FIC: A Picture's Worth Some Awkward Words (Nathan/Skwisgaar, NC-17)
TO: atomicpaint
FROM: herbailiwick
Title: A Picture's Worth Some Awkward Words
Pairing: Nathan/Skwisgaar, with one-sided Toki/Skwisgaar.
Rating: NC-17
Warning: None.
Timeline: Any time after Girlfriendklok.
A/N: Much thanks to misdreya, dark_dreymer, and supes_ for letting me bounce ideas off of them.
NATHAN EXPLOSION ATTEMPTS TO MAKE DATING METAL-AGAIN! Caught buying cologne, and trying to make dinner reservations.
Pickles shook his head, passing the rumpled tabloid back to Murderface. "I don't git it!" he declared. "Don't git it."
Murderface sloppily rolled the magazine up in his hand. "Yeah, why can't the paparazschis go...jump into a volcano or schomething? While they're taking picturesch of it. Or Niagara Fallsch. Fuck thosche dicks."
Pickles stared into the distance for a moment, picturing the destruction fondly. "Well...yee-uh, that'd be nice. Heh. But, no, I think we should tahk to Nathin. He's never hidden a relationship from us before, and a girlfrien'...can really cause some trouble."
Murderface nodded solemnly. "It meansch no hot, movie-making schluts."
"Yee-uh, I mean...he didn't even hide dat bitch from us. Maybe this lady frien's werse!"
"Worsche?! No! No, we can't let her do thisch to usch! Already, he's lying to usch like we're not fuckin' important anymore and fuckin'...avoiding usch. Thisch is...thisch is really bad newsch! Pickles, I'm not gonna schtand for this!"
"Yeah, no, me neither." He reached out, yanking the tabloid back again, staring at the headline, and at the picture of Nathan with cologne in his hand. "This ain't brutal. This ain't right. But...we can fix it. I know what we gotta do."
"What? Kill her?"
"We gotta spy."
"You mean like follow him to dinner?" He looked slightly skeptical about that.
"Yee-uh. I mean, see what he's up to. I wanna meet 'er. I'm not gonna sit around and imagine how much of a bitch she is. I'm gonna find out for myself. We saved him before," he said pointedly. "From Rebecca."
Murderface completed the thought. "And we can save him again."
***
"Picklesch, I've realized something."
"Yee-uh?"
"We gotta do thisch right. We gotta get...schpy tech."
Pickles looked over at him. "Spy tech?"
"Like bombsch and...mirrorsch. And pensch that are microphonesch."
"Or a device that...treeacks...things," he said slowly.
"Tracking devische."
"Yeah. You'd think they gotta have somethin', you know?"
"Yeah."
"Follow me. And bring dat magazine."
***
"You need a device made for tracking a person?"
"If you have STD radar...you should know how to do the basics," Pickles insisted.
"Yeah, it'sch the basicsch!"
"And why do you need this device by tonight?" the scientist with the long hair asked.
Murderface waved the magazine at the scientists. "Schome lady eagle hasch her talonsch in our front-man. This meansch bad things-for all of usch. You too."
"Oh, I saw that, yes."
"At the supermarket," the other scientist supplied.
"I believe we were buying those bagels. With the raisins."
"We're almost out."
"That's not good. It's clear they are far superior to other bagels."
"Guys!" Pickles said.
"...Right."
"So...."
"So, Nathan Explosion is really dating again?"
"Yee-uh. He's bein' weird, you guys. Won' tell us nothing. He avoids us, an' we need to find out who dis lady is. Or someone's gonna pay." Pickles eyed the scientists pointedly.
***
"Well, dat was pretty painless," Pickles admitted as they headed out with the small transmitter and the tracker.
***
The host let them in with no problem, and told them where Nathan was sitting. "Hee, look, she's in da bathroom, she's in da bathroom. He's all alone!" Pickles said quietly.
"Don't schay anything yet. He'll run away."
"Yee-uh, I know dat. He'll run away."
"I bet sche's...fuckin' hot. He always gets the ladiesch."
"Yeah, well," Pickles said honestly, "he's a female wet dream. And dat's hard to compete with. Fer anyone."
The anticipation of what the sexy lady friend would look like was stopped abruptly. "What the...that'sch not a lady! Thisch ischn't a date at all!" Murderface hissed.
