am i dumb or just an idiot?
ok so i think i've finally figured it out. i think i like to be sad. i dont want to like it, but i think i do. here is my theory..
when i find something good.. i sabatoge it. not on purpose though, it's subconciously (spelling?). i tend to steer away from things that would/could potentially give me happiness because im either afraid or i find something wrong with whatever it is. i used to think i was such an optimistic person, but maybe im really not? i'll sit in my room and cry and think about the bad things in life and listen to sad music, and im fine with that. what the hell is wrong with me? i thought i wanted some great relationship with a guy and have everything be beautiful and rainbow-ly. if thats so, then why do i always end a good thing and why do i always find something wrong with something good? it's like im a happy person usually, but there's this part of me inside that loves darkness. scaaaaaary! but sometimes i really do like being alone. i dont know what to doooooooooooooo..
OH! and for the past two days i've been going to pick up my pictures from the store and they havn't been ready. then today i go in and the lady tells me they couldnt put the white boarder on them like i had asked so i have to re-send them or some bullshit. minimum wage workers with their low education.. i tell ya.
when i find something good.. i sabatoge it. not on purpose though, it's subconciously (spelling?). i tend to steer away from things that would/could potentially give me happiness because im either afraid or i find something wrong with whatever it is. i used to think i was such an optimistic person, but maybe im really not? i'll sit in my room and cry and think about the bad things in life and listen to sad music, and im fine with that. what the hell is wrong with me? i thought i wanted some great relationship with a guy and have everything be beautiful and rainbow-ly. if thats so, then why do i always end a good thing and why do i always find something wrong with something good? it's like im a happy person usually, but there's this part of me inside that loves darkness. scaaaaaary! but sometimes i really do like being alone. i dont know what to doooooooooooooo..
OH! and for the past two days i've been going to pick up my pictures from the store and they havn't been ready. then today i go in and the lady tells me they couldnt put the white boarder on them like i had asked so i have to re-send them or some bullshit. minimum wage workers with their low education.. i tell ya.