mcfly-slash ... Who you gonna run to?
okay, so here i am again. after a saturday of getting a taste of lindsay lohan's lifestyle (minus shagging harry judd unfortunately), a sunday of feeling rotten and a monday of fall out boy, i am back to the lifestyle of a writer. and back to drama-mood since i'm obviously much better at writing drama than at writing fluff. and i'm bringing you ... well, this!
Title: Who you gonna run to?
Author: no one else is here so that leaves only me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Harry/Dougie
Summary: How can anybody be so weak? I don’t get it. Never have, never will.
Disclaimer: if this is true? Oh give me a break, of course it is! Santa claus and the Easter bunny told me about it!
Dedication: to my Cazzabum and to ichnal
Author’s note: So, the other day I posted "Picture" and ichnal gave me the idea to write some sort of a sequel from Harry’s POV which I’m trying to do here. The title is a song by Matt Willis (who really won my heart with his album) The song's also been the main inspiration for the fic.
How can anybody be so weak? I don’t get it. Never have, never will.
Of course, I’ve known Danny longer than I’ve known Dougie. But just to fair with you, the older he got, the less I liked Danny. Sure, he’s a great mate. He knows how to have a good time and it’s never boring with him around. But apart from that I don’t like him that much.
You see, Danny and I are really different. He’s loud and outgoing, I’m more on the quiet side. Danny goes out each and every night. Not that I have anything against a night out in the pubs but I could never do it every night of the week. I am serious and responsible, another thing that differences me from him.
Danny never had a relationship, not in all the years I’ve known him. Commitment was something that scared him to death. Or, maybe not scared him. He’s a person that needs to be entertained, a total fun-lover. When he thought about relationships, it was as something that kept him from his fun.
He had tried to properly be with someone tons of times. Due to a job as a music journalist, he met new people all the time. But as soon as he was with someone he got bored of them after a week tops.
In all honesty, I was close to find some excuse to not be Danny’s friend anymore. I just couldn’t keep up with him and I really didn’t want to anymore. I was sick of being the one he called in the ungodly hours of the night because he needed a lift home from wherever he was. I was sick of being dragged from one place to the other on a night out, talking to someone who I didn’t even like just because Danny wanted to hit on his or hers friend.
But then I changed my mind.
Danny met someone. Dougie. Not his first guy but I could tell that he was the guy for Danny. Suddenly Danny’s whole behaviour changed, he stopped the exessive nights out and rather spent time with Dougie.
Suddenly it was nice to hang around with Danny again. Suddenly you could have a normal conversation with him. Suddenly he was happy about being with just one person only.
And I have to admit, Dougie was an amazing person. Quite young, but very independent. He had his own flat and a job to pay his bills. His personality sometimes reminded me of my own, level-headed and more on the shy side until he found something he liked to talk about. With him, I spoke for ages about everything, always finding something new we had in common.
Dougie and me became good friends as well. We met without Danny, every day in our lunch breaks since we didn’t work far from each other. We chatted about everything and nothing.
I have to say that I really liked spending time with just Dougie. Sure, Danny was still my friend but there were times when his alter ego would come through and I just wanted to punch him when that happened.
Dougie and me had often spoken about Danny. At first, Dougie didn’t know much about his new boyfriend and Danny was someone who never spoke about personal stuff. So Dougie asked someone who knew. Me, Danny’s oldest friend. I never lied to him, I told him what Danny used to be like and that there might be a chance that he will fall back into old antics, no matter how much Dougie had changed him. Of course that was something Dougie didn’t like to hear but he still made me tell him.
As time went on I came to realise that the feelings I had for Dougie had developed into something stronger than friendship. I had fallen for him. And in one of our lunch break meetings I had told him. Told him straight away that I liked him more than I should. He had been quiet for a moment and then told me that he loved Danny.
