so you know how i said i wasn't coming on this weekend? well i lied.
:P i'm on. and posting. and not reading. lol.
my sister's painting my nails. they're blue and white, for the israel day parade tomorrow :D
soo i finished dracula and it was really good. i underlined loads, in 3 different colors, and took notes in the margins. so i have my notes NEXT TO the text and it's just all very convenient :) so i'm going to start making a chart or something comparing it to marked to see if i want to spend all of tonight and tomorrow night reading (but NOT during the MTV awards lol) vampire kisses, my third book technically, to compare the two for my project. think i'm gonna end up reading that third book, though. oh well, i'll read fast and start my paper in the process adn talk about dracy-poo till i finish vampire kisses.
so Relay yesterday was a success, and lots of fun. hung out with friends, listened to music, walked, and played some frisbee. it didn't rain till about 11:15, though it was short and pretty light rain, and we were leaving at 12 anyway. :D i helped out a lot, and because of that didn't get to fully appreciate the luminaria ceremony, but it was still amazing all the same. in the middle i had a mini breakdown though. can you guess what brought it on? *hint:brian* here's basically how our "conversation" (via texts) went:
him: what r u doing tomorrow [saturday] night
me: i'm going to philadelphia for a charity walk adn we won't get back till around 11, sorry :(
him: o =(
me: sorry :( it's from 5-8
him: o
me: oh so i'm at relay, want to come hang out with us? the best part is coming up at 10
him: no thanks
me: :( really? not even a second thought?
and that's where the conversation ended. right there. he didn't answer. it was only 8:40ish, so there's no way he fell asleep before reading it. so i was upset that (a) he didn't answer, though it's definitely not the first time, and (b) that he didn't even seem to care that relay is so important to me. so i told my friends, and around 9:30 i was really upset he hadn't answered, and basically sat on the grass nearly in tears (probably in part because i had gone to bed after 1 AM for two nights in a row and i couldn't fully enjoy the aprt of the night i was looking forward to because i had to run around and hand out candles). i talked with my AMAZING friends (LOVE THEM) and they were trying their hardest to comfort me and try to give me advice. they said that he's just not worth it if he's making me so upset, i shouldn't have to try so hard and for so long only for it to stay the same way (if not worse) when we're finally together. collectively they agreed that i should break up with him. *deep breath* i don't know if i can. i agree, i shouldn't have to work so hard for it to work, but i feel like he just needs more time, more of a chance - and maybe someone to talk to him to make him wake up and smell the coffee. so i think i need to talk to him, just don't know when, where, how, or what to specifically say. though i think i just need to corner him and say whatever comes out. though i know i'll imagine some romantic scenario where he interrupts me with a kiss, or at least hugs me, and it won't happen and i'll be more upset, or i'll chicken out BECAUSE i know what i imagine won't actually happen. *sigh* but i know it needs to be done. i can't go through the summer dealing with this too, especially because i won't be able to see him for at least half of it. so i'm going to try to be standoffish and not talk to him, see if he gets the message. or have someone mention to him that i'm upset at him. i mean i do know that he's fairly clueless and doesn't want to "move too fast" or anything, but come on - if he likes me and wanted to see me, he should have at least sort of cared that i invited him to come to relay...right?
OK topic change...
so the walk today was pretty good. was pissed for most of it - my parents are just annoying as shit lately - and listened to my "fuck you people" playlist on my ipod as i walked the ~3 miles to avoid feeling awkward not walking with or talking to anyone. cooled down after a bit and walked with my friend. got back to the starting area with the tents and realized i was in front of the Rocky steps, so i ran up them. felt SO GOOD to get to the top without stoping! i almost fell over though when i got there - had to lean on a column for a little bit to be able to stand lol. jogged down, legs were like jello :P then we drove home and i read in the car.
shoot speaking of reading, i should go work on my english project...or go though my surplus of messages in my inbox. hmm maybe i should go though my notification settings from lion_lamb and syndicated because i get a LOT from them...lol
night, loves!
