I am ok, I am ok...
I am currently hiding at my work. I need a bit of space away from the glare of my computer screen and the email I am trying to answer to think and to calm down.
Just a few moments ago I was trying to organise my thoughts, I was trying to find the correct words to tap onto the screen and all I could think of was: chaotic. I have been asked to provide some "candid" feedback on my manager. I have already said all there is to say but now it has to be in writing for actions to be taken and I am finding it to be an incredibly uncomfortable exercise. This was not what I expected I would have to do as a graduate, it is all so incredibly unfair.
uncomfortable because I do not want to be the cause of the ruin of someone's career, though I have seen that person destroy the career of others.
I have let myself feel so weak when I should be untouchable. I am, after all, working my notice period with just over a week left to go. Soon I will have a different team and a different manager in a different line of business. I will be free and I will be doing what I want to do, moving to work as a developer. I will be able to grow again.
So why is my heart pounding?
Why am I struggling with the words?
Why am I letting myself feel anxious and nauseous?
No one will die if I have to go home because I feel sick so my response to anxiety isn't the end of he world. No one can chase me if I don't send the email.
Calm down.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.