blind like a bat watching shimmering specks.
Honestly...some one tell me whats wrong with me. Lay it down flat. Dont put some fluffy shitty frickin words in it to make me "feel" better.
It wont help. I'll just get more aggrivated. I need to stop. breath. And yell. so loud my lungs will break and bleed. And not just cream, I need to yell. yell things I would never yell to people I would never hurt. But some people... Some just..arent worht my time. Arent worth it in the long run at all. Not worth the short runway at all either. Slightest things annoy me lately. And Im not syaing for everyone...heh...everyone... I think so highly of myself. How many people can say everyone? not me..no no. I barely talk. I barely smile. ANd when I do, its remembering the good times. The times when I still felt like a baby. When I didnt have to say excuse me when i burped. Or I didint get shit from people when I screamed my head off. Maybe im just too old for myself now. Im a kid, shouldnt I act like one? Or is it the way others are acting. Like everythings a game. Everything can be changed. And freshman rebelion is still taking its reign. I need to be smacked, but be warned, Ill smack you back, harder than when your mama spanked you when you were 7. I am sick and tierd. I am sick and tierd of being me. Happy go lucky, everythings is wonderful, I have too many regrets to fit into my brain that hasnt learned anything in years. Scared and lazy for what can come. And mourning on the past for memories..long...long...long gone. What happened to me? When did I become like this? Or was I always like this and I never noticed? Did everyone else notice? Am I paronoid enought o think that some...not all because I shouldnt flatter myself, but some, can talk behind my back and I wouldnt know. I know words can sspread. They've done so many times. I just want to leave. And fix myelf and maybe. Maybe return. This isnt about anyone I swear. This is an emily vs. EMily conflict going down under my eyes. And even that worst tierd yawns couldnt stop me from dropping down. Even if thats all I want to do. because with giving in, there's peace. and then lonesom. and then regret. and then hate. and then jealousy. thats how it works in my head. thats how it goes. And I couldnt even say if this is from now, or always has been. But I cant stand being like this. So on edge. So helpless. So ...Emily.
So...Emily.
It wont help. I'll just get more aggrivated. I need to stop. breath. And yell. so loud my lungs will break and bleed. And not just cream, I need to yell. yell things I would never yell to people I would never hurt. But some people... Some just..arent worht my time. Arent worth it in the long run at all. Not worth the short runway at all either. Slightest things annoy me lately. And Im not syaing for everyone...heh...everyone... I think so highly of myself. How many people can say everyone? not me..no no. I barely talk. I barely smile. ANd when I do, its remembering the good times. The times when I still felt like a baby. When I didnt have to say excuse me when i burped. Or I didint get shit from people when I screamed my head off. Maybe im just too old for myself now. Im a kid, shouldnt I act like one? Or is it the way others are acting. Like everythings a game. Everything can be changed. And freshman rebelion is still taking its reign. I need to be smacked, but be warned, Ill smack you back, harder than when your mama spanked you when you were 7. I am sick and tierd. I am sick and tierd of being me. Happy go lucky, everythings is wonderful, I have too many regrets to fit into my brain that hasnt learned anything in years. Scared and lazy for what can come. And mourning on the past for memories..long...long...long gone. What happened to me? When did I become like this? Or was I always like this and I never noticed? Did everyone else notice? Am I paronoid enought o think that some...not all because I shouldnt flatter myself, but some, can talk behind my back and I wouldnt know. I know words can sspread. They've done so many times. I just want to leave. And fix myelf and maybe. Maybe return. This isnt about anyone I swear. This is an emily vs. EMily conflict going down under my eyes. And even that worst tierd yawns couldnt stop me from dropping down. Even if thats all I want to do. because with giving in, there's peace. and then lonesom. and then regret. and then hate. and then jealousy. thats how it works in my head. thats how it goes. And I couldnt even say if this is from now, or always has been. But I cant stand being like this. So on edge. So helpless. So ...Emily.
So...Emily.