"Skweesgaar?! What the fuck. What the fuck. We gotta git outta here. Nathin's gonna see us."
"Picklesch, we want him to see us. He'll invite usch to eat with them."
"No, he won't! He likes Skwisgaar best. We weren't even invited! I'm gonna go." He started to make a run for it, but Murderface moved toward the table.
"Nathan Exploschion! What'sch the meaning of thisch? Fancy restaurant night with your favorite perschon?"
"Murderface!" Nathan scowled deeply. "Oh my god. Go home. Just, go home." People were already starting to stare.
"Go home? No, I'm not going home! I want to know why Skwischgaar is your...fuckin'...band favorite! He's playing band favorites, everybody! Thisch is how thingsch are for the most famousch band in the world."
"Keep it down!" Nathan ducked his head slightly.
"You guys should just leaves," Skwisgaar said, looking at Nathan, then glaring at Murderface and Pickles in turn. "You's ruins our dinners-meal."
"Good! I alwaysch knew you liked Skwischgaar better than me! Validation! Feelsch good. Ha, no wait, it doeschn't."
"Why are you dressed so nice?!" Pickles demanded, and then his jaw fell open, and stayed that way. "Nathan!" he exclaimed. "Dat's your date hair!"
"What the...." Murderface looked at the two of them, sitting there, dressed all fancy, trying to eat. All alone, just the two of them. "Is thisch really happening right now?"
Skwisgaar slammed his fork down onto his plate. "Okays, I had enough of dis. Takes yourselves outs. Now. Where ams restaurant security?" he demanded.
As Murderface was being dragged away from the table and Pickles was covering his face in shame, Nathan decided the date was over. "Oh fuck me," he muttered to Skwisgaar. "We're gonna have to...talk about this."
***
"Picklesch, where are you going?"
He put a hand on his forehead. "To my room. It's where any sane person would wanna go after theeat."
"You can keep your schanity. I don't want any of it," Murderface declared, crossing his arms. He watched Pickles slowly walk off before turning to Nathan and Skwisgaar. "Look, guysch. What you do in the privaschy of our own home, or at a reschtaurant, that'sch okay with me. But it'sch not for me. I mean, how could you even?" He chuckled. "I mean, why would you want a big ol'...you know...in your....you follow me, right?"
Nathan and Skwisgaar scowled at him.
"Scho...you're dating now?"
"Yes, you morons," Skwisgaar said scathingly.
"You interrupted a really fancy dinner, asshole," Nathan said.
"What we need...isch some ground rulesch. Juscht a few, I mean, nothing crazschy."
He lost his train of thought when Toki came into the room. "Hey, where's everybody beens? I don't see nobodies all night."
Nathan grumbled something unintelligible.
"Toki, let me let you in on schomething," Murderface said generously, "Thesche two are now gay."
"We're not gay. We've had more women than you will ever have, Murderface."
"...Girlsch like gay guysch. Just sayin'!" Murderface got up to make his grand exit. "Yeah...you can have a good night, guysch, but don't be too loud, know what I'm sayin'? That'sch rule number one. I'll...I'll write a lischt. We'll get thisch figured out."
Nathan stood up, and Murderface ran out of the room. "I don't have to put up with this shit. Are you going to be a prissy asshole about it too, Toki? Huh?"
"Ja, Toki, you gonna be just likes your friends Williams?"
Toki looked from Nathan to Skwisgaar. "No, not reallies. I mean...it's cools with me. Skwisgaar may be a total dildo, but you guys won't be gross and kissing in front of everyone. No one likes dat, no matter whos it is." He kind of had a point. "Now gets outta here. I needs to dance myself to a new high score!"
***
"Bandmates. They ruin everything. I'm telling you."
"No, it's true. It's totallies true."
"I mean, look at us. Makin' our way back to my room, and we'll probably just sit there. You know Murderface is probably thinking about us, right now. Ugh!"
"Yes, he probably thinks about us right now. But...Nathins?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't thinks I care. Lets him think, right?"
Nathan looked over at Skwisgaar carefully. "Yeah, let him think."
"Not like we can stops him."
"Right, we can't. We can't do that." Nathan sat down on the edge of his bed. "We can't stop him."
"No matter whats...dat was good food we has."
"Ohhh yeah. Yeah. And I don't even normally like fish. But that fish...from that place...."
