...
Tonight is another night of being half asleep enough that it is torture to stay awake, but half awake enough to not be able to close my eyes. I have come to appreciate these nights for what they are. I do my deepest thinking between this time and sunrise. I only rarely make it past 6. I have to work at ten so hopefully...
Sam and I have been talking about us more lately. She is so conflicted that I feel horrible for her. The seven hour distance that separates us is really starting to get hard for Sam to wrap her head around. I completely understand that. Every night I lie in bed, longing to hold her. Desperate to feel her touch, her lips against me. Her body wrapped into mine... Fuck. I want her so bad sometimes that it seriously almost kills me. I would move there, tomorrow, if it were at all realistic. If I were not graduating in December I would be there without even thinking about it. I have made myself not over analyze the situation. She is there, I'm here.. There isn't anything I can do about. Sam, on the other hand, she is seriously troubled about it, I can feel it in her voice. She is afraid to begin a real relationship because our distance is a difficult obstacle. I want to be with her so badly that I would drop school, move there, and then finish up, but I am so close that I have to complete it now. My major is a weirdly created one, and not very many schools would have that possibility. And, I have been in school for so long already... Is that selfish of me? If I knew, for sure, that I would lose her if I didn't act immediately I would drop everything and worry about graduating later. I know she is worth it. I have never cared for someone this deeply after such a short time before. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What if I don't move out there, and she decides that she just can't do the distance anymore? I might never be able to talk to her again. Our conversations and texts get me through the day. She gives me a reason to get up in the morning. I have truly, truly, fallen for this girl and I do not know what to do. I have never been so lost, happy, excited, devastated, frustrated, amazed, and awestruck over anyone and any situation in my life. She is absolutely incredible. Just hearing her voice in the afternoon is enough to keep me smiling for the rest of the day. Each text message I learn more about her. Her brown eyes make me want to melt and I cannot stop thinking about her. Even when I force myself. As cliche as this may sound, she is what I think about as I fall asleep. She is what I think about as I am waking up in the morning, and she fills my dreams at night. She paints my thoughts with beauty. She flowers my heart with love, and she makes me feel like the most special person in the world. How could I ever let her get away?
I just want Sam to be happy. Even if her happiness means that I cannot be a part of her life anymore. I understand the distance is a hindering obstacle. I told Sam that her happiness is more important than anything else, and that is entirely true. I want us to be together. I want us to make this work until December when I can be there permanently, but it is completely up to her. She has the decision to make because mine is already made. I will just have to wait until her heart and head are in the same place.
I will do anything for her. And if patience is all that I need than call me lucky. She is my world.
I hope all is well, friends.
Sam and I have been talking about us more lately. She is so conflicted that I feel horrible for her. The seven hour distance that separates us is really starting to get hard for Sam to wrap her head around. I completely understand that. Every night I lie in bed, longing to hold her. Desperate to feel her touch, her lips against me. Her body wrapped into mine... Fuck. I want her so bad sometimes that it seriously almost kills me. I would move there, tomorrow, if it were at all realistic. If I were not graduating in December I would be there without even thinking about it. I have made myself not over analyze the situation. She is there, I'm here.. There isn't anything I can do about. Sam, on the other hand, she is seriously troubled about it, I can feel it in her voice. She is afraid to begin a real relationship because our distance is a difficult obstacle. I want to be with her so badly that I would drop school, move there, and then finish up, but I am so close that I have to complete it now. My major is a weirdly created one, and not very many schools would have that possibility. And, I have been in school for so long already... Is that selfish of me? If I knew, for sure, that I would lose her if I didn't act immediately I would drop everything and worry about graduating later. I know she is worth it. I have never cared for someone this deeply after such a short time before. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What if I don't move out there, and she decides that she just can't do the distance anymore? I might never be able to talk to her again. Our conversations and texts get me through the day. She gives me a reason to get up in the morning. I have truly, truly, fallen for this girl and I do not know what to do. I have never been so lost, happy, excited, devastated, frustrated, amazed, and awestruck over anyone and any situation in my life. She is absolutely incredible. Just hearing her voice in the afternoon is enough to keep me smiling for the rest of the day. Each text message I learn more about her. Her brown eyes make me want to melt and I cannot stop thinking about her. Even when I force myself. As cliche as this may sound, she is what I think about as I fall asleep. She is what I think about as I am waking up in the morning, and she fills my dreams at night. She paints my thoughts with beauty. She flowers my heart with love, and she makes me feel like the most special person in the world. How could I ever let her get away?
I just want Sam to be happy. Even if her happiness means that I cannot be a part of her life anymore. I understand the distance is a hindering obstacle. I told Sam that her happiness is more important than anything else, and that is entirely true. I want us to be together. I want us to make this work until December when I can be there permanently, but it is completely up to her. She has the decision to make because mine is already made. I will just have to wait until her heart and head are in the same place.
I will do anything for her. And if patience is all that I need than call me lucky. She is my world.
I hope all is well, friends.