FIC+ART: Staying Professional (S/T, S/P, S/C, one sided N/C; NC-17)
TO: skwisguarded
FROM:zsomeone
Title: Staying Professional
Summary: Charles POV, as he observes intraband relationships and deals with his own inappropriate attractions.
Pairings: S/T, S/P, S/C, and one-sided N/C
Rating: NC-17 and up :P
Warnings: Art is NSFW
Timeline: Post S2, otherwise unspecified
Beta: tikistitch
A/N: For the purposes of this fic, Charles’s office computer has the ability to monitor any security camera in the haus.
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
Having a crush (for lack of a better word) on your boss is never a very good idea. However, that knowledge has done nothing to protect me. I admit my attraction to Nathan goes way back, almost to the beginning. He’s always been a force to be reckoned with. That man just smolders with dark charisma.
But Nathan was safe, you see - he’s as straight as they come so there was no way it could ever be, under any circumstances. Just a harmless little crush on my part. And he’s always seen me as a robot with no emotions so he never even suspected a thing, for which I was grateful.
I did flirt with him a bit that night I got too drunk with them all, even going so far as to play with his hair, but fortunately for me he brushed it off. It would probably never occur to him that it had actually meant anything; after all, why would his robot manager be hitting on him? I don’t think anyone else even saw us, but if they did they never said a word.
I was far more careful after that. Getting sloppy with them like that had clearly not been one of my better ideas. Not when I harbored those kinds of feelings, at least. I came close - far too close - to blowing it all, exposing myself, and risking everything. It had the effect of a slap in the face, and my attraction to Nathan finally began to wane.
It had always been only Nathan. The others, well, they just didn’t appeal to me. Sure Pickles had been quite a looker in his youth, but that was far behind him now. I suppose his face is still just as handsome, but the dreads in particular just distracted from it. I’ve never been a fan of dreads, horrid knotty things that they are. Some people are into breasts, thighs, or asses; I’m quite a hair man myself, I’ve always had a weakness for long, free-flowing hair.
As for Murderface, tightly curled hair aside, his self-esteem is just a turn-off. I do like the man, and I try to help him where I can, but he’s his own worst enemy and there’s nothing I can do about that no matter how hard I try.
Toki is of course gorgeous, there’s no denying that. That body of his is quite legendary. But he chooses to act childish too much of the time, another big turn off of mine. Despite the fact that he’s well above age, fantasizing about him would feel too much like child molestation, just wrong.
Skwisgaar is and always has been just a smug bastard who doesn’t care about anyone or anything at all, that’s always been my opinion of him. Or at least it was until Skwisgaar and Toki got together. Then everything changed.
It was a few years ago, and quite a surprise to me at the time. Although I’ve known for years that Skwisgaar is bi, I would never have guessed that Toki would wind up with him considering how they’ve always fought. But somehow they balanced each other out, it seemed to actually benefit the band and their music.
There are no cameras in their rooms of course, but those two hardly limited themselves to their rooms. Toki still doesn’t appeal to me, he’s just really not my type. But neither was Skwisgaar, or so I’d always thought. I saw a different side of him when they were alone together, a side I would have bet didn’t even exist. He was tender and loving, affectionate. And god help me, I found this made him incredibly sexy.
Although if you’d asked me before to guess I would have picked Skwisgaar as the dominant one, they took turns. If anything, Toki was the more aggressive of the two. When in submission Skwisgaar was beautiful, that blond hair splayed across whatever surface he’d been thrown down on. I wanted to reach through the monitor and run my fingers through it. On top I found him every bit as alluring, the play of muscles along his lean frame truly mesmerizing.
It didn’t take me long to realize I’d become a bit obsessed with Skwisgaar. Perhaps more than a bit, if I’m being honest.
To ever act upon these thoughts of would be to betray two band members, which of course I would never dream of doing, so it was a perfectly safe fantasy. A perfect fantasy.
I watched whenever the opportunity presented itself, shamefully, I watched them together. I told myself it was for security purposes, but that was a flimsy excuse. Security monitored the cameras around the clock, and would alert me at the first sign of trouble anywhere.
But still I watched, unable to resist.
They seemed to have a fondness for the main room, often turning up there after everyone else was asleep. I was merely doing my job, I kept telling myself, just making sure they were all right.
I couldn’t explain away the part where I undid my pants and reached inside, imagining myself Toki’s place as I studied them far too closely, as I stroked my cock to the sure rhythm of Skwisgaar’s hips. I was just relieving tension, I tried rationalize it, this was much safer than seeking out a partner of my own.
And despite their daily squabbling which had never ceased, they just seemed so happy together. I was fully aware that Skwisgaar still fucked women, but apparently that was allowed. I think Toki did too, but wasn’t sure because he’d always been far more private about sex when Skwisgaar wasn’t involved.
*****
It came as quite a shock to me that night not long ago when I saw Skwisgaar and Pickles together on the monitors. They were clearly drunk, but not drunk enough to be unaware of what they were doing. Confused, I watched them as they collapsed on one of the couches together, hands roaming, shedding clothing.
Skwisgaar, Pickles... What the hell?! Surely they would stop, I told myself, surely they wouldn’t, couldn’t, do this to Toki. Any minute now they would stop.
But they didn’t stop, they didn’t stop until they were both through, and I watched every second of it with a feeling of sick dread. What would this mean for the band?
The next morning the fallout was immediate and obvious, although the breakup itself had been private. Toki was clearly not pleased at all.
I watched the parts that I could, just doing my job of course, monitoring them all. I can say that without hesitation, since the happiness and dynamics of the band are indeed my job. Skwisgaar’s attempts at bargaining; Toki, tear-streaked but resolute. It was clearly over.
Pickles stayed drunk and out of everybody’s way, just waiting out the storm.
I was worried about tension in the band, but the existing drama somehow never escalated. Later that night I saw Pickles and Toki deep in conversation, and even later all of them in the hot tub together as if nothing had ever happened. I admit that I was completely baffled, but quite glad everyone seemed to be holding together as well as they were.
While things appeared okay on the surface, but I couldn’t help but pick up on the unhappiness surrounding them. Well, Skwisgaar and Toki at least, Pickles seems to have moved past it easily enough with the aid of various illegal substances, and I doubt the others were ever even particularly aware that anything at all had gone on in the first place.
*****
Some time passed, but it wasn’t nearly long enough before I caught Skwisgaar watching me during a band meeting. I only noticed because he usually never looks my way at all, completely ignores me. Why was he watching me in that way? If I didn’t know better I’d think he was flirting, but that was almost certainly just my own wishful thinking. Surely it couldn’t mean anything, so I tried to let it go, ignore it. Still, I couldn’t resist glances in his direction, and every time I met his eyes.
I was trying to update some files (a never-ending task) that evening when he walked into my office and sprawled in a chair, staring at me intently. Despite the earlier weirdness, I hadn’t expected him to seek me out like this. Me, of all people, the butler. Yet the look he was giving me spoke volumes, should I choose to hear. “Skwisgaar. What can I do for you?”
He leaned forward, seeming to study me. I made a point to keep my expression neutral, playing it cool.
“You ams knowsing dat Toki dumps me, ja?”
“Ah, yes. I’m aware of it.” Where exactly was he going with this? Maybe he just wanted to talk?
“I’s seen how you looks at me somestimes when you ams t’inksing I amns’t looksing, I was t’inking dat maybes we coulds, you knows, does some t’ings somestimes? You likes dat?”
He’d noticed? No, I had to believe he didn’t know about that. He couldn’t possibly mean what I was thinking, he had to be asking for something else. Perhaps an escort service, but I felt I must offer some safer alternatives first. “What do you have in mind? An outing of some sort? Golf, perhaps?” That sounded nice and safe.
“I wants,” he leaned closer, “to fucks you. An’ I t’inks you wants dat too.” His gaze locked on mine, holding me securely.
I barely managed to contain my surprise and tried to play it off, although I found myself unable to look away from those intense eyes. “That would be very unprofessional of me, if I were to take you up on that offer. Besides, what makes you think I, uh, even swing that way?”
“Pfft,” he waved dismissively, “I has knowns for years. Well, I knows abouts Nat’an for years, dat you had a t’ing for him. I t’inks I ams more recent, ja?”
“Skwisgaar...”
“I bets if I ams grabbing you’s cock now, you ams hards.”
No I wasn’t actually, or at least not until he said that. Damn him! “I can’t.” It was a weak protest, I knew it, but it was all I had to offer.
