mcfly-slash ... Independence
okay no, i didn't die. and i didn't have writer's block. i'm just so occupied with another story that i didn't do anything else. god, i am sad ;) anywhooo .. here goes something that let's you see i'm still there and still working.
Title: Independence
Author: me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Romance-Drama
Pairing: Poynter/Judd
Summary: Dougie loves being independent … Harry doesn’t.
Disclaimer: I don’t think this is true. I wouldn’t mind being wrong tho.
Dedication: Everyone who thought I was worthy of a nomination for the mcslashawards. Seriously guys … you kick arse! Thank you so much!
Author’s note: Right, point 1 … in my opinion there aren’t enough Poynter/Judd-slashs (as in standalones) around at the moment so I wrote this to feed my own craving. Point 2 … I’m just in the process of writing this long chaptered thingie and I needed something to take my mind off it. Point 3 … this is somewhat based on "Leave me alone (I'm lonely)" by P!nk which is a kick-arse song! And point 4 … this is the first McFly-piece I post which is written from a narrator's point of view. I did that often with my old Simple Plan-stories and I was always good at it but apparently, I loved being in the McFly-heads, hehe!
Dougie Poynter liked his independence. Years ago, when he had just joined the band, the thought of being on his own scared him to the core. But now, four years down the lane, he loved that he had his own flat. His own bills to pay, his own mess to clean up … his own life to live.
Sure, he loved being in the band. And he sure loved his bandmates. But he just needed to be on his own from time to time. He needed to be alone with his own thoughts. He needed to be by himself when his hectic lifestyle had once more caught up on him.
That thought had first occurred to him after his last birthday. Until then he had still been living with Tom. Now, he never complained about it. Tom was the mother hen of the group, taking care of things and people was, aside from writing amazing songs, his biggest talent.
But around Dougie’s birthday, things had gotten somewhat tougher. They had just finished another arena-tour. It had been mad. There had been more fans than ever before, going absolutely mental when one of them just blinked.
The actual thing that caught Dougie a bit off-guard was the attention he got when being off-stage though. Sure, the fans seemed to be everywhere and that had been like that for years now, but suddenly, it scared him. They pulled at him from all sides, shoving things into his face for him to sign, not to mention the unstoppable camera-flashes.
So, after the tour and after his birthday, Dougie decided he needed to get away. And on his own as well. It didn’t take long until their Christmas-holiday was coming up and the second the free time started, Dougie was sat on a plane to Australia. Alone. It saddened him a bit to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve away from his family but he felt that this trip was what he needed to do.
It had helped him. He came back tanned, relaxed, with a clear head. And upon meeting his bandmates first time after he arrived, he told them he would be looking for a place of his own.
Things seemed to get an own dynamic from then on. Dougie’s decision spurred the others on to do likewise. So they moved out of their current places, all buying new abodes. Now they all lived on the same street, each with their own place. Still together but also alone.
Being on his own made Dougie happy and people started to notice that. He more often heard comments from others, stating how much he had changed. Even his mother said so, that all of a sudden he was so much more grown-up.
The only one who seemed somewhat unhappy about the whole thing was Harry.
Harry, who also happened to be Dougie’s boyfriend.
Apart from the first years as a band, when they all lived together in their house, Dougie and Harry had never lived together. In the first few years there wasn’t any need. Then later, Harry was somewhat forced to live with Danny. He would have preferred living with Dougie but that would have lead to Tom and Danny living together. And as much as those two loved each other as friends, being stuck with one another in the same flat would have ended with one being killed by the other.
That was the first time of the four of them living apart. Still, they were next door neighbours so they weren’t apart really. And Harry found himself spending most of his time at the flat of Dougie and Tom anyway, leaving Danny to his own devices.
So, when Dougie had said that he was getting his own place, Harry had been ecstatic. Ecstatic because he had hoped he would finally be moving in with Dougie.
Only, Dougie never asked Harry to move in with him. And when Harry carefully suggested it, Dougie had rejected, saying that he had intended to live alone, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.
Living in two different places didn’t change Dougie’s and Harry’s relationship at all though. They still spent most of their time with each other, be it for or off work.
But then there were times when Dougie pulled himself away from Harry, saying that he needed some time alone. And Harry gave Dougie that time, not wanting to, but at the same time doing it.
The band just had a few days off after Danny’s birthday. Time to relax before they started the last run of rehearsals for the next tour.
Harry and Dougie had spent a night in. DVDs, the occasional game on the Xbox and takeaway food.