"Damns good fish."
"Did you tell them where we were going?"
"No, I thoughts you did."
They stared at each other, wondering if how the band found out really mattered.
"Skwisgaar?" Nathan finally said.
"Ja?"
"Maybe we should...stop talking...about dinner."
"Ors just stop talkin’, eh? I mean, he tells us to has a good night." He sat next to Nathan on the edge of the bed, gently tugging at the curled end of Nathan's date hair. "Sexy Nathins."
Nathan scowled. "No, not now. I mean. I feel weird. Everyone knows now."
"Yes, dey knows," Skwisgaar said, fingertips moving on to Nathan's cheek. "Dems mean peoples found us out, and now you don't wants to fuck."
"Yeah." Nathan relaxed into the touch. "Yeah." Skwisgaar always seemed to understand.
"Poor Nathins." Skwisgaar moved to kneel in front of Nathan, carefully unbuttoning his suit jacket. The glint Skwisgaar's eyes was a bit mischievous.
"We should...I dunno...cuddle. And maybe crack a couple beers."
Skwisgaar made a noncommittal sound, unbuttoning the shirt as well. He parted the fabric, running fingers over Nathan's bare skin. Despite the belly, Nathan had a very solid build. Skwisgaar ran a callused fingertip over one of Nathan's nipples, smirking silently.
"Nnnn. You want more, huh? Heh, look who I'm talking to. Of course you do."
Skwisgaar smiled silently, rubbing at the nipple some more, gently scratching at Nathan's belly. He hummed softly, moving on to the front of Nathan's pants. When they were unfastened, he reached inside, stroking Nathan a bit through black silk. Nathan grunted appreciatively.
"Gettin' pretties hard for someone who don't want fucking, huh?"
"Yeah... you dick." He quirked his lip.
Skwisgaar released Nathan's ever-increasing hardness, running fingers along the shaft and rubbing the head with his thumb for a moment. "You wants dis?"
Nathan groaned softly, nodding. "Yeah." Skwisgaar moved back for a moment, and Nathan finished undressing as he got off his knees to do the same. Skwisgaar had been hard practically since they'd arrived in Nathan's room. He moved over to the middle of that huge bed, the right size for a god like himself, and lay down, waiting for Nathan, who he had to admit, if only to himself, was more like a god than he was.
Nathan rested a hand on the bed, about to climb on. "Don'ts forget the lubes," Skwisgaar reminded gently.
Nathan looked briefly embarrassed, sighing and digging around for it under the edge of the bed. "What the hell happened to it?"
"Don'ts looks at me. You's the sexy animal, ha."
"Sexy...animal?" Nathan made a face. But he did manage to find the lube. "Got it!" He threw it onto the bed, and then climbed on, heading over to Skwisgaar.
"We should does it in my room again," Skwisgaar suggested, reaching out to wrap his arm around Nathan's waist.
"You know how I feel about fur on my back," he said, scowling.
"I knows." He pressed a kiss to Nathan's cheek, then shifted to lie flat on his back.
Nathan paused for a moment to take in the sight of Skwisgaar. He was always so handsome and confident. He even made taking it up the ass, something Nathan was not really comfortable even thinking about doing himself, look fucking...easy, and dignified, and cool. Skwisgaar made everything cool.
"What's you t'inks about?"
"F...Fucking."
"You don'ts has to think," Skwisgaar pointed out. And he was right.
Stretching Skwisgaar didn't take long. Nathan's thick fingers with their black polish and lube knew their way by now. "I'm gonna fuckin'...tear you apart. And stuff."
"Yous always do." The Swede's grin was large. Nathan's cock was larger.
The slide in made them shiver and groan. Skwisgaar gripped at Nathan's shoulders as that thick cock started to move inside of him, sparking pleasure and need with every stroke. "Hnn. Fucks!" This was English, but Nathan had been known to make him cry out in Swedish, which was confusing, but kind of hot.
He didn't know why, but Skwisgaar liked to tug at his hair, and that was fine, because he kind of liked it, to be honest. It was a weird thing to be feeling while he was fucking someone. But it wasn't just someone, it was Skwisgaar Skwigelf and when he did it, it was kind of cute. He'd curl a hand in the black hair and moan.