And that was that. For the next two or three days things between Dougie and me were awkward but we had become just too good friends in the meantime, we were able to keep our friendship going, not letting any unwanted feelings come between us.
And then one night, it happened.
I was just sitting at home, having some take-away dinner while watching football on TV when there was a knock on my door.
It was Dougie. “Old Danny is back.” had been all he had said and I immediately knew that it wasn’t something good. And I honestly wasn’t surprised. Apparently, Dougie wasn’t either since he calmly told me that he had gotten home from work to find Danny on the living room couch, some blonde girl underneath him, both naked, obviously ‘going at it’.
Dougie had stayed at my place that night. He had thrown Danny out of what by now was their flat but didn’t want to go back home just yet. He had cried on my shoulder, let out all his anger and frustration. He blamed himself because he had seen the whole thing coming but didn’t do anything about it.
And then he said one thing that almost made my heart stop.
“I wish I could love you instead of him.”
And you know what? I wish he could, too.
The next days weren’t pretty. Dougie had gone back home after the night at my place (with him on the couch and me in my bedroom) and let himself been taking by misery.
I knew exactly where Danny was. There was this hotel in one of the dodgy parts of the town. Danny always went to stay there when he, once again, managed to mess something up. This was just the place he went to. Other people went away to the coutryside for the weekend, Danny chose the hotel.
After three days of not hearing much from Dougie me and Dougie’s workmate Tom (who had become a friend of mine as well) went to check up on him. And even though my better judgement kept me from it, I gave Dougie the number of that hotel Danny was in. I knew Danny better than anyone else. I knew that, no matter how much he wanted to, he would never be the one to take the first step to win Dougie back.
Tom and me had sat at Dougie’s sides when he had called that hotel only to be told that Danny wasn’t even in. I knew that wasn’t a good sign but I still made up excuses for Danny. I did it for Dougie. He obviously loved Danny and nothing that I could have said or done would’ve changed it. So instead of hurting him even more with the truth, I hurt myself, defending someone who, after what he did, wasn’t even worth any of my words.
Days had passed without news from Danny. Not even I could reach him. I think he had guessed that I had fallen for Dougie, he wasn’t stupid after all. He probably thought I wanted to keep him away from Dougie, not having any idea that all I wanted was to see Dougie happy even if it was with him.
One night my phone rang. It was Dougie, asking me to come over to his. I went without asking any further questions.
Dougie was quite a mess when I arrived at his place. He has had a bad day at work and was caught in memories of Danny. When I found him, he was sat in front of the TV, a bottle of wine in front of him, mindlessly surfing the TV-channels.
I had no idea what exactly to do so I just sat down next to him, keeping an eye so he wouldn’t drink too much.
And then it suddenly happened. From one second to the other, Dougie was straddling my lap, hungrily kissing me. My brain shouted at me to stop him, that I was just some replacement, that Dougie didn’t know what he was doing.
But then Dougie whispered in my ear, “Wait for me in the bedroom. I’ll be there in a minute.” His voice was filled with lust and anticipation and I just couldn’t change it. I told my brain to shut up and did just what Dougie had told me.
Once I stood in the bedroom, my eyes landed on the picture of Danny that Dougie kept on his bedside cabinet. In that moment I knew I should leave. I turned and stood in the doorway, just watching Dougie who was back to his previous task, drinking wine and watching TV.
And then he looked up, back at me. His eyes burning into mine. I knew it was wrong and it would just hurt me even more but I turned back around. I took off my t-shirt and laid down on the bed, dressed in just my jeans and boxers.
Dougie followed just seconds later and took of his clothing. He laid down next to me in just his boxers. He turned to his other side and put Danny’s picture in the drawer of his bedside cabinet before getting out something else.
His blue eyes never left mine while he pressed the wrapped condom in my hand. And I took it, all the time knowing that it was the worst thing I could do to myself.
