Contemplation and a question, maybe?
New Years night my former best friend got engaged. Not surprising, they've been together nearly 3 years i think, but it made me think...
I've thought this for a while but this really made me think about the fact that I'm not 'growing up' ... nor do i want to.
We met in 6th or 7th grade and were automatically best friends. I dont remember meeting her, but one day i had no friends, the next she was my best friend. We remained best friends until this past summer when she just stopped calling me. I see her and i am still friends, but we're not close.
But thinking back, in 8th grade we were on the same page. We LOVED the same books, we loved the same games (nancy drew), we liked the same clothing styles and shit and most of all, we both had big dreams.
Over the years our styles in most everything (other than harry potter and nancy drew) changed, but we kept our dreams. As near as senior year, we dreamed about our 'big futures' and shit, and i was SO proud when she achieved her dream of graduating salutatorian. But looking back, she started 'growing up' way before now. In 11th grade she got to where she LIKED music, but to her it wasnt that important anymore. She read, but it wasn't as big of a deal. Church activities and stuff like that was more important, but not just fun stuff, taking on real responsibilities, like working in the nursary and stuff.
And then this year, during our first semester of college, every time i talked to her its like she's a totally different person. She doesnt bother wearing makeup anymore because she doesn't care how she looks really. She got a job at a daycare. And then when the semester was ending, she told me that she's given up on her biggest dream since 8th grade...to be a marine biologist.
She has decided to be a pharmacist...
and instead of waiting a few years to get married, she's going to get married this year.
So... my former best friend, who was 'gonna be a rockstar' in the 8th grade, then decided realistically she wanted to be a marine biologist... has decided instead to get married and be a pharmacist...
I'm HAPPY for her, they love each other and thats great... but i dont see how she can be happy! We used to talk about just that, 'not wanting to sit at a desk for the rest of my life, no matter how much money there is in it'.... and what is she doing?!
And yeah, life intervened on her childhood, she had just turned seventeen a few months before her dad died and left her practically orphaned, since her mother is a piece of shit who lives far away. I get she had to grow up quicker...
But then I see EVERYBODY doing that! I had friends who in 6th grade were like me 'i'll never smoke, i'll never do drugs, i'm gonna go to college, be what i want to be, and have a great life!' ... and then by the time they ewre 16 they were druggies, shacked up with someone after their parents kicked them out, and dropped out of highschool...
And basically around seventeen it felt like everybody was just suddenly becomeing 'adults' and not being cool anymore and i felt left out... i still do. I'll be 19 in 6 days.... and yet I see other 19 year olds and they're all so much more 'adult' than I am... and its not what i WANT to be!
I get you have to worry about bills and jobs and shit... but how does 'life get in the way'? What happens to everybody to make them suddenly settle for something when they had big dreams? My dreams are pretty damn OUT THERE, but i'll be honest... i'm not just talking shit here... i'm almost positive DEATH is the only thing that will ever make me give up and let my chances pass me by.
Paraplegics have climbed Everest... what excuse do all these people, liek Britney, who settle for what is 'safe' have?
So this is to all of you who are already older than me. I dont mind feedback from the younger people i suspect make up MOST of my f-list, but some of you are as much older as in your 30's and i have to ask... have you 'grown up' and given up on your dreams? Do you think you might? What dreams do you/did you have? Do you think you can reach your goals? If life got in the way, in what way did it happen?
I don't like talking about this because it makes me sound naive, and sorta feel naive because i literally cannot comprehend the whole 'settling' notion... and it makes me feel even more naive that i dont WANT to. I believe a BILLION percent that if you want something bad enough, YOU WILL GET IT! Death is the only thing that can stop you from getting something you really want!
If Mark Inglis summited Everest as a double-leg amputee, Rachael Scdoris completed the Iditarod legally blind, Liz Murray went from sleeping on park benches at 16 to attending Harvard, and every day people with problems most will NEVER know do things that most of us NEVER will... what is there in the world that can possibly make people give up?
And i know i rant about how shitty my life is quite often (so please dont bother commenting if you only want to point that out) but seriously...
What makes people settle like that? Me and Clay (my best friend) are both looking at 'dreams', not 'safe futures', but we're neither going to ever give up... Clay could probably break both of his legs and he would still find a way to be a dancer. But then our closest friend, who we knew would go to do great things... decides to settle for an education to have an office job?
I feel both naive and also like everybody who will tell me its pointless to dream are the naive ones... idk what i should feel... i'm nineteen and i feel like a child because i care more about 'childish' things that make me happy than all this 'adult' bullshit like 'get rich quick!' and 'high-paying jobs in your area' and all the BS about working the same nine to five every day for the rest of my life.... if you're happy with a house identical to the neighbors, a minivan, 2.5 kids, a routine lifestyle... thats GREAT! do what you are happy doing... but very few people are really HAPPY living the predictible get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch tv, go to bed, start over again lifestyle.
