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She had to see. She didn't know if she'd ever been quite so scared in this way, which was why she had to see. Jill was hovering outside Tim's front door, hesitating before she knocked - more then once, lifting her hand and then lowering it, before she finally shoved her hair from her face with both hands, then knocked. She wouldn't be surprised if he'd known she was here from the moment that she'd walked within five feet of the door, but that was hardly the point.
"Tim?" She sounded tired - she'd been out of the clinic for three days, but it didn't mean she'd been sleeping well. After Lionel and Bart and Peter-
"Are you there?"
He was, stretched out on the roof, soaking up the late summer sun. He grabs his shirt when she knocks and shrugs it on without buttoning it then does a simple double flip down, landing lightly. "Hi, Jill." She looked awful so he didn't ask how she was, just reached out and roped her into a hug.
She hugged him as tight as she could, her face buried against his neck. "'M glad you're here," she mumbled, taking a moment before pulling back to look at him, her eyes searching his. "How're you?" She hadn't let go of him, mostly because she didn't even want to.
He knew what she meant and didn't bother to pretend it wasn't hard, this summer of loss. He held her close instead, rubbing her back. "Barbara's gone. And Dinah and Monet. Bart. It all feels like it's slipping through my fingers." He sighed, rested his cheek against her head. "I've been leaning on Dick a lot. He's been leaning on me." His hand slid up her back, tangled in her hair. "How about you?"
Her chin wobbled, and she shook her head slightly. "Everyone?" She swallowed hard. "I- I told you about Lionel, and-" She bit her lip. "Bart. And- Well, P-Peter's-" She shook her head, and her fingers tightened on his shirt. "'M glad you still have Dick, Tim."
He knew only too well what it was like to lose the people you loved. Though years had passed, some days he still woke up with the ache of missing Steph beating inside him. He was glad he had Dick for a lot of reasons. "Come inside. I'll get you something to drink."
Jill nodded, and shoved her hair back out of her face with a hand. "He was in Narnia. We all went back, and-" She shrugged, licking her lips. "There hasn't been anyone else, has there?" She said it quietly, unsure if she could even handle it if there was.
Tim shook his head and led her inside, where the wide windows kept it bright and airy. He kept his arm around her, protective. "No, no more. Would you like some juice?" There wasn't really a rhyme or reason to what he was doing right now. He wasn't over thinking it. She was his friend, so he was going to hold onto her until he was sure she was okay. And he was going to take care of her as long as he had to. And somewhere in all of that, maybe he'd find a little strength of his own.
"What? I- yes, please." She sounded distracted, and swallowed. "How's Dick holding up?" She bit her lip. "I don't even know how- I mean. Is there anything I can do?" Jill didn't even know, when she thought about it - how she'd woken up and instead of Peter, Edmund had found her, had told her, and she'd cried-
Just that once, and since then- She didn't even know how many days it'd been.
"It's hard on him. Dinah and Monet were his team. Barbara was almost Mrs. Grayson and one of his closest friends. He was there for me when Bart left. I've...had to do the same for him." Tim dragged his hand through his hair and sighed. He focused for a moment on getting her a drink, trying to find words to continue on. "We've been talking about a vigil, he and I. We aren't the only ones who've lost people this summer. And I...well. Here's your juice."
She accepted it gratefully, cradling the cup in her hands. "And you?" She asked it quietly, before she took a sip, sucking in a breath to steady herself. "I... I don't even know, anymore, Tim. Everyone's gone but you." She admitted it, staring down into her cup.
"And I'm afraid of losing him too." He led her over to the sofa he'd built--too much free time on this island, really--and sat down with his arm around her shoulders. "Everyone's leaving." He took a deep breath, because he hadn't really confessed this to anyone yet, not even Morgan who knew just about every one of his many twisted and complicated thoughts. "I've been thinking about asking Dick to marry me."
Her brows knit as she realised what, exactly, he'd said. That it actually had very little to do with what she'd just said, but- She looked slightly confused for a moment, then reached for his hand, squeezing his fingers. "You love him, don't you?" She smiled - wanly, but it was still a real smile. "That's wonderful, Tim. You should be happy - both of you."
"I do. I'm afraid of losing him to whatever the hell it is that takes people away." He pulled her in close, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "I'm afraid of losing you too but I don't think marrying you's the solution. You've been one of my best friends here, Jill."
Finally, the control she'd been gripping with her fingernails wavered, but she turned her face away from him, and spoke as clearly as she could as she tried not to cry. "You're not really the one I was thinking about marrying, Tim-" She sucked in another breath, and forced herself to swallow her tears. "You should do it."
He heard her control crack, which had been at least part of the point of his confession in the first place. He pulled her the rest of the way into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Jill."
"He told me he loved me," she said quietly, still staring at the wall. "Last time when we went home, a few weeks ago." She sucked in a breath. "W-Why? He was good, Tim. He was good and right and-" her fingers gripped his shirt, just because she didn't know what else to do, tears rolling down her cheeks that she tried to brush away with her free hand.
His heart broke for her even as he fought down the guilt at the relief that his own love was still there for him. "I don't know. If I knew, I'd find a way to make them stay. I'd have done everything I could to keep him here for you." It was truth and it was, in the end, meaningless.
"I never thought I'd have that with anyone," she whispered, and then shook her head, sucking in a breath. 'I- You should do that with Dick. You should be happy." She pulled back enough to press a kiss to his cheek, her own face blotchy and red. "Alright?"
He nodded and framed her face with his hands, kissing her forehead. "All right. You'll be there, right? You're not going away on me?"
