(no subject)
i have nothing. i have no one. i am no one. i have no life. my life is over. i wish i could fix this mess. i miss her. and i miss him. and i miss all of those things i was doing. i miss parties. and i miss friends. and i miss freedom. i have nothing left. i dont feel bad for me, dont feel bad for me. i am so lonely, i am so fucking lonely. i've been ditched and dropped and replaced. it sucks to know this is kind of my fault. i hate this shit. i hate this way of living. i lost my job. i lost all concern. things that once mattered dont matter any more. i am so impatient. i am never satisfied. i love my sister. i love sean. but other than that there is no one left. there is no true friend thats tried to help. there is not one that really gives a fuck about me. and with that i suppose i can live and without them i suppose ill live better. i dont want to know the people who fucked me over. i can care less right now if they were dead or alive. i dont want to see your face. though i miss every second of what we had, i no longer want to hug you but i want nothing more than to kick your fucking teeth in. talk and tlak and talk and talk, that is all anyone knows how to do. courtney is this courtney is that. courtney is fucking insane. courtney is a drug addict. courtney is a slut. courtney is blah blah blah blah. courtney is anything we want her to be. Well yes i am everything you want me to be. because nothing you say matters at all, i can care less about this place and this town and all the people i am living around. in a year or so ill be so far gne, ill be out and on my own away from this shit and its that day i cant fucking wait for i think about it every minute. i picture the happiness i will gain from being so far away. im gonna do what i love and let no one hold me back. im gonna do what i want as a matter of fact, i wont try to force relationships that are not there, im gonna party be a bitch have a life i sware. Im going to grow up and be everything i am not expected to be. im going away for myself annd thats it. im gonna care about me for once and forget about what i owe. i owe alot but then agained im owed more. an apology a hug a thought a shot to the head a shot to the mouth a life a love the truth.... whatever the fuck i want. i am me and that i will always be. i no longer have an object to my name. i no longer can say i am having fun. i forgot how to have fun. i forgot how to be happy. nothing makes me happy. i am not happy. i am so fucking unhappy.