And if you feel like telling me 'you're young and naive and you'll either end up 'settling' or living in a dumpster' thats fine. Tell me that if you really believe it... because i'll be honest... before I sign on for 'pharmacist' or some other boring office job where i sit at a desk all day entering data... i would probably live in a cardboard box... and i'm not being sarcastic or dramatic, i'm just being honest... i'd rather be living in a shit-hole with very little and yet be HAPPY than have all the money in the world.
And besides... when you grow up the way i have, or even worse... there's no excuse to not want to make the most of your life. There have been weeks where we ate nothing but ramen noodles for days because we couldn't afford to buy food. We've had churches take food and clothing donations up for my family. We were down at one point where we didnt know if we'd have to ask family members to buy groceries for us, they disconnected EVERYTHING but the electricity, and our central heat and air had died and i spent an entire winter sleeping on a mattress in the living room in front of the fireplace, because it was the only source of heat in the house and it got cold at night. We spent that winter reading a hell of a lot because we couldn't afford to pay our satellite bill and we couldn't buy or rent movies... we didn't have a phone because we couldn't afford the phone bill... we had a house with no heat, a church donating us food, and all of this with a set of 2 year old twins, me, my parents, and my dad (the only one working) out of work because he broke his ankle.
.... when you grow up like that, and yes some people have it even worse, and you manage to be HAPPY even when filthy rich people are fussing about their lives... you begin to realize that happiness is the most important thing and that if you give up on your dreams, you may as well not live..
At least thats what i realized. I grew up like that and its much better now (though we're moving into our 3rd house in 7 months and idk how i'm gonna pay for my books for this semester of college) and i am grateful for the fact that i'll probably never have another situation like that in my life. But i'll be damned if i lived through that only to settle for a boring, monotanous (idk how to spell that, i'm half asleep, sorry) life even if i make a shitload of money.
So seriously, sorry for how long this rant has been, but tell me what you guys think. Older ppl, tell me if i'm stupid and idealistic (i admit, i am pretty damn idealistic, mainly because i'm so hard-headed) or if you think more people should be stubborn like I am.
<3 Chelsea
I've thought this for a while but this really made me think about the fact that I'm not 'growing up' ... nor do i want to.
We met in 6th or 7th grade and were automatically best friends. I dont remember meeting her, but one day i had no friends, the next she was my best friend. We remained best friends until this past summer when she just stopped calling me. I see her and i am still friends, but we're not close.
But thinking back, in 8th grade we were on the same page. We LOVED the same books, we loved the same games (nancy drew), we liked the same clothing styles and shit and most of all, we both had big dreams.
Over the years our styles in most everything (other than harry potter and nancy drew) changed, but we kept our dreams. As near as senior year, we dreamed about our 'big futures' and shit, and i was SO proud when she achieved her dream of graduating salutatorian. But looking back, she started 'growing up' way before now. In 11th grade she got to where she LIKED music, but to her it wasnt that important anymore. She read, but it wasn't as big of a deal. Church activities and stuff like that was more important, but not just fun stuff, taking on real responsibilities, like working in the nursary and stuff.
And then this year, during our first semester of college, every time i talked to her its like she's a totally different person. She doesnt bother wearing makeup anymore because she doesn't care how she looks really. She got a job at a daycare. And then when the semester was ending, she told me that she's given up on her biggest dream since 8th grade...to be a marine biologist.
She has decided to be a pharmacist...
and instead of waiting a few years to get married, she's going to get married this year.
So... my former best friend, who was 'gonna be a rockstar' in the 8th grade, then decided realistically she wanted to be a marine biologist... has decided instead to get married and be a pharmacist...
I'm HAPPY for her, they love each other and thats great... but i dont see how she can be happy! We used to talk about just that, 'not wanting to sit at a desk for the rest of my life, no matter how much money there is in it'.... and what is she doing?!
And yeah, life intervened on her childhood, she had just turned seventeen a few months before her dad died and left her practically orphaned, since her mother is a piece of shit who lives far away. I get she had to grow up quicker...
But then I see EVERYBODY doing that! I had friends who in 6th grade were like me 'i'll never smoke, i'll never do drugs, i'm gonna go to college, be what i want to be, and have a great life!' ... and then by the time they ewre 16 they were druggies, shacked up with someone after their parents kicked them out, and dropped out of highschool...
