rest of the one bellow
somedays i can tell while other days i cant. where do you go once you have fallen down. what do you do when nothign seems right. isnt that what everyone wants to know when thet in to a position like this. what if we had all the answer to life. what if we know how our life was going to turn out. i guess that takes away from "living life". but that would make it so much easier then going though all the shit you have to face in your lifetime. i wish i knew where to go from here.. becuse in all honestly i dont know where to do or what to do. but no one will ever know i feel like that because are you kidding me i'm the best faker of emotions there ever is. i walk around all the time with the biggest smile on my face when deep down inside im ripping apart my body parts. i dont even know what i want from life anymore. i want answer to things that i cant. and well thats fucking life. and i know it. but i just need someone to tell me its going to be okay. when i mean i know it is. but sometimes you feel like its not going to be okay. and it sucks. i wish i knew what to do from here. yah know. i wonder if he is going to forget about me. forget everything we shared. forget and replace OUR memories. and still i ressure you i'm not mad or upset. i have no hard feelings against her or him. none at all. more so shitty feelings against myself..why would i let something go this far.
and fuck you. if you fuckign use me. i swear im turnin gay. ill be done. im so done with getting fuckign used by people. i have had enough of it. im so sick and fuckign tired of getting used im so over it. i hate having feelings for people. because when ever i do it never turns out right and i alwasy end up geting hurt and i alwasy end up with the bad reputation. and im so over it. why should i have to put up with all of this. i like him.. so much. i have so much fun with him. i alwasy put myself in these positions where the boy i like lives in another state or fuck another country. i dont get why i put myself though this shit. because i have no one eles to blame but myself. its all me. i make the choices in my life. no one eles. although it seems liek if i had someone to blame everythign woudl be a little better. just knowsing it wasent fuckign me doing this to myself. witch it is. and i guess that makes it more complicated. or worse. my life sumed up is FUCKED. i cant even say fucked some aspects of it is fucked. i hate sounding like a winey little kid who gets everything i want or has stupid bullshit to worry about. but fuck you all im 20 yeats old yeah my problems arent huge. but when yoru fucking 20 years old that shit matters...
this entry is jumping around i know im sorry.
i think im super scared as well as loosing touch with his family. i love his brother and his sister as if they were my own. i woudl fucking kill someone who touched them. i love them so much. nini and nicole are by far the best kids i have ever met in my life. they are so little but so smart and so funny. and i i know they love me and i know they care about me. but fuck.. rickey has a girlfriend now. what the shit do i do. yeah right go to west palm alone to go see them. i want to yes but that would be fuckign weird. and i wouldnt do that shit ever. or what homewrecker style and go with rickey when he has a girlfriend. that would be so weird. where would i sleep. what would i do. i have no clue. i really dont. i hate thinkin about shit sometimes. life would be so easy if you didnt think about all this shit.
i wish i had a sign.
had something happen just to let me know in the end i will be fine.
your going home in a month or so. your leaving. your already pusing me away. already. what the fuck do i do now.
im tired
my eyes hurt from crying tonight.
lets see if he sleeps next to me tonight.
im scared.
i dont want to beleive in the fact that "you get with alot of girls and dont care" according to rickey.
ill know soooon enough.
and fuck you. if you fuckign use me. i swear im turnin gay. ill be done. im so done with getting fuckign used by people. i have had enough of it. im so sick and fuckign tired of getting used im so over it. i hate having feelings for people. because when ever i do it never turns out right and i alwasy end up geting hurt and i alwasy end up with the bad reputation. and im so over it. why should i have to put up with all of this. i like him.. so much. i have so much fun with him. i alwasy put myself in these positions where the boy i like lives in another state or fuck another country. i dont get why i put myself though this shit. because i have no one eles to blame but myself. its all me. i make the choices in my life. no one eles. although it seems liek if i had someone to blame everythign woudl be a little better. just knowsing it wasent fuckign me doing this to myself. witch it is. and i guess that makes it more complicated. or worse. my life sumed up is FUCKED. i cant even say fucked some aspects of it is fucked. i hate sounding like a winey little kid who gets everything i want or has stupid bullshit to worry about. but fuck you all im 20 yeats old yeah my problems arent huge. but when yoru fucking 20 years old that shit matters...
this entry is jumping around i know im sorry.
i think im super scared as well as loosing touch with his family. i love his brother and his sister as if they were my own. i woudl fucking kill someone who touched them. i love them so much. nini and nicole are by far the best kids i have ever met in my life. they are so little but so smart and so funny. and i i know they love me and i know they care about me. but fuck.. rickey has a girlfriend now. what the shit do i do. yeah right go to west palm alone to go see them. i want to yes but that would be fuckign weird. and i wouldnt do that shit ever. or what homewrecker style and go with rickey when he has a girlfriend. that would be so weird. where would i sleep. what would i do. i have no clue. i really dont. i hate thinkin about shit sometimes. life would be so easy if you didnt think about all this shit.
i wish i had a sign.
had something happen just to let me know in the end i will be fine.
your going home in a month or so. your leaving. your already pusing me away. already. what the fuck do i do now.
im tired
my eyes hurt from crying tonight.
lets see if he sleeps next to me tonight.
im scared.
i dont want to beleive in the fact that "you get with alot of girls and dont care" according to rickey.
ill know soooon enough.