Hidden Alice (Part Four)
Title: Hidden Alice (Part Four)
~~~
Part Four
~~~
When the Duchess had invited him over for tea, he had been looking really forward to it. He was sure that the March Hare and the Hatter would be there as well, and he was looking forward to seeing them again. It had been a week since he had last met them; he had been too busy running the Queen’s chores. He was always made to run from one place to another and entertain people.
“Bring wonder to the world.” The White Rabbit had told him. Alice usually managed that by simply talking to people. He wasn’t much of an entertainer, he had never been. He just couldn’t see the purpose behind it all. But he had come to understand that if he had to live in that world, then he didn’t have much of a choice. And until he could figure out a way to go back, this was the best he could do. So he put on a smile and did the best he could.
~~~
“Alice is really late.” The Duchess looked worried, “Are you sure he said that he would be coming?”
The Hatter nodded, “He was looking forward to meeting us.” He looked worried as well. Neither of them was sure how Alice would react to the third companion in the room. They wondered when the White Rabbit had gone out and brought a replacement, but at the same time they knew that they had no choice but to pretend that this was the same person they were having tea with a week back.
There was nothing anthropomorphic about the new March Hare, he looked a lot like what he had before his previous replacement had come to the world - and they were sure the White Rabbit would not make the mistake of taking this replacement to the world above.
They had both believed for the longest time that nothing could happen to the March Hare - he was best friends with the White Rabbit, what better protection could anyone ask for? And it was exactly because of that that they knew who it was that had killed him. No one else would have dared, everyone else had always been too scared to approach the March Hare.
After an hour, Alice had arrived, “Where’s the March Hare?” He had asked after entering, “It doesn’t look like the Hatter is here either.”
The Duchess had a sad look in his eyes, “They left.”
Alice needed to be told what had happened, but the Duchess did not know how to do it. So he looked at his brother and said, “Will you hear me out?”
At that moment Alice had felt a strange tingling sensation in his head, as if a small electrical charge had hit him. He knew that feeling; he had had it every time something went wrong, “Is someone dead?”
“Someone’s been replaced.” The Duchess corrected him.
“It means the same thing. When will you get that?” His younger brother had snarled.
“Please listen to me.”
~~~
It was that night that Alice had decided that he would kill the White Rabbit once and for all. The feelings were familiar, they were the same as the ones he had had when he had first come to the place. He had been unsure about them ever since he’d found his brother again. He had figured that everything was alright, that he didn’t have to kill anyone. And he was glad about it. He still had nightmares about killing the Queen of Hearts and he wasn’t sure he could handle hurting anyone else. But if the March Hare was dead, it meant that things were different. Not only had he lost a good friend, but he was beginning to feel afraid again. Who would die next? When would it ever stop? And he knew the answer. It would stop when the White Rabbit was replaced.
The expression on the Hatter’s face had changed when he had mentioned it, “Are you sure?” He had asked.
Alice wasn’t sure whether he could trust the Hatter or not, “Will you help me?”
The Hatter had shaken his head, he was unsure. Alice knew it would be difficult to convince anyone; at best this was probably a suicide mission. He never, for one second believed that he could kill the White Rabbit, but he was willing to die trying at any rate. However, he understood that not everyone thought like that.
“Have you asked the Duchess?” The Hatter had asked him.
Alice shook his head, that was not a gamble he was willing to take.
The Hatter had smiled, “I’m not sure whether I should be glad you asked me.”
“I don’t want to see you dead, if that’s what you mean.” Alice had answered.
“Replaced.” The Hatter had corrected him.
The conversation had ended there. Alice was not going to tell the Duchess, and if the Hatter wouldn’t help, this was a mission he would have to do all by himself.
“There is someone you could talk to, before you decide I mean.” The Hatter had told him.
“Who?”
“There is someone other than the White Rabbit, who is that old I mean. Well, at least he’s older than anyone else I know. He’s definitely much older than me. He was here before anyone else; I wouldn’t be surprised if the White Rabbit was scared of him, I mean, why leave him alive? He’s really wise and…”
“Who?” Alice sounded impatient.
“Oh.” The Hatter looked disappointed, “The Caterpillar.”
Alice had looked at him like he was crazy, but he had said nothing. He had been in this world long enough to know that strange things existed, “So where do I find the caterpillar?”
The Hatter shook his head, “I don’t know, ask the White Rabbit.”
“What?” Alice looked slightly perturbed.
“Ask the White Rabbit.”
~~~
Alice had found himself in front of the White Rabbit’s house the first thing next morning. With hesitation, he had knocked on the door. The White Rabbit had smiled when he opened it, however it was not a very comforting smile; Alice half-wondered if he was going to be killed right then and there.
The White Rabbit had asked him to sit down and retreated to the kitchen. After what seemed like over an hour, Alice had followed him in. The kitchen was bigger than the room he had been sitting in, and right in the middle of it, the White Rabbit was standing with a huge pot - he seemed busy stirring the contents, so busy that he hadn’t noticed Alice enter.
Alice cleared his throat to signal that he was in the room. The White Rabbit looked at him with tired eyes, “Hungry?” He asked.
“Not really, I simply need to ask you something.”
“You sound more and more like him everyday.” The White Rabbit stepped down from the stool he had been standing on, “What did you need to ask me?”
“Who do I sound like?” The words came out of Alice’s mouth automatically.
“The Duchess.” The White Rabbit had an endearing look on his face, “I’m busy, what do you need to ask me?”
“Do you know where I can find the Caterpillar?” He asked with a straight face.
“Yes.” He looked curious, and Alice watched as he reached out towards the table and grabbed a knife. Alice could feel his heart beating fast, he took a step backwards.
“Why do you need him?” The White Rabbit continued.
“I need some advice.”
“Okay, meet me here after sunset.”
Alice stopped moving, “What? Why?”