The next moring, when I met Dougie in the kitchen for breakfast, he apologised to me for toying with me, for using my feelings towards him to his advantage. Told me that he shouldn’t have done what he had done. Said the one thing that, even though I already knew, ripped my heart into pieces.
“I still love Danny too much.”
When I was on my way home after breakfast, I seriously thought about just leaving alltogether. Grab my money, some clothing and just leave the city. Get away from the pain, away from Danny, away from Dougie.
But I couldn’t do it. If I left, who was gonna be there for Dougie? Who was he gonna go to when he was lonely, when he needed someone? His family lived in another part of the country, Tom was busy enough with his job and his pregnant girlfriend.
Again, Dougie and me needed a few days to get over the awkwardness between us. But then it was back to the same old. Friends, and nothing more.
After our night together, Dougie seemed even sadder than before. I called or texted Tom every day, just to be sure that Dougie was still alive and came to work. And on the weekends I left tons of messages on Dougie’s answering machine, annoying him until he finally picked up and assured me that he was still there. Not feeling on top of the world but at least still there.
Two weeks passed until I finally could get Dougie out of his flat again. It was a Saturday, just around noon. It took me a good time but I could talk him into going out for a coffee with me and Tom. I spent ages assuring him that there was no way that we would run into Danny. The Danny Jones I knew wasn’t even awake at this time on a Saturday, let alone would he be in the area where we were at. I think I was persisting enough as Dougie agreed.
I picked him up from home and together we walked to the coffee that wasn’t far away from where he lived. Tom would be meeting us there since he came from another direction.
I was just talking to Dougie about something when suddenly he looked up and froze. I looked at him and then at whatever he must have seen. And I saw Danny. He came towards us and stopped.
Dougie and Danny intensly looked at each other. I knew it was on me to do something, just anything. The first thing that came to my mind was that my mum had met Danny’s mum for tea the other day. We spoke about that for a bit, the usual small talk. But Danny always kept looking at Dougie whose eyes barely left his feet.
Danny and Dougie even spoke a few words with each other. I assume Dougie didn’t want to be rude and asked Danny how he was doing. Danny said he was alright, a thing I would have believed at any other time. But this was Danny, who I’ve known most of my life. I could tell that, this time, he was lying. He had put on his hard to see through face-expression but I could still see what was going on behind it.
I don’t know what made him do it but Dougie just played along, saying he was alright. And he was just the worst liar ever. If you just looked at his broken figure and features you knew he was everything but alright.
We parted ways after a few endless minutes. I have to say I was more than glad about that. The tension had been killing all of us the second we stopped to talk.
At the next street corner Dougie stopped again. He mumbled something about calling his mum and just left me standing there, heading for the bus stop a bit down the side road. My eyes followed him before I went to meet Tom alone.
I didn’t hear anything from Dougie for the rest of the weekend. Not even my annoying messages on his answering machine made him pick up the phone. I left several voicemails on his mobile but he didn’t react to them either. As soon as Monday came I had called Tom who had told me, Dougie had called in at work in the morning, saying he was going on holiday for a week.
Then, a week after we had met Danny, I had called Dougie again. He didn’t pick up. Instead there came an all too familiar voice with a Bolton accent from the other line.
So, Danny was back with Dougie, told me how happy he was, that his life would finally be changing, that he’d never do something bad to Dougie ever again.
He had passed the phone to Dougie whose voice was almost doubling over in joy. I felt a pain in my heart, worse than any pain before. But at the same time I was happy because, finally, Dougie was happy again.
And now I’m sitting here, in my living room. Doing nothing in particular. Just wondering what it is that keeps Dougie with Danny. Wondering why a person like Dougie, who has a good head on his shoulders, is so weak when it comes to his feelings.
Again, I think about leaving. And again, I brush that thought aside.
Dougie might but do it I just don’t trust Danny. I can’t, I know him just too long and too well. I just know that there will come a day when he will hurt Dougie again, maybe worse than he did before. And then Dougie will need someone again.