“You means you won’ts, dat amns’t de same t’ing.” With that he got up and left, apparently willing to let it go for the moment, not even saying goodbye.
I thought about his words, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. Even if they were truly over I couldn’t do it, couldn’t do that to Toki. He was trying to hide it, but I could see how miserable he still was. No, Skwisgaar was off limits, he had to be.
I wondered how long it would be before Skwisgaar showed up to make another pitch, if he ever would? And how long could I successfully resist him if he did, that was the real question. I pride myself on being strong, but he’s a force of nature.
*****
A few nights later, there was a knock at my door. This was it then, he’d come back for me. Taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady my suddenly rapid heart rate, I opened the door.
Toki was the last person I expected to see. Confused, I motioned for him to come in, and he went straight to the couch. I sat on the other end, not at all sure why he was here.
He jumped right to his point, “I knows Skwisgaar wants you. And I knows you wants him too, so you shoulds be withs him.”
“Toki, I-“
He cut me off, “Looks, we’s over. Forevers. I gives him as many chances as I can stands to, I can’t does it no more. But he’s goings to be with somebodies, better you thans a strangers.” He sighed. “I likes you.”
Oh no, not both of them?! What am I, guitarist bait all of a sudden? “Toki, I’m flattered but-“
“Noes, not likes that!” He actually smiled. “I don’ts wants to fucks you, don’ts worry, I just mean I misses you when you was gone. You’s a good guy. And I knows you wouldn’t does it where I can see, I really reallies don’ts want to has to watches that, evers.”
Did Toki just give me his blessing to fuck his boyfriend? Well apparently his ex-boyfriend, but still. No, I couldn’t do that, could never do that. It was only okay for me to want him as long as he was unattainable.
Toki seemed to sense my thoughts. Sometimes I don’t give him nearly enough credit. “You thinks abouts it.” And with that, he left.
As if I could think of much of anything else!
*****
I was lying on my bed when he crawled on it. I knew it was Skwisgaar because I could see the paleness of his hair in the faint glow of my clock, falling in a curtain around his slim body.
Skwisgaar, in my bed, hovering over me. He didn’t say a word, just leaned down and kissed me before I managed to voice any objections, erasing my words unsaid.
I knew there were reasons I shouldn’t respond, but it seems I had suddenly forgotten them all. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling his weight down on top of me. He was gloriously naked and completely hard, the heat of his body like a furnace as I ran my greedy hands all over him.
Then he pushed himself back up for a moment, grabbing my dick and shoving himself down on it without hesitation. He was completely slick and ready. Just like that, we were fucking. I couldn’t believe it!
I became peripherally aware of an odd sound, some sort of crunching noise. What was that? “Skwisgaar?”
He paused for a moment, I could just faintly see him toss his hair back. “Damnsit, I tolds you to be keepsing it down.”
What?
“Dood, it’s jest papcorn. An’ can we tern a light ahn? We can’t see a feckin’ thing in ‘ere!”
WHAT?!
There was a soft click, and my bedside light came on. They were ALL in here, they’d set up chairs along the wall. Murderface was sitting with his arms crossed, watching but pretending he wasn’t. Nathan and Pickles were munching on bowls of popcorn, openly staring. And Toki... Well, for some odd reason Toki was dressed as a cheerleader, complete with pom-poms. I watched in horror as jumped and shook them, bouncing around. Toki in a skirt was a whole new level of disturbing, but at least he was wearing boxers under it.
“Go Skwisgaar, rides that cock! Go Charles, fucks mine olds boyfriend! Push it ins, pulls it out! Push it ins, pulls it out!”
Skwisgaar was moving again, distracting me from our spectators. I certainly couldn’t jump up and throw them out, and he clearly didn’t care, so I settled for grabbing his hips and thoroughly enjoying myself.
Toki kept making up cheers for us until we both came.
I woke up all sticky. What a fucked up dream that had been. Oh yes, I knew it was a dream, no doubt about that. What the hell was my brain trying to do to me? I hadn’t had a wet dream in years, and certainly never anything like that one.
This dream refused to fade away like most of them do; no, this one stayed with me. It was difficult to go about my duties when I could still see the rapt attention on their faces as I fucked Skwisgaar in front of them all. I hid in my office, avoiding everyone.
And of course despite the dream, despite the things he had said to me, I was quite certain that Toki would not be cheering us on.
A bit later on, Skwisgaar showed up. “Ams you busy?”
“Ah, yes I am. As you can see, I have a lot of paperwork here.” I gestured to the piles on my desk. I wasn’t at all comfortable meeting his eyes with the dream still so fresh in my mind.
He shrugged. “Okays, I will comes back laters.”
And he did, all day. At regular intervals of an hour, we repeated the previous conversation almost word for word. I was beginning to feel like I was trapped in a bad comedy of some sort, and not a particularly funny one.
Like clockwork, he showed up yet again. If he kept cornering me in my office like this I’d never manage to get any work done. I gave up. “Okay, Skwisgaar, what is it that you want?”
He grinned seductively, god he was beautiful. “I wants to sticks mine cock in you and fucks you until you screams mine name, then keeps fucksing you until you forgets yours.”
He had no idea how good that sounded to me. I think I managed to hide my reaction though, or at least I hoped so. “Well uh, that’s very direct of you.”
He shrugged, “You asks me what I ams wantsing, I tells you.” Message delivered, he walked out and didn’t return.
Finally I managed to make progress in my work, but there was no way I could get him off my mind. That wasn’t how it had been in the dream, not at all, but once he’d put the thought in my head I just couldn’t shake it. It was exceedingly rare for me to bottom, but for him... Yes, I could see that working. I could more than see it, I could imagine it all far too easily. I hadn’t wanted someone this badly since college.
But no, I had to resist. For Toki’s sake if for no other reason. Despite what he’d said I felt they could still work it out, and that would really be for the best.
*****
And then one night Skwisgaar brought a guy home. He’d never done that before - if it was a man (yes, I knew he had them) he always went to their place - but for some reason he brought this one to the haus. I watched them sit on a couch, kissing, clothes slowly disappearing.
What should I do? It wasn’t my place to interfere, they were of course free to have sex with anyone they wanted to, male or female, after their choices had passed through the screening process. I was still pondering my options, or lack of them, when I was suddenly interrupted.
Toki didn’t even knock, just came barging right in. “Charles, goes to him now!”
“Toki, are you sure about this? It’s really not my place-”
“Yeah I’s fuckings sure! Just gets that guy away froms him, I can’ts stands it. I can handles you, at least I thinks I can, but this...”
I shook my head, “Maybe you can just stay out of their way? I just don’t feel comfotable-“
“I’s commands you to goes to him.” He cut me off, chin suddenly set in a determined manner.
I couldn’t believe it! None of them had ever pulled rank on me before like that! Was he serious about this? He sure as hell looked serious.
“I commands you,” he repeated coldly. “And don’ts you ever let me see it.” With that, he turned and stalked out.
I tried to rationalize, Toki had commanded me to get Skwisgaar away from the guy he was with, but hadn’t specifically commanded that I fuck him. I could simply distract him and still keep things professional, at least that’s what I told myself.
Neither man seemed to notice me as I walked up to them. I cleared my throat. “Ah, Skwisgaar?”
He pulled his head up, meeting my eyes with defiance. “Ja? You gots a problems?”
“There’s uh, some paperwork you need to take care of. In my office. Tonight, actually right now would be best.”
“Oh?” He untangled himself from the groupie (or whoever he was) and stood with a grin. Damn, the cocky blond bastard knew that I was lying, and why. “Well dat sounds importants. Be leadings de ways den.”
We left the guy glaring unhappily after us; a Klokateer would usher him out shortly whether he liked it or not. They knew their job, no unattended fans were allowed at any time.
My office was empty, of course. Skwisgaar stopped in the middle of the room, looking proud and completely beautiful. He hadn’t bothered to retrieve his shirt, and his belt was still undone, hanging loose. “So where ams dese papers?” He knew damn well there were no papers.
I didn’t bother with pretending, we’d come too far for that. “Why do you want me? Out of all the people you could have... You think I’m the butler for god’s sake.” I expected more arrogance, but instead he sank to the couch, all playfulness gone.
“Becauses de ladies ams one t’ing, but guys ams harder. Beats going outs for strangers, ja? Ands I gots nobodys else left.” He cocked his head, thinking. “Toki tells you to does dis, didn’ts he?”
“You’re sure Toki won’t take you back?” That was really the best solution, my own desires be damned.
