...............fuck you.
fuck you livejournal.
FUCK YOU.
*sighs*
i was bored. so i
Sometime before April 1988:
Doctor: Here’s your ultra sound
Mom: ……is it a boy or a girl?
Doctor: How the hell should I know? It’s just its back.
Mom: stupid kid. You’re retarded.
Fetus: sorry.
Doctor: So screw your kid being born in May.
Mom: eh?
Doctor: We’re putting you in labor on April 18th.
Mom: yay!
April 17 1988:
Sam: WAHHHH
Mom: WTF?!? You’re retarded.
Sam: sorry.
Some time when I was 3:
Mom: hooray for separations.
Dad: soz. Find your own house.
Grandparents: we have one for you!
Dinky Town House: Hi.
Sam: ewz. Dad you made me a small room.
Dad: it’s the windows’s fault.
Windows: soz.
Sam: I hate my room
Room: yeah? Well you suck too. I’m going to haunt you with ghosts now.
Later that night:
Ghost: five six. five six. five six. five six.
Sam: WHY MUST YOU BUG ME WHEN I WANT TO SLEEP????
Ghost: five six.
Next morning:
Sam: [wakes up.]
Room: [is silent]
Sam: YAY the ghost is gone!
Ghost: five six.
Sam: AHHHHHHH MOOMMMMYYY!!!
Stairs: [are being ran up on.]
Mom: [trips up stairs.]
Sam: THE GHOST WONT GO AWAY!!
Mom: you’re psychotic.
Early September 1992:
Grandmom: FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARDEN
Sam: Booya I’m cool.
Camera: JESUS CHRIST STOP CLICKING ME ALREADY!!
GrandmomandMom: soz.
Vicki: hi.
Sam: hi.
Vicki: I don’t like you right now, I’ll rethink it in um…8 years.
Sam: Kay.
David: hi.
Sam: hi
David: I think I like you.
Sam: I think I like you too.
October 1992:
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: You suck.
Sam: You do too.
Sam: [sticks tongue out at teacher.]
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: I’ll get you my pretty. And your recess too.
Sam: WAAHHHH
November 1992:
Story time: [this book blows.]
Sam: looks at David.
David: [doesn’t know Sam’s looking]
Sam: [grabs David’s head]
Sam: MWAHHH!!!
Audience: AWWW
David: [is happy]
December 1992:
Recess: [get your asses to class.]
Students: you suck.
Recess: you’re mom.
David: [is pale]
Sam: WEEE RECESS ROCKS.
David: [hurls all over floor]
Sam: AHHHH EVILSATANSPAWNTEACHER!! DAVID BARFED!!
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: shut up.
Inside classroom:
Sam: walks to cubby.
Vicki: You have some of David’s throw up on your back.
Sam: AHHH! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!!
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: shut up.
June 1993:
Heat wave: Hi.
School: [has no AC]
School: [is let out 2 days early.]
Students: SWEET!
Sam: NEVER AGAIN WILL I SEE YOU
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: I’m retiring.
September 1993:
SpawnofEvilSatanSpawnTeacher: Hi. Welcome to hell. I hate you.
Sam: oh great.
Principle: I don’t like you either.
Sam: oh great.
Vic: You again?
Sam: FANCY GIRL!!!
Sam: MOM!
Mom: what?
Sam: I WANT TO BE A FANCY GIRL TOO!!!
Mom: eh?
Sam: Vicki’s a fancy girl! I want to be one too!!
Mom: heh. good luck, kiddo.
Some other time in 1st grade:
Kids: SAM HIT ME!!
Sam: well you’re an ass.
Principle: spawnofevilsatanspawnteacher, should Sam have detention or be in my office for the day?
SpawnOfEvilSatanSpawnTeacher: [grins at sam] Detention.
Detention: hi.
Sam: hi.
Teacher: NO TALKING!!
Detention: aren’t you too young to be in detention?
Sam: I guess….
Teacher: SHUT UP.
Second grade:
Actual cool teacher: hi. I’m nice.
Sam: hi.
Later on:
Spelling test: hi.
Birthday bucket: LOOK AT ME!
Spelling test: no! do me!
Sam: OO SMELLY STICKERS!
Actual cool teacher: what’s that underneath your hand?
Sam: nothing.
Actual cool teacher: [lifts hand]. …………..
Sam: wasn’t me.
Some other time:
Sam: mom I want my ears pierced.
Mom: not until you’re 13.
Sam: WAH.
Week later:
Mom: wanna go get your ears pierced?
Sam: YESSS
Mom: please…just don’t scream.
Sam: I WONT!
Ear:[HOLY SHIT THAT NEEDLE HURTS]
Sam: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Mall Shoppers: WTF is wrong with that kid?
Mom: YOU STILL HAVE ONE EAR TO GO!!
Sam: JUST DO IT!
Piercing Gun: [shoots earring through ear]
Sam: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another time:
Doctor: well..your kid has ADHD.
Mom: well I could have figured that one out earlier on.
Doctor: here’s some Ritalin.
Ritalin: hi. I’m going to haunt your life for 6 years.
Sam: beautiful.
September 1998:
3rd and 4th grade: WHY DID YOU SKIP ME?!?!
Me: You were boring.
3rd and 4th grade: oh. Okay then. Carry on.
Cool teacher: Samantha, you’re a safety even though you beat the crap out of so many kids.
Sam: KASURN9328420879(*&($&# wow.
Little kids: shit.
Sam: NO CURSING! THAT’S A WARNING!!
Bitchy Shannon: I’m better than you. And I can sing. You can’t.
Musical thing in May, 1999:
Shannon: [can’t count and starts singing too early]
Sam: HAH TAKE THAT BITCH.
Sam:[Sings on time.]
Students: holy shit she can sing.
Parents: holy shit the fat kid can sing.
June 1999 [Graduation]:
Teachers: THANK GOD SHE’S FINALLY LEAVING!!
Principle: here’s your fake diploma thing. Now leave.
Sam: with pleasure.
September 1999:
Kids from other schools: hi.
Sam: hi.
Kids from other schools: we don’t really like you.
Sam: used to it.
August 2000:
Dave: hi. I like you.
Sam: I’m fat.
Dave: will you go out with me.
Sam: I’ll tell you later.
Sam’s mind: Well. You’ve been waiting for a boyfriend.
Sam: I know.
Sam’s mind: do you like him?
Sam: not really. He’s crossed eyed.
Sam’s mind: haha I know.
Sam: but I am fat. And I want a boyfriend.
Sam's mind: that’s my girl.
Email: yes.
Dave: SCORE!
Sam: WHOOO! I’m the one using someone this time!
October 2000:
Phone: ring.
Sam: hello.
Dave: I have to tell you something.
Sam: kay.
Dave: my dad says I’m too young to date you even though you’re 12, and you don’t know my age because I lie but you still know that I’m 14.
Sam: cool.
Dave: but can we be friends?
Sam: we’ve never hung out. The only date we had was me watching you at your hiphop dance lesson.
Audience: he’s gay.
November 2000:
Dave: [expelled from WMS]
Sam: shit.
April 2001:
Bobby: WHOO LET THE DOGS OUT!
Sam: shut up.
Bobby: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!
Sam and Izzy: SHUT UP!
Bobby: WHOO LET THE DOGS OUT!!
Sam, Alana, Izzy: SHUT UP!!!
June-August 2001:
Fat Camp: Hi fatty.
Sam: hi.
