lil venting
I was diagnosed with bulbar myasthenia gravis last year.
The moment I realized that I couldn't talk, I knew there was something wrong.
It was a struggle going to doctors and having to take different kinds of test. It took me two months to know what was wrong. Then, I was told that there was really no cure for the disease but here is a cure for the symptoms, so the best I could do is to hope for remission.
I have to take this drug which has the worst side effects. Bloated face, insomnia, muscle weakness, the list goes on.
I'm not vain, I'd never liked attention and as much as possible blend in with the crowd, but having a bloated face was really depressing.
I was an average looking girl, brown eyes, I guess what made me stood out was my dimples. Sometimes random people would comment on my dimples while walkin on the streets that both flatter and embarrass me. Sometimes people stare, sometimes its flattering but I don't really like it that much, cause I'm socially awkward, sometimes I feel like they're waiting me to trip or that there's something on my face. Saying that I really have a low self esteem is an understatement.
So having a bloated face is difficult. The people who knew me was shocked whenever they see my face. And their comments hurt. Even their stares hurt.
Honestly I never appreciated my looks until I don't have it anymore. I guess, I thrive on what people think of me, that weakened me. So what did I do? I stopped my meds. And it's the most stupid thing I ever did.
The symptoms came back worse. And I had to start again my meds.
After much regretting and wallowing in self-pity,
I promised myself to just do what the doctor said and stick with it.
Now, Im taking prednisone for four months and I look like Shrek's wife and Im trying not to care when people stare.
Im in my fifth year of college and Im just trying to suck it up, after 9 months hopefully I could graduate (engineering thesis is a pain). I can't wait to get out of school and the stares and the comments. I just want to get out of here and start a new where no one knows me and no one knew the old me. Just praying and hoping to get through these 9 months without getting my spirit too broken.
The moment I realized that I couldn't talk, I knew there was something wrong.
It was a struggle going to doctors and having to take different kinds of test. It took me two months to know what was wrong. Then, I was told that there was really no cure for the disease but here is a cure for the symptoms, so the best I could do is to hope for remission.
I have to take this drug which has the worst side effects. Bloated face, insomnia, muscle weakness, the list goes on.
I'm not vain, I'd never liked attention and as much as possible blend in with the crowd, but having a bloated face was really depressing.
I was an average looking girl, brown eyes, I guess what made me stood out was my dimples. Sometimes random people would comment on my dimples while walkin on the streets that both flatter and embarrass me. Sometimes people stare, sometimes its flattering but I don't really like it that much, cause I'm socially awkward, sometimes I feel like they're waiting me to trip or that there's something on my face. Saying that I really have a low self esteem is an understatement.
So having a bloated face is difficult. The people who knew me was shocked whenever they see my face. And their comments hurt. Even their stares hurt.
Honestly I never appreciated my looks until I don't have it anymore. I guess, I thrive on what people think of me, that weakened me. So what did I do? I stopped my meds. And it's the most stupid thing I ever did.
The symptoms came back worse. And I had to start again my meds.
After much regretting and wallowing in self-pity,
I promised myself to just do what the doctor said and stick with it.
Now, Im taking prednisone for four months and I look like Shrek's wife and Im trying not to care when people stare.
Im in my fifth year of college and Im just trying to suck it up, after 9 months hopefully I could graduate (engineering thesis is a pain). I can't wait to get out of school and the stares and the comments. I just want to get out of here and start a new where no one knows me and no one knew the old me. Just praying and hoping to get through these 9 months without getting my spirit too broken.