“I ams sure,” he sighed. “I fucks dat up, and I can’ts ask him for mores dan he already gives me. He gaves me ways more dan I ever deserves.”
I had to ask him, “Well how about Pickles them? You seemed, ah, eager enough that night.”
“You watches me much?” He grinned, “Ja, you does I bets. Pickle...” he sighed, “Dat was a mistakes. Nots a bads one, but we coulds never be togethers, jus’ wouldn’ts works, and now I goes and loses Toki overs it. I knows I ams a big fucksing slut, but I jus’ can’t seems to stops mineself sometimes.”
“And the others?” I prompted him. I needed to be thorough about this.
“De udders? Well Nat’an ams straight, you knows dat one. And Murderfaces... jus’ no t’anks, too much denial to be dealings wit’. Nobody lefts but you.” He moved fast, suddenly sitting right beside me. Leaning over me, so close...
I fought against it with every fiber of my being, hating myself a little for wanting to give in to him so damn badly. “Skwisgaar, we can’t-“ He wasn’t going to command me like Toki did, was he? What would I do then?
“Shhhh.” And then he kissed me. I could feel the heat of his body, his musky personal scent surrounding me. Let me tell you, you have never been kissed until you’ve been kissed by Skwisgaar Skwigelf. I thought my dream was good, but the reality was completely incomparable. My hands wanted to grab him and pull him ever closer, but still I resisted.
He broke the kiss, pulling back mere millimeters. “Gives in to me. I knows you wants it. An’, you knows, I ams your boss an’ I ams askings you to does it.” His tone was seductive, not at all demanding. He wasn't really the kind to actually demand, but I found myself suddenly wishing he were. Damn him! I wasn't the type to be turned on by a power play, so why was I so fucking hard? I was going to give in; I knew it, he knew it. It was only a matter of when.
He kissed me again, teasing. He was holding himself just away from me, driving me crazy. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and pull us both down, but I was forcing myself not to. My hands were fisted with the effort of restraining them. Then he pulled back again. “Toki talks to you, ja?” To be fair, I never had answered that question.
So he really did know about that? “Ah, yes he did.”
“So what ams you waitsing for?” He leaned in again, only to pull back at the last second after I already went to meet the kiss. Too late for me to hide it, damn my traitorous body.
He smirked, why was that damn smirk so sexy? “If I commands you?” His tone was still light and teasing, it wasn’t a true command. At least not yet.
Had I been wrong, would he? “If you command me to what?” Anything you want, anything at all for you. I vaguely still knew I shouldn’t but I couldn’t think at all straight right then.
He rose with fluid grace, beckoning me with a crooked finger. “Takes me to you’s room?”
God help me, I went.
I expected him to head straight for the bed but he stopped just inside the door, looking around. “Heys butlers, you has anyt’ings to drink?”
I decided to ignore being called a butler this time. “Ah, yes I do, what would you like?”
“Not’ings, I ams drunks enough. You drinks.” He didn’t seem very drunk to me, but I knew he rarely showed it when he was.
What a terrible idea. What a brilliant idea! What the hell was I thinking? Thinking, that was my problem. I thought too damn much, and I was sick and tried of it. I poured myself a generous portion of brandy and he watched me as I drank it. I almost choked under his smoldering gaze, but managed to swallow it all down quickly, barely even tasting it except for the burn.
“Comes here.” It wasn't so much of a request anymore. I went to him, the alcohol slowly flooding my senses, sweeping away the tattered remnants of my restraint. Of course I wanted him, I had for a long time, and now I was running out of objections very fast.
“Kisses me agains.” I didn’t hesitate this time, meeting his mouth eagerly. His talented tongue darted out to meet mine, drawing me deeper into his mouth. I should have stopped this, I knew I should... but he was just so damn good.
Finally I pulled back, evading the lips that followed mine. I had to at least try to protest, at least for Toki’s sake. “Skwisgaar... you know we really shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Pfft, stops denyings me. Stops denyings youself.” He reclaimed my lips without argument, his nimble fingers now moving to the buttons of my shirt. His touch was light and quick, I barely felt them until his hands slid freely beneath my shirt.
I was lost; he had claimed me and I was his. His fingers brushed my nipples, so lightly as if on accident, and I leaned into the touch, yearning for more. The fingers danced away, teasing, causing me to groan in frustration.
His hands suddenly on my sides, still. “Tells me you wants me,” he cruelly requested, “Tells me an’ I will does whatsever you says.”
“Anything!” I cried, I didn’t care anymore.
“Tells me what you wants, you has to tells me.” He leaned over, touching his lips lightly to my chest. I writhed beneath his touch, but he wasn’t done teasing me yet. “I ams not doesing anyt’ing more until you asks me fors it.”
“Do anything you want to me!” I gasped, unable to fight it any longer. “Just do something!”
A quick grin flashed across his features, then his mouth was on my nipple, then the other, sucking. Oh god, oh god, oh god he was talented! All I could do was press up into his mouth, my whole body aching for him. “Skwisgaar!”
“Tells me,” he underlined the words with a long lick, “exactsly what you wants me to does to you.”
“Fuck me, oh please fuck me...” I knew I was begging now but I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted him so damn bad.
He pulled a lube packet out of his pocket (cocky bastard) and tore it open. With an experienced flick, he unbuttoned his jeans. He wore no underwear, I knew he almost never did. I hurried to get my own pants off; never before had they felt so confining. This was actually going to happen...
To my surprise he urged me to the floor, shifting his body on top of mine. I spread my legs, welcoming him closer. It had been too long since I’d done this, but I welcomed any pain, trusting his legendary skill. He would take good care of me.
Leaning over me, he dabbed some lube on his fingers and touched them against me. I tried to push myself back onto them but he was controlling the pressure, keeping it light and teasing. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, those slick fingers suddenly pressed smoothly inside. It was quite a shock, but I was ready, boy was I ever ready! Talented fingers, probing, stretching.
And then they were still. I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze with a pleading expression, trying to move against those fingers all on my own. “Tells me what you ams wantsing,” he repeated, fingers held cruelly still and depriving me.
“I want...” It was pointless to keep fighting it, “I want you to fuck me now, oh please fuck me...”
His weight, bearing me down. His hand hooked behind my knee, pulling my leg up. “Skwisgaar, please..."
Finally he took mercy on me, removing his fingers and replacing them with his freshly lubed cock. My own fingers bit into his back as he slid home, pulling him deep as I shuddered helplessly beneath him. Oh yes, he knew exactly what he was doing, he felt so damn good...
He pushed my leg high, bracing himself with his free hand. I grabbed my other leg and held it to match, helping. Fortunately I’m still fairly flexible. I wanted it hard and fast; keep it impersonal, keep it just sex.
Amazing fucking sex though, I couldn’t deny that. His hair made a cage around me as he thrust into my body, a prison of spun gold that I had no desire to escape.
“Touches youself,” he softly commanded, “I wants you to comes wit’ me.”
I obeyed, reaching between our bodies and stroking myself in time with his thrusts. I had imagined this scenario too many times, but the reality was beyond comparison. I wanted this moment to last forever, but there was no way I could hold out for very long. “Tell me when?”
“Pfft.” It was a puff of breath in my ear, sending a new wave of chills through me. “You jus’ goes, I will matches you.”
He’d said he’d wanted a scream, but what he got was more of a helpless whimper as his words pushed me over the edge. He kissed me then, and I could feel the pulse as he came too.
Still inside me he released my leg, holding himself up with both arms and letting me shift to a more relaxed position. That was about all I was capable of doing at the moment. He lowered himself briefly and gave me a quick kiss. “Don’ts talk.”
Good idea, I’d just end up saying something stupid and ruining the moment. I nodded, raising one hand to stroke his face, his sweat dampened hair. So fucking beautiful. He shifted slightly, and I felt him slowly slip out of me.
He smiled, kissed me again, then pushed himself to his feet. I watched, still silent and on the floor, as he pulled on his jeans and picked up his boots. With a little wave, he let himself out.
I remained where I was for a bit, thinking, or at least trying to. This most likely had been a one time thing, an aberration. He’d gotten what he wanted, it couldn’t mean anything more, could it? I should just take it as that and be grateful one of my many fantasies had actually come true, for a change.
Eventually I dragged myself up, quickly showered, and fell into bed pleasantly exhausted.
I was in the middle of an empty ballroom, without any knowledge of how I’d gotten there. I was afraid to look down, having a sinking suspicion that I was somehow wearing a dress. (Ever since seeing Toki dressed as a cheerleader, I hadn’t trusted my mind not to fuck with me.)