And basically around seventeen it felt like everybody was just suddenly becomeing 'adults' and not being cool anymore and i felt left out... i still do. I'll be 19 in 6 days.... and yet I see other 19 year olds and they're all so much more 'adult' than I am... and its not what i WANT to be!
I get you have to worry about bills and jobs and shit... but how does 'life get in the way'? What happens to everybody to make them suddenly settle for something when they had big dreams? My dreams are pretty damn OUT THERE, but i'll be honest... i'm not just talking shit here... i'm almost positive DEATH is the only thing that will ever make me give up and let my chances pass me by.
Paraplegics have climbed Everest... what excuse do all these people, liek Britney, who settle for what is 'safe' have?
So this is to all of you who are already older than me. I dont mind feedback from the younger people i suspect make up MOST of my f-list, but some of you are as much older as in your 30's and i have to ask... have you 'grown up' and given up on your dreams? Do you think you might? What dreams do you/did you have? Do you think you can reach your goals? If life got in the way, in what way did it happen?
I don't like talking about this because it makes me sound naive, and sorta feel naive because i literally cannot comprehend the whole 'settling' notion... and it makes me feel even more naive that i dont WANT to. I believe a BILLION percent that if you want something bad enough, YOU WILL GET IT! Death is the only thing that can stop you from getting something you really want!
If Mark Inglis summited Everest as a double-leg amputee, Rachael Scdoris completed the Iditarod legally blind, Liz Murray went from sleeping on park benches at 16 to attending Harvard, and every day people with problems most will NEVER know do things that most of us NEVER will... what is there in the world that can possibly make people give up?
And i know i rant about how shitty my life is quite often (so please dont bother commenting if you only want to point that out) but seriously...
What makes people settle like that? Me and Clay (my best friend) are both looking at 'dreams', not 'safe futures', but we're neither going to ever give up... Clay could probably break both of his legs and he would still find a way to be a dancer. But then our closest friend, who we knew would go to do great things... decides to settle for an education to have an office job?
I feel both naive and also like everybody who will tell me its pointless to dream are the naive ones... idk what i should feel... i'm nineteen and i feel like a child because i care more about 'childish' things that make me happy than all this 'adult' bullshit like 'get rich quick!' and 'high-paying jobs in your area' and all the BS about working the same nine to five every day for the rest of my life.... if you're happy with a house identical to the neighbors, a minivan, 2.5 kids, a routine lifestyle... thats GREAT! do what you are happy doing... but very few people are really HAPPY living the predictible get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch tv, go to bed, start over again lifestyle.
And if you feel like telling me 'you're young and naive and you'll either end up 'settling' or living in a dumpster' thats fine. Tell me that if you really believe it... because i'll be honest... before I sign on for 'pharmacist' or some other boring office job where i sit at a desk all day entering data... i would probably live in a cardboard box... and i'm not being sarcastic or dramatic, i'm just being honest... i'd rather be living in a shit-hole with very little and yet be HAPPY than have all the money in the world.
And besides... when you grow up the way i have, or even worse... there's no excuse to not want to make the most of your life. There have been weeks where we ate nothing but ramen noodles for days because we couldn't afford to buy food. We've had churches take food and clothing donations up for my family. We were down at one point where we didnt know if we'd have to ask family members to buy groceries for us, they disconnected EVERYTHING but the electricity, and our central heat and air had died and i spent an entire winter sleeping on a mattress in the living room in front of the fireplace, because it was the only source of heat in the house and it got cold at night. We spent that winter reading a hell of a lot because we couldn't afford to pay our satellite bill and we couldn't buy or rent movies... we didn't have a phone because we couldn't afford the phone bill... we had a house with no heat, a church donating us food, and all of this with a set of 2 year old twins, me, my parents, and my dad (the only one working) out of work because he broke his ankle.
.... when you grow up like that, and yes some people have it even worse, and you manage to be HAPPY even when filthy rich people are fussing about their lives... you begin to realize that happiness is the most important thing and that if you give up on your dreams, you may as well not live..
At least thats what i realized. I grew up like that and its much better now (though we're moving into our 3rd house in 7 months and idk how i'm gonna pay for my books for this semester of college) and i am grateful for the fact that i'll probably never have another situation like that in my life. But i'll be damned if i lived through that only to settle for a boring, monotanous (idk how to spell that, i'm half asleep, sorry) life even if i make a shitload of money.
So seriously, sorry for how long this rant has been, but tell me what you guys think. Older ppl, tell me if i'm stupid and idealistic (i admit, i am pretty damn idealistic, mainly because i'm so hard-headed) or if you think more people should be stubborn like I am.
<3 Chelsea