(no subject)
I miss Mike so much, I've been thinking about him a lot lately.
I STILL have yet to visit him and I'm feeling so guilty. The only three times I have made an attempt the place has been closed. And each time I don't see him I have to round up the courage again to try. I think this time I'm going to go alone. I'm going to be a mess and I probably wont be able to drive home, but I think I have come to the conclusion that it just needs to be me and him. I'm excited for my birthday but scared at the same time. I want it to be happy but I know I wont be, this will be the first year I wont be sung to. and I just can't handle that, It's things like that that make his death a reality and I hate it, I look at his pictures and I still just don't believe it. When I was at his funeral, I Still just couldn't believe it, even when I was looking right at him. I just wish I could go up to him right now, have him yell at me for my pants being to baggy, me make fun at his lisp, listen to the beatles, and go bowling. I would kill for one day like that. Just those simple days where we used to walk around our neighborhood and pass the time. He's still the only boy my dad has ever liked, I know if you all would have meet him you would have loved him. I know Greg met him but I don't think he really remembers him, actually you all have met him. God I miss him so much.
Goodnight.