hmm.
I suppose it couldn't have failed any worse than it did. Its so fucking sad to watch someone you love change shape and turn into someone you barely know. and eventually enough is enough, no relationship is a real relationship if your always changing your mind about how much you love one another or if you want to be with each other or not. Its not a game. its not a joke or something so insignificant you can just rid of it. its nothing easy and its nothing happy. Its the hardest thing to do, to let go of someone you love so much. its sad to know you lost them to their own world, just when you thought you were giving them yours, one which was better and suitable and full of love, and you were making them happy and loving, its the complete opposite. your making them miserable and worried and filling them with annoyance and disdain. its a terrible feeling to know you let some one down when you were really giving it your all. I didn't see this coming at first. i figured it was meant to be. since you waited so long for me. three whole months you waited for your chance to make me happy and love me. we grew to the point where we were comfortable with anything around one another. Our good times were the best times. our bad times were the worst times. our bad times outweighed our good. thats where we went down, jealousy and rage, immaturity, lies, confusion, indifference, sadness, insanity, corruption and fears--- all a factor in our downfall. we should have realized the things we needed to work on, i gave you so many chances. so many fucking chances you had no idea. you took me for granted. a great, beautiful amazing loving girl. you looked at me as a possession, not a person. i was an item, not your girlfriend. i did all i could for you. i poured every bit of my heart and soul into that relationship and i still got fucking screwed. i didnt half-ass it, i gave it my best, 100% effort. i really did. i know i did. but still in return i got nothing. nothing but a stay at the crazy house and a sad, sad ending. i loved you with passion and hopefulness and life and all emotions that exist. i loved you through thick and thin in good and in bad. i never tried to leave or escape the bad times. i worked through them with you. made sacrifice and compromise. i built a life around you hoping it could last forever. hoping it was something that was real. i was counting on all the words we spoke of moving to the city and holding it together besides the fact of school and what not. remember those girls i had to deal with day in and day out? i did that because i believed it was going to be worth it. but now i second guess myself. what have i done wrong? what did i do? was this a mistake? was this a waste of time? was it luck, will it be this way in every relationship?...because it sure seems that way. no one can handle me or stand me after long periods of time i suppose. but is this my fault this time? no i dont believe it is. i cannot and will not take the blame for this one. and i am most certainly not blaming you either. in all honesty, i'd still be around if those final words didnt pass your lips. but they did. so here we are. miles apart. doomed to remember a loving caring exciting dangerous miserable yet mindful 9 months of our lives, forever. i cant and i dont want to forget. it doesnt all suddenly turn meaningless to me. it means a whole lot. its just something went wrong. something disappeared. sometimes words and anger get the best of us. but sometimes enough is just simply enough.