stress and life
I haven't posted in over a month. shit is hitting the fan and splashing EVERYWHERE
school: I doubt I'll be going back, even though everyone is telling me to just take a class or two and see where it goes from there. I just wanna run, I wanna move somewhere else instead of dealing with this bullshit.
school isn't for me. I can't concentrate and I am way too stressed to do that. I'm the one putting down the money but wtf is the point if I can't even stay focused on school, I'd be throwing away a few hundred on nothing.
things with brownie are good, tonight is out 2 years. which is fucking insane. but today has already been ruined by my dear mother. how fucking nice of her
I'm spending money on things I don't need, and I think I'm gonna stop for at least the next 2 months, i'll stick to the whole bare necessities again.
diet! I've been working on it, I have no idea how much I weigh but I know that my love handles and other bits of the sort have gotten way smaller. I still can't fit into my normal pants though so that doesn't work for me very much
I've gotten a lot of new plugs and I think I have about 6 at least coming which is a good boost. I bought a pair of boots the other day, big fucking heels. need to figure out if they will work out or what
I love brownie but I'm tired of having to buy everything, he needs to find a job but he's so unmotivated.
I feel like such a fucking hypocrite, I"m bombing school and bookin it and he's doing fine and dandy. So conflicted in where I'm going and what I'm going to do with my life.
there's this new friend of mine, kenny, he's good people, just about as troubled and everything as I am which is good since I can relate and just bullshit with him about problems.
then there's this other guy, dan...dan is nice but he's different. he tries to help but he's too...normal and not troubled at all. I can't just release with him when I just feel like I have all the problems and there's something wrong with me. he tried tutoring me for about a week before my prof told me to just drop the class.
I have 2 classes left. and I feel like I'm doing terrible in both. I'll find out for friday how I'm doing for real in my english class but I think I just didn't put enough into it. Math...I'm trying to work on it, I suppose today and tomorrow I"ll just work on that since I'm not going to be doing anything else.
problems so many of them, I'm such a problematic person. I see myself falling down, really hard, breaking everything off, and just staying with work. I wanna drink and just stay that way, drunken stupor. sounds so appealing
starvation, insanity and vomit.
school: I doubt I'll be going back, even though everyone is telling me to just take a class or two and see where it goes from there. I just wanna run, I wanna move somewhere else instead of dealing with this bullshit.
school isn't for me. I can't concentrate and I am way too stressed to do that. I'm the one putting down the money but wtf is the point if I can't even stay focused on school, I'd be throwing away a few hundred on nothing.
things with brownie are good, tonight is out 2 years. which is fucking insane. but today has already been ruined by my dear mother. how fucking nice of her
I'm spending money on things I don't need, and I think I'm gonna stop for at least the next 2 months, i'll stick to the whole bare necessities again.
diet! I've been working on it, I have no idea how much I weigh but I know that my love handles and other bits of the sort have gotten way smaller. I still can't fit into my normal pants though so that doesn't work for me very much
I've gotten a lot of new plugs and I think I have about 6 at least coming which is a good boost. I bought a pair of boots the other day, big fucking heels. need to figure out if they will work out or what
I love brownie but I'm tired of having to buy everything, he needs to find a job but he's so unmotivated.
I feel like such a fucking hypocrite, I"m bombing school and bookin it and he's doing fine and dandy. So conflicted in where I'm going and what I'm going to do with my life.
there's this new friend of mine, kenny, he's good people, just about as troubled and everything as I am which is good since I can relate and just bullshit with him about problems.
then there's this other guy, dan...dan is nice but he's different. he tries to help but he's too...normal and not troubled at all. I can't just release with him when I just feel like I have all the problems and there's something wrong with me. he tried tutoring me for about a week before my prof told me to just drop the class.
I have 2 classes left. and I feel like I'm doing terrible in both. I'll find out for friday how I'm doing for real in my english class but I think I just didn't put enough into it. Math...I'm trying to work on it, I suppose today and tomorrow I"ll just work on that since I'm not going to be doing anything else.
problems so many of them, I'm such a problematic person. I see myself falling down, really hard, breaking everything off, and just staying with work. I wanna drink and just stay that way, drunken stupor. sounds so appealing
starvation, insanity and vomit.