(no subject)
I'll start out simply. These past two weeks have been complete hell and today was my breaking point. I woke up feeling a bit of optimism. Got in the shower, it was relaxing. God, it was the best part of my day. Then, slowly the day started to unravel.
A mixture of jealousy, being lost, and not wanting to deal with anything sort of all kept on building and building. The fact that I suck at coping with things didn't help at all either. Luckily I've had my books and tiny projects to keep me going throughout the week.
It's just that like, I look at people and compare myself. I do that all the time. I hate it. I fucking hate it. It makes me feel so crappy but I can't stop. I look at the pretty girls and wonder why I can't look like them and I look at other people and wonder what makes me such a crappier person that them...? I know, I know. I've heard it all before. "You're pretty, you're a good person." But, honestly I need so much more than words right now. It's so much more that any of these fucking words could form. I just can't seem to figure myself out.
So back to my day, during 6th hour I'm taking my test and I totally am not in the right state of mind. I failed it so bad. I know it sounds dumb and immature to be so upset about one test, but like everything has been building up. I don't know why I'm even giving myself or any of you an explanation... But anyway, so Jared surprised me by picking me up today. I got in the car with him and broke down. I started bawling so hard. I coudn't stop. I hated it. I hated making him feel like he couldn't help me and I hated feeling like, well I just hate feeling so depressed.
So I don't think I'm going to go to school tomorrow. I need time. To finish my book, think, relax.
I hope I find myself soon.
Oh, and please no sympathetic comments. Thanks for caring, but really it won't help.
A mixture of jealousy, being lost, and not wanting to deal with anything sort of all kept on building and building. The fact that I suck at coping with things didn't help at all either. Luckily I've had my books and tiny projects to keep me going throughout the week.
It's just that like, I look at people and compare myself. I do that all the time. I hate it. I fucking hate it. It makes me feel so crappy but I can't stop. I look at the pretty girls and wonder why I can't look like them and I look at other people and wonder what makes me such a crappier person that them...? I know, I know. I've heard it all before. "You're pretty, you're a good person." But, honestly I need so much more than words right now. It's so much more that any of these fucking words could form. I just can't seem to figure myself out.
So back to my day, during 6th hour I'm taking my test and I totally am not in the right state of mind. I failed it so bad. I know it sounds dumb and immature to be so upset about one test, but like everything has been building up. I don't know why I'm even giving myself or any of you an explanation... But anyway, so Jared surprised me by picking me up today. I got in the car with him and broke down. I started bawling so hard. I coudn't stop. I hated it. I hated making him feel like he couldn't help me and I hated feeling like, well I just hate feeling so depressed.
So I don't think I'm going to go to school tomorrow. I need time. To finish my book, think, relax.
I hope I find myself soon.
Oh, and please no sympathetic comments. Thanks for caring, but really it won't help.