mcfly-slash ... About Me Now
eee .. happy new year everyone!
recovered from all the hangovers? good!
so i thought .. new year .. it's time for a new fic as well.
and another one .. and another one ..
keeping it all flowing, you know.
i can have you know that i already have another standalone done with a spin-off in the making. such a busy bee i am.
and in the meantime, i shall go to uk.
but because mcfly are not doing anything, i'll see someone else.
simple plan!
my boys are backkkkkkkkkk!
anywayyyyy .. story, yes?
Title: About Me Now
Author: me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Comedy
Pairing: Fletcher/Jones … eventually
Summary: Tom is so unloved … or so he thinks
Disclaimer: Not true. Definitely not. Apart from that thing about ‘Transylvania’ in that list. But I swear to god, I wrote the story before I knew about the list. Which maybe makes me psychic … so maybe this story is true after all. You never know with me and my abilities ;)
Dedication: my Bumface Cazza because with her I have the weirdest conversations, the biggest laughs about the silliest things and she gives me the bestest ideas. I.e. this one.
Author’s note: Right, this was supposed to be half as long as it is now … oops.
Most Fanciable Male 2007
1) Dougie Poynter - McFly
2) Danny Jones - McFly
3) Harry Judd - McFly
4) Zac Efron - High School Musical; Hairspray
5) Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Caribean
6) Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Caribean
7) Tom Fletcher - McFly
Most Eligible Bachelor 2007
1) Dougie Poynter - McFly
2) Danny Jones - McFly
3) Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Caribean
4) Harry Judd - McFly
5) Daniel Radcliffe - Harry Potter
6) Tom Fletcher - McFly
The Guys Us Boys Love 2007
1) Dougie Poynter - McFly
2) Danny Jones - McFly
3) Harry Judd - McFly
4) Shayne Ward
5) Tom Fletcher - McFly
“Oh fuck it, this is bollocks!”
Cursing, Tom picked up the magazines he had just flipped through and threw them away from him, across the room. He waited for them to hit the floor and hopefully rotting there even though that might have caused his nice carpet to be ruined. But the sound of paper hitting floor never came.
He looked up and saw Danny standing in the doorway, hand clasped to his chest, clutching the magazines.
“A simple ‘Hello’ would’ve been good enough, mate. Don’t ‘ave to shower me with magazines.” Danny chuckled and entered the room. “What you’re so upset about?”
Tom flailed a hand at the magazines in Danny’s grasp. “They’re full of shit!” he exclaimed.
Danny took the magazines away from his chest to take a look at them. He had the same ones laying at his flat, as they all always got a copy of a magazine send to them if they were featured or mentioned in them. He just hadn’t bothered to look through them yet. But if Tom was that upset about what was written in them, he’d probably be better off to chuck them into the bin when he came home later.
“Tom, they’re just teenie and gay-mags, of course they’re full of shit. Nothing to get all wound up over.” Danny reasoned as he plonked down onto the sofa next to his friend.
“But they’re writing the truth!”
Danny snorted. “I beg to differ.”
Groaning, Tom took the magazines away from Danny. He flicked through each of them again and when he found what he had been looking for, he opened each them on the page with the charts and laid them out onto the coffee table, urging Danny on to take a look.
Danny scanned each page intensely before looking back at Tom aplogetically. “Sorry, can’t see where the problem is.”
Tom scooted to sit next to Danny and furiously pointed at all the different charts listed on the pages. It was nearing the end of the year, therefore it was time to let the world (aka the readers) know who was best at something. Best Looking, Best Song, Best Album, Best … whatever.
“I’m apparently ugly.” Tom stated.
Danny again scanned the different charts Tom pointed at before letting out a laugh. “I told you they’re not writing the truth. Dougie’s nowhere better looking than me.”
Tom only shot Danny a look which made the northerner realise that these charts really got through to his friend. And thinking about it, he could understand it. Tom’s self-esteem had never been this high so it didn’t exactly help that he now had to read that all his band mates were obviously way more popular than he was.
“Tom, you’re not ugly, stop saying that. Here, look at that one. Best Lovesong 2007, ‘The heart never lies’ is on three!”
“Which only proves that I can write a lovesong, not that I’m good looking. And here!” Tom pointed to another list. “Best Song 2007, ‘Transylvania’ is on two! Dougie is not only prettier, he also writes better songs. No one bloody understood Tranny, not even he did!”
Danny laid a hand on Tom’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “Tom, calm down. Those lists mean nothing. Tomorrow they’re forgotten.”
“And how about the fans? Dougie only has to blink and they faint, same as when you laugh or Harry just opens his mouth. The girls who like me only do because they think I’m ‘cute’ because I collect toys and love Disney films. No one would ever call me hot or something. And it’s not even the girls who like me in the first place, it’s their bloody mums!”
“That’s not true, Tom. Have you not read what they wrote on the fanboards or on the Myspace after the tour? They were drooling over you in that white shirt, said you should wear it all the time.”
“Yeah, cos if they see me in a t-shirt I’m not hot anymore. It’s the shirt that was sexy, not me.”
Danny sighed. “Tom, stop thinking that. So what if some teenies don’t think you’re not pretty or good looking or whatever. You’re one hell of a mate, talented and overall the nicest human being I ever met. And all that is so much more important than good looks. They’re gonna fade away eventually anyway. So now take those magazines, throw ‘em away and don’t think about that rubbish anymore. And while you’re at it, switch on the Xbox, will ya? I’m gonna go fetch us some beers.”
For the rest of the afternoon Tom and Danny were sat in Tom’s living room, playing videogames. But still, Tom couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was actually because Danny felt sorry for him and had nothing else he could come up with to make Tom feel better.
===
The next day Tom was just pottering about in his kitchen, actually in the process of ripping those disasterous magazines into pieces before throwing them away, when there was a knock at his front door.
He went to open and found himself face to face with Dougie.
“Alright, Dougs?” Tom asked when he was already on his way back to the kitchen, “Want a cup of tea?”
“No, I’m fine. Brought you some Starbucks. Figured you didn’t have your daily fix yet.” Dougie placed the white and green paper cup on the worktop next to Tom. “Did you run out of confetti?” he questioned.
“Huh? Why?”
Dougie gestured to the ripped apart magazines.
“Oh those. Nah, that’s just for the bin.”
“Are those the mags we got sent yesterday? With all the charts in?”
“Yeah. Congrats on Tranny being second for song of the year by the way. And for basically being the sexiest thing in the country.”
Dougie laughed heartily. “You don’t really believe that crap, do you? I bet my mum and nan voted about a hundred times each day. Cos I’m sure as hell not good looking or any of that sort.”
That was what made Tom stop his current activity. He looked up at Dougie who sat next to the magazines on the worktop, sipping on his own Starbucks cup.
He couldn’t believe that Dougie had just said that he wasn’t good looking. Did he even look at himself? Because even though the whole thing was a touchy subject to Tom, he couldn’t deny the fact that Dougie was a good looking guy. Girls were swooning over him and Tom could see why. The toussled hair, his smile, his fun and quirky personality … all really attracting qualities.
“You’re joking, are you?”
“No.” Dougie shook his head. “I mean, just look at me. I’m short, and for the biggest part of last year my hair looked like an eagle went wild in them. And I look like I’m 12. Hell, most of our own fans look older than me, even those who aren’t. And I definitely wouldn’t be on top of those stupid lists if people would get to know me and find out how normal I actually am. All they see is silly Dougie who doesn’t say much other than nonsense and that’s why they love me. I think I make them laugh more than I turn them on or anything like that.”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not. Just compare Danny to me. He has that rockstar aura around him so people autmatically feel drawn to him. And his personality is wicked, he only has to talk to someone for 30 seconds and they love him. Harry doesn’t even have to talk in the first place because he’s so good looking that people like him no matter what. And you …”
“What about me?”
“You’re just amazing, Tom. There are so many sides to you. You’re talented and you’re the best listener and you give the best advise and you’re so intelligent. You’re probably smarter than Danny and me and Harry put together, but you never make someone feel stupid if they don’t know something. Beauty’s only skin-deep, Tom. All this …” Dougie gestured to his own face. “That’s gonna fade sooner or later. But what’s inside there …” He prodded Tom’s chest with his finger. “That’s still there in fifty years time, that’s what people will remember you for.”
Tom looked at Dougie questioningly. “Did Danny talk to you?”
“No. Why, did he want to?”
Tom shook his head. “Nah, forget it. What are you here for anyway?”
“Nothing really. Just wanted to hang out.”
“Harry busy?”
Dougie shrugged. “Don’t know, haven’t been over to his. I was on a walk with Flea and I passed Starbucks and then I thought that we haven’t spent time with each other in ages. You know, just you and me. Harry sees me all the time, he deserves a break anyway.” he giggled. He tugged on Tom’s t-shirt. “And now come on, I wanna lay on your comfy sofa and talk with you about the world.”
A few minutes later the two band mates were in Tom’s living room. The stereo was switched on, playing something calm and mellow. Dougie was lain on the sofa, his head in Tom’s lap, looking up at the older male.
“Those lists buggered you, didn’t they?”
Tom shrugged before he absent-mindedly started to play with strands of Dougie’s hair. “They did actually.”
“Why? Lists like that are stupid and shallow anyway. They’re not even worth the paper they’re printed on. Don’t get worked up because of that, it’s not worth it.”
“I wish it was that easy.”
“Why do you care if some kids out there think you’re hot?”
“I don’t know. If I knew, I’d find a way to avoid all that, wouldn’t I?”
“You think that Danny thinks the same way as them, don’t you? That’s what really bothers you.”
At that, Tom stilled his fingers and just looked down at Dougie, not believing what he had just heard, not believing that Dougie actually could tell, that he knew even.
“Just call me observing.” Dougie said with a smile.
“Does Danny know?”
“He has no idea. It’s just me, I haven’t even told Harry. So it’s true? You like Danny.”
Tom nodded. “Am I that obvious?”
“No, don’t worry. It’s just … You remember when we watched the DVD for the first time? When Danny sang his part of ‘The heart never lies’ your reaction kinda gave you away. Normally you hide it really well. That was just one weak moment, I reckon.”
“What did I do?”
