(no subject)

[heartknowsbest]

i'm so messed up in the head.

& i don't have a heart.
i honestly don't, well i do,
but its pretty much black now.

this isn't making me cry.
i haven't cried yet.
He's fucking some girl right now.
& he likes her.
& he's sober
& he asked her out.

why aren't i more upset?
Hes my one.
and i'm not crying?

more reason to believe my heart is blackened.

i just want to cry.
i don't want to hold whatever in.

I know what Laurens going through on The Hills.
I know it all too well.
But other people are in the places of Spencer and Brody.

The one person who i need right now,
is probabally with the one person i dislike.

Don't get me wrong. Nicole is my bestfriend, my sister.
But, she dosen't know everything.
she wasn't there when i went through everything.
and thats not her fault,
i just had a different bestfriend then.
thats who i need.

the one person who was there through everything last year.
But who's fallen absent over the last six months.

Its not going to solve the situation at hand,
But i know it would help.

I need you Blakely,
even if you don't have time for me,
or have a 'play date' with Sloane,

I n e e d the Blakely that was my bestfriend for a year...
i need that person,
or i'm not to sure what i'm going to do.