26 lbs: bye.
September 2001:
Warriors: [hah you suck.]
Sam: I WANT TO BE IN THE GREAT LAKES!!
Warriors: tough shit, kid.
Students: fuck. We can’t tease her anymore.
Preppy bitches: wow you’re thin.
Sam: eat shit.
Preppy shit: [can’t find comeback.] fuck. She’s changed.
November 2001:
Elementary crush: you suck.
Sam: okay.
Sam: hey. I like two people at once!
Audience: WHORE!
Late November 2001:
Sam: [dances with one crush]. Cool. He smells good.
Crush: [says something that neither sam nor friends can remember up to this day.]
December 2001:
Sam: okay. Crush #1 isn’t doing anything. NOW TO CRUSH #2!!
Crush #2: hi
Sam: hi bobby! You’re hot this year.
Bobby: I know. It’s my pre-acne stage.
Alana: BOBBY TOLD ME HE LIKES YOU!!
Sam: SWEET!!!
Note: I like you bobby, I heard you like me. Ask me out damnit!
Bobby: go out with me?
Sam: well..i can’t go out on dates..
Audience: AS BF AND GF YOU IDIOT
Sam: [facepalm] sure.
February 2002:
Sam: [impatient]
Bobby: [clueless]
Prudeness: still here.
Sam: thanks for the news flash.
Bobby: [forgets Sam as gf.]
Break up: oh. Okay. Ass. Just forget about me.
Sam: Bobby, you suck.
May 2002:
Sam: [shakes bootay at 8th grade dance]
Beka: this is jeni
Jeni (in denim skirt): hi.
Sam: hi. You do know that this is kinda..a formal dance?
Jeni: stfu I just moved.
Sam: oh.
Jeni: hey. I was forced to dance with your future boyfriend that you’ll go out with in about 2 years. But you don’t know that I’m saying this right now.
Sam: ok.
June 2002:
Sam: [reads speech in front of entire 8th grade]
Sam: [wins math key award for 8th grade math]
Future: here ends your successfulness.
Failure: hi.
July-August 2002:
Fat camp: you’re not fat. Why are you here.
Sam: because Talia is totally rad and I have to meet her.
Talia: I’m rad.
Sam: indeed.
Meghan: my bipolar ass is rad too.
Sam: no.
Jeff: I’m rad too.
Sam: who are you??
Jeff: go out with me?
Sam: no.
Jeff: go out with me?
Sam: UGH FINE.
Jeff: sweet.
Sam: maybe I’ll get some action.
Prudeness: we’ll see about that.
Jeff: how old are you?
Sam: 14.
Jeff: shit. I thought you were 16.
Sam: oh. How old are you?
Jeff: 17 in October.
Sam: oh boy.
Mom: NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH A 17 YEAR OLD.
Sam: [goes out with a 17 year old]
Saul: go out with me?
Sam: you’re 10 minutes too late dude.
Saul: damn.
Sam: you are hot though.
Saul: indeed.
Sam: [roller skates]
Jeff: [make out with Meghan.]
Talia: you ass.
Jeff: she wont find out.
Sam: [death glare]
Jeff: fuck.
Jeff: [runs after Sam]
Sam:kill yourself.
Jeff: I’m sorry.
Sam: why did you do that?!?
Jeff: I don’t know!
Prudeness: I KNOW WHY
Sam: BUGGER OFF.
Jeff: kiss me!!
Sam: you force me too much.
Jeff: I’m dying here!!
Sam: [gives in]
Prudeness: damnit... Oh well. Bye.
Jeff: [tries other things]
Sam: I don’t think so.
Jeff: damnit.
Fat camp: a month is over. Go away, twig.
Sam: Bye Jeff.
Jeff: bye.
1 month relationship: [gone]
August 2002:
Sam: WTF? What about September?!?
Durtan: screw it. I like ruining summers.
Sam: die.
September 2002:
Study hall: behold the best time of your life.
Sam: looks pretty dim.
Lan: SAAAAMMMM!!!
Sam: LAAAANNN!!!
Lan: SAAAAMMMM!!
Sam: LANSON!!!
Lan: >.< SHUT UP!!!
Some guy: [starts to sit behind Sam every single day]
Sam: hi. You must be my future boyfriend.
Some guy: yeah.
Sam: you’re greg…right?
Greg: yeah.
Sam: cool.
November 2002:
Sam: I wonder if Greg has a sn….
Shana: want me to ask?
Sam: YEAH!!
Shana: [talks to hoover]
Hoover: [gives shana a brown bag]
Shana: I GOT IT!!!
Sam: …..his lunch?
Shana: HIS SN YOU DUMBASS!
Sam: SQUEEE!!!
Person: Hi. Remember Dave?
Sam: yeah.
Person: I went out with him…and then he dumped me.
Sam: …ok?
Person: He told me he’s gay.
Sam: wow. I was right.
December 2002:
Sam: should I ask Greg to go with me to the semi?
Vicki: yes.
Shana: yes.
Danielle: yes.
Jeni: yes.
Everyone else: YES AND CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GO ONE DAY WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THIS DUDE?!?!?!
Sam: no.
Online: you’re addicted.
Sam: no I’m not.
Greg’s sn: I’m online.
Sam: YAY!
Sam: hi.
Greg: hi.
Sam: did we have any English homework?
Greg: no.
10 minutes: why do you waste me?
Sam: …..
Sam: are you going to the semi?
Greg: maybe.
Sam: cool…
Sam: will you be my date to the semi?
Greg: geez…
Sam: sorry….
Greg: no.
Sam’s heart: [breaks]
Semi night:
Sam: [see’s greg with his date.]
Sam: HE’S GOING WITH HER?!?!?!? EW.
Friends: what an ass.
Sam: [happy that Greg’s alone the whole entire semi.]
Slow dance: I love to ruin singles’s lives.
Shana: dance with sam!!
Greg: I have a date.
Shana: where is she?
Crickets: [chirp]
Sam:[cries a river]
Night: fuck. I’m ruined.
March 2003:
Study hall: god I’m tired of seeing the non action.
Lan: I like someone.
Sam: cool. LANSON!
Lan: >.< NO.
Joe: I’m cool.
Lan: [sigh]
Joe: Will you go out with me even though you won’t be able to tell your parents about me and our dates will have to be at a library?
Lan: [squeals]
Sam: DAMN YOU why is everything so easy for you?!?
April 2003:
Greg: TELL ME!
Sam: TELL ME!!
Greg: TELL ME!!
Sam: TELL ME!!
Greg: what were you supposed to know?
Sam: I forget…and what were you supposed to tell me?
Greg: I have no clue.
Sam: okay.
…
Greg: TELL ME!!
Sam: TELL ME!!
Early May 2003:
Greg: I have tickets to see X-men.
Sam: cool.
Jeni: okay. [whatever.]
Greg: I was supposed to go with a friend, but he just told me he can’t go.
Sam: ah.
Sam’s mind: CAN I GO???
Greg: sure.
Jeni: count me out.
Friends: OH EM GEE IT’S A DATE!!
Sam: Doubt it.
Mom: OH EM GEE WE HAVE TO GET YOU A PRETTY OUTFIT.
Pink shirt and black jeans: yeah. Sure. I’m pretty. Psh.
Skunk smelling flip flops: you’re SO wearing me.
Sam: damnit. Why do you stink?
Movie: [plays]
No action: whoooo.
Date: psh. I have no clue.
