefully. He moaned softly at the feeling of Travis exploring his skin as he found every erogenous zone on his throat.
For a while it was just kissing and touching, slow, unhurried making out. William, however, had other ideas. He shifted and rolled over, straddling Travis. He looked down at him with flaming cheeks and grabbed the bottom of his shirt, arching his back as he pulled it off over his head. When he shook his hair free from the shirt and looked down, Travis sighed.
“That is so hot,” he said and William grinned, leaning down to kiss him. Travis’s hands settled on his hips, holding him as he sat on his lap. William squeaked some when Travis rolled them over, settling between William’s knees. William watched with wide eyes, moaning when Travis tugged his own shirt off. William had never seen Travis without a shirt before.
“Wow, you really do have a lot of tattoos,” William said stupidly, sliding his hands up Travis’s chest, up to his neck, where they curled and tugged Travis down on top of him, kissing him hungrily. He knew later on he would have to take time to taste every tattoo on Travis’s body. The feeling of Travis’s skin all over his was intoxicating. Travis kissed down from his lips, his chin, down his throat, and continued down until he was nipping at the sharp ridge of William’s hip bones. “Oh God,” William groaned, eyes rolling at the feeling. He had no idea all the things his body liked until Travis started touching him.
Travis kissed back up, kneeling as he undid William’s jeans, looking at William to make sure he was alright with it. When he unbuttoned them and started tugging, he glared at them. “How the hell do you get these things on?” he asked and William giggled, biting his fingertip as Travis wrestled his pants down. He lifted his hips to help, but otherwise he just fought giggles at how frustrated Travis was getting with them.
It wasn’t until Travis finally snatched them off and tossed them rather viciously across the room than he realized William wasn’t wearing any underwear. “Oh wow.”
William smirked. “That’s how I get them on,” he said and Travis just groaned, leaning down to kiss William as he trailed his fingers up the insides of William’s long, slender legs, making him shiver. “I know you wanna look, and I do to, but it’s sort of freezing,” he whispered and Travis chuckled but nodded, moving so that William could pull back the covers and climb under them. He hummed happily. “Join me,” he said seductively and Travis groaned, quickly climbing off the bed to get his jeans and boxers off before sliding into the bed with William.
William quickly tugged Travis back on top of him, kissing him hungrily. He let out a choked sound as Travis’s body pressed against his, both of them naked. “It is pretty damn cold,” Travis agreed, tugging the covers up his back some more.
William hummed. “Wanna heat things up then?” he asked, snickering at the look on Travis’s face at his words. “I’m sorry, I can’t help myself when I’m nervous,” he said and Travis gave him a soft smile.
“Don’t be nervous, honey,” he said, kissing him gently. He lowered himself so that he was lying almost fully on William, elbows holding most of his weight on either side of William’s body. He pressed his hips down and William moaned softly at the feeling of Travis’s erection sliding past his. Travis’s hands framed William’s face as he kissed him slowly, gently letting William just feel. William groaned, wrapping one leg around the back of Travis’s thigh, knee bracketing his hip. Travis stroked his hand down William’s side, sliding it all the way down his body, over his ass, and up the outside of his thigh, earning a soft moan. “Whenever you think you’re ready for more-“
“God, whenever, seriously,” William supplied, gasping as Travis nipped at his shoulder. He wrapped his fingers around Travis’s upper arms. “I’m ready,” he said and Travis kissed him softly.
“Okay,” he said, then slid away from William just a little, but enough to make him make unhappy sounds. “Just hold on, baby,” he said, sliding his hand across William’s middle as he leaned out of the bed to open a drawer and dig around. “Hey, do you think we need a condom?” he asked and William snickered as Travis flailed a bit, nearly falling out of the bed. “Don’t laugh at me,” Travis said and William giggled again.
“Probably not, but if you think we should be safe just to be sure, that’s totally fine with me,” he said.
“Well,” Travis said, still digging around in the drawer, though he seemed increasingly frustrated. “I haven’t had sex in a really long time,” he stressed. “And I was tested but I don’t remember if it tested for everything or just HIV,” he noted. “I’m assuming you were tested…” he trailed off and William nodded.
“Yeah, I’m fine, thank God,” he said, then shrugged. “Whatever, Travis, seriously, just make up your mind and get your ass over here,” he said and Travis laughed, then nodded.
“Well, just to be safe,” he said, grabbing a bottle and a condom before falling back into bed. “Can’t be too careful with the man I love,” Travis said, and William rolled his eyes, but tugged Travis into a kiss, amused at how much cooler Travis’s shoulders were after being exposed to the cold air for a while.
