Finding magical love...
My new, budding interest in paganism, and witchcraft specifically, has led me to reconsider what I might want from my future long-term relationships. When it comes to the intersection of BDSM and paganism, one of my primary inspiration's is the work of Raven Kaldera, who owns a boy. Part of the boy's service is assisting Raven with his spiritual and religious activities. See, for example, this article. I think these paragraphs are particularly telling:
I am learning, though, that there is a deeper sort of sacred service: the experience of serving someone who has a calling, an Assignment. Something that eats their life; something to which they have given themselves over entirely. Something inherent in them that differentiates them from the common world. The easiest secular example for this is the artist or musician or writer whose talent so consumes them that they are often little more than a channel for it, or the political activist who is consumed entirely by their dreams and goals. For these people, there is nothing (or nearly nothing) in their life but their Work. All too often, they need a servant to support them and take care of their mundane needs, a servant to be an interface with the rest of the world.
I call this role in all of its forms the "Shaman's Boy", as it speaks to a larger archetype. The image is of the shaman's calm, polite boy explaining the wild-eyed shaman's strange behavior to the client or anthropologist, as best he can. He is translator and receptionist. He tells the client, "This is what is happening. Sit here. Drink this. Do not be afraid." He does the aftercare for the client.... but more importantly, he does the aftercare for the shaman. People on the outside don't see that part, but that is his real function.
Image: The shaman is god-possessed and throws himself into the icy river, spinning wildly, communicating with the heavens in a language which is no language. That sort of thing is hard on the body, and the boy's job is to care for the body, to care for what remains of the human the gods have taken and so thoroughly changed for their purposes. The boy is there afterwards with a warm blanket and some hot tea and a little something to eat, in the same way as one services the writer who shuts himself in his room for days at a time, occasionally absently eating the sandwiches left at the door.
That is the job of this sort of sacred servant: being the one who makes their sandwiches and draws their bath and brings their tea. He is the one who quietly supports them when they rail against the
Universe, and helps to pick up the pieces afterwards. It isn't about providing luxury services, but rather the simple the comforts that help them continue to do their job. The relationship isn't about the servant being used, because the master is being used harder than most people can possibly imagine. The focus is entirely on the master.
I find myself very fascinated by their relationship, and I wonder if some version of that could be right for me. For some time now, I've been toying with the idea of finding that person who will submit him/herself to me on multiple levels: love, romance, relationship, sex, service, magic, etc. Recently, I've been thinking about this idea of having a male slave or submissive who would also be a witch and an energy worker. We could do energy work on each other (when we need it), experiment with Tantra, do rituals together, and maybe even some occasional sex magick! ;-)
This would need to be a person with whom I could spend the rest of my life, since I'd want to establish some kind of deep energetic, psychic connection. Due to the sheer level of intimacy, connection, and dedication involved, it would probably need to be a primary relationship, as well. I could see myself building a life (and a family!) with such a person.
The question of polyamory, of course, leads to a whole new host of issues. Specifically, I want to be free to have multiple lovers, but I also like the idea of having this guy all to myself. (In other words, me poly and him mono.) Part of me worries that it is greedy of me to want such a thing, yet another part of me also realizes that the real issue is whether or not the other person is okay with such a thing. Besides, there may come times when I might find it useful, or even fulfilling, to share my partner with others.
I even have a mental image of what this partner might be like in person. I imagine him as being shorter than me, younger (18-22), slender, minimal or no body hair, somewhat dark-skinned, relatively small boy parts (but still enough there to play with and torment), and considerably effeminate. Personality-wise, I imagine him being both intelligent (enough to have stimulating conversation and understand deep intellectual and spiritual issues) and quite submissive and masochistic. Spiritually, he would either be very similar to me or compliment me nicely. Together, we'd be the type who could stay together for the long term: forge psychic links, get handfasted, move in together, everything!
One thing I hope to do in the near future is to perform a full-moon love spell. I have many of the supplies already: pink candle, rose quartz, rose petals, chili (for spice!), cinnamon (for extra energy), cardamom (for lust), and medical lancets (to draw blood). I eventually plan to make some poppets or cloth dolls; at least three: one to represent me, one to represent this ideal primary partner, and one to represent any other lovers that I'd also want to enter my life. The question on my mind is this: Should my love spell include any level of specificity at all? Or, should I just be really general? Like, "Oh, Great Goddess, I beseech you, please send me the best partner or partners for me!" Specificity risks me bypassing someone who might not be my ideal but would actually be better for me in the long run. On the other hand, maybe I should trust my intuition and ask for the specific thing, perhaps with a caveat that "If there is someone better for me than my imagined ideal, then please send him instead."