my sister's painting my nails. they're blue and white, for the israel day parade tomorrow :D
soo i finished dracula and it was really good. i underlined loads, in 3 different colors, and took notes in the margins. so i have my notes NEXT TO the text and it's just all very convenient :) so i'm going to start making a chart or something comparing it to marked to see if i want to spend all of tonight and tomorrow night reading (but NOT during the MTV awards lol) vampire kisses, my third book technically, to compare the two for my project. think i'm gonna end up reading that third book, though. oh well, i'll read fast and start my paper in the process adn talk about dracy-poo till i finish vampire kisses.
so Relay yesterday was a success, and lots of fun. hung out with friends, listened to music, walked, and played some frisbee. it didn't rain till about 11:15, though it was short and pretty light rain, and we were leaving at 12 anyway. :D i helped out a lot, and because of that didn't get to fully appreciate the luminaria ceremony, but it was still amazing all the same. in the middle i had a mini breakdown though. can you guess what brought it on? *hint:brian* here's basically how our "conversation" (via texts) went:
him: what r u doing tomorrow [saturday] night
me: i'm going to philadelphia for a charity walk adn we won't get back till around 11, sorry :(
him: o =(
me: sorry :( it's from 5-8
him: o
me: oh so i'm at relay, want to come hang out with us? the best part is coming up at 10
him: no thanks
me: :( really? not even a second thought?
and that's where the conversation ended. right there. he didn't answer. it was only 8:40ish, so there's no way he fell asleep before reading it. so i was upset that (a) he didn't answer, though it's definitely not the first time, and (b) that he didn't even seem to care that relay is so important to me. so i told my friends, and around 9:30 i was really upset he hadn't answered, and basically sat on the grass nearly in tears (probably in part because i had gone to bed after 1 AM for two nights in a row and i couldn't fully enjoy the aprt of the night i was looking forward to because i had to run around and hand out candles). i talked with my AMAZING friends (LOVE THEM) and they were trying their hardest to comfort me and try to give me advice. they said that he's just not worth it if he's making me so upset, i shouldn't have to try so hard and for so long only for it to stay the same way (if not worse) when we're finally together. collectively they agreed that i should break up with him. *deep breath* i don't know if i can. i agree, i shouldn't have to work so hard for it to work, but i feel like he just needs more time, more of a chance - and maybe someone to talk to him to make him wake up and smell the coffee. so i think i need to talk to him, just don't know when, where, how, or what to specifically say. though i think i just need to corner him and say whatever comes out. though i know i'll imagine some romantic scenario where he interrupts me with a kiss, or at least hugs me, and it won't happen and i'll be more upset, or i'll chicken out BECAUSE i know what i imagine won't actually happen. *sigh* but i know it needs to be done. i can't go through the summer dealing with this too, especially because i won't be able to see him for at least half of it. so i'm going to try to be standoffish and not talk to him, see if he gets the message. or have someone mention to him that i'm upset at him. i mean i do know that he's fairly clueless and doesn't want to "move too fast" or anything, but come on - if he likes me and wanted to see me, he should have at least sort of cared that i invited him to come to relay...right?
OK topic change...
so the walk today was pretty good. was pissed for most of it - my parents are just annoying as shit lately - and listened to my "fuck you people" playlist on my ipod as i walked the ~3 miles to avoid feeling awkward not walking with or talking to anyone. cooled down after a bit and walked with my friend. got back to the starting area with the tents and realized i was in front of the Rocky steps, so i ran up them. felt SO GOOD to get to the top without stoping! i almost fell over though when i got there - had to lean on a column for a little bit to be able to stand lol. jogged down, legs were like jello :P then we drove home and i read in the car.
shoot speaking of reading, i should go work on my english project...or go though my surplus of messages in my inbox. hmm maybe i should go though my notification settings from lion_lamb and syndicated because i get a LOT from them...lol
night, loves!