And she cries at night.
If you know me, you don't really. The thing is.. I have this own existence. I live in this random state of mind that no one else knows about. No one knows the thoughts that hold me captive. Maybe i don't even know. Sometimes i will tell someone something... that they think is terrible... and all the while i'm thinking... if you think that's bad... live in my head for a day.
*I wrote you those nice poems only because the honest ones would frighten you* ~ Jewel
I feel like i'm sinking. I cry alot. I used to cry alot.. but now i cry differently. I don't cry because i'm not happy.. i cry because i don't know how to be.
Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes i read something, or hear a song.. and it makes me crumble. I have a need to be strong, but i don't know what i'm being strong against.
I feel fake. Mostly because i don't remember what's real. It seems cruel that it's so hard to be yourself. Or that it's terrible that knowing who you are, learning who you are, is such an arduous task. It would make me sad, if who I am, and how i've been feeling.. is me. Not to sound terribly emo.. but that would be crushing. Because I don't want to be closed off, and walled up. I don't want to be numb and jaded. I'm tired of blankly staring into my world without feeling.
I remember this girl, who was confident and happy. Her teeth were a little crooked but she smiled without try. She laughed alot, almost obnoxiously. (And that made people laugh)
Someone told me once that I have charisma, or I had charisma. Or that people, we're attracted to me. But now i have a uneasy smile. I'll flash it at you, but i probably don't mean it.
Today i was trying to think of friends in my life. I guess we are our own best friend. I mean no one else could possibly understand us... not like we do. I don't have any friends that understand what i'm feeling. There was a man who i adored. I still adore him, but he doesnt care anymore. I talk to his girlfriend more than him, and that's not that frequent. I guess you can't expect people to always care. I found out he lied to me about 2 weeks ago. It was about something so simple, so silly. I don't know why he lied. But he did and now things are broken.
Here's a lesson kids; lies ruin everything.
So me and this boi, we'll start to fade. Well.. we've started to fade. It's a tragedy i think, when you care about someone more than they care about you. He's a good guy, but he's a better friend when he's the one needing the friendship. When it's inconvenient for him, i do all the work. Ah well. Relationships always end. It's sad. Even if your caring enough to read this, you know it has truth.
Goodbye Alice in Wonderland. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.
*I wrote you those nice poems only because the honest ones would frighten you* ~ Jewel
I feel like i'm sinking. I cry alot. I used to cry alot.. but now i cry differently. I don't cry because i'm not happy.. i cry because i don't know how to be.
Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes i read something, or hear a song.. and it makes me crumble. I have a need to be strong, but i don't know what i'm being strong against.
I feel fake. Mostly because i don't remember what's real. It seems cruel that it's so hard to be yourself. Or that it's terrible that knowing who you are, learning who you are, is such an arduous task. It would make me sad, if who I am, and how i've been feeling.. is me. Not to sound terribly emo.. but that would be crushing. Because I don't want to be closed off, and walled up. I don't want to be numb and jaded. I'm tired of blankly staring into my world without feeling.
I remember this girl, who was confident and happy. Her teeth were a little crooked but she smiled without try. She laughed alot, almost obnoxiously. (And that made people laugh)
Someone told me once that I have charisma, or I had charisma. Or that people, we're attracted to me. But now i have a uneasy smile. I'll flash it at you, but i probably don't mean it.
Today i was trying to think of friends in my life. I guess we are our own best friend. I mean no one else could possibly understand us... not like we do. I don't have any friends that understand what i'm feeling. There was a man who i adored. I still adore him, but he doesnt care anymore. I talk to his girlfriend more than him, and that's not that frequent. I guess you can't expect people to always care. I found out he lied to me about 2 weeks ago. It was about something so simple, so silly. I don't know why he lied. But he did and now things are broken.
Here's a lesson kids; lies ruin everything.
So me and this boi, we'll start to fade. Well.. we've started to fade. It's a tragedy i think, when you care about someone more than they care about you. He's a good guy, but he's a better friend when he's the one needing the friendship. When it's inconvenient for him, i do all the work. Ah well. Relationships always end. It's sad. Even if your caring enough to read this, you know it has truth.
Goodbye Alice in Wonderland. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.