Dream 12/19/06
I don't know where the came from. But i had a dream last night. I remember every detail. I can literally feel the cold and hear the voices. It's so eery. - Ashlee.
I had been walking for a long time. I don't really know how long. The winter weather was cruel and unforgiving. Moving meant surviving. Surviving meant enduring another painful day. Not surviving meant experiencing the unknown - which was more frightning than the bloodthirsty conditions of the penetrating cold. Sometimes it is so cold, my mind has trouble comprehending anything. Sometimes my body cannot take anymore, and I find myself fainting about in the snow. But you can't really give up in life - not this life. Moving on is all I know to do, never moving onto something new, just accepting this is what I have been given.
But today is different. Today as I was wondering my path I came accrossed a book. Mind you coming acrossed anything in this winterland was unheard of. The book was blue with gold threading. The kind of you would see in a dark wooded library with all the classics, but no one to read them. The type of room where books are a mere accessory so they remain untouched, thus in perfect condition. I suppose that if books at feelings, this would be a sort of hell.
As I picked up the book my hands were a little shakey. Why was this here? I was very hesitant to open it, for some reason I feared the worst. I decided to sit down underneath a familiar pine tree that I had walked by a few hundred times, always in search of somewhere safe. I brushed my calloused fingers acrossed the cover of the book, it was a hard cover. As my fingers made their way up and down the spine of the book, i could feel each thread used to bind it. All of this really was in slow motion.
I decided I must open the book. My insides were trembling. Almost as if they knew something pivotal was a about the happen. I slowly started opening the book and this scorching light radiated out of the book. It was unpleasantly penetrating. This light was something new and different, I felt as if i were melting. I wanted to close the book, but i couldnt. I couldnt because of what I saw. There lying right on the pages, so nonchalantly was a photograph of a girl. She was smiling unappologetically and had a warmness about her. There she stood infront of some body of water. There was no snow. She wasn't cold. I was so jealous, i wanted to tear this picture out but i wouldn't. She was me. Unmistakenly, utterly, and completely me.
At first I was angry. What kind of cruel joke is this? Seeing a picture of yourself painstakingly happy and not having a clue how is like nails on the chalkboard. I literally was feeling like my head was about to explode. I closed the book and ran. I ran so hard and so fast. I was crying but as always the tears just froze to my cheeks, until the next tear fell.
Then i somehow ran into a old man,literally. He was sitting on a tree stump with a heart carved into the base. And I knew. I shouldn't have known, but i knew him. And i knew this tree stump. It was like just by seeing them, i learned. This was the tree that gave the boy everything. The Giving Tree. And in the end, the boy got old and all the tree had left was a stump for him to rest on. The old man looked so concerned when he asked if i was alright. I was. I think. Then i heard a female voice, and I knew it was the tree.
She spoke softly as she said "Ah, Ashlee it's about time you came here. I see you found the book I left for you."
I couldn't speak. I hadnt had contact with people, let alone a speaking tree, needless to say i was overwhelmed. Tree? Man? Book? Light? I felt myself getting sleepy.
Next thought I had was hearing waves. I opened my eyes to see that the tree and the old man were sitting by my side. And there was water.
"If you want that life I showed you, the life you deserve, your going to have to trust yourself. It's right acrossed the water, waiting for you kiddo."
"What do you mean, how do i get there?"
"Just walk acrossed honey, it's that simple"
I stuck a toe in the water and it was freezing. About as cold as water can be before freezing. It was so cold it was thick.
"I can't, the water is freezing. I will die."
"Ah. Tell me do you enjoy wandering from tree to tree? Does feeling to achiness of the artic please you? You can settle for the cold, but there are greater things"
"It's all i know. But that picture.. how?"
"The picture isn't factual, Ashlee. But it can be." said the tree.
Then out of no where the tree said to the old man, "Give it to her now boy." And the boy handed me a necklace, it was a locket. As I opened the locket I saw the same picture. The one that won't leave my mind. Happiness. Contentment. Warmth.
"To thine own self by true my dear. You have the power, you need the courage. Believe in yourself. You'll make it, if you allow yourself" said the old man.
Just then this wind sorta picked me up and spun me in circles, it felt oddly natural. I landed on the water. I was ontop of the water. Once I realized this i remembered this was impossible. The water was not frozen, and I couldnt walk acrossed it if it wasn't. Just as i began to rationalize this, i started sinking into the water and felt the stabbing pains of the temperature.
Then the wind came and picked me up again.
"You have the power, you need the courage. Believe in yourself. You'll make it, if you allow yourself" i heard this whispered in my ear. It was if the wind was the old man.
Then once again i was upon the water. I opened up the locket, refusing to look up, and took a step forward. No pain. No sinking. Trust. I walked and walked and walked never looking up. Never rationalizing. No pain. No sinking. Trust. Trust. Trust.
After a bit of time, as i was walking across, my foot came to a surface that was warm and separate. I found sand. I looked around and saw a pink blanket laying on the ground. I was not cold but i decided to wrap it around my shoulders. Mostly to feel that it was real.
As i'm exploring the area I come acrossed some type of cottage, i hear people laughing inside. I knock on the door and it begins to open. I take a step in and then i woke up.
This dream was the most vivid dream I have ever had in my whole entire life. It sorta has thrown me off, as i sit here recording it i am not even quite sure what to think of it. Sorta sobering.
