" secrets from me"
sometimes complete honesty has to be intentional.
Here i am 23. Still LJing.now and then. I never saw myself here. I never saw myself not having a next planned out. ( still)
I'm not hopeless or sad or excited. I am just here... and there.
I miss some of the amazing friends that used to be a regular part of my life...and i am unexpectedly really appreciating some old ( also amazing)friends on a more regular basis. Sometimes i wonder if they would get along.
I am honest. BUt sometimes the selfishness overshadows that.
i can't wait for change but i push it away.
I've suprised myself with some of my own thoughts lately. Kinda scary.
They have to stay captive. Why does my faith live in waves? I just finished my Beth moore study.... It was all about how David's foucus wavered too... but he always came back to God...and the overall theme was God's grace and consistancy in our inconsistant lives... BUT my inconsistancy is pissing me off. Who the Hell am i? I have all these ideas... and all this lack of conistancy in acting on them... I have friends who really know me and then i doubt that they do. .. Because i don't show them. I don;t know when i became so guarded... and i suppose it;s good... but it's kind of lonely. honestly... I am feeling a little bit sorry for myself... and for my actions... and tired.
I am letting myself dive into my own wonderings here... with music in the back ground... so it's all a little dramatic... I am happy. God is faithfull, I am learning....but also... it's scary and i try not to be...but "sometimes it just feels better to give in.. and it all too familiar and it happens all the time" and with slight shame i am honest about that here.
i am not complaining... i'm trying to figure it out. i just never saw myself here.
"drop everything, start it all over... remember more than you'd like to forget."
It's not worth making allowances...HE is worth an intentional life. Bottom line.
GREAT QUESTION:
The other day i was trying to see meteors with some friends and Dan looked at me and asked..." Why Did God do more than He had to?" ( meteors and such)
My guess is because he Loves us. He will keep us interested if we seek him. He is a God of wonders and mystery...He does so much that we take for granted. and sometimes it just fills us. Skies do that for me. remind me. Thanks.
I thought it was a great question. made me think...and feel safe.
tonight i have to find a letter I wrote 6 years ago.
pack a gym bag and a lunch... and sleep. The lack of that is partially to blame for the mind vomit seen above.
I really miss being someones. But I'm also afraid to be.
I am HIs. And that is Enough. it always will be... even if i doubt it.
I hope i can remember.
insert a million TBS and JEW lyrics here... and a little Shoulder lean :)
Feeling better.
Here i am 23. Still LJing.now and then. I never saw myself here. I never saw myself not having a next planned out. ( still)
I'm not hopeless or sad or excited. I am just here... and there.
I miss some of the amazing friends that used to be a regular part of my life...and i am unexpectedly really appreciating some old ( also amazing)friends on a more regular basis. Sometimes i wonder if they would get along.
I am honest. BUt sometimes the selfishness overshadows that.
i can't wait for change but i push it away.
I've suprised myself with some of my own thoughts lately. Kinda scary.
They have to stay captive. Why does my faith live in waves? I just finished my Beth moore study.... It was all about how David's foucus wavered too... but he always came back to God...and the overall theme was God's grace and consistancy in our inconsistant lives... BUT my inconsistancy is pissing me off. Who the Hell am i? I have all these ideas... and all this lack of conistancy in acting on them... I have friends who really know me and then i doubt that they do. .. Because i don't show them. I don;t know when i became so guarded... and i suppose it;s good... but it's kind of lonely. honestly... I am feeling a little bit sorry for myself... and for my actions... and tired.
I am letting myself dive into my own wonderings here... with music in the back ground... so it's all a little dramatic... I am happy. God is faithfull, I am learning....but also... it's scary and i try not to be...but "sometimes it just feels better to give in.. and it all too familiar and it happens all the time" and with slight shame i am honest about that here.
i am not complaining... i'm trying to figure it out. i just never saw myself here.
"drop everything, start it all over... remember more than you'd like to forget."
It's not worth making allowances...HE is worth an intentional life. Bottom line.
GREAT QUESTION:
The other day i was trying to see meteors with some friends and Dan looked at me and asked..." Why Did God do more than He had to?" ( meteors and such)
My guess is because he Loves us. He will keep us interested if we seek him. He is a God of wonders and mystery...He does so much that we take for granted. and sometimes it just fills us. Skies do that for me. remind me. Thanks.
I thought it was a great question. made me think...and feel safe.
tonight i have to find a letter I wrote 6 years ago.
pack a gym bag and a lunch... and sleep. The lack of that is partially to blame for the mind vomit seen above.
I really miss being someones. But I'm also afraid to be.
I am HIs. And that is Enough. it always will be... even if i doubt it.
I hope i can remember.
insert a million TBS and JEW lyrics here... and a little Shoulder lean :)
Feeling better.