The White Rabbit was laughing, “So I can take you there of course.”
~~~
It was awkward walking with the White Rabbit. Neither of them talked, and Alice was sure that they both preferred it that way. They had been walking for a few hours before Alice said anything, “Where are we going?”
“Somewhere far away.” was the reply.
He had stopped talking after that. They were walking through what seemed to be dense woods now. There was a light fog in the air, and Alice thought for a second that the smell was familiar, but what it was he didn’t know for sure. He wondered where the March Hare was killed - had the White Rabbit taken him out somewhere far away like this and killed him? Alice didn’t trust the White Rabbit; a part of him screamed that he was going to be killed later on today. He had come prepared. The best he could do was to carry a knife he had borrowed from his brother’s kitchen.
“You live with the Duchess?”
Alice broke out of his reverie and stared at the White Rabbit, “Yes.”
“Someone mentioned it.” The White Rabbit didn’t say anything more, but there was a hint of antagonism in his tone that Alice didn’t like.
“How much further is it?” he asked.
“Just beyond the fog.”
They walked in silence through the fog. Alice felt it growing dense the more he walked into the fog, and he could feel his senses grow dull. There was something in the air that he didn’t agree with. The air was stifling; it was getting more and more difficult to breathe. Alice tried to regulate his breathing and hoped that the end to this fog was nearby. He looked to his side, but he couldn’t see the White Rabbit anymore. He looked at his hands, they were barely visible to him. He would have thought that the White Rabbit had brought him out here on purpose and abandoned him if he had not suddenly seen a pair of eyes looking at him curiously from his side.
“Are you smiling?” asked Alice
“How did you know?” The White Rabbit replied
“I just had a feeling.”
He could hear the White Rabbit laugh as they continued to walk through the fog. Eventually the silence came back again. There was no sound here, Alice couldn’t hear anything - not even the sound of a single bird. He was sure they had just been walking through a forest but the more they entered the place, the more desolate it seemed.
“What is this?” He finally found himself asking, the smell was too distinct, too familiar.
“You’ll find out soon enough, we’re almost there.”
And just as he said that, Alice thought he saw a distinct figure. As he got closer, he saw the figure was holding smoking from something. Alice took one look around the fog and turned his attention back to what the figure was holding. At least he knew now where the fog had come from; though he was pretty sure it was an impossible feat to accomplish.
The White Rabbit had moved ahead of him, he was nowhere to be seen now. But in front of Alice was a small toadstool, and he was sure that it was a caterpillar that was sitting on it. Alice suddenly felt lost, he had followed the Hatter’s advice and com e all this way - but he had no idea what he was supposed to talk about.
The caterpillar seemed very intent on smoking - it looked old and fragile. He wondered just how old it was.
“Here we are.” The White Rabbit said as he sat down on the ground.
The Caterpillar didn’t look like it had noticed them. Alice tried to make out anything around him, but all he saw was more and more smoke, “Can you stop smoking?”
“I can, but I don’t have to.” The Caterpillar replied.
Alice looked at the Caterpillar again; it had a deep voice, “Uh…”
“Getting back will take time, so hurry up and finish off.” The White Rabbit sounded bored from where he was sitting.
“I need to be alone…?” Alice half-asked, if he had to find out how to change things around him, he would have to be alone.
Alice could hear footsteps walking away from where they were standing. He stood silent until he couldn’t hear the steps anymore, and then turned to the Caterpillar.
“You want to know how to kill him.” Said the Caterpillar as he pointed his hookah at the receding figure of the White Rabbit.
Alice once again found himself unable to speak. For some reason, even though he had already seen the strangest things since he had come to this world, he could not find himself talking to a caterpillar.
The Caterpillar went back to smoking. Alice started to cough; being this close to the source of the smoke was not good, “Yes.” He quickly replied.
The Caterpillar had stopped smoking again, from what Alice could tell he looked like he was in deep thought, What do I have to do?” he continued.
The Caterpillar snorted, “You expect me to know?”
Alice stopped moving where he stood, “You don’t know? Then what was the point of me coming here?” He was beginning to feel angry. So the reason the White Rabbit led him all the way here was because he was aware nothing would come off it?
The Caterpillar looked like he was smiling now, “I never said I didn’t know. I asked if you expected me to know.”
“Uh…yeah?”
“You’re the most unintelligent Alice I’ve met in a long time.”
“And you’re short…” Alice mumbled to himself. He yelped in pain as he felt something hard hit him on the head.
“I’m tired of hearing that.” Said the Caterpillar as he went back to sit down on the toadstool.
Alice could feel the pain even now, “How many Alices have you met?” He asked.
“Two other than you.”
There was an uncomfortable silence in the air before the Caterpillar spoke again, “There are others older than the White Rabbit. Not even he can replace everyone, thus some lives are spared.”
Alice wanted to speak, but the Caterpillar shifted where he was sitting, “You can do what you want to, but the price you’ll have to pay is not something you’d expect.”
“What is it?” Alice found himself asking.
“You’ll find out before it’s over.”
He wanted to ask so many questions, but before he could start he heard footsteps approaching. The White Rabbit was back.
~~~
Once they were out of the smoke, they found themselves back in the forest, only this way looked a lot more familiar to him, “Have I been here before?” asked Alice.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you had.” Said the White Rabbit
They both walked in silence until a very familiar house could be seen in the horizon, “But that’s…” Alice pointed to the Duchess’s house and back to the White Rabbit, “You made me walk so much this morning…”
“I was in the mood to exercise.” Said the White Rabbit as he took the next turning and vanished among the trees.
Alice stared after him, he was sure the shortest way back to the White Rabbit’s house was the first turning after they crossed the Duchess’s house, but maybe the White Rabbit had somewhere else to be.
Alice entered the Duchess’s house. He had the distinct feeling he was being followed for some time now. He quickly looked around, in an attempt to catch whoever it was that was following him. But there was no one.