Late May 2003:
Jenny: YOU LIKE GREG!!!
Sam: SHUSH.
Jenny: DO IT!
Sam: SHUSH.
Greg: do what?
Sam: nothing….
Greg: what’s the deal with study hall?
Sam: huh?
Greg: with you and jenny.
Sam: oh.
Um.
I like you.
Greg: that’s cool.
Sam: do you like me?
Greg: I have to go offline.
Sam: DAMNIT.
June 2003:
Airplane: [flys by really loud]
Sam and Jeni: [are really bored.]
Jeni: HOLY FUCK DUCK AND COVER!!!
Sam:[laughs]
Quinby: [watches.]
Jeni and Sam: AHHHHH!!
Jeni: Do you want to go to my block party?
Sam: SURE!
Greg: WATER FIGHT!
Jeni: no.
Block party: this DJ blows.
Greg: hi.
Sam: hi.
Jeni’s Mom: [if looks could kill]
Sam and Jeni: [do the limbo]
Greg: [takes a pictures of Sam doing the limbo on her camera without her knowing about it until the pictures were processed.]
Sam and Greg: [sit on swing chair together.]
Jeni’s Mom: [really wishing looks could kill]
Sam: [sigh]
Greg: I gotta go.
Sam: WAH.
Greg: bye.
5 minutes later: I passed.
Greg: hi.
Sam: I thought you had to leave.
Greg: yeah. My cousins haven’t come yet…we’re going to see the hulk.
Sam: oh.
Jeni’s mom: [looks MUST kill….please?]
Greg’s brother: [is in street looking for greg]
Greg: bye
Sam: bye.
Online: booya
Jeni: yeah so I asked Greg if he liked you…
Sam: what did he say?!?!
Jeni: no. and then I asked him if he was sure…and he said yes.
Sam: [cries self to sleep.]
Online: I never get a break.
Sam: so I’m going away to camp again cause I’m fat.
Greg: you’re fine to me.
Audience: awww.
Sam: I can’t wait for camp..so much fun.
Greg: hah. What do you do, lanyard string?
Sam: no. more like…volleyball, jet skiing….boys.
Greg: there better not be any boys.
Sam: yes there are.
Greg: no action:
Sam: yes there is.
Greg: for you.
Sam: yes there is.
Greg: WHAT ABOUT ME!!
Sam: you don’t like me.
Greg: who told you that?
Sam: jeni. She asked you and you said no.
Greg: let her contemplate that.
Sam: huh?
Online: [kissy face]
Sam: other than faces..
Greg: I like you.
Sam: SWEEEEETTTT!!!!
Sam’s mind: I KNEW IT!!
July 8th, 2003:
Sam: so some ass is iming me.
Greg: I’ll kill him
Convo: whoo. This guy’s an ass.
Greg: I’ll kill him.
Sam: he asked me if I had a bf.
Greg: AND YOU SAID NO?!?!
Sam: I didn’t know!
Greg: didn’t know what?
Sam: you know….well what did you think?
Greg: I guess we are…
Sam: I just assumed we weren’t since we never asked each other out.
Greg: wanna go out with me?
Sam: HELL YES!!
July to August 2003:
Fat camp: ugh. You again…
Sam: yeah.
Fat camp: you got fat.
Sam: no shit.
Fat camp: GO RUN SOME LAPS, FATTY.
Talia: SAM!!
Sam: TALIA!!
Talia: I MISSED YOU!!
Sam: I MISSED YOU TOO!!
Talia: I CLAIMED THE BED NEXT TO ME FOR YOU!!
Sam: SWEET!!
Jeff: I’m still a loser.
Sam: yeah I know.
Jeff: so how’s greg?
Sam: he’s my bf.
Jeff: how long have you been together?
Sam: 2 weeks.
Jeff: AHAHAHAHAH
Sam: STFU atleast my ass isn’t single!!
Insult: OH. BURN.
August 2003:
School: w3rd.
Students: blech.
Sam and Greg: [are happy]
Students: WTF they’re together!?!? Psh. That wont last.
December 20, 2003:
Sam: YAY SEMI!!!
Greg and Sam: [dance]
11:00: okay. Fuck off. Semi is over.
Sam: [kisses greg on cheek]
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY.
January 20, 2004:
Lp concert: hi. I will be your entertainment for the night.
Sam: OMG!!!
Greg: sweet.
Sam: THIS IS AWESOME!!
Greg: yup.
Sam and Greg: [headbang]
Sam: [gets headache from headbanging]
February 14, 2004:
Sam and Greg: [ice skate]
Sam: I had fun
Greg: me too.
Sam: [kisses greg on cheek]
Greg: [kisses sam on cheek]
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY.
March 2004:
4 sided circle: our concerts rock.
People: damn straight.
Sam’s house: you’re home.
Sam: yeah.
Greg: bye.
Sam: wait…come here.
[peck on lips.]
Greg: thank you, come again.
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY.
April 11, 2004:
Spring break: PARTAY!!
Movie: I’m good.
Dad’s house: great…occupying the couple.
Dad: [grumbles while on computer for 3 hours in next room]
Sam and Greg: [kiss]
Actual real kiss: hi.
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY!!
Mom: you kissed greg on your dad’s couch?!?
Sam: yeah……..
Mom: [cracks up] YOU ANIMAL!!
Sam: rawr.
April 17, 2004:
Sweet Sixteen: hi.
Permit: booya.
Mom’s car: May God have mercy on my soul.
Mom: May God have mercy on my soul.
Sam: DRIVING IS SWEET.
Mini Golf: yo.
Friends: [give bday punches]
Sam: [returns punches.]
Evan: hi.
Sam: JENI HE’S HOT!
Jeni: I know.
Early May 2004:
Cabinet: The cabinet says oh fuck.
Later..:
’95 blue plymouth neon: hello, I will be your car for the next whatever years.
Sam: sweet.
Water fight: bring it.
Jeni and Evan: hi.
Greg: finally another water fight.
Sam: first couples vs. couples. Then girls vs. boys.
Rules: no hiding flags on people.
Us: kay.
First round: [flags can’t be found.]
Second round: whoo.
Sam: I have a good idea of where to hide the flag…
Jeni: okay?
Sam: [walks in house.]
Sam: [comes out adjusting shirt]
Jeni: genius.
Boy’s flag: [in evan’s pocket]
Sam: hey smart one, if you’re going to hide it in your pocket…at least hide it all the way.
Jeni: [grabs flag]
Evan: DOH!
Boys:[figure out flag is on Sam]
Greg: [runs after Sam]
Sam: [runs away from Greg] damn..i can run!
Greg: damn…
Sam: runs in jeni’s house.
Greg: WE WIN. YOU WENT IN A HOUSE!!!
Sam: wah. But. You really don’t know where the bandana is.
Greg: this is true….I can guess though.
Concert: we totally rock.
Sam and Greg: [really do go out to get water]
Jeni and Evan: [think sam and greg are doing more so decide to hang with the guard who hate them at the time]
Sam and Greg: remember past 10 months.
Sam: I love you
Greg: I love you too.
[kiss]
Mom’s car: [5 feet away]
Mom: [had no clue.]
Sam’s mind: hmm…did my mom see me?
Mom: no. I just want to go home.
July 8th, 2004:
One year:WHOOOO!!
July 2004:
Greg: my family is going to the beach..wanna come?
Sam: OH YEAH!!