At the moment they were laying on Dougie’s kingsize bed, the little lamp on the bedside table being the only source of light in the room, both occupied in a heated make-out session. Lips attached to each other, hands roaming everywhere, throaty moans echoing through the silent flat.
But just as Harry was about to start opening the buttons on Dougie’s shirt, the hands of the younger one stopped him.
“I’d say you go now.” Dougie breathed.
Harry leaned back, looking down at his boyfriend utterly confused. “You’re joking right?”
Dougie shook his head.
Harry got off the bed and stared down at Dougie. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Dougie squinted his eyebrows. “Sorry?”
Harry gestured around with his hands. “Whatever you’re trying to pull here. Like, one moment you’re all over me, next you’re kicking me out. I don’t get why you’re doing it all the damn time?!” he yelled.
Dougie leaned up on his ellbows. “I need some alone-time too, Harry. We all do.”
“But you only seem to need your alone-time when you’re with me. Maybe you don’t need to be alone. Maybe you just don’t want to be with me. But you know what? You don’t need to worry about that anymore. I’m leaving.”
Harry grabbed his shoes from the floor and turned around on his heel. Only moments later, Dougie heard the front door slammed shut.
Dougie sank back down on his mattress and covered his face with his hands, letting out a frustrated groan.
Fair enough, he knew where Harry was coming from. And if he put himself in his boyfriend’s shoes, he could see why Harry was so angry and thought Dougie didn’t love him anymore.
In one swift movement, Dougie had raised from the bed as well. In a hurry he put his shoes on and seconds later he left his flat.
The way to Harry’s wasn’t too far so minutes later, he stood knocking on his boyfriend’s door.
“Harry, let me in.”
“Why? You done with being alone already?” came the sarcastic voice from inside.
“I won’t tell that to the door, you know.”
“Looks like you have to since I won’t let you in.”
“Fine. Two can play at that.” Dougie muttered and fumbled in the pocket of his shorts, pulling out his keyring. He flicked through the keys until he found the right one and moments later, he let himself into Harry’s flat.
Dougie walked down the short hallway and entered Harry’s living room, leaning against the doorframe.
Harry didn’t even look away from the TV, only stated shortly, “You know trespassing is illegal, right?”
“It’s not trespassing when you have a key, moron.”
Dougie walked over to the couch and let himself fall down next to Harry. He studied him for a moment, Harry not paying attention to him at all.
“You can’t just leave me like that.”
At that Harry finally turned to his side and looked at Dougie. “Apparently … I could.” He looked back at the TV.
“You could at least have given me a chance to explain myself.”
“What’s there to explain? You’re sick of me. Enough said.”
“Harry, I know what it must look like. But please, you gotta believe me. It’s not like that.”
“Dougie, what would you be thinking? Wouldn’t you doubt your boyfriend’s feelings if one moment, he can’t get his hands off you and the next he’s telling you to leave?”
Dougie sighed. “I see where you’re coming from, I do. But I want you to know where I’m coming from as well. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you, you know that.”
“Do I? Because right now, I’m not that sure if that’s true.”
Exhasperated, Dougie ran a hand through his hair. “What do you want me to do, Harry? What can I say that you won’t doubt?”
“You could prove that you love me. That’d be a start.”
“How am I supposed to do that? I can only say it but if you don’t believe me then where’s the bloody point in me even saying it? How else am I supposed to prove to you that I love you?”
“You could be living with me.”
At that Dougie fell silent. He looked Harry deeply in the eyes, seeing sincerity, showing that his last statement has been his biggest and only wish. He knew that Harry had wanted to live with him, he had suggested it before but Dougie had turned the offer down, had turned Harry down.
When Dougie didn’t reply straight away, the look in Harry’s eyes changed. Dougie could see that suddenly, Harry’s world seemed to shatter and everything that was left was one thing. Hurt.
“Harry, I …” Dougie started. He took a deep breath. “I can’t live with you.” he said silently, almost in a whisper.
“Why can’t you?”
“Because …” Another pause. “Because I love you.”
Harry averted his eyes and let out a bitter laugh. “Forgive me if I have a hard time believing that.”
“But it’s the truth.” Dougie tried again.
Harry only shook his head, focussing his attention back to the TV.
Dougie got up from his seat and opted on sitting on the coffee table, right in front of Harry, blocking the line of sight to the TV screen. He grabbed the hands of the other one.
“I know it sounds weird but I mean it. I love you, Harry. I love you so much and I’m just scared to lose you.”
