missing you [[ota]]

[5thcolumnfed]

Erica completely forgot about her birthday. It was Sunday, and in the morning, the kids had helped her make chocolate chip pancakes, and they really were...gorgeous. Beautiful kids that had (what would have been) John's dark hair, and his eyes. Except for Audrey who had those blue deep eyes you could get lost in. And then, with the village being

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[stormborndragon]

Daenerys didn't know how she felt. She met a daughter she would never have, a beautiful little girl that would never exist, but child she'd made with Jon, the one growing in her, had made no appearance along with the rest of the strange influx of children.

What if something was wrong? What if something went wrong before now and the summer, when she was told her baby would be born? Was that why, was that the reason she did not meet her son?

She fretted over it and took a long walk rather than try to attend her classes, and could not even muster a smile when she saw a face she knew.

"Oh...hello, Erica. I hope you're well."

[5thcolumnfed]

Erica remembers meeting the (very strikingly pretty) Daenerys and discussing pregnancy and what to expect with her. But she's preoccupied too, with the different situations that arose over the weekend weighing heavily on her mind. She does manage just a little smile at the greeting.

"Daenerys. Thinking too hard, I think. This weekend was..." She shakes her head. "You look like you're somewhere else, too," she says gently.

[stormborndragon]

"I suppose that I am," Daenerys admitted, and actually managed a tiny smile herself. None of what had brought on her sour mood was Erica's fault, after all. "Were you...did you receive unexpected visitors, too?"

[5thcolumnfed]

Erica nods, then gestures to a bench to sit.

"Three kids." She lets out a sad sigh. "That I'll never meet again."

[stormborndragon]

"I'm so sorry, Erica," Daaenerys sighed, carefully easing herself down onto the bench. Her body just felt entirely too big for her skin. Had she ever been this big and uncomfortable with Rhaego? It didn't seem like it.

"I too was greeted by a child that I will not see again. She will never exist. I don't understand why this place would do such a thing to us. It's so unfair."

[5thcolumnfed]

Reaching over, she pats Dany's hand gently.

"The only thing that's making me feel...even remotely okay, is knowing that in some...reality out there in the universe, those kids have a mother and a father who love them very much. That's what I'm holding onto. Somewhere, a version of me managed to do something right," she says with just a little smile again.

Then, Erica sighs.

"As for this place...it's not the first cruel thing it's done. And it probably won't be the last. If there's a lesson to learn here, I don't see how this helps."

[stormborndragon]

She hoped the same could be said of Alysanne, but if she had a child with Draco--and she'd yet to understand how or why that could happen, as Draco was certainly not attracted to women--this would be a world without her son, without Jon. Perhaps somehow she was still a good mother, despite being unhappy?

"What makes you think that you have not done things right here?" Daenerys asked with a curious frown.

[5thcolumnfed]

Erica's quiet for just a few seconds as she contemplates her answer.

"I focused, a lot, on work with my son. After his dad left, I worked a lot, Tyler had babysitters all the time. He was home alone almost every night. I missed events that were important to him. So he pulled away. I couldn't fix it, and he was..." she clears her throat. "He died because of it. So if there's a version of me somewhere in the universe that does things right from the beginning then that's a relief to know."

[stormborndragon]

"Oh...I am so sorry, Erica." Daenerys wrapped her arms even tighter around her stomach. She knew what it felt like to lose a child, and how much strength it took to pick oneself up and keep going. "I...I don't know what to think of Alysanne and what my life must be like, in whatever reality she is from. But she seemed happy, healthy, loved, so it must not be so bad."

[5thcolumnfed]

Erica smiles a little. "So that's what I try to focus on. How happy my kids were. No matter...what else happened. My kids where beautiful and..." She pauses, swallowing a little.

"I hate knowing they're not mine, you know?"

[stormborndragon]

"Yes," Daenerys nodded in understanding. "I should have known I wouldn't be able to keep her, but still I hoped."

She swallowed and bit at her lower lip fretfully. "And I wondered why I didn't...why I didn't see my son." She patted her stomach lightly to indicate who she meant. "Why did I meet a child that doesn't exist, instead?"

[5thcolumnfed]

Erica thinks about that for a second, unsure.

"I think, sometimes, we have to chalk things up to the village...doing whatever it wants. I don't think it means anything bad," she tries to reassure her. "Maybe sending a daughter you don't know yet was a way to show you that everything will be fine. That you're a fantastic parent and not to worry."

[stormborndragon]

Daenerys smiled softly, grateful for the reassurance, though her abilities as a mother were not something she questioned. Her ability to bring the child safely into the world, however...

"Do you think that is what the village was attempting to show you?" she remarked quietly. "That perhaps you made mistakes, but you need not make them again?"

[5thcolumnfed]

"Very well could be," Erica says with a small smile. "And sometimes...things we want to control very badly, we can't. That's something I've had a hard time accepting," she admits.

[stormborndragon]

"Gods, I suppose I have as well," Daenerys replied with a soft laugh. "But some things do not bow even to the will of a queen. We are stubborn women, Erica."

[5thcolumnfed]

Erica laughs at that. "Nah. We're strong. And there's a saying - 'You can't hold a strong woman down.' I like to think that means no matter what happens to us, we'll get back up. Brush off the dirt, and keep going."