“You smiled that certain smile. I can’t really describe it. It’s that smile people have when they see something they really love.”
“Great.” Tom muttered sarcastically, “I have a smile that reveals my silly crush on Danny.”
Dougie smiled. “It’s not just a silly crush though, isn’t it? If it was you wouldn’t be worried what he thinks of all those hottie-lists.”
“Can you blame me though? I mean, look at all the people he pulled. Each and every one of them was sickenly attractive. Boys same as girls. I literally pale in comparison to them.”
“That’s nonsense, Tom. I mean yes, they did look good. But apart from Olivia Danny never dated anyone for longer than a few weeks. And why was that? Because he realised that just good looks are not really getting him anywhere.”
“What about Olivia then? He was with her for ages. And she was pretty.”
“You don’t see her anywhere near him these days though, do you?”
To that, Tom had no answer. Because Dougie was right. Danny had split up with Olivia in the middle of the last tour, never giving anyone a reason for it. But then again, Tom couldn’t quite believe that her looks had anything to do with it. It could have been anything for all he knew. She could have cheated, he could have found someone new (and sickenly good looking of course), they could have grown apart or Danny was getting bored as usual. But if there was one thing Tom was sure of, it was the fact that if Olivia hadn’t been that good looking, Danny wouldn’t have stayed with her for this long.
“Tom, Danny gives a flying fuck about those lists. He may be shallow but he’s not that shallow. You really should stop worrying. Besides, you do look good. I really like the hair. And when you’re on stage, looking all passionate and stuff … man, you’re oozing sex-appeal. Or … you know that bit in our MTV tour-thing, when you’re in front of the mirror with Harry. That look you had in your eyes almost made me forget that I was supposed to look at Harry.”
“I’ll tell him you said that.”
Dougie laughed. “Go ahead. He always says that a bit of window shopping can’t hurt as long as we unwrap the goodies at home. Get hungry while being out but eat at home.”
“Nice metaphors. Your man’s creative.”
Dougie pulled a face. “Don’t say that.”
“Say what?”
“That he’s ‘my man’.”
“Isn’t he?”
“Ask him. I don’t know anymore.” Dougie sighed.
“Where’s all this coming from? I thought this … whatever you and Harry have … I thought it was something.”
“Maybe, maybe not. It’s just … Harry never looks at me like you look at Danny.”
“Oh, now I look as well? I thought I just smiled once.”
“You do both. The smile was just more obvious and made me notice the looks.”
“Have you talked about that with Harry?”
“What, that you shoot looks at Danny and that you have the lovey-dovey smile when he sings?”
“Idiot!” Tom slapped Dougie’s shoulder. “I meant that other thing.”
“How can I talk about it with him? You just said it yourself, whatever him and I have, it doesn’t even have a name. So how can I ask him why he never gets a smile on his face when he watches me sing? I bet he doesn’t even notice things like that. He just doesn’t pay attention. That’s another thing I like about you by the way. You’re really attentive. You notice the smallest things, the tiny changes in people’s behaviour. And then you talk to them and you wanna make them feel better. You’d actually be the perfect boyfriend …” Dougie trailed off, a dreamy smile on his face.
“Dougs, are you … are you flirting with me?”
“I’m just saying. Things would be a lot easier if I had fallen for you.”
“Stop saying things like that. You love Harry.”
“But he doesn’t love me, to him I’m just … a human sextoy or something. Why should I still bother trying to make him fall for me? Not like it’s gonna happen.”
“Talk to him.” Tom advised, “First and foremost he’s your friend. Let him know what’s going on in your head. Maybe he notices more than you think.”
“Can I shoot that right back at you?”
“Huh?”
“Practice what you preach. Talk to Danny.”
“I have. He told me to not be stupid and then we ended up in front of the Xbox for hours. And he came up with all that ‘Beauty is only skin-deep’ stuff as well. Which only proves that he doesn’t think I’m good looking. Because when did personality ever played the main role for Danny Jones?”
“Tom, will you finally stop that? Why are your looks so important to you? No one else seems to care about these fucking lists but you. Why is that?”
“Well, why would you, Danny and Harry care? You’re usually the Top 3, whereas I find myself somewhere below 5.”
“So fucking what Tom? These lists mean less than nothing.”
“They mean a fucking lot, Dougs. Because they’re true!”
“They’re not true!”
“Are too. I mean, look at it like this. You and Harry have each other, however fucked up your whole situation is. Danny had Olivia and god knows who else. I don’t have anyone and I didn’t have anyone in ages. No one is interested in me because I am a boring ugly geeky loser.”
“That’s what you think?”
Tom looked down at Dougie and nodded.
Dougie sighed and got up from the sofa. He walked towards the doorway before turning around once more. “If that’s what you really think, I can’t help you. Believe me Tom, I wish I could. I wish you’d look at yourself and see what I can see. But if you can’t love yourself, how are other people supposed to love you?”
And then Dougie walked through the door and moments later Tom heard the front door close, the last words Dougie had said still sounding in his ear. And what was worse was the fact that he knew Dougie was right. Looks really weren’t important and if he wasn’t able to love himself no one else could ever be able to.
Letting out a frustrated groan, Tom sunk down on the sofa and buried his head into a cushion, deep down wishing that Dougie just had stayed the stupid teenager he had been a few years ago.
===
The next day Tom still didn’t feel much better. First he had just been frustrated that he apparently was ugly and unloved by the public. Now he was also upset over the fact that his attitude had made one of his best friends angry at him. He felt that he couldn’t do anything right.
He thought that letting his feelings out in his music room might be of any help but apparently he had thought wrong again. The melodies he played all seemed wrong, out of tune. No note matched the other.
First all those charts, then Danny told him he was stupid for letting said charts have an effect on him before paying all his attention to the Xbox and his beer bottle, and now Dougie was mad at him and even his piano seemed to hate him. Now he just had to find a way to piss Harry off and the world would officially have turned against him.
As if on cue, Tom heard his front door opening, followed by heavy footsteps on the stairs leading to his music room and an angry call of his name, his full name. And the voice who called was … guess who? … Harry.
World vs Tom 10000000:0!
When Harry found Tom sitting by his piano, he just leaned against the side of the doorframe, eyeing his friend cautiously. And luckily for Tom, he suddenly seemed a whole less angry, seeing the state his older friend was in.
“What the fuck did you do to Dougie?” Harry questioned upon entering the room. He sat down next to Tom on the bench in front of the piano.
“Why?” Tom questioned.
“Because yesterday evening I spent almost two hours on calming him down. He was really upset, you know.”
“Did you make it?”
“Did I make what?”
“Could you calm him down?”
Harry shrugged. “I hope so.”
“What did you do?”
“We talked a lot, about of stuff that went on between us in the past few weeks. And I held him, if that’s what you mean. He seemed really cuddly yesterday, even when he’d fallen asleep he was still clinging to me like his life depended on it.”
“No sex?”
“Hell no! He needed comfort, not sex.”
“You should tell him that you love him, Harry. I know deep down you do.”
Harry smiled. “I told him. Just this morning actually.”
Tom managed a faint smile back. “Then you did just the right thing. That was all he needed to hear.”
“He was still upset though. Which brings me to my actual question. What did you do to him?”
“We had a bit of a fight.”
“No offense Tom, but if Dougie Poynter is sulking for longer than two hours, it might have been more than a bit of a fight.”
“He’s still sulking?”
“Yeah. Tries to hide it though. But you know him, it’s not working. He barely touched his breakfast his morning and you know he can’t eat when he’s upset. So whatever went on between you and him, it must’ve been bad. And you don’t look any better than him at the moment as well, if I might add that.”
Tom sighed. “Did you take a look at the magazines?”
“The ones we got sent?”
Tom nodded.
“Nah. Why should I be interested in whatever rubbish is written about us this month?”
“Well, there were all those charts. You know, Best Looking and Best This and Best That.”
Harry nodded, telling Tom wordlessly to continue.
“On all those best looking lists, Dougie was usually on 1, Danny on 2, you on 3. And I barely managed the Top 5. And that upset me. Still does.”
“So that’s what Dougie meant.”
“Meant with what?”
“When I asked him what was wrong with him. He was mumbling that he can’t understand why you can’t see what he sees. I didn’t understand it. Now I do.” He paused. “You’re upset because the teenie-world voted you into the Top 10 of the best looking people?”
“I … I didn’t see it like that.”
“Yeah well, you should. I mean, the 10 best looking people, that’s an achievement, isn’t it?”
“Yeah but … out of all of us, I did worst.”
“But that doesn’t stand to mean much, Tom. For fuck’s sake, Matt Damon got voted Sexiest Man Alive. You can’t really say he’s breathtaking, can you? Whether someone is good looking or not depends on whoever sees them. Generally spoken Matt Damon is the sexiest man on the planet but that doesn’t mean that every woman, or every man, automatically thinks that he is. It’s all a question of taste really. I personally never would’ve voted Matt anywhere near the sexiest man alive.”
“Because you only have eyes for Dougie.”
Harry grinned. “Yeah, that too. But seriously, just because Dougie or Danny or I got more clicks on a website or have more obsessive fans or whatever doesn’t mean that you’re not attractive. And it most definitely shouldn’t bother you to a point where you upset my boyfriend.”
“I should apologise to him.”
“You should, actually. Will you mean it?”
“Of course I’ll mean it.”
“So you’re not upset anymore because you’re not Top 5 in the best looking charts?”
At that Tom automatically squirmed in his seat.
“You can’t be serious? How can you still be upset over that? Tom, it’s just a stupid list. It doesn’t mean shit. No one’s gonna think about that next week. Hell, I bet it’s forgotten already. And besides, there are charts like that all the time and they change almost every time too.”
“But I just … I can’t stop thinking about it because deep down I always keep thinking that it’s true. I never had someone tell me that I looked hot. Never, Harry. Do you even know how that feels? You have strangers compliment you all the time. All I ever hear is that I’m talented.”
“Because you are. Would you rather be good looking than talented?”
“Yeah, sometimes I wish I was.”
“No, you don’t really. Because you know what? It actually sucks when all people see is your looks. Do you think I feel on top of the world when I read somewhere how talented you, Danny and Dougie are and I don’t get mentioned with a word? Being the pretty one is a curse because people don’t take you serious.”