“You have a funny way of showing that.”
“God dammit Harry! Can you not see that, with pulling myself away, I only want to keep you with me?”
Dougie got up from his spot and started to pace up and down the living room, trying to put his thoughts and feelings in words. Something he never was really good at.
“I want to save me, you, us, from the day we both wake up and suddenly are sick of the one another. I mean, look, we work together already. If we would also be living each other, chances are that we will get on each other’s nerves in no time because we will be with each other non-stop. We’ll start to fight about things that aren’t even worth fighting over. And the sooner you know, we’ll split up and hate each other. And that’s what I don’t want to happen. I don’t want us to split up. And that’s why I need to be alone from time to time. Because not being with you makes me want to be with you even more. Not seeing you, even if it’s just for an hour or two, makes me look forward to see you again. Being apart from you keeps me loving you.”
Dougie stopped and looked at Harry. His expression still hadn’t changed, it only became more unreadable.
“Dougie, I do understand you need your alone-time but I just can’t deal with it anymore. Our lives are unstable as they are due to the band and I can’t deal with that outside of the band as well. And don’t you also want some sort of stability? Knowing that someone is there day in, day out? Just there?”
“I do, yes. But …”
Harry cut him off. “You gotta make compromises, Dougie. You can’t expect me to be there just by a snap of your finger and shove me away when you’re satisfied. I’m not one to be held on the long leash. And it’s not like we’d be glued to each other when we live together. We can have separated bedrooms if that’s what you need. But if you wanna keep this life that you have right now, up and going … you gotta do it without me.”
At this Dougie only stared at Harry. He was serious about this, he had set him an ultimatum.
“That’s not fair, Harry.”
Harry shook his head. “No Dougie, you’re not being fair. You can’t keep me waiting by your outstretched arm all the time. Take me in properly or don’t take me in at all. Live with me or leave me. Whatever you do, I will accept it. But don’t make me wait anymore.”
Dougie sat back down next to Harry again, studying him. He suddenly looked incredibly tired and exhausted. All the weeks, months and even years that he’d been waiting for Dougie were now visibly on all his features.
And it was then that Dougie knew. Knew what he had to do.
He moved closer to Harry and slung his arm around the other’s shoulders, pulling him close. He kissed Harry on the forehead.
“Are we moving my stuff or yours?”
The End
Comments are appreciated.
PoynterJudd Standalone
Title: Independence
Author: me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Romance-Drama
Pairing: Poynter/Judd
Summary: Dougie loves being independent … Harry doesn’t.
Disclaimer: I don’t think this is true. I wouldn’t mind being wrong tho.
Dedication: Everyone who thought I was worthy of a nomination for the mcslashawards. Seriously guys … you kick arse! Thank you so much!
Author’s note: Right, point 1 … in my opinion there aren’t enough Poynter/Judd-slashs (as in standalones) around at the moment so I wrote this to feed my own craving. Point 2 … I’m just in the process of writing this long chaptered thingie and I needed something to take my mind off it. Point 3 … this is somewhat based on "Leave me alone (I'm lonely)" by P!nk which is a kick-arse song! And point 4 … this is the first McFly-piece I post which is written from a narrator's point of view. I did that often with my old Simple Plan-stories and I was always good at it but apparently, I loved being in the McFly-heads, hehe!
Dougie Poynter liked his independence. Years ago, when he had just joined the band, the thought of being on his own scared him to the core. But now, four years down the lane, he loved that he had his own flat. His own bills to pay, his own mess to clean up … his own life to live.
Sure, he loved being in the band. And he sure loved his bandmates. But he just needed to be on his own from time to time. He needed to be alone with his own thoughts. He needed to be by himself when his hectic lifestyle had once more caught up on him.
That thought had first occurred to him after his last birthday. Until then he had still been living with Tom. Now, he never complained about it. Tom was the mother hen of the group, taking care of things and people was, aside from writing amazing songs, his biggest talent.
But around Dougie’s birthday, things had gotten somewhat tougher. They had just finished another arena-tour. It had been mad. There had been more fans than ever before, going absolutely mental when one of them just blinked.
The actual thing that caught Dougie a bit off-guard was the attention he got when being off-stage though. Sure, the fans seemed to be everywhere and that had been like that for years now, but suddenly, it scared him. They pulled at him from all sides, shoving things into his face for him to sign, not to mention the unstoppable camera-flashes.
