Writing.
Remember that story recorded so long ago about Jonah and running from his destiny? Sometimes I feel like I could be Jonah. I might not specifically know what destiny exactly that I'm running from is, but it seems I must be. I like writing. Some weeks there will be days and days worth of ideas I journal and documents and then months will go by without anything. It's not ironic that I feel most inspired when great tragedy or happiness enters a stage of my life, but I feel like inside of me I have a untouched gift.
I'm sitting here in my office at work, surveying the masses of paperwork and computing that needs to be done, feeling nothing but sheer disgust. Don't get me wrong, I have a nice job and am thankful for having one at all in this period of economic turmoil, but every fiber of my being feels so much wholer when I'm doing something creative. Yes, someone needs to do the paperwork, someone needs to process orders and take phonecalls, but the thought of me doing this eight to five grind for the next 40 years is enough to make me nautious. I'm not afraid of work, and I don't want some artsy job where I'm sitting writing 'roses are red' lines. I don't even know if writing is what I want, but I do want to put the creativity that was placed in me to use.
I've been struggling with education for so long. My family would think the reason I didn't knwo what I wanted to do for a career was out of laziness. When I would say I don't know what I want, they often times would get angry and spew comments like, 'You want to work at X which you hate all your life?'. No, I don't want to work a mindless job, I want to have a job that affords me the lifestyle I crave - but I want to like that job. I want to do a task/project and be proud of the thing I have created.
Sigh. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.
I'm sitting here in my office at work, surveying the masses of paperwork and computing that needs to be done, feeling nothing but sheer disgust. Don't get me wrong, I have a nice job and am thankful for having one at all in this period of economic turmoil, but every fiber of my being feels so much wholer when I'm doing something creative. Yes, someone needs to do the paperwork, someone needs to process orders and take phonecalls, but the thought of me doing this eight to five grind for the next 40 years is enough to make me nautious. I'm not afraid of work, and I don't want some artsy job where I'm sitting writing 'roses are red' lines. I don't even know if writing is what I want, but I do want to put the creativity that was placed in me to use.
I've been struggling with education for so long. My family would think the reason I didn't knwo what I wanted to do for a career was out of laziness. When I would say I don't know what I want, they often times would get angry and spew comments like, 'You want to work at X which you hate all your life?'. No, I don't want to work a mindless job, I want to have a job that affords me the lifestyle I crave - but I want to like that job. I want to do a task/project and be proud of the thing I have created.
Sigh. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.