“I highly doubt that, Harry. Because you’re good looking, you get attention. People listen to you automatically. I have to fight for every little bit of attention. Fuck’s sake, my talent is the only thing that keeps me in the band. I’d be fired if I lost my songwriting ability.”
“You’re important to the band, Tom. Don’t fucking dare to even think anything different.”
“Am I? Then tell me why exactly I am so important. What quality, other than me writing songs, do I bring to the band? Dougie is the good looking babyboy, Danny is the good looking rockstar, you’re the good looking posh guy. I am Tom. Plain and simple Tom.”
“You wanna know what you add to the band? Well, you’re level-headed. You have amazing instincts, always know what’s the right thing to do. Danny, Dougie and I have our heads in the clouds so often and you bring us back to the ground. You are so much more experienced than we all are. You’re half a year older than me but sometimes I feel like it’s a few years because you just know so much. If it wasn’t for you this band wouldn’t be anywhere, we wouldn’t do all the things we do because you make us focus on the most important things. You’re the one who tells us to stop partying, to not drink or smoke so much. You take care of us with so much strength, wherever you take it from each and every day. And that’s just the stuff I can think of right now. Give me a day and I can come up with a million more things.”
“And would my looks be any of those?”
“No, and I’ll you why that is. Because looks are not important. I could give you a speech like that about Doug and Danny without mentioning their looks either. Looks may be important at first, I don’t even deny that, but they’re surely not what matters in the end. I love Dougie and Danny and you and nothing of all that has to do anything with the way each of you look. And when I can look past all that, you should be able to look past that as well.”
“But … I can’t. For all my life, the way I looked seemed to made people talk. You should know … you were one of them for quite a while.”
“Because I was a snobby teen and didn’t know better. God knows I made jokes about all of you. And you know how sorry I am about all the things I said. I’m not gonna apologise again, not for things I said and apologised for years ago.”
“How nice of you.”
“I wasn’t finished. I was about to say that I’m gonna show you that there’s no need for me to apologise because there’s no problem to begin with. And now come on, get up!”
Harry got up from the bench and made to leave the room, turning around in the doorway to make sure the blonde followed him.
Reluctantly, Tom raised from his seat as well and followed Harry through his house until he found himself in front of the full length mirror of the wardrobe in his bedroom. Harry made him stand there, just facing himself while he opted to take a seat on the bed, his eyes meeting Tom’s in the mirror.
“Strip!” Harry simply ordered. Not said, ordered.
Tom span around, giving his friend a look of pure shock. “What?! Have you completely lost it?”
“There’s a point to this. And now come on, strip! And turn back around, look at yourself.”
Still not knowing what Harry’s actual goal was, Tom turned around. He knew from Dougie’s confessions (usually made when the young guy was so drunk he could barely look straight ahead) that Harry could be quite dominant, using his physical strength when it was needed, and therefore he knew better than to argue.
With shaking fingers, still under Harry’s intense gaze, Tom opened the zip of the the hoodie he was wearing, sliding it all the way down before peeling it from his arms and letting the material fall to the floor. He then slowly pulled the hem of his t-shirt up, closing his eyes when he felt the first gushes of air hitting his abdomen. Sure, Harry had seen him naked before but this situation was so much different. Tom already felt naked and he hadn’t even taken his t-shirt off yet.
“Open your eyes, Tom.” came Harry’s voice, still demanding, but also a lot more softer.
Tom shook his head, letting go of his t-shirt again, making it cover his upper body again. He turned around to look at Harry. “I can’t.” he whispered, looking down.
“You have to.”
And suddenly Harry was behind him, Tom heard his breathing right next to his ear. He gulped down the massive lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut so tight it almost gave him a headache.
Tom’s heart was hammering inside his ribcage when he felt Harry’s hands snaking their way from wherever they came from to Tom’s front, his fingers lifting up the hem of Tom’s t-shirt again. Breathes left his lungs at the speed of light when the t-shirt was lifted higher and higher, exposing more and more of his chest. Without even realising he did so, he raised his arms, allowing Harry to pull the t-shirt above his head. And suddenly Harry’s hands were on his arms, sliding up and down softly and Tom could literally feel the eyes of his friend roaming up and down his body.
If this was anyone else, a very certain anyone else from Bolton with freckles and an almost unhealthy obsession with football and Bruce Springsteen actually, doing that to Tom, he would have pinned certain anyone else to his mattress five minutes ago. But the fact that this was Harry who was demanding like Tom had never experienced him before, it actually scared him a bit. Harry wasn’t really going to … or was he? But why him, Dougie was just across the road.
“Open your eyes.” Harry said again, this time directly whispered into his ear, his breath ghosting over the side of Tom’s face sending shivers all over and throughout Tom’s body.
Tom gulped, audibly this time, before opening his eyes, finding Harry’s still staring at him with all their intensity.
“No surprise Dougie’s mush for you.” he stated and chuckled, easing himself with the joke more than anything else. He then turned his head sideways to look at Harry directly. “Speaking of which, does he know what you’re doing here? Because I don’t think he’ll approve with the fact that his boyfriend is stripping his best friend in a way that could best be described as ‘seductive’.”
“I’m just proving a point here, Dougie understands.”
“What point are you proving? That you’re good at undressing people and make them feel uncomfortable, even in their own houses?”
“Look at yourself, Tom.” Harry demanded again, ignoring Tom’s question, nodding at the mirror.
And Tom did. He looked back at his reflection. And he really looked this time. But still, all he could see was his shirtless self and Harry standing behind him, his head just above Tom’s shoulder, his eyes studying him.
“What do you see?” Harry questioned.
Tom raised his eyebrows. “Us?” It came out more a question than an answer.
Harry shook his head. “Ignore me. Look at yourself. What do you see?”
“Erm …” Tom scratched his head. “I just see me. What else am I supposed to see?”
Harry let out a sigh and moved from behind Tom to stand next to him. He buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans before giving Tom the all-over look. He then turned his focus back to the mirror, again finding Tom’s eyes in the reflection.
“I’ll tell you what I see.” Harry started. “I’m seeing a tall lad, in his twenties, I’d say. Good body, everything is where it should be in just the right amount. You know, no big mountains of muscles, but he’s not all skin and bones either. Pale but not so pale that it looks like he’s ill or something, and it somehow strangely matches him. Toussled hair, probably blond when it grows longer but it could be a very light brown as well. With just a little bit of gel in to at least coordinate it a bit, I suppose. Looks good, shows that he cares about it but not so much that it’s annoying because it takes hours until he’s fixed it. Brown eyes, really dark, which is a bit surprising because of the tone of skin. But those eyes, they’re dark, deep and even a bit mysterious. I wonder what he thinks about. He has a nice and friendly smile. I think he’s a friendly person over all, not one bit arrogant even though he has every right to be. All in all, I can see a guy I’d definitely look at twice if he passed me on the street. If I saw him in a pub, I’d buy him a drink, flirt a bit I think, hoping he’d show interest because I think it’d be damn cool if a guy like that was interested in little old me. But, as luck would have it, I have a boyfriend who’d skin me alive and fed my balls to his pets if I did anything of that.” Now it was Harry’s turn to chuckle. “That, and only that, is what I can see right now.”
When Harry had finished his speech, Tom couldn’t help the blush that crept over his face. He looked down, not able to face the mirror any longer, not able to face Harry after all the things he had just said.
“And would you believe, even when he blushes like an idiot he still looks great.” Harry added.
And then he was suddenly leaving his side, making Tom look up again.
“And Tom?” came his voice from the doorway.
Tom looked at him.
“I didn’t just say that to make you feel better. I told you that because it’s true. And when I can see it and Dougie can see it and god knows who else can see it, it’s about damn time you see it too.”
“Yeah …” Tom mumbled.
Harry smiled at Tom, warm and friendly, all the anger from when he came over and dominance from just five minutes ago completely forgotten. And Tom actually managed an honest smile back before Harry went through the doorway and down the stairs, about to leave the house.
“Oh, and Tom?” came a final call from the staircase.
“What?” he yelled back.
“Apologise to Dougie. I don’t wanna have him moping around all week.” And then his front door fell close.
Tom let out a light laugh again and looked back straight ahead, at his own half-naked reflection in the mirror, Harry’s words still floating around in his brain.
===
The next day Tom actually felt better. He’d been on the phone with Dougie for quite a while earlier, apologising to the young guy, using every word of excuse he could come up with. And Dougie had accepted it. Probably had accepted it the second he picked up and knew Tom was on the line but the little bugger probably thought Tom should suffer for a bit. And just moments after they had hung up and Tom looked outside his living room’s window, he saw Dougie leave his place and turn for the general direction of Harry’s, of course. And for a minute or two Tom pitied Harry’s poor neighbours.
But then the past days caught up with him when he entered his kitchen. The magazines were still laying on the worktop as Tom had never finished ripping them into shreds and throwing them away. So now they were laying there, glaring at him, mocking him. And suddenly all the pain and all the insecurities were back full force.
Angrily he grabbed the magazines, not bothering to shred them and headed towards his front door, ready to throw them into the rubbish bin outside his house so he wouldn’t have to look at them again.
And just as Tom opened the door he was facing a very dumbstruck Danny who held a single red rose in his hand, the other hand raised in mid-air, probably to knock or ring the doorbell.
“Dan?” Tom questioned.
“Erm … yeah … hi.” Danny smiled at him in a way that was almost shy. But Danny and shy? Those two words were barely ever used in one sentence.
“What’s the matter?”
“Can you just listen to me? Because I need to get this out. Been standing here for bloody fifteen minutes and if I don’t say it now I think I’m never gonna do it.”
“Go ahead.”
“Iloveyou!” Danny blurted out rushed.
“You what?!”
And Tom hadn’t asked because he hadn’t understood. He understood perfectly well, he just couldn’t … understand.
“Don’t interrupt me, please Tom. This is hard enough already … I mean, difficult. Difficult, not hard.”
At this Tom just stared at Danny, wondering when his friend became weirder than Dougie. And when Danny didn’t continue and Tom thought he apparently was done with his speech, he dared to open his mouth.