4 days at beach: [best time of life]
August 2004:
School: hi.
Students: can it.
Juniors: PSSA’S, SAT’S. OH GOD KILL ME NOW.
Sam’s schedule: hi. I’m fucked up.
Bauer: my bad.
Sam:[walks into correct classroom.]
Greg: w3rd.
Sam: SWEET!!
October 2004:
Vic, Jeni, Danielle, Amy, Sam: [rollerblading]
"Ashton": hi. you have a nice ass.
Sam: thanks.
"Ashton": wanna hang with my friends?
Sam: no.
Amy and Jeni: NO EMO NO SERVICE NO FAIR!!
"ashton": hi i'm Bob.
Danielle: hi.
December 18, 2004:
Semi: w3rd.
Sam’s hair: I’m hot.
Sam: indeed.
Sam’s dress: I’m hot.
Sam: indeed.
Greg: yo.
Sam’s mind: he’s hot.
Sam: indeed.
Several slow dances: [play]
Sam and Greg: dance
Corny made up dances: you know we’re the shit.
Group: HELLZ YA.
Last slow dance: [plays]
Students: WAHH.
Last slow dance: soz.
Jeni and Pfister: [kiss]
Sam: [sees]
Jeni:[does a sly move]
Sam: OMG!!!
Jeni: HEY. you shouldn’t be watching, you should be doing that yourself!!!!
Sam:
Curfew:[does not exist]
Sam: I could have driven?!?!
All who did drive: duh.
Sam: WAH.
December 30 2004 -January 1, 2005:
Sam and Greg: [chill in greg’s room]
Regis Philbin: THREE!
People: TWO!
Regis Philbin: TWO!
People: ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Regis Philbin: ONE!! Eh? Damnit.
Audience: haha dumbass.
Regis philbin: I’m a failure.
People: yup.
Sam and Greg: [kiss on strike of midnight]
Sam’s mind: wow. That was cool.
February 6, 2005:
Greg: I’m giving you your v-day present early.
Sam: sweet.
Two cute stuffed animals: hi!
Sam: CUTE!!
Sam: movie time.
Greg: grudge?
Sam: yup.
Greg: [makes noise from grudge]
Sam:[slaps]
Greg: ow.
Movie: I’m so much scarier in the movies…..i fail at life.
Sam: [lays on couch]
Greg: [does the same]
Sam’s mind: hmmm…I like.
10:30: Okay. Time to go greg.
Greg: k. bye.
Sam: bye.
February 14, 2005
Sam: WHEE!! v-day!
Homeroom: GET INSIDE.
Sam: k.
Dreidger: yo.
Sam: YAY CARNATIONS!!
carnation #1: you're cool! and i'm white!
carnation #2: Hi sam! i'm pink!
carnation #3: MUST OBEY THE TACO MAN!
sam:.....way to be romantic greg.
chem test: do you love me too?
sam: no.
February
sam: i forget the rest of you.
february: well that's just fan-fucking-tastic.
March
Sam: i forget most of you as well.
March: what february said.
Spring break: HOWDY!
boss: ALRIGHT! You're working sunday, monday, tuesday, and friday! MWAHAHAH ALL 4-8! (except sunday because you're not allowed to sleep in.)
sam: WAH.
boyfriend deprivation: yeah. 5 days and no talk to. i say call.
sam: but what if he's busy?
bf deprivation: it's 8:30....trust me
sam: eh...ok
8:50: damnit. it's been 20 minutes, CALL HIM
sam: k
phone: ring.
greg: hello?
sam: hi.
three hours: lah dee dah.
sam: well that was fun. i'm going to sleep now.
sam + greg: love you!
audience: AWWWOMGSOCUTE
sam:........
sometime in late march
sam: fuck. i need a prom dress.
mom: well fuck. lets go then.
sam: vic! you're comming with too thought you suck cause you already bought your prom dress today even though you knew you were comming with us.
vic: kay.
anne baileys: HAH. we're sold out of the dresses you want.
middle finger: HAH I look like a boner.
mom: no black dresses.
sam: wah.
green dress: PICK ME!!
mom: ew. it looks like a mermaid dress.
sam: i want to try it on anyway.
pink dress: i'm pretty!
sam: yeah! you are!
mom: OMGZ THAT IS GORGEOUS ON YOU I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY!
sam: lemme try on the green one.
black dress: i'm too sexy for the prom
sam: i look bangin' in this.
mom: oh god. i love it. damnit. WHYDOYOULOOKAWESOMEINBLACK?!?
green dress: me turn!
mom: [wipes tears from eyes]
sam: this is it.
vic: that screams out sam
green dress: SAM!!!
mom: that's it. that's the dress.
price tag: just ignore me. i know i'm high.
april
prom: BOOYA I'M EARLY
sam: YAY I LOVE MY HAIR AND MY LITTLE TIARA AND MY DRESS AND MY SHOES AND MY NECKLACE AND GREG.
door: knock knock.
mom: i'll get it.
me: [tries to go down stairs]
greg's mom: OMGZ [spaz]
greg: damn she's hot.
sam: damn i'm hot.
greg: damn she's hot.
sam: damn i forgot to put purfume on.
sam: [waddles back upstairs in big dress]
sam: [waddles back downstairs smelling pretty.]
greg: damn she's hot.
sam: i know.
neighbors: OMG PIC TIME.
parents and all: lets face them directly towards the sun so they're squinting in every single pic!!
amy's house: the gang's all here!
cameras: click.
jenya: i'm cool
everyone else: yeah you are.
limo: HOLLA.
prom: [awesome.]
greg: [stands while everyone dances]
sam: dance.
greg: no.
sam: dance.
greg: i can't.
sam: yes you can.
greg: ....[dances]
sam: FINALLY AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS.
11:00: leave
jeni: PARTY!!
sam: PARTY!!
sam's squished in little brick house: fuck. that's alot of people.
april 16
7:00 am: how's only 3 hours of sleep for you?
sam: bad.
7:00 am: good.
everyone: [leaves]
mom: [drops off film at CVS]
phone: [rings]
photo dude: um. your film's stuck in the machine. it might be ruined.
sam: [bawls her eyes out.]
april 17
bday: GO SAM! IT'S YO BDAY.
sam: damn straight.
phone: [rings]
photo dude: your pics have been saved. some are messed up.
pics: we're messed up.
10 pics: [are okay.]
greg: whoo.
sam: whoo.
Rated R movie: whoo
may
mental breakdowns: [begin to occur]
sam: i'm a failure.
everyone: no you're not.
sam: i'm fat.
everyone: no..you're....not.
sam: am to.
june
school: [is almost done]
SATs: [are easier this time]
sam: FUCK I WANT OUT.
seniors: bye.
sam: DAMNIT.
temporarily seniors: [the juniors are]
last line sounded: [like a yoda line]
june 5
sam: yo.
greg: yo.
greg: lets chill.
sam: kay. i just need to go to old navy first and buy a super skirt.
old navy: [is super skirt-less.]
marshals: [has okay clothes.]
team america world police: [sucks.]
mom: i'm going grocery shopping and getting flowers.
sam and greg: [alone for 2 hours]
2 hours: [were fun]
after 2 hours: [also fun]
10:30: GO GO GO! CURFEW T-MINUS 30!!
sam: fuck.
greg: fuck.
sam's mom: um.
sam: [jumps up and into basement.]
sam's mom: you should leave soon.
sam: kay.
night: [ends.]
