01.03.10 The oddest things are making my skin crawl these days, like liars and backstabbers.
So I feel that since it is indeed a new decade, I should write a few of my thoughts down. If only for myself to read.
So, many people don't seem to understand me these days. They seem to forget that, I too, am human and have something akin to feelings. I get stepped on as though telling me bad things about myself doesn't affect me. It's almost as if the looks on my face chants them on and tells them that it's okay to say mean things about me to my face. But here's a heads up people: I can hear you, and it makes me sad. To think even, that people are my friends, and then to find out that they've been talking crap about me all along. This is why I don't like people, this is why I am stand-offish, this is why I do not trust people. I think I would almost rather not know when people are saying bad things about me... but then again, maybe that's not true. I mean to think about doing things and treating people like gold, and then they are just laughing at me behind my back for no reason, it's the most heart wrenching thing. I've told people the most precious things about myself and it appears that I shouldn't have. I thought that I was done with all of this, all if this backstabbing and shit talking in eighth grade. I thought I would grow up and everyone else would follow. People who are only nineteen have no idea what they do to others, people who think they are the epitome of perfection, have no idea what the hell life is really all about. This is why I date someone so much older than me, because he realized, like me, that people are shitty no matter what you do. And if he ever turns out to be like the rest of them... well, I don't know what I would do.
So, many people don't seem to understand me these days. They seem to forget that, I too, am human and have something akin to feelings. I get stepped on as though telling me bad things about myself doesn't affect me. It's almost as if the looks on my face chants them on and tells them that it's okay to say mean things about me to my face. But here's a heads up people: I can hear you, and it makes me sad. To think even, that people are my friends, and then to find out that they've been talking crap about me all along. This is why I don't like people, this is why I am stand-offish, this is why I do not trust people. I think I would almost rather not know when people are saying bad things about me... but then again, maybe that's not true. I mean to think about doing things and treating people like gold, and then they are just laughing at me behind my back for no reason, it's the most heart wrenching thing. I've told people the most precious things about myself and it appears that I shouldn't have. I thought that I was done with all of this, all if this backstabbing and shit talking in eighth grade. I thought I would grow up and everyone else would follow. People who are only nineteen have no idea what they do to others, people who think they are the epitome of perfection, have no idea what the hell life is really all about. This is why I date someone so much older than me, because he realized, like me, that people are shitty no matter what you do. And if he ever turns out to be like the rest of them... well, I don't know what I would do.