For Once 39
Lights
I knew it would be like this.
Your eyes are full of questions.
Your body is tense and I feel your need to pull away.
So I let you.
“Will there be more missions?”
You lean back to the other corner of the couch.
“No. I fulfilled my duty and the contract said that all connections will be cut as
soon as finishing three month of therapy and coming back home. That's why
it had been so long.”
A small nod is all I get before you get up and start pacing, deep in thought.
I just wait because I know
it will take a lot of you to work through it.
“So you...you killed. Were those bad people? Like dangerous for the world?”
“Yes, well most of. They had their plans. By accident I killed the daughter of
one of my targets.
She came home, probably from a party.
The lights were switched off and it was hard to see. When she rummaged
through her bag even after I told her to just keep still..
I shot her down.”
Her face creeps up my mind and I shiver visibly.
Even after the therapy this is still the hardest memory.
“Would you do it again?”
“What?”
“Would you choose to go with your stepfather if you knew it? The conditions
of this life?”
I know you want me to say no, I see the pleading screaming from your inside.
“Yes. Yes I would go through whatever torture because everything else would
mean that I wouldn't have gotten my daughters.
You wouldn't have been coming to my office that fateful day.”
Getting up I take your hands in mine.
“It sounds like a lovesick teenager, but it's true. This way led me to you and I
would go it again and again.”
You look down at our joined hands, tears rolling down your cheeks and
the fear spreads inside of me.
“How can you live with what you did?”
Your look in my eyes.
“I have no choice, do I? I did what I had to do and now I will return to my
real life. The last months
they were my past. Will.. will you be my future?”
There, that wonderful sparkle flames up.
It seems you realize what I had been saying earlier.
“I am you future?”
Nodding I pull up one hand to my lips,
kissing your knuckles.
“You can promise that there won't be more missions?”
“Yes. No missions. Please, I know it will be hard to accept and yes I hate
myself for what I had to do
but give me a chance.”
“Will you tell me all the details?”
“Whatever you wish for.”
“Deal”
“Deal?”
This time it takes me
some time to realize
what you just said.
“This is a yes right?”
You chuckle and then
I am wrapped in your arms. My lips against yours.
After all these dark nights, dirty sidewalks and rainy days,
there is a light at the end.
Chapter 1: http://heartbigapple.livejournal.com/572.html
Chapter 40: http://heartbigapple.livejournal.com/10818.html
I knew it would be like this.
Your eyes are full of questions.
Your body is tense and I feel your need to pull away.
So I let you.
“Will there be more missions?”
You lean back to the other corner of the couch.
“No. I fulfilled my duty and the contract said that all connections will be cut as
soon as finishing three month of therapy and coming back home. That's why
it had been so long.”
A small nod is all I get before you get up and start pacing, deep in thought.
I just wait because I know
it will take a lot of you to work through it.
“So you...you killed. Were those bad people? Like dangerous for the world?”
“Yes, well most of. They had their plans. By accident I killed the daughter of
one of my targets.
She came home, probably from a party.
The lights were switched off and it was hard to see. When she rummaged
through her bag even after I told her to just keep still..
I shot her down.”
Her face creeps up my mind and I shiver visibly.
Even after the therapy this is still the hardest memory.
“Would you do it again?”
“What?”
“Would you choose to go with your stepfather if you knew it? The conditions
of this life?”
I know you want me to say no, I see the pleading screaming from your inside.
“Yes. Yes I would go through whatever torture because everything else would
mean that I wouldn't have gotten my daughters.
You wouldn't have been coming to my office that fateful day.”
Getting up I take your hands in mine.
“It sounds like a lovesick teenager, but it's true. This way led me to you and I
would go it again and again.”
You look down at our joined hands, tears rolling down your cheeks and
the fear spreads inside of me.
“How can you live with what you did?”
Your look in my eyes.
“I have no choice, do I? I did what I had to do and now I will return to my
real life. The last months
they were my past. Will.. will you be my future?”
There, that wonderful sparkle flames up.
It seems you realize what I had been saying earlier.
“I am you future?”
Nodding I pull up one hand to my lips,
kissing your knuckles.
“You can promise that there won't be more missions?”
“Yes. No missions. Please, I know it will be hard to accept and yes I hate
myself for what I had to do
but give me a chance.”
“Will you tell me all the details?”
“Whatever you wish for.”
“Deal”
“Deal?”
This time it takes me
some time to realize
what you just said.
“This is a yes right?”
You chuckle and then
I am wrapped in your arms. My lips against yours.
After all these dark nights, dirty sidewalks and rainy days,
there is a light at the end.
Chapter 1: http://heartbigapple.livejournal.com/572.html
Chapter 40: http://heartbigapple.livejournal.com/10818.html