FUCK YOU.
*sighs*
i was bored. so i
Sometime before April 1988:
Doctor: Here’s your ultra sound
Mom: ……is it a boy or a girl?
Doctor: How the hell should I know? It’s just its back.
Mom: stupid kid. You’re retarded.
Fetus: sorry.
Doctor: So screw your kid being born in May.
Mom: eh?
Doctor: We’re putting you in labor on April 18th.
Mom: yay!
April 17 1988:
Sam: WAHHHH
Mom: WTF?!? You’re retarded.
Sam: sorry.
Some time when I was 3:
Mom: hooray for separations.
Dad: soz. Find your own house.
Grandparents: we have one for you!
Dinky Town House: Hi.
Sam: ewz. Dad you made me a small room.
Dad: it’s the windows’s fault.
Windows: soz.
Sam: I hate my room
Room: yeah? Well you suck too. I’m going to haunt you with ghosts now.
Later that night:
Ghost: five six. five six. five six. five six.
Sam: WHY MUST YOU BUG ME WHEN I WANT TO SLEEP????
Ghost: five six.
Next morning:
Sam: [wakes up.]
Room: [is silent]
Sam: YAY the ghost is gone!
Ghost: five six.
Sam: AHHHHHHH MOOMMMMYYY!!!
Stairs: [are being ran up on.]
Mom: [trips up stairs.]
Sam: THE GHOST WONT GO AWAY!!
Mom: you’re psychotic.
Early September 1992:
Grandmom: FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARDEN
Sam: Booya I’m cool.
Camera: JESUS CHRIST STOP CLICKING ME ALREADY!!
GrandmomandMom: soz.
Vicki: hi.
Sam: hi.
Vicki: I don’t like you right now, I’ll rethink it in um…8 years.
Sam: Kay.
David: hi.
Sam: hi
David: I think I like you.
Sam: I think I like you too.
October 1992:
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: You suck.
Sam: You do too.
Sam: [sticks tongue out at teacher.]
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: I’ll get you my pretty. And your recess too.
Sam: WAAHHHH
November 1992:
Story time: [this book blows.]
Sam: looks at David.
David: [doesn’t know Sam’s looking]
Sam: [grabs David’s head]
Sam: MWAHHH!!!
Audience: AWWW
David: [is happy]
December 1992:
Recess: [get your asses to class.]
Students: you suck.
Recess: you’re mom.
David: [is pale]
Sam: WEEE RECESS ROCKS.
David: [hurls all over floor]
Sam: AHHHH EVILSATANSPAWNTEACHER!! DAVID BARFED!!
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: shut up.
Inside classroom:
Sam: walks to cubby.
Vicki: You have some of David’s throw up on your back.
Sam: AHHH! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!!
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: shut up.
June 1993:
Heat wave: Hi.
School: [has no AC]
School: [is let out 2 days early.]
Students: SWEET!
Sam: NEVER AGAIN WILL I SEE YOU
EvilSatanSpawnTeacher: I’m retiring.
September 1993:
SpawnofEvilSatanSpawnTeacher: Hi. Welcome to hell. I hate you.
Sam: oh great.
Principle: I don’t like you either.
Sam: oh great.
Vic: You again?
Sam: FANCY GIRL!!!
Sam: MOM!
Mom: what?
Sam: I WANT TO BE A FANCY GIRL TOO!!!
Mom: eh?
Sam: Vicki’s a fancy girl! I want to be one too!!
Mom: heh. good luck, kiddo.
Some other time in 1st grade:
Kids: SAM HIT ME!!
Sam: well you’re an ass.
Principle: spawnofevilsatanspawnteacher, should Sam have detention or be in my office for the day?
SpawnOfEvilSatanSpawnTeacher: [grins at sam] Detention.
Detention: hi.
Sam: hi.
Teacher: NO TALKING!!
Detention: aren’t you too young to be in detention?
Sam: I guess….
Teacher: SHUT UP.
Second grade:
Actual cool teacher: hi. I’m nice.
Sam: hi.
Later on:
Spelling test: hi.
Birthday bucket: LOOK AT ME!
Spelling test: no! do me!
Sam: OO SMELLY STICKERS!
Actual cool teacher: what’s that underneath your hand?
Sam: nothing.
Actual cool teacher: [lifts hand]. …………..
Sam: wasn’t me.
Some other time:
Sam: mom I want my ears pierced.
Mom: not until you’re 13.
Sam: WAH.
Week later:
Mom: wanna go get your ears pierced?
Sam: YESSS
Mom: please…just don’t scream.
Sam: I WONT!
Ear:[HOLY SHIT THAT NEEDLE HURTS]
Sam: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Mall Shoppers: WTF is wrong with that kid?
Mom: YOU STILL HAVE ONE EAR TO GO!!
Sam: JUST DO IT!
Piercing Gun: [shoots earring through ear]
Sam: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another time:
Doctor: well..your kid has ADHD.
Mom: well I could have figured that one out earlier on.
Doctor: here’s some Ritalin.
Ritalin: hi. I’m going to haunt your life for 6 years.
Sam: beautiful.
September 1998:
3rd and 4th grade: WHY DID YOU SKIP ME?!?!
Me: You were boring.
3rd and 4th grade: oh. Okay then. Carry on.
Cool teacher: Samantha, you’re a safety even though you beat the crap out of so many kids.
Sam: KASURN9328420879(*&($&# wow.
Little kids: shit.
Sam: NO CURSING! THAT’S A WARNING!!
Bitchy Shannon: I’m better than you. And I can sing. You can’t.
Musical thing in May, 1999:
Shannon: [can’t count and starts singing too early]
Sam: HAH TAKE THAT BITCH.
Sam:[Sings on time.]
Students: holy shit she can sing.
Parents: holy shit the fat kid can sing.
June 1999 [Graduation]:
Teachers: THANK GOD SHE’S FINALLY LEAVING!!
Principle: here’s your fake diploma thing. Now leave.
Sam: with pleasure.
September 1999:
Kids from other schools: hi.
Sam: hi.
Kids from other schools: we don’t really like you.
Sam: used to it.
August 2000:
Dave: hi. I like you.
Sam: I’m fat.
Dave: will you go out with me.
Sam: I’ll tell you later.
Sam’s mind: Well. You’ve been waiting for a boyfriend.
Sam: I know.
Sam’s mind: do you like him?
Sam: not really. He’s crossed eyed.
Sam’s mind: haha I know.
Sam: but I am fat. And I want a boyfriend.
Sam's mind: that’s my girl.
Email: yes.
Dave: SCORE!
Sam: WHOOO! I’m the one using someone this time!
October 2000:
Phone: ring.
Sam: hello.
Dave: I have to tell you something.
Sam: kay.
Dave: my dad says I’m too young to date you even though you’re 12, and you don’t know my age because I lie but you still know that I’m 14.
Sam: cool.
Dave: but can we be friends?
Sam: we’ve never hung out. The only date we had was me watching you at your hiphop dance lesson.
Audience: he’s gay.
November 2000:
Dave: [expelled from WMS]
Sam: shit.
April 2001:
Bobby: WHOO LET THE DOGS OUT!
Sam: shut up.
Bobby: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!
Sam and Izzy: SHUT UP!
Bobby: WHOO LET THE DOGS OUT!!
Sam, Alana, Izzy: SHUT UP!!!
June-August 2001:
Fat Camp: Hi fatty.
Sam: hi.
