(no subject)
I went to the movies tonight. Saw Silent Hill...by myself. Jessica and Megan were supposed to go with me. But that was a bust.
David, Jessica's fiance, asked her to wait to see it with him. and he knew she and I had made plans to see it for WEEKS. But she complied with him. Naturally...screw your friend.
Then I called megan to check if she was going. She said yes...Then changed her mind about 8:30 or 9:00. She decided she would rather spend time with her boyfriend.
So...i watched it alone. I'm used to doing stuff alone.
I know that after tonight...with two let downs...i'm not going to make plans again. Not with Jessica or Megan. I hate when people drop me for someone else when we have made plans. I don't do it to them...
So I have another Dr. appointment in a week or so. Going to start my meds soon...hopefully that will drag me out of this black pit i seem to be slipping into.
It seems like each day a little more of the rocks I cling to give way...and I fall a little deeper.
I haven't...hurt myself...in a while. I promised i wouldn't. Promised mom, and Amber...one of my therapists.
Life for me at the moment...is shit.
The pills i have right now aren't helping me sleep. I stayed up until 2:00 yesterday morning...got up at 7:00 for work.
I can sleep fine during daylight hours...but at night...it is like sleep runs from me. You know...like those dreams where you see the door at the end of the hallway...but the faster you run toward it, the further it gets from you. Its like that.
I've also been having self-esteem issues...but you guys really don't want to hear about that. probably didn't want to read all this crap either. but if you did...and you leave a comment...thanks and i love you.
dana
David, Jessica's fiance, asked her to wait to see it with him. and he knew she and I had made plans to see it for WEEKS. But she complied with him. Naturally...screw your friend.
Then I called megan to check if she was going. She said yes...Then changed her mind about 8:30 or 9:00. She decided she would rather spend time with her boyfriend.
So...i watched it alone. I'm used to doing stuff alone.
I know that after tonight...with two let downs...i'm not going to make plans again. Not with Jessica or Megan. I hate when people drop me for someone else when we have made plans. I don't do it to them...
So I have another Dr. appointment in a week or so. Going to start my meds soon...hopefully that will drag me out of this black pit i seem to be slipping into.
It seems like each day a little more of the rocks I cling to give way...and I fall a little deeper.
I haven't...hurt myself...in a while. I promised i wouldn't. Promised mom, and Amber...one of my therapists.
Life for me at the moment...is shit.
The pills i have right now aren't helping me sleep. I stayed up until 2:00 yesterday morning...got up at 7:00 for work.
I can sleep fine during daylight hours...but at night...it is like sleep runs from me. You know...like those dreams where you see the door at the end of the hallway...but the faster you run toward it, the further it gets from you. Its like that.
I've also been having self-esteem issues...but you guys really don't want to hear about that. probably didn't want to read all this crap either. but if you did...and you leave a comment...thanks and i love you.
dana