“Dan, I …”
“God Fletcher, will you finally shut up and let me fucking finish this?”
Tom nodded, not even thinking about saying anything until Danny allowed him to.
“Right. Erm … I think I … no, I actually know that I … I love you, Tom. It just … well, took me a while to realise, didn’t it? But then you had those magazines and they made you so sad and I really wanted you to feel better. And that wasn’t because I didn’t want to see my mate sad or anything. I mean, at first I thought it was that but then I saw Dougie going over to yours the other day and the next day Harry was in and … I dunno, I didn’t want them to make you feel better. I mean, of course I wanted you to not be sad anymore but I didn’t want them be the reason for it. I wanted to be the reason for it. I wanted to be the one to make you feel better about yourself, and I wanted to make you smile and I wanted to pay you compliments. And then I thought that something about that couldn’t be quite right, you know. Like, this deep want to make you happy. Friends normally don’t think that way about their best mates, do they? And that was when I realised that what I feel for you pretty much isn’t the way I’d normally feel for a best mate. So long story short … I love you!”
When Danny was done with his speech, Tom just stood there on his doorstep. Stood and stared at Danny with that single red rose in his hands, his face expectant, giving the impression that whatever Tom would say next, it could either make him the happiest guy ever or shatter his world into tiny pieces.
“This would be your time to speak, actually.” Danny said after a few moments of Tom just staring at him.
What followed probably surprised both Tom and Danny. Tom simply dropped the magazines in his grip, turned on his heel and went back into his house, slamming the door closed.
Danny stood outside the door for a minute or two, looking dumbfounded at the wood, as if hoping it would magically disappear to let him inside or open to reveal Tom again who would tell him that he’d been stupid before sinking into his arms and kissing the life out of him.
When neither of two happened Danny carefully leaned against the door, trying to hear anything from the inside. And he did hear muffled sounds but couldn’t make out exact words. So Danny left his spot and walked over to the big window to his left, the window of Tom’s living room. Tom still hadn’t bought curtains so Danny had a good look at his friend who was wildly pacing back and forth through the room, his hands flying around while he animatedly spoke to his sofa or something.
Inside, Tom felt like an animal in a too tiny cage. He walked in circles in his living room while he tried to bring some order into his brain where thoughts were running wild at 100 miles a minute.
“This can’t be happening, for the love of god!” he said to no one but himself, waving his hands in the air for no particular reason. “This just can’t be happening. No way. This must be a joke. Everything that happens in the band is a joke, so why not that? I mean really, first Dougie flirts with me, then Harry comes to strip me and tell me I’m the hottest thing on the planet and now Danny surprisingly loves me? Yeah right Tom, wake up. This. Is. Not. Happening. Not really. This is all a really fucked up dream and I need to wake up. Veeeeeery soon cos this is getting creepy. Can you hear me, brain? The night is over, time to wake up. Come on!”
This really couldn’t be happening. Okay, so Danny wasn’t exactly as straight as he made the public believe he was, that was true. And he generally prefered blondes. But still. Danny was so out of Tom’s league, so out of Tom’s world. There was just no way that the brunette guitarist could ever be interested in plain old Tom Fletcher. That would be … a million steps out of his usual way.
A knock on his window interrupted Tom’s train of thoughts and he looked towards the source of the noise, seeing Danny shyly waving at him from the outside, pointing to the side where the front door was.
Tom just nodded, seeing Danny leave the window, obviously heading for the door again. He looked at the window for a few more seconds, before muttering. “I thought I said this was the perfect time to wake up.”
He then truged towards the front door and cautiously opened it. Danny was standing outside, looking uncertainly at Tom.
“Please don’t slam the door again, yeah? You really scared me there.”
“Sorry.” Tom apologised, “Wanna come in?”
Danny nodded and Tom stepped aside to let him enter. Danny slipped out of his shoes before the two of them went back into the living room where they awkwardly stood across from each other.
“So …” Tom started.
“Can you sit down, please?” Danny interrupted quickly, “It’s just … I wanna make sure that you don’t run away again.”
“I can still run away.”
“But you’d have to get up first, giving me a few seconds to stop you. Please Tom? Just listen to me, yeah? And then you can run away or do whatever you want, but please listen to me first.”
Tom sighed. “Okay.”
Tom sat down on his sofa and Danny sat down right in front of him. Any other time Tom would have scolded his friend, telling him that coffee tables were named ‘tables’ for a reason and not meant to be used as a seat but the words were literally stuck in his throat as he saw the serious look in his friend’s blue eyes.
“I know how this must look to you, Tom. I mean, here I come, telling you that I love you. When I realised it, it was a shock to me so I can only imagine what kind of shock that must be for you. But I mean, I can’t change it, can I? You can’t choose who you fall in love with, can you? But then again, even if I could’ve chosen, I probably would’ve picked you anyway.”
“Why me, Danny?” Tom asked, finally had the courage to ask, “You can have whoever you want and their friend the next day. Why would you want me?”
“Because whoever I want or their friend aren’t you. I told you this the other day. You’re just the most awesome person I know.”
“But I’m not … everyone else you went out with was … I don’t compare, I can’t compare.”
“No Tom, they can’t compare. No one would ever be able to make me stutter because I get all shy when I see them. No one could ever make me go that scary Mrs Richards down the road and ask her if I could get the prettiest rose out of her garden. You can though. When I stood outside your door earlier I was shitting it when I just thought about saying hi to you. And my palms were so sweaty when I rang on Mrs Richard’s door because no matter what everyone says, I’m sure she’d have toddlers for breakfast if only she could. But then I thought that I needed to get one of her roses, the most beautiful of them all, to make you smile and I wasn’t so scared anymore. And sometimes, when you don’t like yourself and you speak so low of yourself I just wanna hit you because you can’t be so smart and at the same time be so utterly stupid. You’re gorgeous, Tom. On the inside and on the outside. It could be the fact that you not even knowing how gorgeous you are makes you even more beautiful but I just don’t know why you can’t see it. Fuck’s sake, if I was you, I’d need an own post box for my ego because it’s simply not possible that one single person can look as stunning as you, have your talent and at the same time have the most awesome personality ever and not realise it. And I know it took me forever to see that and I know my chances are slim to none that you feel the same way but I really couldn’t have you not know how special you are. And not just to me, in general.”
“Danny, I …”
Danny shook his head, indicating that apparently he wasn’t done just yet. “And I know your looks are an issue to you, though I will never understand why, but I don’t want you to think that me saying all this was out of pity or because Dougie or Harry gave me an earful because I was so insensitive the other day. They haven’t by the way, god knows what they were up to in the past days. I truly mean everything I say, Tom. I don’t want you to think you’re ugly because you simply aren’t. Them teenies out there, they’re just blind, if you ask me. And if I could, I’d go out there right now and find each and every one of them, smack some sense into them and then make them apologise for bringing you down. Please, just ignore them and don’t believe what they say or what they make the magazines print. It’s all lies. I mean, Doug and Harry and I, we might look good. But we’re just tiny lights. You’re the one who shines.”
Danny then picked up the single red rose he had placed next to his side while he spoke to Tom. He studied it from all angles, making sure that it was as perfect as Tom deserved it to be, before handing it over to the blonde sitting on the sofa.
“I love you.” he said.
Tom took the rose and leaned back on the sofa. He looked at the flower which indeed looked like it came right out of a painting or picture. The petals were a deep red, the flower itself not fully open but not closed anymore either, blossomed in just the right way. The leaves on the stem were a healthy green and even the sharp and pointy thornes looked awfully perfect. Danny must have spent ages finding it which was probably made even harder by Mrs Richards standing right behind him the whole time, scaring the poor guy to death.
“It’s beautiful.” he muttered, completely taken by that single flower in his hand.
“Not even half as beautiful as you are.”
Tom took a deep breath before tearing his away from the flower to finally look at Danny again. His younger friend didn’t seem so nervous anymore. Instead he had a soft smile on his face which made Tom suddenly remember something Dougie had said to him just two days ago.
It’s that smile people have when they see something they really love.
And suddenly Tom had to smile as well.
“What?” Danny asked, noticing the change on Tom’s face.
“You have that smile on your face.”
“Which?”
“That lovey-dovey smile people get when they see something they really love.”
“Well, that’s what I do, right? Didn’t know there was a name for it though.”
“Dougie told me about it. Said he caught me smile like that the other day.”
“Oh …”
And Danny’s face fell. If Tom had smiled like that only recently, it must have been because he met someone. And maybe they had shut him down which in result caused Tom’s current depression. But before Danny could waste further thoughts about who had done this to ‘his’ Tom the voice of the elder brought him out of his thoughts.
“It was when we were watching the DVD. ‘The Heart Never Lies’. When you sang, apparently.”
At this, Danny just nodded dumbly for a few moments. But that was, of course, only until he caught the actual meaning behind Tom’s statement. He had had that smile as well? And he had smiled that smile while he had watched him sing? So that means that …?
“There’s no one else?” Danny finished his thought out loud.
Tom looked at him puzzled. “No, there’s not. Should there be?”
“No … sorry … it was just … when you said you had that smile the other day I thought it was because of someone else.”
“It wasn’t. It was because of you.”
“So you …”
Tom nodded. “Yeah. I love you, Danny.”
“Wow …” Danny breathed out.
For a few moments they both just sat there, Tom on the sofa, Danny in front of him on the coffee table. They both just stared at each other, as if to comprehend what just had happened and realising the actual meaning behind it.
“Could you please just kiss me or something? Cos this feels kinda weird.” Tom uttered after a while of this silent staring, his body suddenly tingling from head to toe.
Danny then smiled again before his smile broke out into a face-splitting grin. He scooted down from the coffee table, kneeling inbetween Tom’s slightly spread legs. He reached for the hem of Tom’s t-shirt, tugging slightly on it, signalling Tom to move closer.
As if pulled by an unknown force Tom scooted more towards the edge of the sofa until his arms automatically wrapped around Danny’s neck. Thanks to his position he was now taller than Danny and looked down at him, his blue eyes shining up at him.
“Nothing I’d love to do more.” Danny finally whispered out and closed the gap between them, their lips touching in a kiss.