26 lbs: bye.
September 2001:
Warriors: [hah you suck.]
Sam: I WANT TO BE IN THE GREAT LAKES!!
Warriors: tough shit, kid.
Students: fuck. We can’t tease her anymore.
Preppy bitches: wow you’re thin.
Sam: eat shit.
Preppy shit: [can’t find comeback.] fuck. She’s changed.
November 2001:
Elementary crush: you suck.
Sam: okay.
Sam: hey. I like two people at once!
Audience: WHORE!
Late November 2001:
Sam: [dances with one crush]. Cool. He smells good.
Crush: [says something that neither sam nor friends can remember up to this day.]
December 2001:
Sam: okay. Crush #1 isn’t doing anything. NOW TO CRUSH #2!!
Crush #2: hi
Sam: hi bobby! You’re hot this year.
Bobby: I know. It’s my pre-acne stage.
Alana: BOBBY TOLD ME HE LIKES YOU!!
Sam: SWEET!!!
Note: I like you bobby, I heard you like me. Ask me out damnit!
Bobby: go out with me?
Sam: well..i can’t go out on dates..
Audience: AS BF AND GF YOU IDIOT
Sam: [facepalm] sure.
February 2002:
Sam: [impatient]
Bobby: [clueless]
Prudeness: still here.
Sam: thanks for the news flash.
Bobby: [forgets Sam as gf.]
Break up: oh. Okay. Ass. Just forget about me.
Sam: Bobby, you suck.
May 2002:
Sam: [shakes bootay at 8th grade dance]
Beka: this is jeni
Jeni (in denim skirt): hi.
Sam: hi. You do know that this is kinda..a formal dance?
Jeni: stfu I just moved.
Sam: oh.
Jeni: hey. I was forced to dance with your future boyfriend that you’ll go out with in about 2 years. But you don’t know that I’m saying this right now.
Sam: ok.
June 2002:
Sam: [reads speech in front of entire 8th grade]
Sam: [wins math key award for 8th grade math]
Future: here ends your successfulness.
Failure: hi.
July-August 2002:
Fat camp: you’re not fat. Why are you here.
Sam: because Talia is totally rad and I have to meet her.
Talia: I’m rad.
Sam: indeed.
Meghan: my bipolar ass is rad too.
Sam: no.
Jeff: I’m rad too.
Sam: who are you??
Jeff: go out with me?
Sam: no.
Jeff: go out with me?
Sam: UGH FINE.
Jeff: sweet.
Sam: maybe I’ll get some action.
Prudeness: we’ll see about that.
Jeff: how old are you?
Sam: 14.
Jeff: shit. I thought you were 16.
Sam: oh. How old are you?
Jeff: 17 in October.
Sam: oh boy.
Mom: NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH A 17 YEAR OLD.
Sam: [goes out with a 17 year old]
Saul: go out with me?
Sam: you’re 10 minutes too late dude.
Saul: damn.
Sam: you are hot though.
Saul: indeed.
Sam: [roller skates]
Jeff: [make out with Meghan.]
Talia: you ass.
Jeff: she wont find out.
Sam: [death glare]
Jeff: fuck.
Jeff: [runs after Sam]
Sam:kill yourself.
Jeff: I’m sorry.
Sam: why did you do that?!?
Jeff: I don’t know!
Prudeness: I KNOW WHY
Sam: BUGGER OFF.
Jeff: kiss me!!
Sam: you force me too much.
Jeff: I’m dying here!!
Sam: [gives in]
Prudeness: damnit... Oh well. Bye.
Jeff: [tries other things]
Sam: I don’t think so.
Jeff: damnit.
Fat camp: a month is over. Go away, twig.
Sam: Bye Jeff.
Jeff: bye.
1 month relationship: [gone]
August 2002:
Sam: WTF? What about September?!?
Durtan: screw it. I like ruining summers.
Sam: die.
September 2002:
Study hall: behold the best time of your life.
Sam: looks pretty dim.
Lan: SAAAAMMMM!!!
Sam: LAAAANNN!!!
Lan: SAAAAMMMM!!
Sam: LANSON!!!
Lan: >.< SHUT UP!!!
Some guy: [starts to sit behind Sam every single day]
Sam: hi. You must be my future boyfriend.
Some guy: yeah.
Sam: you’re greg…right?
Greg: yeah.
Sam: cool.
November 2002:
Sam: I wonder if Greg has a sn….
Shana: want me to ask?
Sam: YEAH!!
Shana: [talks to hoover]
Hoover: [gives shana a brown bag]
Shana: I GOT IT!!!
Sam: …..his lunch?
Shana: HIS SN YOU DUMBASS!
Sam: SQUEEE!!!
Person: Hi. Remember Dave?
Sam: yeah.
Person: I went out with him…and then he dumped me.
Sam: …ok?
Person: He told me he’s gay.
Sam: wow. I was right.
December 2002:
Sam: should I ask Greg to go with me to the semi?
Vicki: yes.
Shana: yes.
Danielle: yes.
Jeni: yes.
Everyone else: YES AND CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GO ONE DAY WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THIS DUDE?!?!?!
Sam: no.
Online: you’re addicted.
Sam: no I’m not.
Greg’s sn: I’m online.
Sam: YAY!
Sam: hi.
Greg: hi.
Sam: did we have any English homework?
Greg: no.
10 minutes: why do you waste me?
Sam: …..
Sam: are you going to the semi?
Greg: maybe.
Sam: cool…
Sam: will you be my date to the semi?
Greg: geez…
Sam: sorry….
Greg: no.
Sam’s heart: [breaks]
Semi night:
Sam: [see’s greg with his date.]
Sam: HE’S GOING WITH HER?!?!?!? EW.
Friends: what an ass.
Sam: [happy that Greg’s alone the whole entire semi.]
Slow dance: I love to ruin singles’s lives.
Shana: dance with sam!!
Greg: I have a date.
Shana: where is she?
Crickets: [chirp]
Sam:[cries a river]
Night: fuck. I’m ruined.
March 2003:
Study hall: god I’m tired of seeing the non action.
Lan: I like someone.
Sam: cool. LANSON!
Lan: >.< NO.
Joe: I’m cool.
Lan: [sigh]
Joe: Will you go out with me even though you won’t be able to tell your parents about me and our dates will have to be at a library?
Lan: [squeals]
Sam: DAMN YOU why is everything so easy for you?!?
April 2003:
Greg: TELL ME!
Sam: TELL ME!!
Greg: TELL ME!!
Sam: TELL ME!!
Greg: what were you supposed to know?
Sam: I forget…and what were you supposed to tell me?
Greg: I have no clue.
Sam: okay.
…
Greg: TELL ME!!
Sam: TELL ME!!
Early May 2003:
Greg: I have tickets to see X-men.
Sam: cool.
Jeni: okay. [whatever.]
Greg: I was supposed to go with a friend, but he just told me he can’t go.
Sam: ah.
Sam’s mind: CAN I GO???
Greg: sure.
Jeni: count me out.
Friends: OH EM GEE IT’S A DATE!!
Sam: Doubt it.
Mom: OH EM GEE WE HAVE TO GET YOU A PRETTY OUTFIT.
Pink shirt and black jeans: yeah. Sure. I’m pretty. Psh.
Skunk smelling flip flops: you’re SO wearing me.
Sam: damnit. Why do you stink?
Movie: [plays]
No action: whoooo.
Date: psh. I have no clue.