That someone will be me, his best friend. The one who will love him and be there for him, no matter if it’ll be the worst pain ever.
The End
Comments are appreciated
PoynterJudd Standalone
Title: Who you gonna run to?
Author: no one else is here so that leaves only me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Harry/Dougie
Summary: How can anybody be so weak? I don’t get it. Never have, never will.
Disclaimer: if this is true? Oh give me a break, of course it is! Santa claus and the Easter bunny told me about it!
Dedication: to my Cazzabum and to ichnal
Author’s note: So, the other day I posted "Picture" and ichnal gave me the idea to write some sort of a sequel from Harry’s POV which I’m trying to do here. The title is a song by Matt Willis (who really won my heart with his album) The song's also been the main inspiration for the fic.
How can anybody be so weak? I don’t get it. Never have, never will.
Of course, I’ve known Danny longer than I’ve known Dougie. But just to fair with you, the older he got, the less I liked Danny. Sure, he’s a great mate. He knows how to have a good time and it’s never boring with him around. But apart from that I don’t like him that much.
You see, Danny and I are really different. He’s loud and outgoing, I’m more on the quiet side. Danny goes out each and every night. Not that I have anything against a night out in the pubs but I could never do it every night of the week. I am serious and responsible, another thing that differences me from him.
Danny never had a relationship, not in all the years I’ve known him. Commitment was something that scared him to death. Or, maybe not scared him. He’s a person that needs to be entertained, a total fun-lover. When he thought about relationships, it was as something that kept him from his fun.
He had tried to properly be with someone tons of times. Due to a job as a music journalist, he met new people all the time. But as soon as he was with someone he got bored of them after a week tops.
In all honesty, I was close to find some excuse to not be Danny’s friend anymore. I just couldn’t keep up with him and I really didn’t want to anymore. I was sick of being the one he called in the ungodly hours of the night because he needed a lift home from wherever he was. I was sick of being dragged from one place to the other on a night out, talking to someone who I didn’t even like just because Danny wanted to hit on his or hers friend.
But then I changed my mind.
Danny met someone. Dougie. Not his first guy but I could tell that he was the guy for Danny. Suddenly Danny’s whole behaviour changed, he stopped the exessive nights out and rather spent time with Dougie.
Suddenly it was nice to hang around with Danny again. Suddenly you could have a normal conversation with him. Suddenly he was happy about being with just one person only.
And I have to admit, Dougie was an amazing person. Quite young, but very independent. He had his own flat and a job to pay his bills. His personality sometimes reminded me of my own, level-headed and more on the shy side until he found something he liked to talk about. With him, I spoke for ages about everything, always finding something new we had in common.
Dougie and me became good friends as well. We met without Danny, every day in our lunch breaks since we didn’t work far from each other. We chatted about everything and nothing.
I have to say that I really liked spending time with just Dougie. Sure, Danny was still my friend but there were times when his alter ego would come through and I just wanted to punch him when that happened.
Dougie and me had often spoken about Danny. At first, Dougie didn’t know much about his new boyfriend and Danny was someone who never spoke about personal stuff. So Dougie asked someone who knew. Me, Danny’s oldest friend. I never lied to him, I told him what Danny used to be like and that there might be a chance that he will fall back into old antics, no matter how much Dougie had changed him. Of course that was something Dougie didn’t like to hear but he still made me tell him.
As time went on I came to realise that the feelings I had for Dougie had developed into something stronger than friendship. I had fallen for him. And in one of our lunch break meetings I had told him. Told him straight away that I liked him more than I should. He had been quiet for a moment and then told me that he loved Danny.
And that was that. For the next two or three days things between Dougie and me were awkward but we had become just too good friends in the meantime, we were able to keep our friendship going, not letting any unwanted feelings come between us.
And then one night, it happened.
I was just sitting at home, having some take-away dinner while watching football on TV when there was a knock on my door.