Skwisgaar entered the room wearing his usual clothes with a suit jacket thrown on top, an ensemble I’d never seen before. He strode purposefully toward me.
I dared a look down, I was relieved to see that at least I was dressed normally in one of my usual suits. There was still a mysterious phantom feeling of skirts, but I tried my best to ignore it. Music began, a waltz if I remember correctly.
Skwisgaar took my hand and we danced, I generously allowed him to lead. Around and around the floor, seemingly the only people in the whole building. Perhaps in the whole world? I stumbled, the skirt I was most certainly not wearing wrapping around my legs, but he steadied me easily.
The music merged into a slow number, and he pulled me close, holding me tight against his body. As we swayed together, he lowered his head to kiss me.
I woke to my insistent alarm, all tangled in my sheets. Well at least that explained those damn skirt sensations. I freed myself, noting a faint soreness in my legs as I stood, a memento from last night. Amazingly, that seemed to be the worst of it.
I would act professional, as always. I would go about my day as if last night had never happened. It would be silly of me to do otherwise, or to dwell on the past night’s events too deeply.
*****
Toki knew, I could tell right away. He was somehow managing to look both pleased and miserable at the same time. I didn’t like that, but had no idea what I could possibly do about it.
Skwisgaar, to my disappointment, acted like nothing had ever happened, the flirting he’d displayed previously was now completely absent. This only confirmed my suspicions that I’d been no more than another in a very long string of his conquests. Very well, so be it. I retreated to my office, but knew I’d likely suffer interruptions throughout the day. They always tended to turn up when I was the least equipped to deal with them, it never failed.
I was first ambushed by William, and spent far too long attempting to explain that he could hardly merchandise a product that didn’t exist. Yes, Planet Piss was a great idea, but he had yet to record even a single song. My hands were tied. He was not consoled, but eventually gave up and left.
Nathan showed up next, wanting to share his latest idea for making concerts more brutal. As I always did, I merely pretended to make notes, he’d forget all about the things he’d said soon enough. It wasn’t so much that his ideas were bad, just completely impractical if not outright impossible. He liked to dream big.
Pickles came by next; were they all going to turn up today? Unfortunately he was rather high and rambling, and despite spending the better part of an hour with him, I never did manage to figure out just what he was trying to convey. Hopefully it was nothing too important.
The day dragged on without further interruptions. I thought perhaps I was home free, but then Toki slipped through the door and took a seat across from me. “Toki, what can I do for you?”
“You dids it, yeah I knows you dids. You’s goings to does it agains?” His expression could best be described as a mixture of hope and dread.
I couldn’t lie to him. “Yes. Yes I did. And I, uh, don’t know the answer to that.”
He nodded, unsurprised. “Promises me you never lets me see!” It was a command again, a firm one.
“Yes, of course I promise.” I had serious doubts about Skwisgaar’s willingness to continue, but I would certainly do my best to keep things private if he indeed did wish to carry on.
*****
A whole week passed before Skwisgaar came back.
I was in my office, it was very late. I was sober. These thoughts were completely unprofessional. He was my boss. Well, one of them anyway. Without even a word, he shed his clothes in graceful movements, no awkwardness or struggle. Fully naked, he moved to where I sat and grasped my tie, tugging on this impromptu leash and urging me to stand. Wordlessly, I obeyed.
He didn’t say a word either, yet his eyes spoke volumes. I couldn’t drag mine from his intense gaze. I stood passively as he undid my clothes with one quick hand, still holding me by the tie all the while. When urged, I pushed off my shoes and stepped out of my pants, and let my shirt slide free of my arms. Eyes still burning into mine, he removed the tie last of all.
He suddenly pushed me against the wall, pinning my arms high above my head with one long-fingered hand, his other moving to cup my face. I could break his hold easily of course, but I didn’t even try, happy to be his captive. He bent his head, kissing me, his tongue seeking and gaining welcome entrance.
I arched my body away from the wall, wanting to touch him but he stayed just out of my reach. Impatient, I pulled one hand free and encircled both our cocks, holding them tight together, our hard flesh rubbing.
This time was somehow more passionate if possible, more sensual. Were we really doing to do this again? I was certainly more than willing if he was. He urged me to the couch, easing me down, following me down. His mouth rarely left my body as talented fingers worked their magic as before. He seemed to instinctively know where and how hard I wanted to be touched, inside or out. His sex god reputation was completely valid, I can attest to that.
He worked his way down my body, pausing when he got to my aching cock. “You knows I can deeps throat, ja?”
I sucked in a hissing breath. Oh yes I knew, I’d seen him do it before on the monitors. Was he really offering, or was this just a form of teasing? “Yes. Are you- Ah, do you want to?”
His response was to grin and swallow me whole, his fingers still so busy inside me.
“Skwisgaar! Oh god!” He was going to fucking kill me, it was just all too intense. My hands fisted helplessly in his hair, torn between holding him down and pushing him away. “Skwisgaar!”
At the last possible second he pulled his mouth off and removed his fingers, leaving me empty and hovering on the brink of orgasm. I was mindless now, only wanting more of him, needing him so damn badly. He leaned down, pressing lightly against me. I writhed helplessly, trying to either push back to take him or to rub myself against his flat belly, anything I could get.
He denied me cruelly for endless seconds, but then entered me in one smooth move, sheathing himself completely. That alone almost did me in, but he knew exactly what he was doing and denied me again. “Skwisgaar! Oh fuck, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me...”
He took mercy on my straining body, thrusting with long, sure stokes. All of my nerves were on fire, he was burning me alive. I could do nothing but cling to him and accept anything and everything this god chose to bestow upon me.
He drew it out longer this time, keeping his pace slow and outright sensual. I knew he was waiting for me, but I was determined to hold out longer, prolong and savor these marvelous sensations while I could.
Which wasn’t nearly as long as I’d hoped. Suddenly I went over the edge, crying his name again and clinging to him tightly. As before, he then let himself go, joining our pleasure.
I managed to open my eyes, I didn’t even remember closing them. He was gazing down upon me, his beautiful blue eyes fixed on mine as he eased himself out. “Skwisgaar...”
With a smile, he put a finger to my lips. Oh right, no talking. I nodded in understanding, my body already missing the imprint of his pressed against me, inside me. He lowered himself again briefly, kissing me once more before getting up and once again departing.
*****
Several days later, he caught me by surprise in the hallway, sliding up and running his hands across my body. “Hej, let’s be doesing it in de hots tub, ja?”
“No,” I told him firmly. He tried to kiss me but this time I push him away. I didn’t expect him to take no for an answer, but I’m not backing down on this one.
I could see he didn't realize that yet. “Well den maybes I has to be commandsing you?”
“No,” I repeated firmly. Although I couldn’t technically refuse him, I’d been commanded by Toki to keep this private and his equal command canceled out Skwisgaar’s.
He seemed to guess the problem, and nodded agreeably. “Toki. Okays, well den how abouts you’s office agains? It ams all nice and privates in dere.”
“Very well.” Aside from my own quarters, my office was the only place I considered to be private enough. He led the way.
But first we needed to discuss a few things. I sat on the couch, motioning for him to do the same. He leaned in for a kiss but I held up a hand. I couldn’t continue this blindly, I needed to know what his intentions were. “Skwisgaar, wait. Can we discuss this a bit first? What exactly are we doing here?”
“You means ams we in loves an’ all dat?” I must have let something show in my face, because he gave me an odd look and continued, “I don’ts know if I loves you, maybe, maybes nots. I loveds Toki, I guesses I still does, but dat ams over now. Ams I goings to cheats on you? Ja, sometimes, I can’ts ever promises anyt’ing else.”
He didn’t ask if I was in love with him, I was very glad of that. I suspected I might very well be, or at least well on my way, but I was certainly not comfortable admitting that at this point. “So uh, what do we do, have sex whenever you feel like it?”
“You can comes to me too, you knows.” I could? That was good information to have. “But dat ams sounding abouts right, you gots a problem wit’ it?”
I knew it couldn’t possibly last, but there was no reason for me not to enjoy it while it did. Terrible logic perhaps, but I didn’t care. “No problem,” I assured him, “except that we keep this private. I, uh, promised Toki, and I keep my word.”
He nodded agreeably, smiling. It wasn’t an innocent smile at all, not by a long shot, “So ams we done talksing yet?”
“Yes, yes we are.” And with that I reached out, pulling him to me. I would enjoy this as long as I could, wasn’t that all any of us could really ask for?