So, after the tour and after his birthday, Dougie decided he needed to get away. And on his own as well. It didn’t take long until their Christmas-holiday was coming up and the second the free time started, Dougie was sat on a plane to Australia. Alone. It saddened him a bit to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve away from his family but he felt that this trip was what he needed to do.
It had helped him. He came back tanned, relaxed, with a clear head. And upon meeting his bandmates first time after he arrived, he told them he would be looking for a place of his own.
Things seemed to get an own dynamic from then on. Dougie’s decision spurred the others on to do likewise. So they moved out of their current places, all buying new abodes. Now they all lived on the same street, each with their own place. Still together but also alone.
Being on his own made Dougie happy and people started to notice that. He more often heard comments from others, stating how much he had changed. Even his mother said so, that all of a sudden he was so much more grown-up.
The only one who seemed somewhat unhappy about the whole thing was Harry.
Harry, who also happened to be Dougie’s boyfriend.
Apart from the first years as a band, when they all lived together in their house, Dougie and Harry had never lived together. In the first few years there wasn’t any need. Then later, Harry was somewhat forced to live with Danny. He would have preferred living with Dougie but that would have lead to Tom and Danny living together. And as much as those two loved each other as friends, being stuck with one another in the same flat would have ended with one being killed by the other.
That was the first time of the four of them living apart. Still, they were next door neighbours so they weren’t apart really. And Harry found himself spending most of his time at the flat of Dougie and Tom anyway, leaving Danny to his own devices.
So, when Dougie had said that he was getting his own place, Harry had been ecstatic. Ecstatic because he had hoped he would finally be moving in with Dougie.
Only, Dougie never asked Harry to move in with him. And when Harry carefully suggested it, Dougie had rejected, saying that he had intended to live alone, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.
Living in two different places didn’t change Dougie’s and Harry’s relationship at all though. They still spent most of their time with each other, be it for or off work.
But then there were times when Dougie pulled himself away from Harry, saying that he needed some time alone. And Harry gave Dougie that time, not wanting to, but at the same time doing it.
The band just had a few days off after Danny’s birthday. Time to relax before they started the last run of rehearsals for the next tour.
Harry and Dougie had spent a night in. DVDs, the occasional game on the Xbox and takeaway food.
At the moment they were laying on Dougie’s kingsize bed, the little lamp on the bedside table being the only source of light in the room, both occupied in a heated make-out session. Lips attached to each other, hands roaming everywhere, throaty moans echoing through the silent flat.
But just as Harry was about to start opening the buttons on Dougie’s shirt, the hands of the younger one stopped him.
“I’d say you go now.” Dougie breathed.
Harry leaned back, looking down at his boyfriend utterly confused. “You’re joking right?”
Dougie shook his head.
Harry got off the bed and stared down at Dougie. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Dougie squinted his eyebrows. “Sorry?”
Harry gestured around with his hands. “Whatever you’re trying to pull here. Like, one moment you’re all over me, next you’re kicking me out. I don’t get why you’re doing it all the damn time?!” he yelled.
Dougie leaned up on his ellbows. “I need some alone-time too, Harry. We all do.”
“But you only seem to need your alone-time when you’re with me. Maybe you don’t need to be alone. Maybe you just don’t want to be with me. But you know what? You don’t need to worry about that anymore. I’m leaving.”
Harry grabbed his shoes from the floor and turned around on his heel. Only moments later, Dougie heard the front door slammed shut.
Dougie sank back down on his mattress and covered his face with his hands, letting out a frustrated groan.
Fair enough, he knew where Harry was coming from. And if he put himself in his boyfriend’s shoes, he could see why Harry was so angry and thought Dougie didn’t love him anymore.
In one swift movement, Dougie had raised from the bed as well. In a hurry he put his shoes on and seconds later he left his flat.
The way to Harry’s wasn’t too far so minutes later, he stood knocking on his boyfriend’s door.
“Harry, let me in.”
“Why? You done with being alone already?” came the sarcastic voice from inside.
“I won’t tell that to the door, you know.”
“Looks like you have to since I won’t let you in.”
“Fine. Two can play at that.” Dougie muttered and fumbled in the pocket of his shorts, pulling out his keyring. He flicked through the keys until he found the right one and moments later, he let himself into Harry’s flat.
Dougie walked down the short hallway and entered Harry’s living room, leaning against the doorframe.
Harry didn’t even look away from the TV, only stated shortly, “You know trespassing is illegal, right?”
“It’s not trespassing when you have a key, moron.”
Dougie walked over to the couch and let himself fall down next to Harry. He studied him for a moment, Harry not paying attention to him at all.