The End
Comments are appreciated.
recovered from all the hangovers? good!
so i thought .. new year .. it's time for a new fic as well.
and another one .. and another one ..
keeping it all flowing, you know.
i can have you know that i already have another standalone done with a spin-off in the making. such a busy bee i am.
and in the meantime, i shall go to uk.
but because mcfly are not doing anything, i'll see someone else.
simple plan!
my boys are backkkkkkkkkk!
anywayyyyy .. story, yes?
Title: About Me Now
Author: me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Comedy
Pairing: Fletcher/Jones … eventually
Summary: Tom is so unloved … or so he thinks
Disclaimer: Not true. Definitely not. Apart from that thing about ‘Transylvania’ in that list. But I swear to god, I wrote the story before I knew about the list. Which maybe makes me psychic … so maybe this story is true after all. You never know with me and my abilities ;)
Dedication: my Bumface Cazza because with her I have the weirdest conversations, the biggest laughs about the silliest things and she gives me the bestest ideas. I.e. this one.
Author’s note: Right, this was supposed to be half as long as it is now … oops.
Most Fanciable Male 2007
1) Dougie Poynter - McFly
2) Danny Jones - McFly
3) Harry Judd - McFly
4) Zac Efron - High School Musical; Hairspray
5) Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Caribean
6) Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Caribean
7) Tom Fletcher - McFly
Most Eligible Bachelor 2007
1) Dougie Poynter - McFly
2) Danny Jones - McFly
3) Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Caribean
4) Harry Judd - McFly
5) Daniel Radcliffe - Harry Potter
6) Tom Fletcher - McFly
The Guys Us Boys Love 2007
1) Dougie Poynter - McFly
2) Danny Jones - McFly
3) Harry Judd - McFly
4) Shayne Ward
5) Tom Fletcher - McFly
“Oh fuck it, this is bollocks!”
Cursing, Tom picked up the magazines he had just flipped through and threw them away from him, across the room. He waited for them to hit the floor and hopefully rotting there even though that might have caused his nice carpet to be ruined. But the sound of paper hitting floor never came.
He looked up and saw Danny standing in the doorway, hand clasped to his chest, clutching the magazines.
“A simple ‘Hello’ would’ve been good enough, mate. Don’t ‘ave to shower me with magazines.” Danny chuckled and entered the room. “What you’re so upset about?”
Tom flailed a hand at the magazines in Danny’s grasp. “They’re full of shit!” he exclaimed.
Danny took the magazines away from his chest to take a look at them. He had the same ones laying at his flat, as they all always got a copy of a magazine send to them if they were featured or mentioned in them. He just hadn’t bothered to look through them yet. But if Tom was that upset about what was written in them, he’d probably be better off to chuck them into the bin when he came home later.
“Tom, they’re just teenie and gay-mags, of course they’re full of shit. Nothing to get all wound up over.” Danny reasoned as he plonked down onto the sofa next to his friend.
“But they’re writing the truth!”
Danny snorted. “I beg to differ.”
Groaning, Tom took the magazines away from Danny. He flicked through each of them again and when he found what he had been looking for, he opened each them on the page with the charts and laid them out onto the coffee table, urging Danny on to take a look.
Danny scanned each page intensely before looking back at Tom aplogetically. “Sorry, can’t see where the problem is.”
Tom scooted to sit next to Danny and furiously pointed at all the different charts listed on the pages. It was nearing the end of the year, therefore it was time to let the world (aka the readers) know who was best at something. Best Looking, Best Song, Best Album, Best … whatever.
“I’m apparently ugly.” Tom stated.
Danny again scanned the different charts Tom pointed at before letting out a laugh. “I told you they’re not writing the truth. Dougie’s nowhere better looking than me.”
Tom only shot Danny a look which made the northerner realise that these charts really got through to his friend. And thinking about it, he could understand it. Tom’s self-esteem had never been this high so it didn’t exactly help that he now had to read that all his band mates were obviously way more popular than he was.
“Tom, you’re not ugly, stop saying that. Here, look at that one. Best Lovesong 2007, ‘The heart never lies’ is on three!”
“Which only proves that I can write a lovesong, not that I’m good looking. And here!” Tom pointed to another list. “Best Song 2007, ‘Transylvania’ is on two! Dougie is not only prettier, he also writes better songs. No one bloody understood Tranny, not even he did!”
Danny laid a hand on Tom’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “Tom, calm down. Those lists mean nothing. Tomorrow they’re forgotten.”
“And how about the fans? Dougie only has to blink and they faint, same as when you laugh or Harry just opens his mouth. The girls who like me only do because they think I’m ‘cute’ because I collect toys and love Disney films. No one would ever call me hot or something. And it’s not even the girls who like me in the first place, it’s their bloody mums!”
“That’s not true, Tom. Have you not read what they wrote on the fanboards or on the Myspace after the tour? They were drooling over you in that white shirt, said you should wear it all the time.”
“Yeah, cos if they see me in a t-shirt I’m not hot anymore. It’s the shirt that was sexy, not me.”
Danny sighed. “Tom, stop thinking that. So what if some teenies don’t think you’re not pretty or good looking or whatever. You’re one hell of a mate, talented and overall the nicest human being I ever met. And all that is so much more important than good looks. They’re gonna fade away eventually anyway. So now take those magazines, throw ‘em away and don’t think about that rubbish anymore. And while you’re at it, switch on the Xbox, will ya? I’m gonna go fetch us some beers.”
For the rest of the afternoon Tom and Danny were sat in Tom’s living room, playing videogames. But still, Tom couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was actually because Danny felt sorry for him and had nothing else he could come up with to make Tom feel better.
===
The next day Tom was just pottering about in his kitchen, actually in the process of ripping those disasterous magazines into pieces before throwing them away, when there was a knock at his front door.
He went to open and found himself face to face with Dougie.
“Alright, Dougs?” Tom asked when he was already on his way back to the kitchen, “Want a cup of tea?”
“No, I’m fine. Brought you some Starbucks. Figured you didn’t have your daily fix yet.” Dougie placed the white and green paper cup on the worktop next to Tom. “Did you run out of confetti?” he questioned.
“Huh? Why?”
Dougie gestured to the ripped apart magazines.
“Oh those. Nah, that’s just for the bin.”
“Are those the mags we got sent yesterday? With all the charts in?”
“Yeah. Congrats on Tranny being second for song of the year by the way. And for basically being the sexiest thing in the country.”
Dougie laughed heartily. “You don’t really believe that crap, do you? I bet my mum and nan voted about a hundred times each day. Cos I’m sure as hell not good looking or any of that sort.”
That was what made Tom stop his current activity. He looked up at Dougie who sat next to the magazines on the worktop, sipping on his own Starbucks cup.
He couldn’t believe that Dougie had just said that he wasn’t good looking. Did he even look at himself? Because even though the whole thing was a touchy subject to Tom, he couldn’t deny the fact that Dougie was a good looking guy. Girls were swooning over him and Tom could see why. The toussled hair, his smile, his fun and quirky personality … all really attracting qualities.
“You’re joking, are you?”
“No.” Dougie shook his head. “I mean, just look at me. I’m short, and for the biggest part of last year my hair looked like an eagle went wild in them. And I look like I’m 12. Hell, most of our own fans look older than me, even those who aren’t. And I definitely wouldn’t be on top of those stupid lists if people would get to know me and find out how normal I actually am. All they see is silly Dougie who doesn’t say much other than nonsense and that’s why they love me. I think I make them laugh more than I turn them on or anything like that.”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not. Just compare Danny to me. He has that rockstar aura around him so people autmatically feel drawn to him. And his personality is wicked, he only has to talk to someone for 30 seconds and they love him. Harry doesn’t even have to talk in the first place because he’s so good looking that people like him no matter what. And you …”
“What about me?”
“You’re just amazing, Tom. There are so many sides to you. You’re talented and you’re the best listener and you give the best advise and you’re so intelligent. You’re probably smarter than Danny and me and Harry put together, but you never make someone feel stupid if they don’t know something. Beauty’s only skin-deep, Tom. All this …” Dougie gestured to his own face. “That’s gonna fade sooner or later. But what’s inside there …” He prodded Tom’s chest with his finger. “That’s still there in fifty years time, that’s what people will remember you for.”
Tom looked at Dougie questioningly. “Did Danny talk to you?”
“No. Why, did he want to?”
Tom shook his head. “Nah, forget it. What are you here for anyway?”
“Nothing really. Just wanted to hang out.”
“Harry busy?”
Dougie shrugged. “Don’t know, haven’t been over to his. I was on a walk with Flea and I passed Starbucks and then I thought that we haven’t spent time with each other in ages. You know, just you and me. Harry sees me all the time, he deserves a break anyway.” he giggled. He tugged on Tom’s t-shirt. “And now come on, I wanna lay on your comfy sofa and talk with you about the world.”
A few minutes later the two band mates were in Tom’s living room. The stereo was switched on, playing something calm and mellow. Dougie was lain on the sofa, his head in Tom’s lap, looking up at the older male.
“Those lists buggered you, didn’t they?”
Tom shrugged before he absent-mindedly started to play with strands of Dougie’s hair. “They did actually.”
“Why? Lists like that are stupid and shallow anyway. They’re not even worth the paper they’re printed on. Don’t get worked up because of that, it’s not worth it.”
“I wish it was that easy.”
“Why do you care if some kids out there think you’re hot?”
“I don’t know. If I knew, I’d find a way to avoid all that, wouldn’t I?”
“You think that Danny thinks the same way as them, don’t you? That’s what really bothers you.”
At that, Tom stilled his fingers and just looked down at Dougie, not believing what he had just heard, not believing that Dougie actually could tell, that he knew even.
“Just call me observing.” Dougie said with a smile.
“Does Danny know?”
“He has no idea. It’s just me, I haven’t even told Harry. So it’s true? You like Danny.”
Tom nodded. “Am I that obvious?”
“No, don’t worry. It’s just … You remember when we watched the DVD for the first time? When Danny sang his part of ‘The heart never lies’ your reaction kinda gave you away. Normally you hide it really well. That was just one weak moment, I reckon.”
“What did I do?”