Nathan wanted to hold on longer than he did, but when he released deep inside of Skwisgaar with a low scream, Skwisgaar just reached down and finished himself off. The blond moaned, dragging sticky, callused fingers up over his stomach, then stretching out on the bed under Nathan. He then curled his leg around him, wanting him to stay inside for a bit longer.
Nathan shifted them, still inside, so they were facing each other, lying on their sides. He looked into Skwisgaar's deep blue eyes. "Huh." Yeah, he didn't care if the whole haus heard. And he couldn't give a rat's ass about Murderface's weird gay tendencies. He just wanted to rest for a bit and maybe go again.
By the time Skwisgaar was finally ready to leave, after a shower and putting an extra set of his clothes on, they noticed a mysterious piece of paper on the floor in front of Nathan's door. There were no words on it, just a sad, childish-looking person drawn in crayon who had a tear on his cheek and a...fu manchu mustache.
Skwisgaar took the paper from Nathan, staring at it.
***
"Everybody's here, no one can leave, unofficial band meeting."
Murderface looked sympathetic in an asshole way. Pickles was scowling. Toki looked more sad and scared than annoyed, but he still didn't look very happy. Charles just looked confused.
"Okay, so, Skwisgaar and I, we're...doing it."
"Excuse me?" Charles said.
"You knows. We have sex," Skwisgaar said. "With...each other."
"I...see."
Pickles squirmed.
"Well...I brought you a lischt. Of ground rulesch. I can laminate it, probably. If you want."
"Pfft, then how's I wipe my ass with it?" Skwisgaar said. Nathan chuckled.
"Thisch isch seriousch, I hope you know! Relationschips. And all that bullschit."
"Alright...uh, thanks." Nathan took the list from Murderface. "We'll look it over later." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, no one leaves till we know there won't be any fucking problems."
"It's not my business," Pickles said after a moment. "And I wanna keep it dat way. I mean, good fer you. Seriously. And stay...happy. But I don't wanna have to have...meetings about it."
"I'm with Pickles here," Charles said. "Congratulations. But I'm okay with this, as long as you guys don't let it affect performance. Can we go now?"
"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. You three, get the fuck outta here. But...Toki, you stay."
They sat down on either side of Toki, maintaining just a bit of distance.
"We understand that you're jealous."
"You gots my note?"
"Ja."
"I don't know how we should handle this. Do you want to talk to Skwisgaar alone, or what?"
"No, dis is okay." He looked at the ground for a moment, staring.
"Hey, it's okay dat you likes me," Skwisgaar said.
Toki turned, staring at him. "No. I likes Nathins."
"What? Seriously? Toki. Aw man. Really?" Nathan had that guilty look on his face.
"I know you t'inks I'm like a son to yous, though, Nathins." He shrugged. "So maybe don'ts...be a self-absorbs dildo about it, Skwisgaar. He's not a guitars what you can parade around."
"I don't parade guitars around!"
"Skwisgaar, maybe I should handle this one. I mean, considering."
"Okays," Skwisgaar said. "You guys know we record later, right?"
"Yeah. He'll be okay." Nathan watched Toki for a minute, finally speaking when Skwisgaar had been gone for a bit. "You're a really cool dude, Toki. I do kind of think of you....well, not like a son. Like a younger brother. But I think you're handsome, and anyone, a girl or a guy, would be glad to...date you. And everything."
"I lied," Toki said, looking at him. "I likes Skwisgaar."
"Oh. Me too."
"Takes care of him, Nathins. I know you will."
"Yeah. Yeah, of course."
"Can you leaves me alone now?"
Nathan nodded. "Yeah."
"And don't tell him."
"No way." Nathan watched Toki one last moment. He'd be okay, given a little time.
***
"So he really likes you, huh?" Skwisgaar looked slightly nervous.
"Yeah. But he's like a little brother to me. Don't look so worried." He grinned.
"He's crafty, you knows. It's true."
"I'll keep an eye out," Nathan promised. Then, he added, "You know that...uh. You're the guitarist for me, Skwisgaar." He took his hand for a moment.
"He'll be okay?" Skwisgaar said, eyes revealing how much he really did care.
"Yeah. Just steer clear of him for a while. He's, uh...crafty."
"Dis meeting wasn't so bad. Maybe we should has a press conference about our relations-hips."
Nathan squeezed Skwisgaar's hand, shaking his head. "One step at a time, Skwisgaar."