And enjoy it I did.
FROM:zsomeone
Title: Staying Professional
Summary: Charles POV, as he observes intraband relationships and deals with his own inappropriate attractions.
Pairings: S/T, S/P, S/C, and one-sided N/C
Rating: NC-17 and up :P
Warnings: Art is NSFW
Timeline: Post S2, otherwise unspecified
Beta: tikistitch
A/N: For the purposes of this fic, Charles’s office computer has the ability to monitor any security camera in the haus.
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
Having a crush (for lack of a better word) on your boss is never a very good idea. However, that knowledge has done nothing to protect me. I admit my attraction to Nathan goes way back, almost to the beginning. He’s always been a force to be reckoned with. That man just smolders with dark charisma.
But Nathan was safe, you see - he’s as straight as they come so there was no way it could ever be, under any circumstances. Just a harmless little crush on my part. And he’s always seen me as a robot with no emotions so he never even suspected a thing, for which I was grateful.
I did flirt with him a bit that night I got too drunk with them all, even going so far as to play with his hair, but fortunately for me he brushed it off. It would probably never occur to him that it had actually meant anything; after all, why would his robot manager be hitting on him? I don’t think anyone else even saw us, but if they did they never said a word.
I was far more careful after that. Getting sloppy with them like that had clearly not been one of my better ideas. Not when I harbored those kinds of feelings, at least. I came close - far too close - to blowing it all, exposing myself, and risking everything. It had the effect of a slap in the face, and my attraction to Nathan finally began to wane.
It had always been only Nathan. The others, well, they just didn’t appeal to me. Sure Pickles had been quite a looker in his youth, but that was far behind him now. I suppose his face is still just as handsome, but the dreads in particular just distracted from it. I’ve never been a fan of dreads, horrid knotty things that they are. Some people are into breasts, thighs, or asses; I’m quite a hair man myself, I’ve always had a weakness for long, free-flowing hair.
As for Murderface, tightly curled hair aside, his self-esteem is just a turn-off. I do like the man, and I try to help him where I can, but he’s his own worst enemy and there’s nothing I can do about that no matter how hard I try.
Toki is of course gorgeous, there’s no denying that. That body of his is quite legendary. But he chooses to act childish too much of the time, another big turn off of mine. Despite the fact that he’s well above age, fantasizing about him would feel too much like child molestation, just wrong.
Skwisgaar is and always has been just a smug bastard who doesn’t care about anyone or anything at all, that’s always been my opinion of him. Or at least it was until Skwisgaar and Toki got together. Then everything changed.
It was a few years ago, and quite a surprise to me at the time. Although I’ve known for years that Skwisgaar is bi, I would never have guessed that Toki would wind up with him considering how they’ve always fought. But somehow they balanced each other out, it seemed to actually benefit the band and their music.
There are no cameras in their rooms of course, but those two hardly limited themselves to their rooms. Toki still doesn’t appeal to me, he’s just really not my type. But neither was Skwisgaar, or so I’d always thought. I saw a different side of him when they were alone together, a side I would have bet didn’t even exist. He was tender and loving, affectionate. And god help me, I found this made him incredibly sexy.
Although if you’d asked me before to guess I would have picked Skwisgaar as the dominant one, they took turns. If anything, Toki was the more aggressive of the two. When in submission Skwisgaar was beautiful, that blond hair splayed across whatever surface he’d been thrown down on. I wanted to reach through the monitor and run my fingers through it. On top I found him every bit as alluring, the play of muscles along his lean frame truly mesmerizing.
It didn’t take me long to realize I’d become a bit obsessed with Skwisgaar. Perhaps more than a bit, if I’m being honest.
To ever act upon these thoughts of would be to betray two band members, which of course I would never dream of doing, so it was a perfectly safe fantasy. A perfect fantasy.
I watched whenever the opportunity presented itself, shamefully, I watched them together. I told myself it was for security purposes, but that was a flimsy excuse. Security monitored the cameras around the clock, and would alert me at the first sign of trouble anywhere.
But still I watched, unable to resist.
They seemed to have a fondness for the main room, often turning up there after everyone else was asleep. I was merely doing my job, I kept telling myself, just making sure they were all right.
I couldn’t explain away the part where I undid my pants and reached inside, imagining myself Toki’s place as I studied them far too closely, as I stroked my cock to the sure rhythm of Skwisgaar’s hips. I was just relieving tension, I tried rationalize it, this was much safer than seeking out a partner of my own.
And despite their daily squabbling which had never ceased, they just seemed so happy together. I was fully aware that Skwisgaar still fucked women, but apparently that was allowed. I think Toki did too, but wasn’t sure because he’d always been far more private about sex when Skwisgaar wasn’t involved.
*****
It came as quite a shock to me that night not long ago when I saw Skwisgaar and Pickles together on the monitors. They were clearly drunk, but not drunk enough to be unaware of what they were doing. Confused, I watched them as they collapsed on one of the couches together, hands roaming, shedding clothing.
Skwisgaar, Pickles... What the hell?! Surely they would stop, I told myself, surely they wouldn’t, couldn’t, do this to Toki. Any minute now they would stop.
But they didn’t stop, they didn’t stop until they were both through, and I watched every second of it with a feeling of sick dread. What would this mean for the band?
The next morning the fallout was immediate and obvious, although the breakup itself had been private. Toki was clearly not pleased at all.
I watched the parts that I could, just doing my job of course, monitoring them all. I can say that without hesitation, since the happiness and dynamics of the band are indeed my job. Skwisgaar’s attempts at bargaining; Toki, tear-streaked but resolute. It was clearly over.
Pickles stayed drunk and out of everybody’s way, just waiting out the storm.
I was worried about tension in the band, but the existing drama somehow never escalated. Later that night I saw Pickles and Toki deep in conversation, and even later all of them in the hot tub together as if nothing had ever happened. I admit that I was completely baffled, but quite glad everyone seemed to be holding together as well as they were.
While things appeared okay on the surface, but I couldn’t help but pick up on the unhappiness surrounding them. Well, Skwisgaar and Toki at least, Pickles seems to have moved past it easily enough with the aid of various illegal substances, and I doubt the others were ever even particularly aware that anything at all had gone on in the first place.
*****
Some time passed, but it wasn’t nearly long enough before I caught Skwisgaar watching me during a band meeting. I only noticed because he usually never looks my way at all, completely ignores me. Why was he watching me in that way? If I didn’t know better I’d think he was flirting, but that was almost certainly just my own wishful thinking. Surely it couldn’t mean anything, so I tried to let it go, ignore it. Still, I couldn’t resist glances in his direction, and every time I met his eyes.
I was trying to update some files (a never-ending task) that evening when he walked into my office and sprawled in a chair, staring at me intently. Despite the earlier weirdness, I hadn’t expected him to seek me out like this. Me, of all people, the butler. Yet the look he was giving me spoke volumes, should I choose to hear. “Skwisgaar. What can I do for you?”
He leaned forward, seeming to study me. I made a point to keep my expression neutral, playing it cool.
“You ams knowsing dat Toki dumps me, ja?”
“Ah, yes. I’m aware of it.” Where exactly was he going with this? Maybe he just wanted to talk?
“I’s seen how you looks at me somestimes when you ams t’inksing I amns’t looksing, I was t’inking dat maybes we coulds, you knows, does some t’ings somestimes? You likes dat?”
He’d noticed? No, I had to believe he didn’t know about that. He couldn’t possibly mean what I was thinking, he had to be asking for something else. Perhaps an escort service, but I felt I must offer some safer alternatives first. “What do you have in mind? An outing of some sort? Golf, perhaps?” That sounded nice and safe.
“I wants,” he leaned closer, “to fucks you. An’ I t’inks you wants dat too.” His gaze locked on mine, holding me securely.
I barely managed to contain my surprise and tried to play it off, although I found myself unable to look away from those intense eyes. “That would be very unprofessional of me, if I were to take you up on that offer. Besides, what makes you think I, uh, even swing that way?”
“Pfft,” he waved dismissively, “I has knowns for years. Well, I knows abouts Nat’an for years, dat you had a t’ing for him. I t’inks I ams more recent, ja?”
“Skwisgaar...”
“I bets if I ams grabbing you’s cock now, you ams hards.”
No I wasn’t actually, or at least not until he said that. Damn him! “I can’t.” It was a weak protest, I knew it, but it was all I had to offer.
“You means you won’ts, dat amns’t de same t’ing.” With that he got up and left, apparently willing to let it go for the moment, not even saying goodbye.