He quickly ducked as a large pan almost hit him. He would never get used to the small heart attacks he got when that happened. He could hear loud voices and followed them to the next room. The Duchess was looking very angry, and the March Hare looked scared.
“Everything alright?” Alice called out as he walked into the room
“No. Our Queen thinks I’m trying to kill her.” The Duchess was staring malevolently at the March Hare now, “It seems someone put that ridiculous idea into her head.”
“And you think it was the March Hare?”
“I don’t know.” The frown on the Duchess’s face grew deeper, “He was the one who told me she was coming here. Where were you all morning?” He asked.
“I went for a walk… with the White Rabbit.” Alice did not want to worry his brother, and he figured trying to replace the White Rabbit would top that list.
His brother was giving him a strangle look, “If you say so.” He finally said.
~~~
Alice could never get over the fact that this house looked almost exactly the same as the one he had grown up in, right down to the drawing on his desk. He had always wondered where that had come from, there was no way his brother could have known about it - he thought he had an idea. And he was delighted when he found out that he was right.
It wasn’t easy to catch him, he always took different forms - but he’d followed the White Rabbit’s gaze very closely when they were walking together, and he was following the sound of the third party. So Alice decided he would have to catch this mystery creature once and for all. A simple idea had come to his mind, what if he started damaging the drawing on his desk? He was sure it was the creature he met when he was young that had drawn it, who else could have known?
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” There was a raven sitting on the window ledge, just like it had been so long ago.
“You saved my life again.” Alice was studying it very carefully.
The raven bowed and smiled. It was an eerie smile, but it made Alice want to smile as well.
“Did you bring me here?” Alice watched as the raven turned into cat.
The cat nodded, “I’ve been watching you since the Duchess was replaced.”
Alice started to move towards the cat, “Are you… old?” He asked.
“Older than the White Rabbit.” The cat said as he sat down on the ledge, making himself comfortable.
“So you can replace him?”
The cat smiled widely again, “Yes. But then, who would replace me?”
Alice halted, “You could find someone to replace yourself.”
The cat laughed, “It’s not so easy. And you don’t have much time left, I’m afraid the White Rabbit has grown bored of you, he thinks you’re a nuisance.”
“He can’t kill me if I kill him first.”
“But will you?” Alice noticed that cat’s tail was beginning to grow fainter.
“I will replace him myself if I have to.”
The cat continued to grow fainter as he said, “So you know what the Caterpillar was talking about.”
Soon, he was gone.
~~~
Alice knew that the time would come soon. The White Rabbit would probably draw him away, the same way he had probably drawn the March Hare away. He knew that everyone would know who it was that had killed him, and that no one would step up to avenge him. No, he was the anomaly - he had come here by himself. The others needed to depend on the White Rabbit. So if anyone could replace him, Alice thought he was the best figure for that role. The March Hare had helped him to think as well - if his brother could replace the Duchess, it probably meant that they had something in common. The March Hare had told him that what that replacement had in common was him - it was the March Hare both times that had helped fill up the spot. In that same way, Alice thought that the White Rabbit needed to be replaced by someone who he had not brought here.
He had been delighted when he had found out that there were others who were as old as the White Rabbit if not older - he had believed that maybe they could replace him. He realized that there was a lot about the world he didn’t know when they refused to.
When he saw the White Rabbit walking towards him as he walked towards the palace, he knew the time had come.
“Will you follow me please?” The White Rabbit had asked him.
He had nodded; he had no choice but to comply. He was just glad that he was prepared. He knew what the White Rabbit was going to do now, but then again, he was sure that the White Rabbit knew that he knew.
The White Rabbit was leading him towards an old bridge he hadn’t noticed before, near it was the well that he had heard about so many times. He had never believed that it existed, but there it was.
“How did you know I killed the March Hare?”
“He didn’t trust anyone else well enough to let them.”
“You think he would let me kill him?” The White Rabbit sounded amused
“I know that he wouldn’t stop you.”
“And why is that?”
“He told me you were his friend. He trusted you.” His voice was cold with anger.
The White Rabbit was looking at him, it was as if he knew that Alice was lying, “I think he told you.”
Alice moved towards the White Rabbit, “Not me, but yes. When you called him out, he had told the Hatter what he thinks you were going to do.”
“That doesn’t change anything.” Said the White Rabbit as he moved towards the well, “Have you told anyone?”
Alice didn’t reply, he simply followed the White Rabbit. As they both neared the well, Alice saw the deep red colour of the well water. He looked at the White Rabbit, but he was looking at his own reflection in the water, “What do you think is going to happen now?” He asked.
Alice slowly touched the knife he had taken from the house that morning. Reassured, he turned to the White Rabbit, “You tell me.”
The White Rabbit turned towards him and smiled. Then his expression changed, suddenly he looked tired; he looked old and fragile. Alice watched as he reached into the well and pulled out a curved blade. He beckoned Alice to come towards him.
Alice complied. He tried to stop, but there was nothing he could do. His body moved on its own, just as it had done so many times since he had been here. He managed to grasp his knife, and hid his hands behind his back. He could feel himself tremble as he moved towards the White Rabbit. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t. At one point, he wanted to scream - to call for help, but he couldn’t. This feeling wasn’t unfamiliar to him, and he had learned over time to control his actions. But it did not seem to work in front of the White Rabbit. However, at least he could hold on to the knife. He tried to move his right hand from where it was holding the hidden knife behind his back, not even his hand would move.
“I have always wondered how you managed to come here.” The White Rabbit was mere inches away from him, “The March Hare told me he knew. I didn’t want to kill him; did you know that he was the one who tried to kill me first?”
Alice wanted to reply- he wanted to say anything, do anything to prove to the White Rabbit that he was wrong. He found himself face to face with the White Rabbit and tried to move back.