It was Dougie. “Old Danny is back.” had been all he had said and I immediately knew that it wasn’t something good. And I honestly wasn’t surprised. Apparently, Dougie wasn’t either since he calmly told me that he had gotten home from work to find Danny on the living room couch, some blonde girl underneath him, both naked, obviously ‘going at it’.
Dougie had stayed at my place that night. He had thrown Danny out of what by now was their flat but didn’t want to go back home just yet. He had cried on my shoulder, let out all his anger and frustration. He blamed himself because he had seen the whole thing coming but didn’t do anything about it.
And then he said one thing that almost made my heart stop.
“I wish I could love you instead of him.”
And you know what? I wish he could, too.
The next days weren’t pretty. Dougie had gone back home after the night at my place (with him on the couch and me in my bedroom) and let himself been taking by misery.
I knew exactly where Danny was. There was this hotel in one of the dodgy parts of the town. Danny always went to stay there when he, once again, managed to mess something up. This was just the place he went to. Other people went away to the coutryside for the weekend, Danny chose the hotel.
After three days of not hearing much from Dougie me and Dougie’s workmate Tom (who had become a friend of mine as well) went to check up on him. And even though my better judgement kept me from it, I gave Dougie the number of that hotel Danny was in. I knew Danny better than anyone else. I knew that, no matter how much he wanted to, he would never be the one to take the first step to win Dougie back.
Tom and me had sat at Dougie’s sides when he had called that hotel only to be told that Danny wasn’t even in. I knew that wasn’t a good sign but I still made up excuses for Danny. I did it for Dougie. He obviously loved Danny and nothing that I could have said or done would’ve changed it. So instead of hurting him even more with the truth, I hurt myself, defending someone who, after what he did, wasn’t even worth any of my words.
Days had passed without news from Danny. Not even I could reach him. I think he had guessed that I had fallen for Dougie, he wasn’t stupid after all. He probably thought I wanted to keep him away from Dougie, not having any idea that all I wanted was to see Dougie happy even if it was with him.
One night my phone rang. It was Dougie, asking me to come over to his. I went without asking any further questions.
Dougie was quite a mess when I arrived at his place. He has had a bad day at work and was caught in memories of Danny. When I found him, he was sat in front of the TV, a bottle of wine in front of him, mindlessly surfing the TV-channels.
I had no idea what exactly to do so I just sat down next to him, keeping an eye so he wouldn’t drink too much.
And then it suddenly happened. From one second to the other, Dougie was straddling my lap, hungrily kissing me. My brain shouted at me to stop him, that I was just some replacement, that Dougie didn’t know what he was doing.
But then Dougie whispered in my ear, “Wait for me in the bedroom. I’ll be there in a minute.” His voice was filled with lust and anticipation and I just couldn’t change it. I told my brain to shut up and did just what Dougie had told me.
Once I stood in the bedroom, my eyes landed on the picture of Danny that Dougie kept on his bedside cabinet. In that moment I knew I should leave. I turned and stood in the doorway, just watching Dougie who was back to his previous task, drinking wine and watching TV.
And then he looked up, back at me. His eyes burning into mine. I knew it was wrong and it would just hurt me even more but I turned back around. I took off my t-shirt and laid down on the bed, dressed in just my jeans and boxers.
Dougie followed just seconds later and took of his clothing. He laid down next to me in just his boxers. He turned to his other side and put Danny’s picture in the drawer of his bedside cabinet before getting out something else.
His blue eyes never left mine while he pressed the wrapped condom in my hand. And I took it, all the time knowing that it was the worst thing I could do to myself.
The next moring, when I met Dougie in the kitchen for breakfast, he apologised to me for toying with me, for using my feelings towards him to his advantage. Told me that he shouldn’t have done what he had done. Said the one thing that, even though I already knew, ripped my heart into pieces.
“I still love Danny too much.”