<3 Ashlee.
I had been walking for a long time. I don't really know how long. The winter weather was cruel and unforgiving. Moving meant surviving. Surviving meant enduring another painful day. Not surviving meant experiencing the unknown - which was more frightning than the bloodthirsty conditions of the penetrating cold. Sometimes it is so cold, my mind has trouble comprehending anything. Sometimes my body cannot take anymore, and I find myself fainting about in the snow. But you can't really give up in life - not this life. Moving on is all I know to do, never moving onto something new, just accepting this is what I have been given.
But today is different. Today as I was wondering my path I came accrossed a book. Mind you coming acrossed anything in this winterland was unheard of. The book was blue with gold threading. The kind of you would see in a dark wooded library with all the classics, but no one to read them. The type of room where books are a mere accessory so they remain untouched, thus in perfect condition. I suppose that if books at feelings, this would be a sort of hell.
As I picked up the book my hands were a little shakey. Why was this here? I was very hesitant to open it, for some reason I feared the worst. I decided to sit down underneath a familiar pine tree that I had walked by a few hundred times, always in search of somewhere safe. I brushed my calloused fingers acrossed the cover of the book, it was a hard cover. As my fingers made their way up and down the spine of the book, i could feel each thread used to bind it. All of this really was in slow motion.
I decided I must open the book. My insides were trembling. Almost as if they knew something pivotal was a about the happen. I slowly started opening the book and this scorching light radiated out of the book. It was unpleasantly penetrating. This light was something new and different, I felt as if i were melting. I wanted to close the book, but i couldnt. I couldnt because of what I saw. There lying right on the pages, so nonchalantly was a photograph of a girl. She was smiling unappologetically and had a warmness about her. There she stood infront of some body of water. There was no snow. She wasn't cold. I was so jealous, i wanted to tear this picture out but i wouldn't. She was me. Unmistakenly, utterly, and completely me.
At first I was angry. What kind of cruel joke is this? Seeing a picture of yourself painstakingly happy and not having a clue how is like nails on the chalkboard. I literally was feeling like my head was about to explode. I closed the book and ran. I ran so hard and so fast. I was crying but as always the tears just froze to my cheeks, until the next tear fell.
Then i somehow ran into a old man,literally. He was sitting on a tree stump with a heart carved into the base. And I knew. I shouldn't have known, but i knew him. And i knew this tree stump. It was like just by seeing them, i learned. This was the tree that gave the boy everything. The Giving Tree. And in the end, the boy got old and all the tree had left was a stump for him to rest on. The old man looked so concerned when he asked if i was alright. I was. I think. Then i heard a female voice, and I knew it was the tree.
She spoke softly as she said "Ah, Ashlee it's about time you came here. I see you found the book I left for you."
I couldn't speak. I hadnt had contact with people, let alone a speaking tree, needless to say i was overwhelmed. Tree? Man? Book? Light? I felt myself getting sleepy.
Next thought I had was hearing waves. I opened my eyes to see that the tree and the old man were sitting by my side. And there was water.
"If you want that life I showed you, the life you deserve, your going to have to trust yourself. It's right acrossed the water, waiting for you kiddo."
"What do you mean, how do i get there?"
"Just walk acrossed honey, it's that simple"
I stuck a toe in the water and it was freezing. About as cold as water can be before freezing. It was so cold it was thick.
"I can't, the water is freezing. I will die."
"Ah. Tell me do you enjoy wandering from tree to tree? Does feeling to achiness of the artic please you? You can settle for the cold, but there are greater things"
"It's all i know. But that picture.. how?"
"The picture isn't factual, Ashlee. But it can be." said the tree.
Then out of no where the tree said to the old man, "Give it to her now boy." And the boy handed me a necklace, it was a locket. As I opened the locket I saw the same picture. The one that won't leave my mind. Happiness. Contentment. Warmth.
"To thine own self by true my dear. You have the power, you need the courage. Believe in yourself. You'll make it, if you allow yourself" said the old man.
Just then this wind sorta picked me up and spun me in circles, it felt oddly natural. I landed on the water. I was ontop of the water. Once I realized this i remembered this was impossible. The water was not frozen, and I couldnt walk acrossed it if it wasn't. Just as i began to rationalize this, i started sinking into the water and felt the stabbing pains of the temperature.
Then the wind came and picked me up again.
"You have the power, you need the courage. Believe in yourself. You'll make it, if you allow yourself" i heard this whispered in my ear. It was if the wind was the old man.
Then once again i was upon the water. I opened up the locket, refusing to look up, and took a step forward. No pain. No sinking. Trust. I walked and walked and walked never looking up. Never rationalizing. No pain. No sinking. Trust. Trust. Trust.
After a bit of time, as i was walking across, my foot came to a surface that was warm and separate. I found sand. I looked around and saw a pink blanket laying on the ground. I was not cold but i decided to wrap it around my shoulders. Mostly to feel that it was real.
As i'm exploring the area I come acrossed some type of cottage, i hear people laughing inside. I knock on the door and it begins to open. I take a step in and then i woke up.
This dream was the most vivid dream I have ever had in my whole entire life. It sorta has thrown me off, as i sit here recording it i am not even quite sure what to think of it. Sorta sobering.
<3 Ashlee.