(no subject)

[heartinruins]

i dont know what i need nemore. I did decide to go back into treatment wen skool ends this semester. I was recomnded to in patient treatment. Yesterday i was so ready to go, but today im not to sure if i need it nemore. God damnit i dont know nemore. My binging is horrible, thank god im purging though, Im lucky im not getting so bad where im not even able to purge,,You know what im talking about, where u just cant so do it.. I dont know, like yesterday i purged 4 times at night,,but today i only purged once..Its cus my binge lasted for a while, and i was pre occupied, i hope i got everything up..i just ate all the fuckin fruit bars my mom bought..God and those were not apart of my binge, which means there in me, i see all the weight im gaining omg im bugging now. i dont know where my heart burn meds are and my heart burn is really bothering me alot. damnit..im so confused,,do i need to go into the hospitall..possibly, im just so scared..I want to run away, but no matter where i run this disorder runs with me. I hate it go away already, what the hell did i do, that makes u live in me and take over me. I HATE IT when people i know say " just eat smaller meals" fuck u it aint that easy!! its a fuckin addiction if anything was that eassyy jesus

im sorry im jus loosing it tonight,,i dont know what to do..

please leave me some <3