“You smiled that certain smile. I can’t really describe it. It’s that smile people have when they see something they really love.”
“Great.” Tom muttered sarcastically, “I have a smile that reveals my silly crush on Danny.”
Dougie smiled. “It’s not just a silly crush though, isn’t it? If it was you wouldn’t be worried what he thinks of all those hottie-lists.”
“Can you blame me though? I mean, look at all the people he pulled. Each and every one of them was sickenly attractive. Boys same as girls. I literally pale in comparison to them.”
“That’s nonsense, Tom. I mean yes, they did look good. But apart from Olivia Danny never dated anyone for longer than a few weeks. And why was that? Because he realised that just good looks are not really getting him anywhere.”
“What about Olivia then? He was with her for ages. And she was pretty.”
“You don’t see her anywhere near him these days though, do you?”
To that, Tom had no answer. Because Dougie was right. Danny had split up with Olivia in the middle of the last tour, never giving anyone a reason for it. But then again, Tom couldn’t quite believe that her looks had anything to do with it. It could have been anything for all he knew. She could have cheated, he could have found someone new (and sickenly good looking of course), they could have grown apart or Danny was getting bored as usual. But if there was one thing Tom was sure of, it was the fact that if Olivia hadn’t been that good looking, Danny wouldn’t have stayed with her for this long.
“Tom, Danny gives a flying fuck about those lists. He may be shallow but he’s not that shallow. You really should stop worrying. Besides, you do look good. I really like the hair. And when you’re on stage, looking all passionate and stuff … man, you’re oozing sex-appeal. Or … you know that bit in our MTV tour-thing, when you’re in front of the mirror with Harry. That look you had in your eyes almost made me forget that I was supposed to look at Harry.”
“I’ll tell him you said that.”
Dougie laughed. “Go ahead. He always says that a bit of window shopping can’t hurt as long as we unwrap the goodies at home. Get hungry while being out but eat at home.”
“Nice metaphors. Your man’s creative.”
Dougie pulled a face. “Don’t say that.”
“Say what?”
“That he’s ‘my man’.”
“Isn’t he?”
“Ask him. I don’t know anymore.” Dougie sighed.
“Where’s all this coming from? I thought this … whatever you and Harry have … I thought it was something.”
“Maybe, maybe not. It’s just … Harry never looks at me like you look at Danny.”
“Oh, now I look as well? I thought I just smiled once.”
“You do both. The smile was just more obvious and made me notice the looks.”
“Have you talked about that with Harry?”
“What, that you shoot looks at Danny and that you have the lovey-dovey smile when he sings?”
“Idiot!” Tom slapped Dougie’s shoulder. “I meant that other thing.”
“How can I talk about it with him? You just said it yourself, whatever him and I have, it doesn’t even have a name. So how can I ask him why he never gets a smile on his face when he watches me sing? I bet he doesn’t even notice things like that. He just doesn’t pay attention. That’s another thing I like about you by the way. You’re really attentive. You notice the smallest things, the tiny changes in people’s behaviour. And then you talk to them and you wanna make them feel better. You’d actually be the perfect boyfriend …” Dougie trailed off, a dreamy smile on his face.
“Dougs, are you … are you flirting with me?”
“I’m just saying. Things would be a lot easier if I had fallen for you.”
“Stop saying things like that. You love Harry.”
“But he doesn’t love me, to him I’m just … a human sextoy or something. Why should I still bother trying to make him fall for me? Not like it’s gonna happen.”
“Talk to him.” Tom advised, “First and foremost he’s your friend. Let him know what’s going on in your head. Maybe he notices more than you think.”
“Can I shoot that right back at you?”
“Huh?”
“Practice what you preach. Talk to Danny.”
“I have. He told me to not be stupid and then we ended up in front of the Xbox for hours. And he came up with all that ‘Beauty is only skin-deep’ stuff as well. Which only proves that he doesn’t think I’m good looking. Because when did personality ever played the main role for Danny Jones?”
“Tom, will you finally stop that? Why are your looks so important to you? No one else seems to care about these fucking lists but you. Why is that?”
“Well, why would you, Danny and Harry care? You’re usually the Top 3, whereas I find myself somewhere below 5.”
“So fucking what Tom? These lists mean less than nothing.”
“They mean a fucking lot, Dougs. Because they’re true!”
“They’re not true!”
“Are too. I mean, look at it like this. You and Harry have each other, however fucked up your whole situation is. Danny had Olivia and god knows who else. I don’t have anyone and I didn’t have anyone in ages. No one is interested in me because I am a boring ugly geeky loser.”
“That’s what you think?”
Tom looked down at Dougie and nodded.
Dougie sighed and got up from the sofa. He walked towards the doorway before turning around once more. “If that’s what you really think, I can’t help you. Believe me Tom, I wish I could. I wish you’d look at yourself and see what I can see. But if you can’t love yourself, how are other people supposed to love you?”
And then Dougie walked through the door and moments later Tom heard the front door close, the last words Dougie had said still sounding in his ear. And what was worse was the fact that he knew Dougie was right. Looks really weren’t important and if he wasn’t able to love himself no one else could ever be able to.
Letting out a frustrated groan, Tom sunk down on the sofa and buried his head into a cushion, deep down wishing that Dougie just had stayed the stupid teenager he had been a few years ago.
===
The next day Tom still didn’t feel much better. First he had just been frustrated that he apparently was ugly and unloved by the public. Now he was also upset over the fact that his attitude had made one of his best friends angry at him. He felt that he couldn’t do anything right.
He thought that letting his feelings out in his music room might be of any help but apparently he had thought wrong again. The melodies he played all seemed wrong, out of tune. No note matched the other.
First all those charts, then Danny told him he was stupid for letting said charts have an effect on him before paying all his attention to the Xbox and his beer bottle, and now Dougie was mad at him and even his piano seemed to hate him. Now he just had to find a way to piss Harry off and the world would officially have turned against him.
As if on cue, Tom heard his front door opening, followed by heavy footsteps on the stairs leading to his music room and an angry call of his name, his full name. And the voice who called was … guess who? … Harry.
World vs Tom 10000000:0!
When Harry found Tom sitting by his piano, he just leaned against the side of the doorframe, eyeing his friend cautiously. And luckily for Tom, he suddenly seemed a whole less angry, seeing the state his older friend was in.
“What the fuck did you do to Dougie?” Harry questioned upon entering the room. He sat down next to Tom on the bench in front of the piano.
“Why?” Tom questioned.
“Because yesterday evening I spent almost two hours on calming him down. He was really upset, you know.”
“Did you make it?”
“Did I make what?”
“Could you calm him down?”
Harry shrugged. “I hope so.”
“What did you do?”
“We talked a lot, about of stuff that went on between us in the past few weeks. And I held him, if that’s what you mean. He seemed really cuddly yesterday, even when he’d fallen asleep he was still clinging to me like his life depended on it.”
“No sex?”
“Hell no! He needed comfort, not sex.”
“You should tell him that you love him, Harry. I know deep down you do.”
Harry smiled. “I told him. Just this morning actually.”
Tom managed a faint smile back. “Then you did just the right thing. That was all he needed to hear.”
“He was still upset though. Which brings me to my actual question. What did you do to him?”
“We had a bit of a fight.”
“No offense Tom, but if Dougie Poynter is sulking for longer than two hours, it might have been more than a bit of a fight.”
“He’s still sulking?”
“Yeah. Tries to hide it though. But you know him, it’s not working. He barely touched his breakfast his morning and you know he can’t eat when he’s upset. So whatever went on between you and him, it must’ve been bad. And you don’t look any better than him at the moment as well, if I might add that.”
Tom sighed. “Did you take a look at the magazines?”
“The ones we got sent?”
Tom nodded.
“Nah. Why should I be interested in whatever rubbish is written about us this month?”
“Well, there were all those charts. You know, Best Looking and Best This and Best That.”
Harry nodded, telling Tom wordlessly to continue.
“On all those best looking lists, Dougie was usually on 1, Danny on 2, you on 3. And I barely managed the Top 5. And that upset me. Still does.”
“So that’s what Dougie meant.”
“Meant with what?”
“When I asked him what was wrong with him. He was mumbling that he can’t understand why you can’t see what he sees. I didn’t understand it. Now I do.” He paused. “You’re upset because the teenie-world voted you into the Top 10 of the best looking people?”
“I … I didn’t see it like that.”
“Yeah well, you should. I mean, the 10 best looking people, that’s an achievement, isn’t it?”
“Yeah but … out of all of us, I did worst.”
“But that doesn’t stand to mean much, Tom. For fuck’s sake, Matt Damon got voted Sexiest Man Alive. You can’t really say he’s breathtaking, can you? Whether someone is good looking or not depends on whoever sees them. Generally spoken Matt Damon is the sexiest man on the planet but that doesn’t mean that every woman, or every man, automatically thinks that he is. It’s all a question of taste really. I personally never would’ve voted Matt anywhere near the sexiest man alive.”
“Because you only have eyes for Dougie.”
Harry grinned. “Yeah, that too. But seriously, just because Dougie or Danny or I got more clicks on a website or have more obsessive fans or whatever doesn’t mean that you’re not attractive. And it most definitely shouldn’t bother you to a point where you upset my boyfriend.”
“I should apologise to him.”
“You should, actually. Will you mean it?”
“Of course I’ll mean it.”
“So you’re not upset anymore because you’re not Top 5 in the best looking charts?”
At that Tom automatically squirmed in his seat.
“You can’t be serious? How can you still be upset over that? Tom, it’s just a stupid list. It doesn’t mean shit. No one’s gonna think about that next week. Hell, I bet it’s forgotten already. And besides, there are charts like that all the time and they change almost every time too.”
“But I just … I can’t stop thinking about it because deep down I always keep thinking that it’s true. I never had someone tell me that I looked hot. Never, Harry. Do you even know how that feels? You have strangers compliment you all the time. All I ever hear is that I’m talented.”
“Because you are. Would you rather be good looking than talented?”
“Yeah, sometimes I wish I was.”
“No, you don’t really. Because you know what? It actually sucks when all people see is your looks. Do you think I feel on top of the world when I read somewhere how talented you, Danny and Dougie are and I don’t get mentioned with a word? Being the pretty one is a curse because people don’t take you serious.”