“There’s no need to struggle.”
Alice tried to move his hand, he had to protect himself, but he couldn’t.
“You look scared.” He sounded amused, “But don’t worry, I won’t be the one killing you.” He pointed to the well, and Alice found himself walking towards it. The red liquid in the well convinced him that it was blood. He knew it wasn’t, but he believed it could just as easily have been. He thought he could hear voices coming from the well. The voices told him to move back, to go away. He slowly inched towards it - inside he was screaming at himself, begging his legs to stop moving. But they continued to move.
“I’ll be taking that if you don’t mind.” The White Rabbit said as took the knife from Alice.
He tried to turn to look at the White Rabbit, he had to stop this! Alice pulled himself up on the side of the well and stood there, staring down at the water. From the reflection, he could see the White Rabbit studying the knife, a sad look on his face.
Alice tried to turn away from the well, and to his great surprise, he found that he could. He tried to open his mouth, to speak, “Please…”
“Jump.” Said the White Rabbit.
Alice found himself plunging into the dark coloured water of the well, the last thing he did before he fell was to inhale a large amount of air.
~~~
The White Rabbit bent down, watching the air bubbled on the surface of the well. How long would it be till they disappeared? He wondered if he should let Alice move - maybe then he could come back to the surface. He thought he was a hypocrite. He was the one who had wanted changes, but when the changes had finally come - he had done everything in his power to revert back to the old system. He had lost almost everyone - precious friends, happy times - the first Alice. Everything was gone now. All he had left was his work.
But the March Hare had tried to take that away from him - so he had to be replaced. The bubbles were fainter now. It would all be over soon. He looked away, it was what he always did - he would look away, “How much longer do you plan on standing there?” He called out.
The Cheshire cat materialized in front of him, “You should let him go.”
“Why?”
The Cat smile widely, “The rest should be here soon. They won’t be very happy if they find him dead.” He pointed to the well, “Or in this case not find him at all.”
The White Rabbit sighed, “I know you were the one that brought him here.”
“Oh? How?”
“I keep a track of everyone that follows me into the other world; especially when they don’t come back with me.” His voice was stern, “You could kill me yourself if you wanted to.”
“Ah, but I don’t want you dead.” The Cheshire cat was smiling and swishing his tail from side to side.
“Then why did you..?” The White Rabbit looked at the well, the bubbles were gone now, “The March Hare…”
“Who?”
“You know who I’m talking about. He’s dead.”
“No he’s not, I met him on the way here.”
The White Rabbit growled, “I don’t mean the current replacement.”
“I know.”
The White Rabbit looked away from the Cheshire cat. He was beginning to feel annoyed, and he never liked it when that happened. He would get angry and hurt someone.
“Are you finally tired of your own rules?” The Cat’s voice called out.
“I have been for some time.”
The Cheshire cat had stopped speaking; he was simply watching him intently. The White Rabbit looked back to the well - he was sure Alice was dead, “You said others were coming?”
“I lied. Is he dead?”
The White Rabbit walked towards the well. He slowly reached his hands down into the red water and searched. The well was deep; he knew that there was no way that Alice would be so near the top. He looked at the Cat one last time before climbing on to the side of the well and jumping in.
~~~
It was suffocating. He wondered if this was the way the March Hare had died. How long had he been alive? He moved around in the water - it was too dark to see anything. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing down here. He stretched out his hands and touched the sides of the well. Had he come down to rescue Alice? He wondered if the Cheshire cat was watching the air bubbles floating up to the surface of the well just as he had done. He could feel something pulling him down. He wasn’t sure if it would ever end. He closed his eyes - maybe this was what he had wanted after all.
~~~
“Do you want more tea?” The White Rabbit snapped out his reverie and looked at the Hatter. He shook his head.
Alice and the Duchess were still talking loudly amongst themselves. They hadn’t stopped since he brought a half-dead Alice back home the day before. Now he was stuck with them as well.
“What do you think?” Alice was looking at him expectantly.
He stared back until Alice sighed and went back to talking with his brother.
The White Rabbit leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, how was he supposed to adapt to this world? Somewhere down the line, the person who had changed the most was he himself. His World was the same as it had always been. Alice hadn’t said a word about how he had almost died - and he had explicitly told the White Rabbit that he didn’t intend to.
~~~
Alice wasn’t sure why the White Rabbit had saved him. He was sure he was dead, but when he opened his eyes, he found the White Rabbit looking down at him curiously. The Cheshire cat was sitting next to him, looking pleased with himself.
“There are rules to killing, he can’t kill you.” The Cheshire cat had informed him while pointing towards the White Rabbit, “And you can’t kill him.”
“Are we supposed to get along?” Alice had scoffed.
“If you want to.” The Cheshire cat said as he disappeared.
Alice hadn’t said anything to the White Rabbit as he helped him to stand, or even as he walked Alice all the way back to the Duchess’s house. But Alice had a theory. He had never believed for even one second that any of this was real. He was dead- he had jumped off a pretty high building after all. He sometimes wondered if this was all a distant dream. But then, he had died in the dream as well. Sometimes, when he looked around him - he saw unfamiliar faces, sometimes he would see shadows where they shouldn’t be. Sometimes, his own face would morph into that of someone else’s. The March Hare sometimes looked like the one he used to know. So he came to believe that he was dead in the dream as well. Maybe he was dreaming from the beginning - a dream that would never end.
But he was still with his brother, he was still among friends. So he thought he could manage. What scared him the most was - at that point the person he had the most similarities was the White Rabbit. He was in the chair opposite Alice and looking very uncomfortable, “What do you think?” He asked aloud. Maybe the White Rabbit had seen the same things he did - maybe it was what happened to you if you fell into the well. But the White Rabbit simply stared back at him. Alice sighed and turned to talk to his brother.
The world felt like a dream to him, but right then he hoped that it was a dream that wouldn’t end.