“You can’t just leave me like that.”
At that Harry finally turned to his side and looked at Dougie. “Apparently … I could.” He looked back at the TV.
“You could at least have given me a chance to explain myself.”
“What’s there to explain? You’re sick of me. Enough said.”
“Harry, I know what it must look like. But please, you gotta believe me. It’s not like that.”
“Dougie, what would you be thinking? Wouldn’t you doubt your boyfriend’s feelings if one moment, he can’t get his hands off you and the next he’s telling you to leave?”
Dougie sighed. “I see where you’re coming from, I do. But I want you to know where I’m coming from as well. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you, you know that.”
“Do I? Because right now, I’m not that sure if that’s true.”
Exhasperated, Dougie ran a hand through his hair. “What do you want me to do, Harry? What can I say that you won’t doubt?”
“You could prove that you love me. That’d be a start.”
“How am I supposed to do that? I can only say it but if you don’t believe me then where’s the bloody point in me even saying it? How else am I supposed to prove to you that I love you?”
“You could be living with me.”
At that Dougie fell silent. He looked Harry deeply in the eyes, seeing sincerity, showing that his last statement has been his biggest and only wish. He knew that Harry had wanted to live with him, he had suggested it before but Dougie had turned the offer down, had turned Harry down.
When Dougie didn’t reply straight away, the look in Harry’s eyes changed. Dougie could see that suddenly, Harry’s world seemed to shatter and everything that was left was one thing. Hurt.
“Harry, I …” Dougie started. He took a deep breath. “I can’t live with you.” he said silently, almost in a whisper.
“Why can’t you?”
“Because …” Another pause. “Because I love you.”
Harry averted his eyes and let out a bitter laugh. “Forgive me if I have a hard time believing that.”
“But it’s the truth.” Dougie tried again.
Harry only shook his head, focussing his attention back to the TV.
Dougie got up from his seat and opted on sitting on the coffee table, right in front of Harry, blocking the line of sight to the TV screen. He grabbed the hands of the other one.
“I know it sounds weird but I mean it. I love you, Harry. I love you so much and I’m just scared to lose you.”
“You have a funny way of showing that.”
“God dammit Harry! Can you not see that, with pulling myself away, I only want to keep you with me?”
Dougie got up from his spot and started to pace up and down the living room, trying to put his thoughts and feelings in words. Something he never was really good at.
“I want to save me, you, us, from the day we both wake up and suddenly are sick of the one another. I mean, look, we work together already. If we would also be living each other, chances are that we will get on each other’s nerves in no time because we will be with each other non-stop. We’ll start to fight about things that aren’t even worth fighting over. And the sooner you know, we’ll split up and hate each other. And that’s what I don’t want to happen. I don’t want us to split up. And that’s why I need to be alone from time to time. Because not being with you makes me want to be with you even more. Not seeing you, even if it’s just for an hour or two, makes me look forward to see you again. Being apart from you keeps me loving you.”
Dougie stopped and looked at Harry. His expression still hadn’t changed, it only became more unreadable.
“Dougie, I do understand you need your alone-time but I just can’t deal with it anymore. Our lives are unstable as they are due to the band and I can’t deal with that outside of the band as well. And don’t you also want some sort of stability? Knowing that someone is there day in, day out? Just there?”
“I do, yes. But …”
Harry cut him off. “You gotta make compromises, Dougie. You can’t expect me to be there just by a snap of your finger and shove me away when you’re satisfied. I’m not one to be held on the long leash. And it’s not like we’d be glued to each other when we live together. We can have separated bedrooms if that’s what you need. But if you wanna keep this life that you have right now, up and going … you gotta do it without me.”
At this Dougie only stared at Harry. He was serious about this, he had set him an ultimatum.
“That’s not fair, Harry.”
Harry shook his head. “No Dougie, you’re not being fair. You can’t keep me waiting by your outstretched arm all the time. Take me in properly or don’t take me in at all. Live with me or leave me. Whatever you do, I will accept it. But don’t make me wait anymore.”
Dougie sat back down next to Harry again, studying him. He suddenly looked incredibly tired and exhausted. All the weeks, months and even years that he’d been waiting for Dougie were now visibly on all his features.
And it was then that Dougie knew. Knew what he had to do.
He moved closer to Harry and slung his arm around the other’s shoulders, pulling him close. He kissed Harry on the forehead.
“Are we moving my stuff or yours?”
The End
Comments are appreciated.
PoynterJudd Standalone