I thought about his words, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. Even if they were truly over I couldn’t do it, couldn’t do that to Toki. He was trying to hide it, but I could see how miserable he still was. No, Skwisgaar was off limits, he had to be.
I wondered how long it would be before Skwisgaar showed up to make another pitch, if he ever would? And how long could I successfully resist him if he did, that was the real question. I pride myself on being strong, but he’s a force of nature.
*****
A few nights later, there was a knock at my door. This was it then, he’d come back for me. Taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady my suddenly rapid heart rate, I opened the door.
Toki was the last person I expected to see. Confused, I motioned for him to come in, and he went straight to the couch. I sat on the other end, not at all sure why he was here.
He jumped right to his point, “I knows Skwisgaar wants you. And I knows you wants him too, so you shoulds be withs him.”
“Toki, I-“
He cut me off, “Looks, we’s over. Forevers. I gives him as many chances as I can stands to, I can’t does it no more. But he’s goings to be with somebodies, better you thans a strangers.” He sighed. “I likes you.”
Oh no, not both of them?! What am I, guitarist bait all of a sudden? “Toki, I’m flattered but-“
“Noes, not likes that!” He actually smiled. “I don’ts wants to fucks you, don’ts worry, I just mean I misses you when you was gone. You’s a good guy. And I knows you wouldn’t does it where I can see, I really reallies don’ts want to has to watches that, evers.”
Did Toki just give me his blessing to fuck his boyfriend? Well apparently his ex-boyfriend, but still. No, I couldn’t do that, could never do that. It was only okay for me to want him as long as he was unattainable.
Toki seemed to sense my thoughts. Sometimes I don’t give him nearly enough credit. “You thinks abouts it.” And with that, he left.
As if I could think of much of anything else!
*****
I was lying on my bed when he crawled on it. I knew it was Skwisgaar because I could see the paleness of his hair in the faint glow of my clock, falling in a curtain around his slim body.
Skwisgaar, in my bed, hovering over me. He didn’t say a word, just leaned down and kissed me before I managed to voice any objections, erasing my words unsaid.
I knew there were reasons I shouldn’t respond, but it seems I had suddenly forgotten them all. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling his weight down on top of me. He was gloriously naked and completely hard, the heat of his body like a furnace as I ran my greedy hands all over him.
Then he pushed himself back up for a moment, grabbing my dick and shoving himself down on it without hesitation. He was completely slick and ready. Just like that, we were fucking. I couldn’t believe it!
I became peripherally aware of an odd sound, some sort of crunching noise. What was that? “Skwisgaar?”
He paused for a moment, I could just faintly see him toss his hair back. “Damnsit, I tolds you to be keepsing it down.”
What?
“Dood, it’s jest papcorn. An’ can we tern a light ahn? We can’t see a feckin’ thing in ‘ere!”
WHAT?!
There was a soft click, and my bedside light came on. They were ALL in here, they’d set up chairs along the wall. Murderface was sitting with his arms crossed, watching but pretending he wasn’t. Nathan and Pickles were munching on bowls of popcorn, openly staring. And Toki... Well, for some odd reason Toki was dressed as a cheerleader, complete with pom-poms. I watched in horror as jumped and shook them, bouncing around. Toki in a skirt was a whole new level of disturbing, but at least he was wearing boxers under it.
“Go Skwisgaar, rides that cock! Go Charles, fucks mine olds boyfriend! Push it ins, pulls it out! Push it ins, pulls it out!”
Skwisgaar was moving again, distracting me from our spectators. I certainly couldn’t jump up and throw them out, and he clearly didn’t care, so I settled for grabbing his hips and thoroughly enjoying myself.
Toki kept making up cheers for us until we both came.
I woke up all sticky. What a fucked up dream that had been. Oh yes, I knew it was a dream, no doubt about that. What the hell was my brain trying to do to me? I hadn’t had a wet dream in years, and certainly never anything like that one.
This dream refused to fade away like most of them do; no, this one stayed with me. It was difficult to go about my duties when I could still see the rapt attention on their faces as I fucked Skwisgaar in front of them all. I hid in my office, avoiding everyone.
And of course despite the dream, despite the things he had said to me, I was quite certain that Toki would not be cheering us on.
A bit later on, Skwisgaar showed up. “Ams you busy?”
“Ah, yes I am. As you can see, I have a lot of paperwork here.” I gestured to the piles on my desk. I wasn’t at all comfortable meeting his eyes with the dream still so fresh in my mind.
He shrugged. “Okays, I will comes back laters.”
And he did, all day. At regular intervals of an hour, we repeated the previous conversation almost word for word. I was beginning to feel like I was trapped in a bad comedy of some sort, and not a particularly funny one.
Like clockwork, he showed up yet again. If he kept cornering me in my office like this I’d never manage to get any work done. I gave up. “Okay, Skwisgaar, what is it that you want?”
He grinned seductively, god he was beautiful. “I wants to sticks mine cock in you and fucks you until you screams mine name, then keeps fucksing you until you forgets yours.”
He had no idea how good that sounded to me. I think I managed to hide my reaction though, or at least I hoped so. “Well uh, that’s very direct of you.”
He shrugged, “You asks me what I ams wantsing, I tells you.” Message delivered, he walked out and didn’t return.
Finally I managed to make progress in my work, but there was no way I could get him off my mind. That wasn’t how it had been in the dream, not at all, but once he’d put the thought in my head I just couldn’t shake it. It was exceedingly rare for me to bottom, but for him... Yes, I could see that working. I could more than see it, I could imagine it all far too easily. I hadn’t wanted someone this badly since college.
But no, I had to resist. For Toki’s sake if for no other reason. Despite what he’d said I felt they could still work it out, and that would really be for the best.
*****
And then one night Skwisgaar brought a guy home. He’d never done that before - if it was a man (yes, I knew he had them) he always went to their place - but for some reason he brought this one to the haus. I watched them sit on a couch, kissing, clothes slowly disappearing.
What should I do? It wasn’t my place to interfere, they were of course free to have sex with anyone they wanted to, male or female, after their choices had passed through the screening process. I was still pondering my options, or lack of them, when I was suddenly interrupted.
Toki didn’t even knock, just came barging right in. “Charles, goes to him now!”
“Toki, are you sure about this? It’s really not my place-”
“Yeah I’s fuckings sure! Just gets that guy away froms him, I can’ts stands it. I can handles you, at least I thinks I can, but this...”
I shook my head, “Maybe you can just stay out of their way? I just don’t feel comfotable-“
“I’s commands you to goes to him.” He cut me off, chin suddenly set in a determined manner.
I couldn’t believe it! None of them had ever pulled rank on me before like that! Was he serious about this? He sure as hell looked serious.
“I commands you,” he repeated coldly. “And don’ts you ever let me see it.” With that, he turned and stalked out.
I tried to rationalize, Toki had commanded me to get Skwisgaar away from the guy he was with, but hadn’t specifically commanded that I fuck him. I could simply distract him and still keep things professional, at least that’s what I told myself.
Neither man seemed to notice me as I walked up to them. I cleared my throat. “Ah, Skwisgaar?”
He pulled his head up, meeting my eyes with defiance. “Ja? You gots a problems?”
“There’s uh, some paperwork you need to take care of. In my office. Tonight, actually right now would be best.”
“Oh?” He untangled himself from the groupie (or whoever he was) and stood with a grin. Damn, the cocky blond bastard knew that I was lying, and why. “Well dat sounds importants. Be leadings de ways den.”
We left the guy glaring unhappily after us; a Klokateer would usher him out shortly whether he liked it or not. They knew their job, no unattended fans were allowed at any time.
My office was empty, of course. Skwisgaar stopped in the middle of the room, looking proud and completely beautiful. He hadn’t bothered to retrieve his shirt, and his belt was still undone, hanging loose. “So where ams dese papers?” He knew damn well there were no papers.
I didn’t bother with pretending, we’d come too far for that. “Why do you want me? Out of all the people you could have... You think I’m the butler for god’s sake.” I expected more arrogance, but instead he sank to the couch, all playfulness gone.
“Becauses de ladies ams one t’ing, but guys ams harder. Beats going outs for strangers, ja? Ands I gots nobodys else left.” He cocked his head, thinking. “Toki tells you to does dis, didn’ts he?”
“You’re sure Toki won’t take you back?” That was really the best solution, my own desires be damned.
“I ams sure,” he sighed. “I fucks dat up, and I can’ts ask him for mores dan he already gives me. He gaves me ways more dan I ever deserves.”