~~~
~~~
Part Four
~~~
When the Duchess had invited him over for tea, he had been looking really forward to it. He was sure that the March Hare and the Hatter would be there as well, and he was looking forward to seeing them again. It had been a week since he had last met them; he had been too busy running the Queen’s chores. He was always made to run from one place to another and entertain people.
“Bring wonder to the world.” The White Rabbit had told him. Alice usually managed that by simply talking to people. He wasn’t much of an entertainer, he had never been. He just couldn’t see the purpose behind it all. But he had come to understand that if he had to live in that world, then he didn’t have much of a choice. And until he could figure out a way to go back, this was the best he could do. So he put on a smile and did the best he could.
~~~
“Alice is really late.” The Duchess looked worried, “Are you sure he said that he would be coming?”
The Hatter nodded, “He was looking forward to meeting us.” He looked worried as well. Neither of them was sure how Alice would react to the third companion in the room. They wondered when the White Rabbit had gone out and brought a replacement, but at the same time they knew that they had no choice but to pretend that this was the same person they were having tea with a week back.
There was nothing anthropomorphic about the new March Hare, he looked a lot like what he had before his previous replacement had come to the world - and they were sure the White Rabbit would not make the mistake of taking this replacement to the world above.
They had both believed for the longest time that nothing could happen to the March Hare - he was best friends with the White Rabbit, what better protection could anyone ask for? And it was exactly because of that that they knew who it was that had killed him. No one else would have dared, everyone else had always been too scared to approach the March Hare.
After an hour, Alice had arrived, “Where’s the March Hare?” He had asked after entering, “It doesn’t look like the Hatter is here either.”
The Duchess had a sad look in his eyes, “They left.”
Alice needed to be told what had happened, but the Duchess did not know how to do it. So he looked at his brother and said, “Will you hear me out?”
At that moment Alice had felt a strange tingling sensation in his head, as if a small electrical charge had hit him. He knew that feeling; he had had it every time something went wrong, “Is someone dead?”
“Someone’s been replaced.” The Duchess corrected him.
“It means the same thing. When will you get that?” His younger brother had snarled.
“Please listen to me.”
~~~
It was that night that Alice had decided that he would kill the White Rabbit once and for all. The feelings were familiar, they were the same as the ones he had had when he had first come to the place. He had been unsure about them ever since he’d found his brother again. He had figured that everything was alright, that he didn’t have to kill anyone. And he was glad about it. He still had nightmares about killing the Queen of Hearts and he wasn’t sure he could handle hurting anyone else. But if the March Hare was dead, it meant that things were different. Not only had he lost a good friend, but he was beginning to feel afraid again. Who would die next? When would it ever stop? And he knew the answer. It would stop when the White Rabbit was replaced.
The expression on the Hatter’s face had changed when he had mentioned it, “Are you sure?” He had asked.
Alice wasn’t sure whether he could trust the Hatter or not, “Will you help me?”
The Hatter had shaken his head, he was unsure. Alice knew it would be difficult to convince anyone; at best this was probably a suicide mission. He never, for one second believed that he could kill the White Rabbit, but he was willing to die trying at any rate. However, he understood that not everyone thought like that.
“Have you asked the Duchess?” The Hatter had asked him.
Alice shook his head, that was not a gamble he was willing to take.
The Hatter had smiled, “I’m not sure whether I should be glad you asked me.”
“I don’t want to see you dead, if that’s what you mean.” Alice had answered.
“Replaced.” The Hatter had corrected him.
The conversation had ended there. Alice was not going to tell the Duchess, and if the Hatter wouldn’t help, this was a mission he would have to do all by himself.
“There is someone you could talk to, before you decide I mean.” The Hatter had told him.
“Who?”
“There is someone other than the White Rabbit, who is that old I mean. Well, at least he’s older than anyone else I know. He’s definitely much older than me. He was here before anyone else; I wouldn’t be surprised if the White Rabbit was scared of him, I mean, why leave him alive? He’s really wise and…”
“Who?” Alice sounded impatient.
“Oh.” The Hatter looked disappointed, “The Caterpillar.”
Alice had looked at him like he was crazy, but he had said nothing. He had been in this world long enough to know that strange things existed, “So where do I find the caterpillar?”
The Hatter shook his head, “I don’t know, ask the White Rabbit.”
“What?” Alice looked slightly perturbed.
“Ask the White Rabbit.”
~~~
Alice had found himself in front of the White Rabbit’s house the first thing next morning. With hesitation, he had knocked on the door. The White Rabbit had smiled when he opened it, however it was not a very comforting smile; Alice half-wondered if he was going to be killed right then and there.
The White Rabbit had asked him to sit down and retreated to the kitchen. After what seemed like over an hour, Alice had followed him in. The kitchen was bigger than the room he had been sitting in, and right in the middle of it, the White Rabbit was standing with a huge pot - he seemed busy stirring the contents, so busy that he hadn’t noticed Alice enter.
Alice cleared his throat to signal that he was in the room. The White Rabbit looked at him with tired eyes, “Hungry?” He asked.
“Not really, I simply need to ask you something.”
“You sound more and more like him everyday.” The White Rabbit stepped down from the stool he had been standing on, “What did you need to ask me?”
“Who do I sound like?” The words came out of Alice’s mouth automatically.
“The Duchess.” The White Rabbit had an endearing look on his face, “I’m busy, what do you need to ask me?”
“Do you know where I can find the Caterpillar?” He asked with a straight face.
“Yes.” He looked curious, and Alice watched as he reached out towards the table and grabbed a knife. Alice could feel his heart beating fast, he took a step backwards.
“Why do you need him?” The White Rabbit continued.
“I need some advice.”
“Okay, meet me here after sunset.”
Alice stopped moving, “What? Why?”
The White Rabbit was laughing, “So I can take you there of course.”