“Let’s do this,” William said confidently and Travis kissed him deeply, eliciting a moan.
“You sure?” Travis asked, kissing cross William’s chest as he parted his legs, curling his big hands around William’s skinny thighs.
“I love you, I couldn’t be more sure than that,” William said and Travis nodded.
It wasn’t as carefree as William could’ve hoped, but it was much easier than it could’ve been. There were moments, mostly when Travis was first spreading him open, gently preparing him with his fingers, that the pain brought back flashes of the only other time he’d felt that same pain. It worried him some, but he quickly figured out that looking into Travis’s eyes and not looking away was the key to quelling those memories. Travis was gentle and loving and caring and doing everything in his power to make it good. Those memories were of something bad and wrong done by evil people. Travis was the man of his dreams, the man who loved him unconditionally and was doing his best to erase every horrible moment of those memories.
There was another momentary panic when Travis first entered his body in which William has a flash of the actual first time someone had been there. He shuddered and Travis stopped, offering immediately to stop, but William looked into his eyes and shook his head, fighting the memory of being face down and in pain. This wasn’t pain. The twinge of discomfort he felt wasn’t pain. Pain was dirty and bad and horrible. Pain was something to be avoided.
This was love. Love hurt sometimes, it was just a fact of life, and William couldn’t imagine anything hurting too much for love to heal it. When Travis was inside of him, William clung to him, shaking more from the adrenaline in his body than fear, though some of that still lingered. It took a few moments of kisses and encouragement before his body began to release its tension and give over to love, but almost as soon as Travis’s thrusts began to rock his body, William felt an intense rush of warmth and pressure and some other inexplicable feeling fill his entire body.
Everything felt beautiful. He felt beautiful. Travis lavished his lips, face, and throat with kisses as he made love to him, keeping it slow, since William was still so tight. “Travie,” he breathed and Travis kissed his jaw. “Oh Travis,” he groaned.
“You’re so beautiful,” Travis groaned, kissing his face, only to shock William by grabbing William’s hips and rolling them over, without losing contact, so that William was on top of him.
William squeaked, moaning as Travis planted his feet and rocked up into him. He sat up and cried out at the change of angle. He’d felt plenty of small thrills of surprising pleasure as Travis shifted inside him, but the feeling was intense as he sat up, moaning and rocking down onto Travis. “Oh God,” he panted, balancing with his hands on Travis’s stomach. “Travie!” he groaned, tossing his hair back, sliding his hand to his erection. “Holy fuck,” he groaned, whining.
Travis slid his hands up the insides of William’s thighs, grunting as he thrust up into William, eliciting a sharp cry of his name. “God, you’re beautiful, baby,” Travis moaned, batting William’s hand away from his erection as he took over for him. “You look so good like this.”
William panted, looking into Travis’s eyes as he rocked harder. “I need- Travis- I- fuck- I need-“ Travis watched his frustrated face and sat up, curling his arms around William as he rolled them back over, settling between William’s thighs again, bracing himself on either side of William’s head. “Yes, that,” William moaned, arching his back as Travis thrust faster, harder, showing his body pleasure he didn’t know he could feel.
Travis slid his hands up William’s sides, up his arms, catching his fingers to lace together above their heads as he thrust harder, making William whine at how close he was and how he couldn’t get a hand on his erection. It was deliciously torturously to get only the friction from Travis’s belly against his erection, but it paid off when, after such a slow, painfully drawn out set of infuriatingly light touches and what seemed like hours right on the edge, he came so hard he couldn’t hold in the whine he made as he arched his back, body tensing in orgasm. He couldn’t see, hear, or feel much of anything other than white hot perfection.
When he finally fell back to earth, the blood pounding in his ears, he barely had time to drop his arms shakily around Travis’s shoulders, holding on tight, before Travis’s thrusts grew erratic and he tensed, groaning low and long, following William’s orgasm by moments.
It took more than a few minutes for them to catch their breath and the whole time, William couldn’t help the bright smile on his face as he trailed his fingers down Travis’s sweat-slick back under the covers they had dragged up around them. “I love you,” he whispered and Travis hummed, kissing him.
“I love you so much,” Travis agreed, smiling so peacefully William felt his heart ready to explode from happiness. “You okay?” he asked and William sighed, cheeks hurting from smiling.
“I couldn’t be more perfect than I am right now.”