Late May 2003:
Jenny: YOU LIKE GREG!!!
Sam: SHUSH.
Jenny: DO IT!
Sam: SHUSH.
Greg: do what?
Sam: nothing….
Greg: what’s the deal with study hall?
Sam: huh?
Greg: with you and jenny.
Sam: oh.
Um.
I like you.
Greg: that’s cool.
Sam: do you like me?
Greg: I have to go offline.
Sam: DAMNIT.
June 2003:
Airplane: [flys by really loud]
Sam and Jeni: [are really bored.]
Jeni: HOLY FUCK DUCK AND COVER!!!
Sam:[laughs]
Quinby: [watches.]
Jeni and Sam: AHHHHH!!
Jeni: Do you want to go to my block party?
Sam: SURE!
Greg: WATER FIGHT!
Jeni: no.
Block party: this DJ blows.
Greg: hi.
Sam: hi.
Jeni’s Mom: [if looks could kill]
Sam and Jeni: [do the limbo]
Greg: [takes a pictures of Sam doing the limbo on her camera without her knowing about it until the pictures were processed.]
Sam and Greg: [sit on swing chair together.]
Jeni’s Mom: [really wishing looks could kill]
Sam: [sigh]
Greg: I gotta go.
Sam: WAH.
Greg: bye.
5 minutes later: I passed.
Greg: hi.
Sam: I thought you had to leave.
Greg: yeah. My cousins haven’t come yet…we’re going to see the hulk.
Sam: oh.
Jeni’s mom: [looks MUST kill….please?]
Greg’s brother: [is in street looking for greg]
Greg: bye
Sam: bye.
Online: booya
Jeni: yeah so I asked Greg if he liked you…
Sam: what did he say?!?!
Jeni: no. and then I asked him if he was sure…and he said yes.
Sam: [cries self to sleep.]
Online: I never get a break.
Sam: so I’m going away to camp again cause I’m fat.
Greg: you’re fine to me.
Audience: awww.
Sam: I can’t wait for camp..so much fun.
Greg: hah. What do you do, lanyard string?
Sam: no. more like…volleyball, jet skiing….boys.
Greg: there better not be any boys.
Sam: yes there are.
Greg: no action:
Sam: yes there is.
Greg: for you.
Sam: yes there is.
Greg: WHAT ABOUT ME!!
Sam: you don’t like me.
Greg: who told you that?
Sam: jeni. She asked you and you said no.
Greg: let her contemplate that.
Sam: huh?
Online: [kissy face]
Sam: other than faces..
Greg: I like you.
Sam: SWEEEEETTTT!!!!
Sam’s mind: I KNEW IT!!
July 8th, 2003:
Sam: so some ass is iming me.
Greg: I’ll kill him
Convo: whoo. This guy’s an ass.
Greg: I’ll kill him.
Sam: he asked me if I had a bf.
Greg: AND YOU SAID NO?!?!
Sam: I didn’t know!
Greg: didn’t know what?
Sam: you know….well what did you think?
Greg: I guess we are…
Sam: I just assumed we weren’t since we never asked each other out.
Greg: wanna go out with me?
Sam: HELL YES!!
July to August 2003:
Fat camp: ugh. You again…
Sam: yeah.
Fat camp: you got fat.
Sam: no shit.
Fat camp: GO RUN SOME LAPS, FATTY.
Talia: SAM!!
Sam: TALIA!!
Talia: I MISSED YOU!!
Sam: I MISSED YOU TOO!!
Talia: I CLAIMED THE BED NEXT TO ME FOR YOU!!
Sam: SWEET!!
Jeff: I’m still a loser.
Sam: yeah I know.
Jeff: so how’s greg?
Sam: he’s my bf.
Jeff: how long have you been together?
Sam: 2 weeks.
Jeff: AHAHAHAHAH
Sam: STFU atleast my ass isn’t single!!
Insult: OH. BURN.
August 2003:
School: w3rd.
Students: blech.
Sam and Greg: [are happy]
Students: WTF they’re together!?!? Psh. That wont last.
December 20, 2003:
Sam: YAY SEMI!!!
Greg and Sam: [dance]
11:00: okay. Fuck off. Semi is over.
Sam: [kisses greg on cheek]
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY.
January 20, 2004:
Lp concert: hi. I will be your entertainment for the night.
Sam: OMG!!!
Greg: sweet.
Sam: THIS IS AWESOME!!
Greg: yup.
Sam and Greg: [headbang]
Sam: [gets headache from headbanging]
February 14, 2004:
Sam and Greg: [ice skate]
Sam: I had fun
Greg: me too.
Sam: [kisses greg on cheek]
Greg: [kisses sam on cheek]
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY.
March 2004:
4 sided circle: our concerts rock.
People: damn straight.
Sam’s house: you’re home.
Sam: yeah.
Greg: bye.
Sam: wait…come here.
[peck on lips.]
Greg: thank you, come again.
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY.
April 11, 2004:
Spring break: PARTAY!!
Movie: I’m good.
Dad’s house: great…occupying the couple.
Dad: [grumbles while on computer for 3 hours in next room]
Sam and Greg: [kiss]
Actual real kiss: hi.
Friends: FREAKING FINALLY!!
Mom: you kissed greg on your dad’s couch?!?
Sam: yeah……..
Mom: [cracks up] YOU ANIMAL!!
Sam: rawr.
April 17, 2004:
Sweet Sixteen: hi.
Permit: booya.
Mom’s car: May God have mercy on my soul.
Mom: May God have mercy on my soul.
Sam: DRIVING IS SWEET.
Mini Golf: yo.
Friends: [give bday punches]
Sam: [returns punches.]
Evan: hi.
Sam: JENI HE’S HOT!
Jeni: I know.
Early May 2004:
Cabinet: The cabinet says oh fuck.
Later..:
’95 blue plymouth neon: hello, I will be your car for the next whatever years.
Sam: sweet.
Water fight: bring it.
Jeni and Evan: hi.
Greg: finally another water fight.
Sam: first couples vs. couples. Then girls vs. boys.
Rules: no hiding flags on people.
Us: kay.
First round: [flags can’t be found.]
Second round: whoo.
Sam: I have a good idea of where to hide the flag…
Jeni: okay?
Sam: [walks in house.]
Sam: [comes out adjusting shirt]
Jeni: genius.
Boy’s flag: [in evan’s pocket]
Sam: hey smart one, if you’re going to hide it in your pocket…at least hide it all the way.
Jeni: [grabs flag]
Evan: DOH!
Boys:[figure out flag is on Sam]
Greg: [runs after Sam]
Sam: [runs away from Greg] damn..i can run!
Greg: damn…
Sam: runs in jeni’s house.
Greg: WE WIN. YOU WENT IN A HOUSE!!!
Sam: wah. But. You really don’t know where the bandana is.
Greg: this is true….I can guess though.
Concert: we totally rock.
Sam and Greg: [really do go out to get water]
Jeni and Evan: [think sam and greg are doing more so decide to hang with the guard who hate them at the time]
Sam and Greg: remember past 10 months.
Sam: I love you
Greg: I love you too.
[kiss]
Mom’s car: [5 feet away]
Mom: [had no clue.]
Sam’s mind: hmm…did my mom see me?
Mom: no. I just want to go home.
July 8th, 2004:
One year:WHOOOO!!
July 2004:
Greg: my family is going to the beach..wanna come?
Sam: OH YEAH!!
