im letting it all out
Is there someone out there who has all the answers if there is i wish they would come and knock on my doors im closer to a mental break down now than what i have ever been to besides when i have had them right now i need someone who can just scoop me up in there arms and hug me and not let go i haven't really been to open with anyone about anything thats been happening with me not even my "brother" brian knew until to day that my parents are acutally getting a divorce i could tell that he was upset and now i feel a lil bad that i wouldn't talk to him about it i just can't i dont know why i wanted to but i couldn't i have recently started to feel bad whenever i talk to someone about my problems that i have been haveing i want to just spill them all out but i just can't so here i go to every one or anyone who cares or has been wondering we are dirt poor the telephone has been shut off because we can't afford the bills, the computer is going next we aren't even making ends meet with the money we have all day long the phone would ring because of bill collectors as late as 10 pm... now my parents are divorcing im being force to have to live with my mom I dont know if i will move out of florence or not it, even if i do move inside of florence i may be going to a different school..., once my parents divorce my mom has to file bankruptcy and stuff. on the other hand im having problems in school that i wouldn't normally have i mean even if im bad in a subject it has never been as bad as it is now... I think its a side result of all my mental and emotional issuses theres always atleast one really bad argument a week and pleanty of little smaller arguments... We have pawned off jsut about anything of value that we dont use on a daily bases my mom has even has to pawn of some of our jewelry that was my great great aunt jeavonas that was her mothers it has been passed down for a logn time it was gold necklace that had jesus on it was specail we are on the verge of losing the house too as i type this.. i dont knwo what to do... im so confused i have people pressuring me to do thing people and i can't tell whats really real anymore I dont know what i really feel anymore and wats just an act for people.... I know only a few things that i do and feel thats not an act when i cry the annoyment and maybe even hatred to my dad sometimes (i know i love him in my heart) my feelings for my really good and close friends.. and wat i sometimes feel for about two others my dad is haveing heart problems and breathing problems and i know its from all the smoking and drinking he is doing but he wont admit it and says its just a cold well a cold wont make your chest hurt so bad you have to weat an ace bandage around your chest and wont make you cough for almost 30 minutes straight.. my grandpa has been in and out of the hospital resentally and my nana is having brain problems and she can't afford her medication that she has to take to keep her from having strokes, seizures, and stuff. Ive been going through what i guess you can call an emotional rollercoaster that for the majority of the time goes down...