Hopefully, I'll eventually get this lover and we can move on to exciting rituals and sex magick! :-D
I am learning, though, that there is a deeper sort of sacred service: the experience of serving someone who has a calling, an Assignment. Something that eats their life; something to which they have given themselves over entirely. Something inherent in them that differentiates them from the common world. The easiest secular example for this is the artist or musician or writer whose talent so consumes them that they are often little more than a channel for it, or the political activist who is consumed entirely by their dreams and goals. For these people, there is nothing (or nearly nothing) in their life but their Work. All too often, they need a servant to support them and take care of their mundane needs, a servant to be an interface with the rest of the world.
I call this role in all of its forms the "Shaman's Boy", as it speaks to a larger archetype. The image is of the shaman's calm, polite boy explaining the wild-eyed shaman's strange behavior to the client or anthropologist, as best he can. He is translator and receptionist. He tells the client, "This is what is happening. Sit here. Drink this. Do not be afraid." He does the aftercare for the client.... but more importantly, he does the aftercare for the shaman. People on the outside don't see that part, but that is his real function.
Image: The shaman is god-possessed and throws himself into the icy river, spinning wildly, communicating with the heavens in a language which is no language. That sort of thing is hard on the body, and the boy's job is to care for the body, to care for what remains of the human the gods have taken and so thoroughly changed for their purposes. The boy is there afterwards with a warm blanket and some hot tea and a little something to eat, in the same way as one services the writer who shuts himself in his room for days at a time, occasionally absently eating the sandwiches left at the door.
That is the job of this sort of sacred servant: being the one who makes their sandwiches and draws their bath and brings their tea. He is the one who quietly supports them when they rail against the
Universe, and helps to pick up the pieces afterwards. It isn't about providing luxury services, but rather the simple the comforts that help them continue to do their job. The relationship isn't about the servant being used, because the master is being used harder than most people can possibly imagine. The focus is entirely on the master.
I find myself very fascinated by their relationship, and I wonder if some version of that could be right for me. For some time now, I've been toying with the idea of finding that person who will submit him/herself to me on multiple levels: love, romance, relationship, sex, service, magic, etc. Recently, I've been thinking about this idea of having a male slave or submissive who would also be a witch and an energy worker. We could do energy work on each other (when we need it), experiment with Tantra, do rituals together, and maybe even some occasional sex magick! ;-)
This would need to be a person with whom I could spend the rest of my life, since I'd want to establish some kind of deep energetic, psychic connection. Due to the sheer level of intimacy, connection, and dedication involved, it would probably need to be a primary relationship, as well. I could see myself building a life (and a family!) with such a person.
The question of polyamory, of course, leads to a whole new host of issues. Specifically, I want to be free to have multiple lovers, but I also like the idea of having this guy all to myself. (In other words, me poly and him mono.) Part of me worries that it is greedy of me to want such a thing, yet another part of me also realizes that the real issue is whether or not the other person is okay with such a thing. Besides, there may come times when I might find it useful, or even fulfilling, to share my partner with others.
I even have a mental image of what this partner might be like in person. I imagine him as being shorter than me, younger (18-22), slender, minimal or no body hair, somewhat dark-skinned, relatively small boy parts (but still enough there to play with and torment), and considerably effeminate. Personality-wise, I imagine him being both intelligent (enough to have stimulating conversation and understand deep intellectual and spiritual issues) and quite submissive and masochistic. Spiritually, he would either be very similar to me or compliment me nicely. Together, we'd be the type who could stay together for the long term: forge psychic links, get handfasted, move in together, everything!
One thing I hope to do in the near future is to perform a full-moon love spell. I have many of the supplies already: pink candle, rose quartz, rose petals, chili (for spice!), cinnamon (for extra energy), cardamom (for lust), and medical lancets (to draw blood). I eventually plan to make some poppets or cloth dolls; at least three: one to represent me, one to represent this ideal primary partner, and one to represent any other lovers that I'd also want to enter my life. The question on my mind is this: Should my love spell include any level of specificity at all? Or, should I just be really general? Like, "Oh, Great Goddess, I beseech you, please send me the best partner or partners for me!" Specificity risks me bypassing someone who might not be my ideal but would actually be better for me in the long run. On the other hand, maybe I should trust my intuition and ask for the specific thing, perhaps with a caveat that "If there is someone better for me than my imagined ideal, then please send him instead."
Hopefully, I'll eventually get this lover and we can move on to exciting rituals and sex magick! :-D