“I highly doubt that, Harry. Because you’re good looking, you get attention. People listen to you automatically. I have to fight for every little bit of attention. Fuck’s sake, my talent is the only thing that keeps me in the band. I’d be fired if I lost my songwriting ability.”
“You’re important to the band, Tom. Don’t fucking dare to even think anything different.”
“Am I? Then tell me why exactly I am so important. What quality, other than me writing songs, do I bring to the band? Dougie is the good looking babyboy, Danny is the good looking rockstar, you’re the good looking posh guy. I am Tom. Plain and simple Tom.”
“You wanna know what you add to the band? Well, you’re level-headed. You have amazing instincts, always know what’s the right thing to do. Danny, Dougie and I have our heads in the clouds so often and you bring us back to the ground. You are so much more experienced than we all are. You’re half a year older than me but sometimes I feel like it’s a few years because you just know so much. If it wasn’t for you this band wouldn’t be anywhere, we wouldn’t do all the things we do because you make us focus on the most important things. You’re the one who tells us to stop partying, to not drink or smoke so much. You take care of us with so much strength, wherever you take it from each and every day. And that’s just the stuff I can think of right now. Give me a day and I can come up with a million more things.”
“And would my looks be any of those?”
“No, and I’ll you why that is. Because looks are not important. I could give you a speech like that about Doug and Danny without mentioning their looks either. Looks may be important at first, I don’t even deny that, but they’re surely not what matters in the end. I love Dougie and Danny and you and nothing of all that has to do anything with the way each of you look. And when I can look past all that, you should be able to look past that as well.”
“But … I can’t. For all my life, the way I looked seemed to made people talk. You should know … you were one of them for quite a while.”
“Because I was a snobby teen and didn’t know better. God knows I made jokes about all of you. And you know how sorry I am about all the things I said. I’m not gonna apologise again, not for things I said and apologised for years ago.”
“How nice of you.”
“I wasn’t finished. I was about to say that I’m gonna show you that there’s no need for me to apologise because there’s no problem to begin with. And now come on, get up!”
Harry got up from the bench and made to leave the room, turning around in the doorway to make sure the blonde followed him.
Reluctantly, Tom raised from his seat as well and followed Harry through his house until he found himself in front of the full length mirror of the wardrobe in his bedroom. Harry made him stand there, just facing himself while he opted to take a seat on the bed, his eyes meeting Tom’s in the mirror.
“Strip!” Harry simply ordered. Not said, ordered.
Tom span around, giving his friend a look of pure shock. “What?! Have you completely lost it?”
“There’s a point to this. And now come on, strip! And turn back around, look at yourself.”
Still not knowing what Harry’s actual goal was, Tom turned around. He knew from Dougie’s confessions (usually made when the young guy was so drunk he could barely look straight ahead) that Harry could be quite dominant, using his physical strength when it was needed, and therefore he knew better than to argue.
With shaking fingers, still under Harry’s intense gaze, Tom opened the zip of the the hoodie he was wearing, sliding it all the way down before peeling it from his arms and letting the material fall to the floor. He then slowly pulled the hem of his t-shirt up, closing his eyes when he felt the first gushes of air hitting his abdomen. Sure, Harry had seen him naked before but this situation was so much different. Tom already felt naked and he hadn’t even taken his t-shirt off yet.
“Open your eyes, Tom.” came Harry’s voice, still demanding, but also a lot more softer.
Tom shook his head, letting go of his t-shirt again, making it cover his upper body again. He turned around to look at Harry. “I can’t.” he whispered, looking down.
“You have to.”
And suddenly Harry was behind him, Tom heard his breathing right next to his ear. He gulped down the massive lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut so tight it almost gave him a headache.
Tom’s heart was hammering inside his ribcage when he felt Harry’s hands snaking their way from wherever they came from to Tom’s front, his fingers lifting up the hem of Tom’s t-shirt again. Breathes left his lungs at the speed of light when the t-shirt was lifted higher and higher, exposing more and more of his chest. Without even realising he did so, he raised his arms, allowing Harry to pull the t-shirt above his head. And suddenly Harry’s hands were on his arms, sliding up and down softly and Tom could literally feel the eyes of his friend roaming up and down his body.
If this was anyone else, a very certain anyone else from Bolton with freckles and an almost unhealthy obsession with football and Bruce Springsteen actually, doing that to Tom, he would have pinned certain anyone else to his mattress five minutes ago. But the fact that this was Harry who was demanding like Tom had never experienced him before, it actually scared him a bit. Harry wasn’t really going to … or was he? But why him, Dougie was just across the road.
“Open your eyes.” Harry said again, this time directly whispered into his ear, his breath ghosting over the side of Tom’s face sending shivers all over and throughout Tom’s body.
Tom gulped, audibly this time, before opening his eyes, finding Harry’s still staring at him with all their intensity.
“No surprise Dougie’s mush for you.” he stated and chuckled, easing himself with the joke more than anything else. He then turned his head sideways to look at Harry directly. “Speaking of which, does he know what you’re doing here? Because I don’t think he’ll approve with the fact that his boyfriend is stripping his best friend in a way that could best be described as ‘seductive’.”
“I’m just proving a point here, Dougie understands.”
“What point are you proving? That you’re good at undressing people and make them feel uncomfortable, even in their own houses?”
“Look at yourself, Tom.” Harry demanded again, ignoring Tom’s question, nodding at the mirror.
And Tom did. He looked back at his reflection. And he really looked this time. But still, all he could see was his shirtless self and Harry standing behind him, his head just above Tom’s shoulder, his eyes studying him.
“What do you see?” Harry questioned.
Tom raised his eyebrows. “Us?” It came out more a question than an answer.
Harry shook his head. “Ignore me. Look at yourself. What do you see?”
“Erm …” Tom scratched his head. “I just see me. What else am I supposed to see?”
Harry let out a sigh and moved from behind Tom to stand next to him. He buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans before giving Tom the all-over look. He then turned his focus back to the mirror, again finding Tom’s eyes in the reflection.
“I’ll tell you what I see.” Harry started. “I’m seeing a tall lad, in his twenties, I’d say. Good body, everything is where it should be in just the right amount. You know, no big mountains of muscles, but he’s not all skin and bones either. Pale but not so pale that it looks like he’s ill or something, and it somehow strangely matches him. Toussled hair, probably blond when it grows longer but it could be a very light brown as well. With just a little bit of gel in to at least coordinate it a bit, I suppose. Looks good, shows that he cares about it but not so much that it’s annoying because it takes hours until he’s fixed it. Brown eyes, really dark, which is a bit surprising because of the tone of skin. But those eyes, they’re dark, deep and even a bit mysterious. I wonder what he thinks about. He has a nice and friendly smile. I think he’s a friendly person over all, not one bit arrogant even though he has every right to be. All in all, I can see a guy I’d definitely look at twice if he passed me on the street. If I saw him in a pub, I’d buy him a drink, flirt a bit I think, hoping he’d show interest because I think it’d be damn cool if a guy like that was interested in little old me. But, as luck would have it, I have a boyfriend who’d skin me alive and fed my balls to his pets if I did anything of that.” Now it was Harry’s turn to chuckle. “That, and only that, is what I can see right now.”
When Harry had finished his speech, Tom couldn’t help the blush that crept over his face. He looked down, not able to face the mirror any longer, not able to face Harry after all the things he had just said.
“And would you believe, even when he blushes like an idiot he still looks great.” Harry added.
And then he was suddenly leaving his side, making Tom look up again.
“And Tom?” came his voice from the doorway.
Tom looked at him.
“I didn’t just say that to make you feel better. I told you that because it’s true. And when I can see it and Dougie can see it and god knows who else can see it, it’s about damn time you see it too.”
“Yeah …” Tom mumbled.
Harry smiled at Tom, warm and friendly, all the anger from when he came over and dominance from just five minutes ago completely forgotten. And Tom actually managed an honest smile back before Harry went through the doorway and down the stairs, about to leave the house.
“Oh, and Tom?” came a final call from the staircase.
“What?” he yelled back.
“Apologise to Dougie. I don’t wanna have him moping around all week.” And then his front door fell close.
Tom let out a light laugh again and looked back straight ahead, at his own half-naked reflection in the mirror, Harry’s words still floating around in his brain.
===
The next day Tom actually felt better. He’d been on the phone with Dougie for quite a while earlier, apologising to the young guy, using every word of excuse he could come up with. And Dougie had accepted it. Probably had accepted it the second he picked up and knew Tom was on the line but the little bugger probably thought Tom should suffer for a bit. And just moments after they had hung up and Tom looked outside his living room’s window, he saw Dougie leave his place and turn for the general direction of Harry’s, of course. And for a minute or two Tom pitied Harry’s poor neighbours.
But then the past days caught up with him when he entered his kitchen. The magazines were still laying on the worktop as Tom had never finished ripping them into shreds and throwing them away. So now they were laying there, glaring at him, mocking him. And suddenly all the pain and all the insecurities were back full force.
Angrily he grabbed the magazines, not bothering to shred them and headed towards his front door, ready to throw them into the rubbish bin outside his house so he wouldn’t have to look at them again.
And just as Tom opened the door he was facing a very dumbstruck Danny who held a single red rose in his hand, the other hand raised in mid-air, probably to knock or ring the doorbell.
“Dan?” Tom questioned.
“Erm … yeah … hi.” Danny smiled at him in a way that was almost shy. But Danny and shy? Those two words were barely ever used in one sentence.
“What’s the matter?”
“Can you just listen to me? Because I need to get this out. Been standing here for bloody fifteen minutes and if I don’t say it now I think I’m never gonna do it.”
“Go ahead.”
“Iloveyou!” Danny blurted out rushed.
“You what?!”
And Tom hadn’t asked because he hadn’t understood. He understood perfectly well, he just couldn’t … understand.
“Don’t interrupt me, please Tom. This is hard enough already … I mean, difficult. Difficult, not hard.”
At this Tom just stared at Danny, wondering when his friend became weirder than Dougie. And when Danny didn’t continue and Tom thought he apparently was done with his speech, he dared to open his mouth.
