Life is at an all time low
So i'm feeling really crappy right now. No I dont want anyone to feel bad for me or any of that bull shit. I brought this upon myself, so that means I deal with it myself."you cant teach a old dog new tricks".. Isent that the truth. I really want everyone to stay away from me.I honesly dont even no who I am anymore. Seems like the people I get close to I hurt.I always hated liers. But look at me..I'm propley the biggest lier ever.I lie to cover up my ass.I lie not to hurt people. But in the end it hurts people more.I hurt people more.I hurt someone soo many times.I really am a awful person. No mater what anyone says. "Mistakes happin" blah blah blah.. They happin ONCE... then you learn from them.. THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSTED TO HAPPEN TWICE. I dont understand me anymore. I always though I was a good person.. But in all honesty I think I'm lieing to myself..Maybe I need help. Maybe I dont.. I dont even no what I need.Its not the the fact that I dont love you.. Because I do.. I love you soo much and I want to be with you forever.. but it seems like I met you too early in life.. it feels like I was supposta to meet you later on in live.. not yet..I'm not ready to settle down. Im 17. I'm still a kid. I still want to fuck around. I still want to make mistakes. But it seems like i fucked over everything that could have been or what was going to be. You have done so much for me. I dont deserve any of it. Your a better preson than I am.. you always were. You have such high standards. Well maybe not so high,, maybe your standards are right, and mine are wrong. Maybe if I was more liek you I would be a better person. But sadly to say I'm different from you.I dont even no if any of this is making sence.. but I'm just typing what I think. I'm in the weirdest state of mind right now. I did not get any sleep last night. I saw each new hours on my clock. My eyes look like wales from crying. They shouldent be though I did this. I'm always worrying about other people feelsing and not huring them. Fuck but I should only really care abotu thouse I love. I;m such an idiot. I wish and hope that you find someone so great.Someone who wont hurt you like I have. Someone who will look at you the way you looked at me.Someone you cna trust and someone who wont lie to you. You deserve so much that I cant give you. Im sure none of this is making sence I should be beggin for you back right. But I cant. I will noy allow myself yo be yours again. I dont deserve it. YOU DESERVE BETTER. I wish you would understand what I'm saying. Even I dont. But I did this.. so I dont have too.. I'm doing what is right for once. YOu might not see it now.. but in the long run you will know this is right.