I had to ask him, “Well how about Pickles them? You seemed, ah, eager enough that night.”
“You watches me much?” He grinned, “Ja, you does I bets. Pickle...” he sighed, “Dat was a mistakes. Nots a bads one, but we coulds never be togethers, jus’ wouldn’ts works, and now I goes and loses Toki overs it. I knows I ams a big fucksing slut, but I jus’ can’t seems to stops mineself sometimes.”
“And the others?” I prompted him. I needed to be thorough about this.
“De udders? Well Nat’an ams straight, you knows dat one. And Murderfaces... jus’ no t’anks, too much denial to be dealings wit’. Nobody lefts but you.” He moved fast, suddenly sitting right beside me. Leaning over me, so close...
I fought against it with every fiber of my being, hating myself a little for wanting to give in to him so damn badly. “Skwisgaar, we can’t-“ He wasn’t going to command me like Toki did, was he? What would I do then?
“Shhhh.” And then he kissed me. I could feel the heat of his body, his musky personal scent surrounding me. Let me tell you, you have never been kissed until you’ve been kissed by Skwisgaar Skwigelf. I thought my dream was good, but the reality was completely incomparable. My hands wanted to grab him and pull him ever closer, but still I resisted.
He broke the kiss, pulling back mere millimeters. “Gives in to me. I knows you wants it. An’, you knows, I ams your boss an’ I ams askings you to does it.” His tone was seductive, not at all demanding. He wasn't really the kind to actually demand, but I found myself suddenly wishing he were. Damn him! I wasn't the type to be turned on by a power play, so why was I so fucking hard? I was going to give in; I knew it, he knew it. It was only a matter of when.
He kissed me again, teasing. He was holding himself just away from me, driving me crazy. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and pull us both down, but I was forcing myself not to. My hands were fisted with the effort of restraining them. Then he pulled back again. “Toki talks to you, ja?” To be fair, I never had answered that question.
So he really did know about that? “Ah, yes he did.”
“So what ams you waitsing for?” He leaned in again, only to pull back at the last second after I already went to meet the kiss. Too late for me to hide it, damn my traitorous body.
He smirked, why was that damn smirk so sexy? “If I commands you?” His tone was still light and teasing, it wasn’t a true command. At least not yet.
Had I been wrong, would he? “If you command me to what?” Anything you want, anything at all for you. I vaguely still knew I shouldn’t but I couldn’t think at all straight right then.
He rose with fluid grace, beckoning me with a crooked finger. “Takes me to you’s room?”
God help me, I went.
I expected him to head straight for the bed but he stopped just inside the door, looking around. “Heys butlers, you has anyt’ings to drink?”
I decided to ignore being called a butler this time. “Ah, yes I do, what would you like?”
“Not’ings, I ams drunks enough. You drinks.” He didn’t seem very drunk to me, but I knew he rarely showed it when he was.
What a terrible idea. What a brilliant idea! What the hell was I thinking? Thinking, that was my problem. I thought too damn much, and I was sick and tried of it. I poured myself a generous portion of brandy and he watched me as I drank it. I almost choked under his smoldering gaze, but managed to swallow it all down quickly, barely even tasting it except for the burn.
“Comes here.” It wasn't so much of a request anymore. I went to him, the alcohol slowly flooding my senses, sweeping away the tattered remnants of my restraint. Of course I wanted him, I had for a long time, and now I was running out of objections very fast.
“Kisses me agains.” I didn’t hesitate this time, meeting his mouth eagerly. His talented tongue darted out to meet mine, drawing me deeper into his mouth. I should have stopped this, I knew I should... but he was just so damn good.
Finally I pulled back, evading the lips that followed mine. I had to at least try to protest, at least for Toki’s sake. “Skwisgaar... you know we really shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Pfft, stops denyings me. Stops denyings youself.” He reclaimed my lips without argument, his nimble fingers now moving to the buttons of my shirt. His touch was light and quick, I barely felt them until his hands slid freely beneath my shirt.
I was lost; he had claimed me and I was his. His fingers brushed my nipples, so lightly as if on accident, and I leaned into the touch, yearning for more. The fingers danced away, teasing, causing me to groan in frustration.
His hands suddenly on my sides, still. “Tells me you wants me,” he cruelly requested, “Tells me an’ I will does whatsever you says.”
“Anything!” I cried, I didn’t care anymore.
“Tells me what you wants, you has to tells me.” He leaned over, touching his lips lightly to my chest. I writhed beneath his touch, but he wasn’t done teasing me yet. “I ams not doesing anyt’ing more until you asks me fors it.”
“Do anything you want to me!” I gasped, unable to fight it any longer. “Just do something!”
A quick grin flashed across his features, then his mouth was on my nipple, then the other, sucking. Oh god, oh god, oh god he was talented! All I could do was press up into his mouth, my whole body aching for him. “Skwisgaar!”
“Tells me,” he underlined the words with a long lick, “exactsly what you wants me to does to you.”
“Fuck me, oh please fuck me...” I knew I was begging now but I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted him so damn bad.
He pulled a lube packet out of his pocket (cocky bastard) and tore it open. With an experienced flick, he unbuttoned his jeans. He wore no underwear, I knew he almost never did. I hurried to get my own pants off; never before had they felt so confining. This was actually going to happen...
To my surprise he urged me to the floor, shifting his body on top of mine. I spread my legs, welcoming him closer. It had been too long since I’d done this, but I welcomed any pain, trusting his legendary skill. He would take good care of me.
Leaning over me, he dabbed some lube on his fingers and touched them against me. I tried to push myself back onto them but he was controlling the pressure, keeping it light and teasing. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, those slick fingers suddenly pressed smoothly inside. It was quite a shock, but I was ready, boy was I ever ready! Talented fingers, probing, stretching.
And then they were still. I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze with a pleading expression, trying to move against those fingers all on my own. “Tells me what you ams wantsing,” he repeated, fingers held cruelly still and depriving me.
“I want...” It was pointless to keep fighting it, “I want you to fuck me now, oh please fuck me...”
His weight, bearing me down. His hand hooked behind my knee, pulling my leg up. “Skwisgaar, please..."
Finally he took mercy on me, removing his fingers and replacing them with his freshly lubed cock. My own fingers bit into his back as he slid home, pulling him deep as I shuddered helplessly beneath him. Oh yes, he knew exactly what he was doing, he felt so damn good...
He pushed my leg high, bracing himself with his free hand. I grabbed my other leg and held it to match, helping. Fortunately I’m still fairly flexible. I wanted it hard and fast; keep it impersonal, keep it just sex.
Amazing fucking sex though, I couldn’t deny that. His hair made a cage around me as he thrust into my body, a prison of spun gold that I had no desire to escape.
“Touches youself,” he softly commanded, “I wants you to comes wit’ me.”
I obeyed, reaching between our bodies and stroking myself in time with his thrusts. I had imagined this scenario too many times, but the reality was beyond comparison. I wanted this moment to last forever, but there was no way I could hold out for very long. “Tell me when?”
“Pfft.” It was a puff of breath in my ear, sending a new wave of chills through me. “You jus’ goes, I will matches you.”
He’d said he’d wanted a scream, but what he got was more of a helpless whimper as his words pushed me over the edge. He kissed me then, and I could feel the pulse as he came too.
Still inside me he released my leg, holding himself up with both arms and letting me shift to a more relaxed position. That was about all I was capable of doing at the moment. He lowered himself briefly and gave me a quick kiss. “Don’ts talk.”
Good idea, I’d just end up saying something stupid and ruining the moment. I nodded, raising one hand to stroke his face, his sweat dampened hair. So fucking beautiful. He shifted slightly, and I felt him slowly slip out of me.
He smiled, kissed me again, then pushed himself to his feet. I watched, still silent and on the floor, as he pulled on his jeans and picked up his boots. With a little wave, he let himself out.
I remained where I was for a bit, thinking, or at least trying to. This most likely had been a one time thing, an aberration. He’d gotten what he wanted, it couldn’t mean anything more, could it? I should just take it as that and be grateful one of my many fantasies had actually come true, for a change.
Eventually I dragged myself up, quickly showered, and fell into bed pleasantly exhausted.
I was in the middle of an empty ballroom, without any knowledge of how I’d gotten there. I was afraid to look down, having a sinking suspicion that I was somehow wearing a dress. (Ever since seeing Toki dressed as a cheerleader, I hadn’t trusted my mind not to fuck with me.)
