lost my mind be back when I find it hopefully I know its somewhere close darn!
ost my mind be back when I find it i know its somewhere close
Current mood:
crazy went crazy for a sec but now I'm back lost my focus but now I'm on track its funny when I think of me not knowing wat to do knowing who I am how can that be true/? Im sorry for alt who had to see me like that not knowing wat was in store or even the cause of such action emotionally disabled so to speak and for wat for me not heaving something i was used to ? all things in life change for better or worse whether we like it or not it happens I'm just shocked at the fact of my reaction though I find that feeling alot lately and I gotta say its not welcomed but quickly forgotten still i could def do without it though i know its nor possible at least not for now while I still in the learning and discovery stages want to speed up time so i know but in the process will i lose wat time i have? ugh! so frustrating here I am thinking that Im prepared for this than I go and get lost again i know wat your thinking i thought you said you where doing better and i am these are just some of the many many things on my mind that cause me to continue being above normal crazy and while i dnt want to sound like some cheesy teenage drama novel my life as i knew it no longer exist first normal stuff (well normal to me at least) happens and you think i would be effected but im not no thats not the kicker wat gets me is the frnd i thought i had that i cant even be around without crying now because they lied to me I KNOW! thats one of my all time NO NO's dnt lie esp unprovoked and unwarranted it pisses me off to the point that i cant be around them and i cant say for the reason that im a crazy person and things dnt get solved so simply so i so around being a shell of myself showing no emotions just to prevent the catastrophe that is erupting inside ! yeah i know sooo not that serious but to me it is because it hurts to be lied to by someone you thought of as a frnd on top of everything else thats piled ontop of me with that being the trimer that took me over the edge at that point when i was lost in myself i just needed something familiar something real but as it is me and my life just has to suck a lil more than most it wasnt happening and not only that i get this betrayal i become the outsider to all my life became hell n a not so hellish way and even though it is me so i should be used to it i dnt want to be used to it i just want my way for once ok maybe more than that but come on and yes im whining and yes im complaining but just to me at least I'm so mixed up on the right the wrong and the in between that im about to go crazy all i want is for something to take me away frm it just for a lil while just a brake where i can see the grass on the other side nut alas there is no justice for me yet i must continue on in my world of ciaos to insure the good of the land better yet the world ! no that still didnt make me feek better darn! oh well let the torture begin anew again as i breath another breath in light and in darkness i guess these are the true test that we must face and i thought i was getting through the hard parts how wrong was i? first the feeling of disbelief unsurity than the utter feel of abandonment followed by in unhealthy dose of disappointment that made me realize that how much i grown to depend on the undependable how could this have happened ? hoe could i have let my guard down so much that i feel victim to the harsh reality of this world that i''ve tried so hard to protect myself against i dnt know wats going to happen hell im not sure wats happening even now but the is one absolute
Current mood:
crazy went crazy for a sec but now I'm back lost my focus but now I'm on track its funny when I think of me not knowing wat to do knowing who I am how can that be true/? Im sorry for alt who had to see me like that not knowing wat was in store or even the cause of such action emotionally disabled so to speak and for wat for me not heaving something i was used to ? all things in life change for better or worse whether we like it or not it happens I'm just shocked at the fact of my reaction though I find that feeling alot lately and I gotta say its not welcomed but quickly forgotten still i could def do without it though i know its nor possible at least not for now while I still in the learning and discovery stages want to speed up time so i know but in the process will i lose wat time i have? ugh! so frustrating here I am thinking that Im prepared for this than I go and get lost again i know wat your thinking i thought you said you where doing better and i am these are just some of the many many things on my mind that cause me to continue being above normal crazy and while i dnt want to sound like some cheesy teenage drama novel my life as i knew it no longer exist first normal stuff (well normal to me at least) happens and you think i would be effected but im not no thats not the kicker wat gets me is the frnd i thought i had that i cant even be around without crying now because they lied to me I KNOW! thats one of my all time NO NO's dnt lie esp unprovoked and unwarranted it pisses me off to the point that i cant be around them and i cant say for the reason that im a crazy person and things dnt get solved so simply so i so around being a shell of myself showing no emotions just to prevent the catastrophe that is erupting inside ! yeah i know sooo not that serious but to me it is because it hurts to be lied to by someone you thought of as a frnd on top of everything else thats piled ontop of me with that being the trimer that took me over the edge at that point when i was lost in myself i just needed something familiar something real but as it is me and my life just has to suck a lil more than most it wasnt happening and not only that i get this betrayal i become the outsider to all my life became hell n a not so hellish way and even though it is me so i should be used to it i dnt want to be used to it i just want my way for once ok maybe more than that but come on and yes im whining and yes im complaining but just to me at least I'm so mixed up on the right the wrong and the in between that im about to go crazy all i want is for something to take me away frm it just for a lil while just a brake where i can see the grass on the other side nut alas there is no justice for me yet i must continue on in my world of ciaos to insure the good of the land better yet the world ! no that still didnt make me feek better darn! oh well let the torture begin anew again as i breath another breath in light and in darkness i guess these are the true test that we must face and i thought i was getting through the hard parts how wrong was i? first the feeling of disbelief unsurity than the utter feel of abandonment followed by in unhealthy dose of disappointment that made me realize that how much i grown to depend on the undependable how could this have happened ? hoe could i have let my guard down so much that i feel victim to the harsh reality of this world that i''ve tried so hard to protect myself against i dnt know wats going to happen hell im not sure wats happening even now but the is one absolute