~~~
It was awkward walking with the White Rabbit. Neither of them talked, and Alice was sure that they both preferred it that way. They had been walking for a few hours before Alice said anything, “Where are we going?”
“Somewhere far away.” was the reply.
He had stopped talking after that. They were walking through what seemed to be dense woods now. There was a light fog in the air, and Alice thought for a second that the smell was familiar, but what it was he didn’t know for sure. He wondered where the March Hare was killed - had the White Rabbit taken him out somewhere far away like this and killed him? Alice didn’t trust the White Rabbit; a part of him screamed that he was going to be killed later on today. He had come prepared. The best he could do was to carry a knife he had borrowed from his brother’s kitchen.
“You live with the Duchess?”
Alice broke out of his reverie and stared at the White Rabbit, “Yes.”
“Someone mentioned it.” The White Rabbit didn’t say anything more, but there was a hint of antagonism in his tone that Alice didn’t like.
“How much further is it?” he asked.
“Just beyond the fog.”
They walked in silence through the fog. Alice felt it growing dense the more he walked into the fog, and he could feel his senses grow dull. There was something in the air that he didn’t agree with. The air was stifling; it was getting more and more difficult to breathe. Alice tried to regulate his breathing and hoped that the end to this fog was nearby. He looked to his side, but he couldn’t see the White Rabbit anymore. He looked at his hands, they were barely visible to him. He would have thought that the White Rabbit had brought him out here on purpose and abandoned him if he had not suddenly seen a pair of eyes looking at him curiously from his side.
“Are you smiling?” asked Alice
“How did you know?” The White Rabbit replied
“I just had a feeling.”
He could hear the White Rabbit laugh as they continued to walk through the fog. Eventually the silence came back again. There was no sound here, Alice couldn’t hear anything - not even the sound of a single bird. He was sure they had just been walking through a forest but the more they entered the place, the more desolate it seemed.
“What is this?” He finally found himself asking, the smell was too distinct, too familiar.
“You’ll find out soon enough, we’re almost there.”
And just as he said that, Alice thought he saw a distinct figure. As he got closer, he saw the figure was holding smoking from something. Alice took one look around the fog and turned his attention back to what the figure was holding. At least he knew now where the fog had come from; though he was pretty sure it was an impossible feat to accomplish.
The White Rabbit had moved ahead of him, he was nowhere to be seen now. But in front of Alice was a small toadstool, and he was sure that it was a caterpillar that was sitting on it. Alice suddenly felt lost, he had followed the Hatter’s advice and com e all this way - but he had no idea what he was supposed to talk about.
The caterpillar seemed very intent on smoking - it looked old and fragile. He wondered just how old it was.
“Here we are.” The White Rabbit said as he sat down on the ground.
The Caterpillar didn’t look like it had noticed them. Alice tried to make out anything around him, but all he saw was more and more smoke, “Can you stop smoking?”
“I can, but I don’t have to.” The Caterpillar replied.
Alice looked at the Caterpillar again; it had a deep voice, “Uh…”
“Getting back will take time, so hurry up and finish off.” The White Rabbit sounded bored from where he was sitting.
“I need to be alone…?” Alice half-asked, if he had to find out how to change things around him, he would have to be alone.
Alice could hear footsteps walking away from where they were standing. He stood silent until he couldn’t hear the steps anymore, and then turned to the Caterpillar.
“You want to know how to kill him.” Said the Caterpillar as he pointed his hookah at the receding figure of the White Rabbit.
Alice once again found himself unable to speak. For some reason, even though he had already seen the strangest things since he had come to this world, he could not find himself talking to a caterpillar.
The Caterpillar went back to smoking. Alice started to cough; being this close to the source of the smoke was not good, “Yes.” He quickly replied.
The Caterpillar had stopped smoking again, from what Alice could tell he looked like he was in deep thought, What do I have to do?” he continued.
The Caterpillar snorted, “You expect me to know?”
Alice stopped moving where he stood, “You don’t know? Then what was the point of me coming here?” He was beginning to feel angry. So the reason the White Rabbit led him all the way here was because he was aware nothing would come off it?
The Caterpillar looked like he was smiling now, “I never said I didn’t know. I asked if you expected me to know.”
“Uh…yeah?”
“You’re the most unintelligent Alice I’ve met in a long time.”
“And you’re short…” Alice mumbled to himself. He yelped in pain as he felt something hard hit him on the head.
“I’m tired of hearing that.” Said the Caterpillar as he went back to sit down on the toadstool.
Alice could feel the pain even now, “How many Alices have you met?” He asked.
“Two other than you.”
There was an uncomfortable silence in the air before the Caterpillar spoke again, “There are others older than the White Rabbit. Not even he can replace everyone, thus some lives are spared.”
Alice wanted to speak, but the Caterpillar shifted where he was sitting, “You can do what you want to, but the price you’ll have to pay is not something you’d expect.”
“What is it?” Alice found himself asking.
“You’ll find out before it’s over.”
He wanted to ask so many questions, but before he could start he heard footsteps approaching. The White Rabbit was back.
~~~
Once they were out of the smoke, they found themselves back in the forest, only this way looked a lot more familiar to him, “Have I been here before?” asked Alice.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you had.” Said the White Rabbit
They both walked in silence until a very familiar house could be seen in the horizon, “But that’s…” Alice pointed to the Duchess’s house and back to the White Rabbit, “You made me walk so much this morning…”
“I was in the mood to exercise.” Said the White Rabbit as he took the next turning and vanished among the trees.
Alice stared after him, he was sure the shortest way back to the White Rabbit’s house was the first turning after they crossed the Duchess’s house, but maybe the White Rabbit had somewhere else to be.
Alice entered the Duchess’s house. He had the distinct feeling he was being followed for some time now. He quickly looked around, in an attempt to catch whoever it was that was following him. But there was no one.
