Knowing Nothing Is Better Than Knowing At All

[heartinhand00]

Ok, so i woke up around 11 went to billys around noon cus we were gonna go to greenbacks to look for some jackets and stuff. they had nothing so we called up justin and met him up at iphop. it was so good. i had 4 chocolate pancakes and some sausages. 3 cigarettes (i didnt smoke) in the blistering cold later, i dropped billy off at his work. i then picked up scott and we went to guitar center to get his drum mics. there were so many ppl there. mostly moms and there pre teen kids buying cool looking guitars for christmas. i saw anthony working there so i talked to him a bit while scott figured out his pin number. after that, i dropped him off at home and came home. i watched bad boys 2 until i left to pick carly up to go look at christmas lights. we sat around at her friend, danielles house for about 30 minutes. i didnt know anyone there so i juut sat there and watched the japanese version of the grudge. billy wanted me to ditch to go hang out with him, scott, tiffany, and some other girl lol. sorry i dont remember your name. however, i didnt. we then left and i drove through my old neiborhoods cus they had crazy christmas decorations. we then went through a neighborhood she knew of. it was pretty fun. after that, we met up with billy and scott and the girls at chilis and just hung out there and ate there leftovers. we were gonna then go back to danielles to drop off carly and then go watch dazed and confused at my house. well, while we were there, we were like ok, were leaving and said our goodbyes. billy said he was gonna meet us at the blockbuster so we were like ok cool. me and scott got to blockbuster and just walked around for about 10 minutes. i then called up billy and was just like "hey were here" he then said "are u serious? i havent even left yet" were just like ummmm ok. he told us to go to my house and hed pick up the movie on the way. so me and scott went to my house and watched tv. after about a half hour of waiting, i called up billy again to see where he was. someone besides billy answered the phone and was like ya, hes outside hang on. turned out he hadnt even left the house. it was 11:20 and weve been waiting for him for almost an hour so i was just like alrite, im just gonna give scott a ride home cus its already late. i then drove scott back to his house and then just got home. on the way there, we were just in silence cus we didnt know what to say about it all. you tell me, was that a fun night?

ive kinda realized that im just not a happy person. everything i do ends up not being good enough. either for the person i do it for, or for myself. im not talking about depressed or suicidal or some crap like that, im just not a happy person. im not happy with what im doing. it feels like im by myself pushing a car with four flats up a hill while everyone else is sitting there having fun with there friends. everyone has there own person or friend or whatever you want to call it that they can go to when there having a crummy day and just know that that person will make them feel better about who they are. but i dont. its a weird feeling. its a funny sick feeling to see people who are so close with eachother and know that you never have, currently arent, and probably will never be that close with someone. i hate when ppl pity themselves in these live journals so im already regretting saying these things. but i have noone to say these things to, so i write them. sorry. i know how annoying that is.