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Well...I haven't updated in a really long time...
I think I just need to type out what I'm thinking so that I can put all of my thoughts together. I hate this thing...It makes me feel like I'm whining. Whatever...Here I go...
If you don't know what's going on in my life, there is this guy that I like and I have liked him for over a year and 1/2 now. Some think that I should move on and if someone better comes along, I will. He now knows how I feel and I basically know how he feels. I also think that he said some stuff to make me feel better about the situation. Basically everything that has happened in the past few months I have over analyzed. Even if he was ready to date again I don't think that I would be his first choice. He is an amazing person who deserves someone much better than me. Sometimes I just want to think about someone or something else. I can for a little while, but if you get me to just sit down and think, I think about everything that I've ever done around him and everything that he's done in response. I wonder if he's ever done the same. The one thing I really want to do is cry. I haven't done that since december. At the same time that I want to cry, I force myself not to.
This may not make sense to many of you, but I just need to think "out-loud." He can't see us getting married, which I think bothers me the most. That means a lot to me. Before I get into a relationship with someone I have to be able to see us married, if I can't then there's no point in dating them. It kind of hurts that he can't see it, but I can. I'm not sure that he will ever get over his ex either. As much as I want him to I still don't see him pursuing this at all. All of this should tell me to move on, but I am hanging onto my stupid little hope. That hope that something will come of this.
Everyone thought what I thought in the end, but apparently we were all wrong. I just need to move on, and not to something else, but to nothing else. That's a lot harder to do than to say. I don't even know if that makes sense. I really hate not getting what I want. I really am spoiled. I think that the hardest part about all of this is that he is one of my best friends, and I can tell him pretty much anything. We promised each other that things wouldn't be awkward, and they aren't. I don't know. I just think too much about myself. Right now I am just thinking way to deep and I don't really want to think about this anymore.
I think I just need to type out what I'm thinking so that I can put all of my thoughts together. I hate this thing...It makes me feel like I'm whining. Whatever...Here I go...
If you don't know what's going on in my life, there is this guy that I like and I have liked him for over a year and 1/2 now. Some think that I should move on and if someone better comes along, I will. He now knows how I feel and I basically know how he feels. I also think that he said some stuff to make me feel better about the situation. Basically everything that has happened in the past few months I have over analyzed. Even if he was ready to date again I don't think that I would be his first choice. He is an amazing person who deserves someone much better than me. Sometimes I just want to think about someone or something else. I can for a little while, but if you get me to just sit down and think, I think about everything that I've ever done around him and everything that he's done in response. I wonder if he's ever done the same. The one thing I really want to do is cry. I haven't done that since december. At the same time that I want to cry, I force myself not to.
This may not make sense to many of you, but I just need to think "out-loud." He can't see us getting married, which I think bothers me the most. That means a lot to me. Before I get into a relationship with someone I have to be able to see us married, if I can't then there's no point in dating them. It kind of hurts that he can't see it, but I can. I'm not sure that he will ever get over his ex either. As much as I want him to I still don't see him pursuing this at all. All of this should tell me to move on, but I am hanging onto my stupid little hope. That hope that something will come of this.
Everyone thought what I thought in the end, but apparently we were all wrong. I just need to move on, and not to something else, but to nothing else. That's a lot harder to do than to say. I don't even know if that makes sense. I really hate not getting what I want. I really am spoiled. I think that the hardest part about all of this is that he is one of my best friends, and I can tell him pretty much anything. We promised each other that things wouldn't be awkward, and they aren't. I don't know. I just think too much about myself. Right now I am just thinking way to deep and I don't really want to think about this anymore.