4 days at beach: [best time of life]
August 2004:
School: hi.
Students: can it.
Juniors: PSSA’S, SAT’S. OH GOD KILL ME NOW.
Sam’s schedule: hi. I’m fucked up.
Bauer: my bad.
Sam:[walks into correct classroom.]
Greg: w3rd.
Sam: SWEET!!
October 2004:
Vic, Jeni, Danielle, Amy, Sam: [rollerblading]
"Ashton": hi. you have a nice ass.
Sam: thanks.
"Ashton": wanna hang with my friends?
Sam: no.
Amy and Jeni: NO EMO NO SERVICE NO FAIR!!
"ashton": hi i'm Bob.
Danielle: hi.
December 18, 2004:
Semi: w3rd.
Sam’s hair: I’m hot.
Sam: indeed.
Sam’s dress: I’m hot.
Sam: indeed.
Greg: yo.
Sam’s mind: he’s hot.
Sam: indeed.
Several slow dances: [play]
Sam and Greg: dance
Corny made up dances: you know we’re the shit.
Group: HELLZ YA.
Last slow dance: [plays]
Students: WAHH.
Last slow dance: soz.
Jeni and Pfister: [kiss]
Sam: [sees]
Jeni:[does a sly move]
Sam: OMG!!!
Jeni: HEY. you shouldn’t be watching, you should be doing that yourself!!!!
Sam:
Curfew:[does not exist]
Sam: I could have driven?!?!
All who did drive: duh.
Sam: WAH.
December 30 2004 -January 1, 2005:
Sam and Greg: [chill in greg’s room]
Regis Philbin: THREE!
People: TWO!
Regis Philbin: TWO!
People: ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Regis Philbin: ONE!! Eh? Damnit.
Audience: haha dumbass.
Regis philbin: I’m a failure.
People: yup.
Sam and Greg: [kiss on strike of midnight]
Sam’s mind: wow. That was cool.
February 6, 2005:
Greg: I’m giving you your v-day present early.
Sam: sweet.
Two cute stuffed animals: hi!
Sam: CUTE!!
Sam: movie time.
Greg: grudge?
Sam: yup.
Greg: [makes noise from grudge]
Sam:[slaps]
Greg: ow.
Movie: I’m so much scarier in the movies…..i fail at life.
Sam: [lays on couch]
Greg: [does the same]
Sam’s mind: hmmm…I like.
10:30: Okay. Time to go greg.
Greg: k. bye.
Sam: bye.
February 14, 2005
Sam: WHEE!! v-day!
Homeroom: GET INSIDE.
Sam: k.
Dreidger: yo.
Sam: YAY CARNATIONS!!
carnation #1: you're cool! and i'm white!
carnation #2: Hi sam! i'm pink!
carnation #3: MUST OBEY THE TACO MAN!
sam:.....way to be romantic greg.
chem test: do you love me too?
sam: no.
February
sam: i forget the rest of you.
february: well that's just fan-fucking-tastic.
March
Sam: i forget most of you as well.
March: what february said.
Spring break: HOWDY!
boss: ALRIGHT! You're working sunday, monday, tuesday, and friday! MWAHAHAH ALL 4-8! (except sunday because you're not allowed to sleep in.)
sam: WAH.
boyfriend deprivation: yeah. 5 days and no talk to. i say call.
sam: but what if he's busy?
bf deprivation: it's 8:30....trust me
sam: eh...ok
8:50: damnit. it's been 20 minutes, CALL HIM
sam: k
phone: ring.
greg: hello?
sam: hi.
three hours: lah dee dah.
sam: well that was fun. i'm going to sleep now.
sam + greg: love you!
audience: AWWWOMGSOCUTE
sam:........
sometime in late march
sam: fuck. i need a prom dress.
mom: well fuck. lets go then.
sam: vic! you're comming with too thought you suck cause you already bought your prom dress today even though you knew you were comming with us.
vic: kay.
anne baileys: HAH. we're sold out of the dresses you want.
middle finger: HAH I look like a boner.
mom: no black dresses.
sam: wah.
green dress: PICK ME!!
mom: ew. it looks like a mermaid dress.
sam: i want to try it on anyway.
pink dress: i'm pretty!
sam: yeah! you are!
mom: OMGZ THAT IS GORGEOUS ON YOU I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY!
sam: lemme try on the green one.
black dress: i'm too sexy for the prom
sam: i look bangin' in this.
mom: oh god. i love it. damnit. WHYDOYOULOOKAWESOMEINBLACK?!?
green dress: me turn!
mom: [wipes tears from eyes]
sam: this is it.
vic: that screams out sam
green dress: SAM!!!
mom: that's it. that's the dress.
price tag: just ignore me. i know i'm high.
april
prom: BOOYA I'M EARLY
sam: YAY I LOVE MY HAIR AND MY LITTLE TIARA AND MY DRESS AND MY SHOES AND MY NECKLACE AND GREG.
door: knock knock.
mom: i'll get it.
me: [tries to go down stairs]
greg's mom: OMGZ [spaz]
greg: damn she's hot.
sam: damn i'm hot.
greg: damn she's hot.
sam: damn i forgot to put purfume on.
sam: [waddles back upstairs in big dress]
sam: [waddles back downstairs smelling pretty.]
greg: damn she's hot.
sam: i know.
neighbors: OMG PIC TIME.
parents and all: lets face them directly towards the sun so they're squinting in every single pic!!
amy's house: the gang's all here!
cameras: click.
jenya: i'm cool
everyone else: yeah you are.
limo: HOLLA.
prom: [awesome.]
greg: [stands while everyone dances]
sam: dance.
greg: no.
sam: dance.
greg: i can't.
sam: yes you can.
greg: ....[dances]
sam: FINALLY AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS.
11:00: leave
jeni: PARTY!!
sam: PARTY!!
sam's squished in little brick house: fuck. that's alot of people.
april 16
7:00 am: how's only 3 hours of sleep for you?
sam: bad.
7:00 am: good.
everyone: [leaves]
mom: [drops off film at CVS]
phone: [rings]
photo dude: um. your film's stuck in the machine. it might be ruined.
sam: [bawls her eyes out.]
april 17
bday: GO SAM! IT'S YO BDAY.
sam: damn straight.
phone: [rings]
photo dude: your pics have been saved. some are messed up.
pics: we're messed up.
10 pics: [are okay.]
greg: whoo.
sam: whoo.
Rated R movie: whoo
may
mental breakdowns: [begin to occur]
sam: i'm a failure.
everyone: no you're not.
sam: i'm fat.
everyone: no..you're....not.
sam: am to.
june
school: [is almost done]
SATs: [are easier this time]
sam: FUCK I WANT OUT.
seniors: bye.
sam: DAMNIT.
temporarily seniors: [the juniors are]
last line sounded: [like a yoda line]
june 5
sam: yo.
greg: yo.
greg: lets chill.
sam: kay. i just need to go to old navy first and buy a super skirt.
old navy: [is super skirt-less.]
marshals: [has okay clothes.]
team america world police: [sucks.]
mom: i'm going grocery shopping and getting flowers.
sam and greg: [alone for 2 hours]
2 hours: [were fun]
after 2 hours: [also fun]
10:30: GO GO GO! CURFEW T-MINUS 30!!
sam: fuck.
greg: fuck.
sam's mom: um.
sam: [jumps up and into basement.]
sam's mom: you should leave soon.
sam: kay.
night: [ends.]