Storybook
I've been religiously following a blog for about a year or so now: 65redroses. Eva is a girl with Cystic Fibrosis, a documentary was made about her which is available in Canada (or by tunnelling through a Canadian IP address:) ) detailing her story of waiting and receiving a double lung transplant. I saw the documentary some time after she received it and began following her journal when her body had begun to reject those lungs. She was back on the list for another lung transplant which hasn't come on time.
Last night I checked her blog and found that her life is ending and she has only been given a few more days to live. I watched the youtube video she made about her death and she seems so calm and accepting of her nearing death. I've sent her messages wishing hope, wishing for something to happen - wishing for her body to accept her lungs or for somebody to die...
I feel strangely disconnected, like I shouldn't be grieving over this random LJers news -- I'm even referring to her by her name. It feels like I've read an amazing story book, watched an insightful movie expanding on a character from that movie then follow in the grief of that storybook character. I genuinely felt delighted when I listened to the story on when she got her transplant in the documentary, I felt joy when I followed up on how she was piecing together her life afterwards. I struggled to understand what it felt like when her body began to reject her lungs and she lost that freedom and moreso when I read her hopes and plans for the future, her distress and how she reached out and received support in love.
If this were a storybook, I would laugh at myself "Silly me." like when I cry at the end of the movie Marley and Me and held back sobs and tears when tenderly turning page over page of The Lovely Bones and sobbed my little heart out through episodes of House(md). Except this isn't a story book, this is a life and the story of a girl who gained and is losing and is losing in such an inspiring way I don't think I would ever be able to mimic. And I think that link to the reality that Eva is a person - somebody I could have met if we'd been in the right place at the right time, or perhaps the lingering continuation of how her life is hanging onto a few days and I'm powerless to stop it...
The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.
Today I officially signed onto the organ donor register. If in my death my organs can bring somebody comfort or life, then I want that to happen.
Last night I checked her blog and found that her life is ending and she has only been given a few more days to live. I watched the youtube video she made about her death and she seems so calm and accepting of her nearing death. I've sent her messages wishing hope, wishing for something to happen - wishing for her body to accept her lungs or for somebody to die...
I feel strangely disconnected, like I shouldn't be grieving over this random LJers news -- I'm even referring to her by her name. It feels like I've read an amazing story book, watched an insightful movie expanding on a character from that movie then follow in the grief of that storybook character. I genuinely felt delighted when I listened to the story on when she got her transplant in the documentary, I felt joy when I followed up on how she was piecing together her life afterwards. I struggled to understand what it felt like when her body began to reject her lungs and she lost that freedom and moreso when I read her hopes and plans for the future, her distress and how she reached out and received support in love.
If this were a storybook, I would laugh at myself "Silly me." like when I cry at the end of the movie Marley and Me and held back sobs and tears when tenderly turning page over page of The Lovely Bones and sobbed my little heart out through episodes of House(md). Except this isn't a story book, this is a life and the story of a girl who gained and is losing and is losing in such an inspiring way I don't think I would ever be able to mimic. And I think that link to the reality that Eva is a person - somebody I could have met if we'd been in the right place at the right time, or perhaps the lingering continuation of how her life is hanging onto a few days and I'm powerless to stop it...
The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.
Today I officially signed onto the organ donor register. If in my death my organs can bring somebody comfort or life, then I want that to happen.