Looking at singleness differently
Throughout my late teens and twenties, including up until the present (27 now), I've always had issues with being single. I felt like it was a negative thing for me and always craved a relationship when I wasn't already in one. I feel like I was always looking for at least two things:
*Validation of my basic personal worth
*Emotional security
Not good reasons to desire a relationship, but there you have it.
When I first started looking at The Secret and the Law of Attraction, I was thinking I might use it to attract a relationship. And, not just any relationship, but the kind I specifically wanted with the ideal type of guy.
However, one thing I learned about LoA is the importance of gratitude and seeing the good in one's current situation -- financial, social, romantic, etc. Thus, I am trying to do that with my current status (single, with several "friends with benefits"). Here are some good things about it I have identified so far:
*My free time is all mine. I can spend it on whatever I like.
*I only have to think of myself, my wants, and my needs when making plans and major life decisions...or simply going about my day.
*I am free to play the field as I like, with whoever I like -- no worrying about a partner's jealousy or approval
*No required relationship maintenance. I do not have to worry about whether or not I am paying a partner enough attention, spending enough time with him, or anything else like that
*I get to maintain my privacy and personal boundaries
*My options are open, and nothing is set in stone
*Complete freedom from any commitments, obligations, and restrictions that a relationship would impose
*Emotional independence. No dependence upon, or vulnerability to, a partner's words/actions.
*No sudden crises in a partner's life to consume my time, attention, and energy
*No relationship drama
*I still get to have lots of good times with friends with benefits, dates, and one-night stands.
Yeah, lots of benefits: time, space, freedom, independence, privacy, etc. (In many ways, those are the same reasons I do not want children, either.) I am a person who greatly values all those things and (in hindsight) always missed them when I was dating someone. I've found that focusing on those positives about my relationship status helps me to feel better about it. In addition, I've come up with the following affirmation:
I accept and embrace my present relationship status, I give thanks for the benefits that it affords me, and I invite and welcome any changes enhance my well-being.
This accomplishes three goals:
1. It increases my positive feelings about my present reality, so that being single is not an emotional burden but, instead, an extraordinary opportunity for personal growth and fulfillment.
2. It invites change without fostering unhealthy attachments to the outcome. Instead of longing for relationships (that may or may not bring me happiness), I can simply remain open to relationships that uplift and enhance me and refuse/let go of those that do not.
3. Finally, because it merely says, "my present relationship status," I can continue using it regardless of what that status is at the time - single, partnered, or what have you. At any time, I can feel good about "my present relationship status."
Woot! :-D