let's not get busted
most of the time it's just me.
clutching my heart with both hands trembling.
on his bed.
on nights when i'm drunk i get too careless and loosen my grip to allow my heart to fall on the bed and get lost in between the crumpled sheets.
the other nights i leave my heart in his car.
he tells me stories about the other girls. i don't know if he tells them to make me jealous or he’s bragging or he's opening up in some fucked up i'm-gonna-change kind of way or he just doesn’t think I’d be a threat to his player ways.
there are these confusing times when we’re laying next to each other, naked skin against naked skin, looking like coffee and milk, sleeping and whispering and laughing and playing around, that make me know there is something there.
like…
his arm around me, face buried in my hair, fingers tenderly caressing my bare shoulder.
the time i offered to be his study buddy to which he responded by laughing heartily and saying, "i won't be able to. you'd be too much of a distraction."
one tired night, he fell into a deep sleep right after picking me up and woke up to being spooned against me, my leg over his and he smiled, turned his head toward me till it touched mine and with his eyes still closed he said, “I don’t know why but this is really comforting.”
holding myself up with both hands over him, hands resting on his shoulders, bare-chested, hair down, and him looking up in awe, his eyes glittering with the look of one appreciating unparalleled beauty, as he said, “I’ve got the greatest view from here.”
lying in front of each other, our heads resting on our own arms, right after he had said, “you can’t fall in love with me”. I looked sullenly at him, thinking of how much I loved him and how I was going to break his little rule when he looked up, tilted his head and asked “what are you staring at?”, to which I replied, “the wall.” he laughed, then kissed my forehead.
nuzzling his nose into mine, pressing his forehead against mine and holding me tight against his chest.
but he ruins everything by being scared, by being a dumb ass too chicken shit to fall in love.
i know about his life. i know he's carrying a very heavy family burden. i know that he still doesn't understand why people here act the way they do. i know how he's desperate to leave this place and the painful memories they hold. i know that if ever we became exclusive, i would still not be able to see him as often as i'd like.
i know and i'm still here.
that should be worth something.
clutching my heart with both hands trembling.
on his bed.
on nights when i'm drunk i get too careless and loosen my grip to allow my heart to fall on the bed and get lost in between the crumpled sheets.
the other nights i leave my heart in his car.
he tells me stories about the other girls. i don't know if he tells them to make me jealous or he’s bragging or he's opening up in some fucked up i'm-gonna-change kind of way or he just doesn’t think I’d be a threat to his player ways.
there are these confusing times when we’re laying next to each other, naked skin against naked skin, looking like coffee and milk, sleeping and whispering and laughing and playing around, that make me know there is something there.
like…
his arm around me, face buried in my hair, fingers tenderly caressing my bare shoulder.
the time i offered to be his study buddy to which he responded by laughing heartily and saying, "i won't be able to. you'd be too much of a distraction."
one tired night, he fell into a deep sleep right after picking me up and woke up to being spooned against me, my leg over his and he smiled, turned his head toward me till it touched mine and with his eyes still closed he said, “I don’t know why but this is really comforting.”
holding myself up with both hands over him, hands resting on his shoulders, bare-chested, hair down, and him looking up in awe, his eyes glittering with the look of one appreciating unparalleled beauty, as he said, “I’ve got the greatest view from here.”
lying in front of each other, our heads resting on our own arms, right after he had said, “you can’t fall in love with me”. I looked sullenly at him, thinking of how much I loved him and how I was going to break his little rule when he looked up, tilted his head and asked “what are you staring at?”, to which I replied, “the wall.” he laughed, then kissed my forehead.
nuzzling his nose into mine, pressing his forehead against mine and holding me tight against his chest.
but he ruins everything by being scared, by being a dumb ass too chicken shit to fall in love.
i know about his life. i know he's carrying a very heavy family burden. i know that he still doesn't understand why people here act the way they do. i know how he's desperate to leave this place and the painful memories they hold. i know that if ever we became exclusive, i would still not be able to see him as often as i'd like.
i know and i'm still here.
that should be worth something.