She nodded, and forced a smile. "I promise, Tim. I've been here three years. I'll be here." She closed her eyes when he kissed her forehead, and exhaled slowly. "There's nowhere else for me to be."
That had been true for Bart too and he still vanished. Tim couldn't take it again. "Good. Very good."
"Tim?" She sounded tired - she'd been out of the clinic for three days, but it didn't mean she'd been sleeping well. After Lionel and Bart and Peter-
"Are you there?"
He was, stretched out on the roof, soaking up the late summer sun. He grabs his shirt when she knocks and shrugs it on without buttoning it then does a simple double flip down, landing lightly. "Hi, Jill." She looked awful so he didn't ask how she was, just reached out and roped her into a hug.
She hugged him as tight as she could, her face buried against his neck. "'M glad you're here," she mumbled, taking a moment before pulling back to look at him, her eyes searching his. "How're you?" She hadn't let go of him, mostly because she didn't even want to.
He knew what she meant and didn't bother to pretend it wasn't hard, this summer of loss. He held her close instead, rubbing her back. "Barbara's gone. And Dinah and Monet. Bart. It all feels like it's slipping through my fingers." He sighed, rested his cheek against her head. "I've been leaning on Dick a lot. He's been leaning on me." His hand slid up her back, tangled in her hair. "How about you?"
Her chin wobbled, and she shook her head slightly. "Everyone?" She swallowed hard. "I- I told you about Lionel, and-" She bit her lip. "Bart. And- Well, P-Peter's-" She shook her head, and her fingers tightened on his shirt. "'M glad you still have Dick, Tim."
He knew only too well what it was like to lose the people you loved. Though years had passed, some days he still woke up with the ache of missing Steph beating inside him. He was glad he had Dick for a lot of reasons. "Come inside. I'll get you something to drink."
Jill nodded, and shoved her hair back out of her face with a hand. "He was in Narnia. We all went back, and-" She shrugged, licking her lips. "There hasn't been anyone else, has there?" She said it quietly, unsure if she could even handle it if there was.
Tim shook his head and led her inside, where the wide windows kept it bright and airy. He kept his arm around her, protective. "No, no more. Would you like some juice?" There wasn't really a rhyme or reason to what he was doing right now. He wasn't over thinking it. She was his friend, so he was going to hold onto her until he was sure she was okay. And he was going to take care of her as long as he had to. And somewhere in all of that, maybe he'd find a little strength of his own.
"What? I- yes, please." She sounded distracted, and swallowed. "How's Dick holding up?" She bit her lip. "I don't even know how- I mean. Is there anything I can do?" Jill didn't even know, when she thought about it - how she'd woken up and instead of Peter, Edmund had found her, had told her, and she'd cried-
Just that once, and since then- She didn't even know how many days it'd been.
"It's hard on him. Dinah and Monet were his team. Barbara was almost Mrs. Grayson and one of his closest friends. He was there for me when Bart left. I've...had to do the same for him." Tim dragged his hand through his hair and sighed. He focused for a moment on getting her a drink, trying to find words to continue on. "We've been talking about a vigil, he and I. We aren't the only ones who've lost people this summer. And I...well. Here's your juice."
She accepted it gratefully, cradling the cup in her hands. "And you?" She asked it quietly, before she took a sip, sucking in a breath to steady herself. "I... I don't even know, anymore, Tim. Everyone's gone but you." She admitted it, staring down into her cup.
"And I'm afraid of losing him too." He led her over to the sofa he'd built--too much free time on this island, really--and sat down with his arm around her shoulders. "Everyone's leaving." He took a deep breath, because he hadn't really confessed this to anyone yet, not even Morgan who knew just about every one of his many twisted and complicated thoughts. "I've been thinking about asking Dick to marry me."
Her brows knit as she realised what, exactly, he'd said. That it actually had very little to do with what she'd just said, but- She looked slightly confused for a moment, then reached for his hand, squeezing his fingers. "You love him, don't you?" She smiled - wanly, but it was still a real smile. "That's wonderful, Tim. You should be happy - both of you."
"I do. I'm afraid of losing him to whatever the hell it is that takes people away." He pulled her in close, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "I'm afraid of losing you too but I don't think marrying you's the solution. You've been one of my best friends here, Jill."
Finally, the control she'd been gripping with her fingernails wavered, but she turned her face away from him, and spoke as clearly as she could as she tried not to cry. "You're not really the one I was thinking about marrying, Tim-" She sucked in another breath, and forced herself to swallow her tears. "You should do it."
He heard her control crack, which had been at least part of the point of his confession in the first place. He pulled her the rest of the way into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Jill."
"He told me he loved me," she said quietly, still staring at the wall. "Last time when we went home, a few weeks ago." She sucked in a breath. "W-Why? He was good, Tim. He was good and right and-" her fingers gripped his shirt, just because she didn't know what else to do, tears rolling down her cheeks that she tried to brush away with her free hand.
His heart broke for her even as he fought down the guilt at the relief that his own love was still there for him. "I don't know. If I knew, I'd find a way to make them stay. I'd have done everything I could to keep him here for you." It was truth and it was, in the end, meaningless.
"I never thought I'd have that with anyone," she whispered, and then shook her head, sucking in a breath. 'I- You should do that with Dick. You should be happy." She pulled back enough to press a kiss to his cheek, her own face blotchy and red. "Alright?"
He nodded and framed her face with his hands, kissing her forehead. "All right. You'll be there, right? You're not going away on me?"
She nodded, and forced a smile. "I promise, Tim. I've been here three years. I'll be here." She closed her eyes when he kissed her forehead, and exhaled slowly. "There's nowhere else for me to be."
That had been true for Bart too and he still vanished. Tim couldn't take it again. "Good. Very good."