He quickly ducked as a large pan almost hit him. He would never get used to the small heart attacks he got when that happened. He could hear loud voices and followed them to the next room. The Duchess was looking very angry, and the March Hare looked scared.
“Everything alright?” Alice called out as he walked into the room
“No. Our Queen thinks I’m trying to kill her.” The Duchess was staring malevolently at the March Hare now, “It seems someone put that ridiculous idea into her head.”
“And you think it was the March Hare?”
“I don’t know.” The frown on the Duchess’s face grew deeper, “He was the one who told me she was coming here. Where were you all morning?” He asked.
“I went for a walk… with the White Rabbit.” Alice did not want to worry his brother, and he figured trying to replace the White Rabbit would top that list.
His brother was giving him a strangle look, “If you say so.” He finally said.
~~~
Alice could never get over the fact that this house looked almost exactly the same as the one he had grown up in, right down to the drawing on his desk. He had always wondered where that had come from, there was no way his brother could have known about it - he thought he had an idea. And he was delighted when he found out that he was right.
It wasn’t easy to catch him, he always took different forms - but he’d followed the White Rabbit’s gaze very closely when they were walking together, and he was following the sound of the third party. So Alice decided he would have to catch this mystery creature once and for all. A simple idea had come to his mind, what if he started damaging the drawing on his desk? He was sure it was the creature he met when he was young that had drawn it, who else could have known?
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” There was a raven sitting on the window ledge, just like it had been so long ago.
“You saved my life again.” Alice was studying it very carefully.
The raven bowed and smiled. It was an eerie smile, but it made Alice want to smile as well.
“Did you bring me here?” Alice watched as the raven turned into cat.
The cat nodded, “I’ve been watching you since the Duchess was replaced.”
Alice started to move towards the cat, “Are you… old?” He asked.
“Older than the White Rabbit.” The cat said as he sat down on the ledge, making himself comfortable.
“So you can replace him?”
The cat smiled widely again, “Yes. But then, who would replace me?”
Alice halted, “You could find someone to replace yourself.”
The cat laughed, “It’s not so easy. And you don’t have much time left, I’m afraid the White Rabbit has grown bored of you, he thinks you’re a nuisance.”
“He can’t kill me if I kill him first.”
“But will you?” Alice noticed that cat’s tail was beginning to grow fainter.
“I will replace him myself if I have to.”
The cat continued to grow fainter as he said, “So you know what the Caterpillar was talking about.”
Soon, he was gone.
~~~
Alice knew that the time would come soon. The White Rabbit would probably draw him away, the same way he had probably drawn the March Hare away. He knew that everyone would know who it was that had killed him, and that no one would step up to avenge him. No, he was the anomaly - he had come here by himself. The others needed to depend on the White Rabbit. So if anyone could replace him, Alice thought he was the best figure for that role. The March Hare had helped him to think as well - if his brother could replace the Duchess, it probably meant that they had something in common. The March Hare had told him that what that replacement had in common was him - it was the March Hare both times that had helped fill up the spot. In that same way, Alice thought that the White Rabbit needed to be replaced by someone who he had not brought here.
He had been delighted when he had found out that there were others who were as old as the White Rabbit if not older - he had believed that maybe they could replace him. He realized that there was a lot about the world he didn’t know when they refused to.
When he saw the White Rabbit walking towards him as he walked towards the palace, he knew the time had come.
“Will you follow me please?” The White Rabbit had asked him.
He had nodded; he had no choice but to comply. He was just glad that he was prepared. He knew what the White Rabbit was going to do now, but then again, he was sure that the White Rabbit knew that he knew.
The White Rabbit was leading him towards an old bridge he hadn’t noticed before, near it was the well that he had heard about so many times. He had never believed that it existed, but there it was.
“How did you know I killed the March Hare?”
“He didn’t trust anyone else well enough to let them.”
“You think he would let me kill him?” The White Rabbit sounded amused
“I know that he wouldn’t stop you.”
“And why is that?”
“He told me you were his friend. He trusted you.” His voice was cold with anger.
The White Rabbit was looking at him, it was as if he knew that Alice was lying, “I think he told you.”
Alice moved towards the White Rabbit, “Not me, but yes. When you called him out, he had told the Hatter what he thinks you were going to do.”
“That doesn’t change anything.” Said the White Rabbit as he moved towards the well, “Have you told anyone?”
Alice didn’t reply, he simply followed the White Rabbit. As they both neared the well, Alice saw the deep red colour of the well water. He looked at the White Rabbit, but he was looking at his own reflection in the water, “What do you think is going to happen now?” He asked.
Alice slowly touched the knife he had taken from the house that morning. Reassured, he turned to the White Rabbit, “You tell me.”
The White Rabbit turned towards him and smiled. Then his expression changed, suddenly he looked tired; he looked old and fragile. Alice watched as he reached into the well and pulled out a curved blade. He beckoned Alice to come towards him.
Alice complied. He tried to stop, but there was nothing he could do. His body moved on its own, just as it had done so many times since he had been here. He managed to grasp his knife, and hid his hands behind his back. He could feel himself tremble as he moved towards the White Rabbit. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t. At one point, he wanted to scream - to call for help, but he couldn’t. This feeling wasn’t unfamiliar to him, and he had learned over time to control his actions. But it did not seem to work in front of the White Rabbit. However, at least he could hold on to the knife. He tried to move his right hand from where it was holding the hidden knife behind his back, not even his hand would move.
“I have always wondered how you managed to come here.” The White Rabbit was mere inches away from him, “The March Hare told me he knew. I didn’t want to kill him; did you know that he was the one who tried to kill me first?”
Alice wanted to reply- he wanted to say anything, do anything to prove to the White Rabbit that he was wrong. He found himself face to face with the White Rabbit and tried to move back.
“There’s no need to struggle.”