Skwisgaar entered the room wearing his usual clothes with a suit jacket thrown on top, an ensemble I’d never seen before. He strode purposefully toward me.
I dared a look down, I was relieved to see that at least I was dressed normally in one of my usual suits. There was still a mysterious phantom feeling of skirts, but I tried my best to ignore it. Music began, a waltz if I remember correctly.
Skwisgaar took my hand and we danced, I generously allowed him to lead. Around and around the floor, seemingly the only people in the whole building. Perhaps in the whole world? I stumbled, the skirt I was most certainly not wearing wrapping around my legs, but he steadied me easily.
The music merged into a slow number, and he pulled me close, holding me tight against his body. As we swayed together, he lowered his head to kiss me.
I woke to my insistent alarm, all tangled in my sheets. Well at least that explained those damn skirt sensations. I freed myself, noting a faint soreness in my legs as I stood, a memento from last night. Amazingly, that seemed to be the worst of it.
I would act professional, as always. I would go about my day as if last night had never happened. It would be silly of me to do otherwise, or to dwell on the past night’s events too deeply.
*****
Toki knew, I could tell right away. He was somehow managing to look both pleased and miserable at the same time. I didn’t like that, but had no idea what I could possibly do about it.
Skwisgaar, to my disappointment, acted like nothing had ever happened, the flirting he’d displayed previously was now completely absent. This only confirmed my suspicions that I’d been no more than another in a very long string of his conquests. Very well, so be it. I retreated to my office, but knew I’d likely suffer interruptions throughout the day. They always tended to turn up when I was the least equipped to deal with them, it never failed.
I was first ambushed by William, and spent far too long attempting to explain that he could hardly merchandise a product that didn’t exist. Yes, Planet Piss was a great idea, but he had yet to record even a single song. My hands were tied. He was not consoled, but eventually gave up and left.
Nathan showed up next, wanting to share his latest idea for making concerts more brutal. As I always did, I merely pretended to make notes, he’d forget all about the things he’d said soon enough. It wasn’t so much that his ideas were bad, just completely impractical if not outright impossible. He liked to dream big.
Pickles came by next; were they all going to turn up today? Unfortunately he was rather high and rambling, and despite spending the better part of an hour with him, I never did manage to figure out just what he was trying to convey. Hopefully it was nothing too important.
The day dragged on without further interruptions. I thought perhaps I was home free, but then Toki slipped through the door and took a seat across from me. “Toki, what can I do for you?”
“You dids it, yeah I knows you dids. You’s goings to does it agains?” His expression could best be described as a mixture of hope and dread.
I couldn’t lie to him. “Yes. Yes I did. And I, uh, don’t know the answer to that.”
He nodded, unsurprised. “Promises me you never lets me see!” It was a command again, a firm one.
“Yes, of course I promise.” I had serious doubts about Skwisgaar’s willingness to continue, but I would certainly do my best to keep things private if he indeed did wish to carry on.
*****
A whole week passed before Skwisgaar came back.
I was in my office, it was very late. I was sober. These thoughts were completely unprofessional. He was my boss. Well, one of them anyway. Without even a word, he shed his clothes in graceful movements, no awkwardness or struggle. Fully naked, he moved to where I sat and grasped my tie, tugging on this impromptu leash and urging me to stand. Wordlessly, I obeyed.
He didn’t say a word either, yet his eyes spoke volumes. I couldn’t drag mine from his intense gaze. I stood passively as he undid my clothes with one quick hand, still holding me by the tie all the while. When urged, I pushed off my shoes and stepped out of my pants, and let my shirt slide free of my arms. Eyes still burning into mine, he removed the tie last of all.
He suddenly pushed me against the wall, pinning my arms high above my head with one long-fingered hand, his other moving to cup my face. I could break his hold easily of course, but I didn’t even try, happy to be his captive. He bent his head, kissing me, his tongue seeking and gaining welcome entrance.
I arched my body away from the wall, wanting to touch him but he stayed just out of my reach. Impatient, I pulled one hand free and encircled both our cocks, holding them tight together, our hard flesh rubbing.
This time was somehow more passionate if possible, more sensual. Were we really doing to do this again? I was certainly more than willing if he was. He urged me to the couch, easing me down, following me down. His mouth rarely left my body as talented fingers worked their magic as before. He seemed to instinctively know where and how hard I wanted to be touched, inside or out. His sex god reputation was completely valid, I can attest to that.
He worked his way down my body, pausing when he got to my aching cock. “You knows I can deeps throat, ja?”
I sucked in a hissing breath. Oh yes I knew, I’d seen him do it before on the monitors. Was he really offering, or was this just a form of teasing? “Yes. Are you- Ah, do you want to?”
His response was to grin and swallow me whole, his fingers still so busy inside me.
“Skwisgaar! Oh god!” He was going to fucking kill me, it was just all too intense. My hands fisted helplessly in his hair, torn between holding him down and pushing him away. “Skwisgaar!”
At the last possible second he pulled his mouth off and removed his fingers, leaving me empty and hovering on the brink of orgasm. I was mindless now, only wanting more of him, needing him so damn badly. He leaned down, pressing lightly against me. I writhed helplessly, trying to either push back to take him or to rub myself against his flat belly, anything I could get.
He denied me cruelly for endless seconds, but then entered me in one smooth move, sheathing himself completely. That alone almost did me in, but he knew exactly what he was doing and denied me again. “Skwisgaar! Oh fuck, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me...”
He took mercy on my straining body, thrusting with long, sure stokes. All of my nerves were on fire, he was burning me alive. I could do nothing but cling to him and accept anything and everything this god chose to bestow upon me.
He drew it out longer this time, keeping his pace slow and outright sensual. I knew he was waiting for me, but I was determined to hold out longer, prolong and savor these marvelous sensations while I could.
Which wasn’t nearly as long as I’d hoped. Suddenly I went over the edge, crying his name again and clinging to him tightly. As before, he then let himself go, joining our pleasure.
I managed to open my eyes, I didn’t even remember closing them. He was gazing down upon me, his beautiful blue eyes fixed on mine as he eased himself out. “Skwisgaar...”
With a smile, he put a finger to my lips. Oh right, no talking. I nodded in understanding, my body already missing the imprint of his pressed against me, inside me. He lowered himself again briefly, kissing me once more before getting up and once again departing.
*****
Several days later, he caught me by surprise in the hallway, sliding up and running his hands across my body. “Hej, let’s be doesing it in de hots tub, ja?”
“No,” I told him firmly. He tried to kiss me but this time I push him away. I didn’t expect him to take no for an answer, but I’m not backing down on this one.
I could see he didn't realize that yet. “Well den maybes I has to be commandsing you?”
“No,” I repeated firmly. Although I couldn’t technically refuse him, I’d been commanded by Toki to keep this private and his equal command canceled out Skwisgaar’s.
He seemed to guess the problem, and nodded agreeably. “Toki. Okays, well den how abouts you’s office agains? It ams all nice and privates in dere.”
“Very well.” Aside from my own quarters, my office was the only place I considered to be private enough. He led the way.
But first we needed to discuss a few things. I sat on the couch, motioning for him to do the same. He leaned in for a kiss but I held up a hand. I couldn’t continue this blindly, I needed to know what his intentions were. “Skwisgaar, wait. Can we discuss this a bit first? What exactly are we doing here?”
“You means ams we in loves an’ all dat?” I must have let something show in my face, because he gave me an odd look and continued, “I don’ts know if I loves you, maybe, maybes nots. I loveds Toki, I guesses I still does, but dat ams over now. Ams I goings to cheats on you? Ja, sometimes, I can’ts ever promises anyt’ing else.”
He didn’t ask if I was in love with him, I was very glad of that. I suspected I might very well be, or at least well on my way, but I was certainly not comfortable admitting that at this point. “So uh, what do we do, have sex whenever you feel like it?”
“You can comes to me too, you knows.” I could? That was good information to have. “But dat ams sounding abouts right, you gots a problem wit’ it?”
I knew it couldn’t possibly last, but there was no reason for me not to enjoy it while it did. Terrible logic perhaps, but I didn’t care. “No problem,” I assured him, “except that we keep this private. I, uh, promised Toki, and I keep my word.”
He nodded agreeably, smiling. It wasn’t an innocent smile at all, not by a long shot, “So ams we done talksing yet?”
“Yes, yes we are.” And with that I reached out, pulling him to me. I would enjoy this as long as I could, wasn’t that all any of us could really ask for?
And enjoy it I did.