“Dan, I …”
“God Fletcher, will you finally shut up and let me fucking finish this?”
Tom nodded, not even thinking about saying anything until Danny allowed him to.
“Right. Erm … I think I … no, I actually know that I … I love you, Tom. It just … well, took me a while to realise, didn’t it? But then you had those magazines and they made you so sad and I really wanted you to feel better. And that wasn’t because I didn’t want to see my mate sad or anything. I mean, at first I thought it was that but then I saw Dougie going over to yours the other day and the next day Harry was in and … I dunno, I didn’t want them to make you feel better. I mean, of course I wanted you to not be sad anymore but I didn’t want them be the reason for it. I wanted to be the reason for it. I wanted to be the one to make you feel better about yourself, and I wanted to make you smile and I wanted to pay you compliments. And then I thought that something about that couldn’t be quite right, you know. Like, this deep want to make you happy. Friends normally don’t think that way about their best mates, do they? And that was when I realised that what I feel for you pretty much isn’t the way I’d normally feel for a best mate. So long story short … I love you!”
When Danny was done with his speech, Tom just stood there on his doorstep. Stood and stared at Danny with that single red rose in his hands, his face expectant, giving the impression that whatever Tom would say next, it could either make him the happiest guy ever or shatter his world into tiny pieces.
“This would be your time to speak, actually.” Danny said after a few moments of Tom just staring at him.
What followed probably surprised both Tom and Danny. Tom simply dropped the magazines in his grip, turned on his heel and went back into his house, slamming the door closed.
Danny stood outside the door for a minute or two, looking dumbfounded at the wood, as if hoping it would magically disappear to let him inside or open to reveal Tom again who would tell him that he’d been stupid before sinking into his arms and kissing the life out of him.
When neither of two happened Danny carefully leaned against the door, trying to hear anything from the inside. And he did hear muffled sounds but couldn’t make out exact words. So Danny left his spot and walked over to the big window to his left, the window of Tom’s living room. Tom still hadn’t bought curtains so Danny had a good look at his friend who was wildly pacing back and forth through the room, his hands flying around while he animatedly spoke to his sofa or something.
Inside, Tom felt like an animal in a too tiny cage. He walked in circles in his living room while he tried to bring some order into his brain where thoughts were running wild at 100 miles a minute.
“This can’t be happening, for the love of god!” he said to no one but himself, waving his hands in the air for no particular reason. “This just can’t be happening. No way. This must be a joke. Everything that happens in the band is a joke, so why not that? I mean really, first Dougie flirts with me, then Harry comes to strip me and tell me I’m the hottest thing on the planet and now Danny surprisingly loves me? Yeah right Tom, wake up. This. Is. Not. Happening. Not really. This is all a really fucked up dream and I need to wake up. Veeeeeery soon cos this is getting creepy. Can you hear me, brain? The night is over, time to wake up. Come on!”
This really couldn’t be happening. Okay, so Danny wasn’t exactly as straight as he made the public believe he was, that was true. And he generally prefered blondes. But still. Danny was so out of Tom’s league, so out of Tom’s world. There was just no way that the brunette guitarist could ever be interested in plain old Tom Fletcher. That would be … a million steps out of his usual way.
A knock on his window interrupted Tom’s train of thoughts and he looked towards the source of the noise, seeing Danny shyly waving at him from the outside, pointing to the side where the front door was.
Tom just nodded, seeing Danny leave the window, obviously heading for the door again. He looked at the window for a few more seconds, before muttering. “I thought I said this was the perfect time to wake up.”
He then truged towards the front door and cautiously opened it. Danny was standing outside, looking uncertainly at Tom.
“Please don’t slam the door again, yeah? You really scared me there.”
“Sorry.” Tom apologised, “Wanna come in?”
Danny nodded and Tom stepped aside to let him enter. Danny slipped out of his shoes before the two of them went back into the living room where they awkwardly stood across from each other.
“So …” Tom started.
“Can you sit down, please?” Danny interrupted quickly, “It’s just … I wanna make sure that you don’t run away again.”
“I can still run away.”
“But you’d have to get up first, giving me a few seconds to stop you. Please Tom? Just listen to me, yeah? And then you can run away or do whatever you want, but please listen to me first.”
Tom sighed. “Okay.”
Tom sat down on his sofa and Danny sat down right in front of him. Any other time Tom would have scolded his friend, telling him that coffee tables were named ‘tables’ for a reason and not meant to be used as a seat but the words were literally stuck in his throat as he saw the serious look in his friend’s blue eyes.
“I know how this must look to you, Tom. I mean, here I come, telling you that I love you. When I realised it, it was a shock to me so I can only imagine what kind of shock that must be for you. But I mean, I can’t change it, can I? You can’t choose who you fall in love with, can you? But then again, even if I could’ve chosen, I probably would’ve picked you anyway.”
“Why me, Danny?” Tom asked, finally had the courage to ask, “You can have whoever you want and their friend the next day. Why would you want me?”
“Because whoever I want or their friend aren’t you. I told you this the other day. You’re just the most awesome person I know.”
“But I’m not … everyone else you went out with was … I don’t compare, I can’t compare.”
“No Tom, they can’t compare. No one would ever be able to make me stutter because I get all shy when I see them. No one could ever make me go that scary Mrs Richards down the road and ask her if I could get the prettiest rose out of her garden. You can though. When I stood outside your door earlier I was shitting it when I just thought about saying hi to you. And my palms were so sweaty when I rang on Mrs Richard’s door because no matter what everyone says, I’m sure she’d have toddlers for breakfast if only she could. But then I thought that I needed to get one of her roses, the most beautiful of them all, to make you smile and I wasn’t so scared anymore. And sometimes, when you don’t like yourself and you speak so low of yourself I just wanna hit you because you can’t be so smart and at the same time be so utterly stupid. You’re gorgeous, Tom. On the inside and on the outside. It could be the fact that you not even knowing how gorgeous you are makes you even more beautiful but I just don’t know why you can’t see it. Fuck’s sake, if I was you, I’d need an own post box for my ego because it’s simply not possible that one single person can look as stunning as you, have your talent and at the same time have the most awesome personality ever and not realise it. And I know it took me forever to see that and I know my chances are slim to none that you feel the same way but I really couldn’t have you not know how special you are. And not just to me, in general.”
“Danny, I …”
Danny shook his head, indicating that apparently he wasn’t done just yet. “And I know your looks are an issue to you, though I will never understand why, but I don’t want you to think that me saying all this was out of pity or because Dougie or Harry gave me an earful because I was so insensitive the other day. They haven’t by the way, god knows what they were up to in the past days. I truly mean everything I say, Tom. I don’t want you to think you’re ugly because you simply aren’t. Them teenies out there, they’re just blind, if you ask me. And if I could, I’d go out there right now and find each and every one of them, smack some sense into them and then make them apologise for bringing you down. Please, just ignore them and don’t believe what they say or what they make the magazines print. It’s all lies. I mean, Doug and Harry and I, we might look good. But we’re just tiny lights. You’re the one who shines.”
Danny then picked up the single red rose he had placed next to his side while he spoke to Tom. He studied it from all angles, making sure that it was as perfect as Tom deserved it to be, before handing it over to the blonde sitting on the sofa.
“I love you.” he said.
Tom took the rose and leaned back on the sofa. He looked at the flower which indeed looked like it came right out of a painting or picture. The petals were a deep red, the flower itself not fully open but not closed anymore either, blossomed in just the right way. The leaves on the stem were a healthy green and even the sharp and pointy thornes looked awfully perfect. Danny must have spent ages finding it which was probably made even harder by Mrs Richards standing right behind him the whole time, scaring the poor guy to death.
“It’s beautiful.” he muttered, completely taken by that single flower in his hand.
“Not even half as beautiful as you are.”
Tom took a deep breath before tearing his away from the flower to finally look at Danny again. His younger friend didn’t seem so nervous anymore. Instead he had a soft smile on his face which made Tom suddenly remember something Dougie had said to him just two days ago.
It’s that smile people have when they see something they really love.
And suddenly Tom had to smile as well.
“What?” Danny asked, noticing the change on Tom’s face.
“You have that smile on your face.”
“Which?”
“That lovey-dovey smile people get when they see something they really love.”
“Well, that’s what I do, right? Didn’t know there was a name for it though.”
“Dougie told me about it. Said he caught me smile like that the other day.”
“Oh …”
And Danny’s face fell. If Tom had smiled like that only recently, it must have been because he met someone. And maybe they had shut him down which in result caused Tom’s current depression. But before Danny could waste further thoughts about who had done this to ‘his’ Tom the voice of the elder brought him out of his thoughts.
“It was when we were watching the DVD. ‘The Heart Never Lies’. When you sang, apparently.”
At this, Danny just nodded dumbly for a few moments. But that was, of course, only until he caught the actual meaning behind Tom’s statement. He had had that smile as well? And he had smiled that smile while he had watched him sing? So that means that …?
“There’s no one else?” Danny finished his thought out loud.
Tom looked at him puzzled. “No, there’s not. Should there be?”
“No … sorry … it was just … when you said you had that smile the other day I thought it was because of someone else.”
“It wasn’t. It was because of you.”
“So you …”
Tom nodded. “Yeah. I love you, Danny.”
“Wow …” Danny breathed out.
For a few moments they both just sat there, Tom on the sofa, Danny in front of him on the coffee table. They both just stared at each other, as if to comprehend what just had happened and realising the actual meaning behind it.
“Could you please just kiss me or something? Cos this feels kinda weird.” Tom uttered after a while of this silent staring, his body suddenly tingling from head to toe.
Danny then smiled again before his smile broke out into a face-splitting grin. He scooted down from the coffee table, kneeling inbetween Tom’s slightly spread legs. He reached for the hem of Tom’s t-shirt, tugging slightly on it, signalling Tom to move closer.
As if pulled by an unknown force Tom scooted more towards the edge of the sofa until his arms automatically wrapped around Danny’s neck. Thanks to his position he was now taller than Danny and looked down at him, his blue eyes shining up at him.
“Nothing I’d love to do more.” Danny finally whispered out and closed the gap between them, their lips touching in a kiss.
The End
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