When I was on my way home after breakfast, I seriously thought about just leaving alltogether. Grab my money, some clothing and just leave the city. Get away from the pain, away from Danny, away from Dougie.
But I couldn’t do it. If I left, who was gonna be there for Dougie? Who was he gonna go to when he was lonely, when he needed someone? His family lived in another part of the country, Tom was busy enough with his job and his pregnant girlfriend.
Again, Dougie and me needed a few days to get over the awkwardness between us. But then it was back to the same old. Friends, and nothing more.
After our night together, Dougie seemed even sadder than before. I called or texted Tom every day, just to be sure that Dougie was still alive and came to work. And on the weekends I left tons of messages on Dougie’s answering machine, annoying him until he finally picked up and assured me that he was still there. Not feeling on top of the world but at least still there.
Two weeks passed until I finally could get Dougie out of his flat again. It was a Saturday, just around noon. It took me a good time but I could talk him into going out for a coffee with me and Tom. I spent ages assuring him that there was no way that we would run into Danny. The Danny Jones I knew wasn’t even awake at this time on a Saturday, let alone would he be in the area where we were at. I think I was persisting enough as Dougie agreed.
I picked him up from home and together we walked to the coffee that wasn’t far away from where he lived. Tom would be meeting us there since he came from another direction.
I was just talking to Dougie about something when suddenly he looked up and froze. I looked at him and then at whatever he must have seen. And I saw Danny. He came towards us and stopped.
Dougie and Danny intensly looked at each other. I knew it was on me to do something, just anything. The first thing that came to my mind was that my mum had met Danny’s mum for tea the other day. We spoke about that for a bit, the usual small talk. But Danny always kept looking at Dougie whose eyes barely left his feet.
Danny and Dougie even spoke a few words with each other. I assume Dougie didn’t want to be rude and asked Danny how he was doing. Danny said he was alright, a thing I would have believed at any other time. But this was Danny, who I’ve known most of my life. I could tell that, this time, he was lying. He had put on his hard to see through face-expression but I could still see what was going on behind it.
I don’t know what made him do it but Dougie just played along, saying he was alright. And he was just the worst liar ever. If you just looked at his broken figure and features you knew he was everything but alright.
We parted ways after a few endless minutes. I have to say I was more than glad about that. The tension had been killing all of us the second we stopped to talk.
At the next street corner Dougie stopped again. He mumbled something about calling his mum and just left me standing there, heading for the bus stop a bit down the side road. My eyes followed him before I went to meet Tom alone.
I didn’t hear anything from Dougie for the rest of the weekend. Not even my annoying messages on his answering machine made him pick up the phone. I left several voicemails on his mobile but he didn’t react to them either. As soon as Monday came I had called Tom who had told me, Dougie had called in at work in the morning, saying he was going on holiday for a week.
Then, a week after we had met Danny, I had called Dougie again. He didn’t pick up. Instead there came an all too familiar voice with a Bolton accent from the other line.
So, Danny was back with Dougie, told me how happy he was, that his life would finally be changing, that he’d never do something bad to Dougie ever again.
He had passed the phone to Dougie whose voice was almost doubling over in joy. I felt a pain in my heart, worse than any pain before. But at the same time I was happy because, finally, Dougie was happy again.
And now I’m sitting here, in my living room. Doing nothing in particular. Just wondering what it is that keeps Dougie with Danny. Wondering why a person like Dougie, who has a good head on his shoulders, is so weak when it comes to his feelings.
Again, I think about leaving. And again, I brush that thought aside.
Dougie might but do it I just don’t trust Danny. I can’t, I know him just too long and too well. I just know that there will come a day when he will hurt Dougie again, maybe worse than he did before. And then Dougie will need someone again.
That someone will be me, his best friend. The one who will love him and be there for him, no matter if it’ll be the worst pain ever.
The End
Comments are appreciated
PoynterJudd Standalone