Alice tried to move his hand, he had to protect himself, but he couldn’t.
“You look scared.” He sounded amused, “But don’t worry, I won’t be the one killing you.” He pointed to the well, and Alice found himself walking towards it. The red liquid in the well convinced him that it was blood. He knew it wasn’t, but he believed it could just as easily have been. He thought he could hear voices coming from the well. The voices told him to move back, to go away. He slowly inched towards it - inside he was screaming at himself, begging his legs to stop moving. But they continued to move.
“I’ll be taking that if you don’t mind.” The White Rabbit said as took the knife from Alice.
He tried to turn to look at the White Rabbit, he had to stop this! Alice pulled himself up on the side of the well and stood there, staring down at the water. From the reflection, he could see the White Rabbit studying the knife, a sad look on his face.
Alice tried to turn away from the well, and to his great surprise, he found that he could. He tried to open his mouth, to speak, “Please…”
“Jump.” Said the White Rabbit.
Alice found himself plunging into the dark coloured water of the well, the last thing he did before he fell was to inhale a large amount of air.
~~~
The White Rabbit bent down, watching the air bubbled on the surface of the well. How long would it be till they disappeared? He wondered if he should let Alice move - maybe then he could come back to the surface. He thought he was a hypocrite. He was the one who had wanted changes, but when the changes had finally come - he had done everything in his power to revert back to the old system. He had lost almost everyone - precious friends, happy times - the first Alice. Everything was gone now. All he had left was his work.
But the March Hare had tried to take that away from him - so he had to be replaced. The bubbles were fainter now. It would all be over soon. He looked away, it was what he always did - he would look away, “How much longer do you plan on standing there?” He called out.
The Cheshire cat materialized in front of him, “You should let him go.”
“Why?”
The Cat smile widely, “The rest should be here soon. They won’t be very happy if they find him dead.” He pointed to the well, “Or in this case not find him at all.”
The White Rabbit sighed, “I know you were the one that brought him here.”
“Oh? How?”
“I keep a track of everyone that follows me into the other world; especially when they don’t come back with me.” His voice was stern, “You could kill me yourself if you wanted to.”
“Ah, but I don’t want you dead.” The Cheshire cat was smiling and swishing his tail from side to side.
“Then why did you..?” The White Rabbit looked at the well, the bubbles were gone now, “The March Hare…”
“Who?”
“You know who I’m talking about. He’s dead.”
“No he’s not, I met him on the way here.”
The White Rabbit growled, “I don’t mean the current replacement.”
“I know.”
The White Rabbit looked away from the Cheshire cat. He was beginning to feel annoyed, and he never liked it when that happened. He would get angry and hurt someone.
“Are you finally tired of your own rules?” The Cat’s voice called out.
“I have been for some time.”
The Cheshire cat had stopped speaking; he was simply watching him intently. The White Rabbit looked back to the well - he was sure Alice was dead, “You said others were coming?”
“I lied. Is he dead?”
The White Rabbit walked towards the well. He slowly reached his hands down into the red water and searched. The well was deep; he knew that there was no way that Alice would be so near the top. He looked at the Cat one last time before climbing on to the side of the well and jumping in.
~~~
It was suffocating. He wondered if this was the way the March Hare had died. How long had he been alive? He moved around in the water - it was too dark to see anything. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing down here. He stretched out his hands and touched the sides of the well. Had he come down to rescue Alice? He wondered if the Cheshire cat was watching the air bubbles floating up to the surface of the well just as he had done. He could feel something pulling him down. He wasn’t sure if it would ever end. He closed his eyes - maybe this was what he had wanted after all.
~~~
“Do you want more tea?” The White Rabbit snapped out his reverie and looked at the Hatter. He shook his head.
Alice and the Duchess were still talking loudly amongst themselves. They hadn’t stopped since he brought a half-dead Alice back home the day before. Now he was stuck with them as well.
“What do you think?” Alice was looking at him expectantly.
He stared back until Alice sighed and went back to talking with his brother.
The White Rabbit leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, how was he supposed to adapt to this world? Somewhere down the line, the person who had changed the most was he himself. His World was the same as it had always been. Alice hadn’t said a word about how he had almost died - and he had explicitly told the White Rabbit that he didn’t intend to.
~~~
Alice wasn’t sure why the White Rabbit had saved him. He was sure he was dead, but when he opened his eyes, he found the White Rabbit looking down at him curiously. The Cheshire cat was sitting next to him, looking pleased with himself.
“There are rules to killing, he can’t kill you.” The Cheshire cat had informed him while pointing towards the White Rabbit, “And you can’t kill him.”
“Are we supposed to get along?” Alice had scoffed.
“If you want to.” The Cheshire cat said as he disappeared.
Alice hadn’t said anything to the White Rabbit as he helped him to stand, or even as he walked Alice all the way back to the Duchess’s house. But Alice had a theory. He had never believed for even one second that any of this was real. He was dead- he had jumped off a pretty high building after all. He sometimes wondered if this was all a distant dream. But then, he had died in the dream as well. Sometimes, when he looked around him - he saw unfamiliar faces, sometimes he would see shadows where they shouldn’t be. Sometimes, his own face would morph into that of someone else’s. The March Hare sometimes looked like the one he used to know. So he came to believe that he was dead in the dream as well. Maybe he was dreaming from the beginning - a dream that would never end.
But he was still with his brother, he was still among friends. So he thought he could manage. What scared him the most was - at that point the person he had the most similarities was the White Rabbit. He was in the chair opposite Alice and looking very uncomfortable, “What do you think?” He asked aloud. Maybe the White Rabbit had seen the same things he did - maybe it was what happened to you if you fell into the well. But the White Rabbit simply stared back at him. Alice sighed and turned to talk to his brother.
The world felt like a dream to him, but right then he hoped that it was a dream that wouldn’t end.
~~~