The Weekly Tuna SPECIAL: MMMMMMMMMMM.
Welcome to the first ~*SPECIAL EDITION*~ of the Weekly Tuna, where your dame dame beloved bossu will be recapping the anime-only Primo Famiglia Arc of Reborn~ O/ I've been in the summary business for only a little while now, but I hope that we can all have SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME FUN TIEMZ together or something equally shounen anime cheesy like that.
For like 99% of you who haven't seen my manga summaries, I guess I'll just drop a quick warning for:
1) Rampant sailor-like swearing and immature humor
2) Obvious TSUNA character bias TSUNA that you would never TSUNA guess I would TSUNA have if you didn't TSUNA read my summaries.
3) ZOMG IMAGE HEAVY
4) Possible manga spoilers (for those only watching the anime~)
ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THIS MAY TURN YOU OFF, OF COURSE, BUT IF NOT PRZ TO BE COMING THIS WAAAAAAAAY~ ===/O/
We start the arc with a few cryptic words exchanged between Uni, Lal, and Reborn before we find our intrepid hero hurrying down the hall to find Reborn. "REBORN, BRO, HOMIE, WAT BE GOIN ON?!" Tsuna asks, and Reborn drops the bomb that "LOL U GAIZ STILL SUCK A GAY MARSHMALLOW SUCKER BEAT YOU" and tells Tsuna to go gather the people from the past for ~*SECRET MEETINGS*~, which he gladly does like a good bitch.
Apparently "PEOPLE FROM THE PAST" includes Uni, never mind the chance that she probably hasn't even been fucking BORN ten years ago. Tsuna rallies the troops, and the girls come parading in with Uni in pretty girl clothes because obviously they're GIRLS and they ran off to have GIRL TIME and play DRESS-UP WITH PRETTY GIRL CLOTHES because obviously that is what GIRLS do. ALL THE TIME.
They arrive in front of Shouichi's big fat white time machine, and find Spanner looking approximately as awkward as he usually does in the anime (SPOILER: HE ALWAYS LOOKS REALLY AWKWARD. Like he's constantly surveying Tsuna's crotch or something) and drops the bomb that they're going to be going to the PAST. AGAIN. And this is where I start going "UH GUYS UH HAVEN'T WE SEEN THIS PLOT DEVICE BEFORE?! GUYS? REBORN ANIME WRITERS? ANYONE LISTENING TO ME?"
....the answer to that, by the way, is no they weren't listening to me and thought going back to the past to somehow stall for time (even though it seems like time passes SLOWER in the past?) is a great, totally original plot device that they totally didn't utilize two arcs ago.
Crash landing back into the past, our heroes find themselves at Namimori Shrine again, where Reborn appears and informs them all that they need TUTORS because we always need TUTORS oh my god TUTORS fix everything because as you all know this is Home TUTOR Hitman Reborn we can't go for an arc without making sure people are TUTORED. And who else is here to do the job but the Arcobaleno.
Also, they'll be performing a super special awesome fantastic never before seen in Vongola history miracle today at the shrine, which involves Uni clasping her hands and closing her eyes like she always seems to do (ok so that's not the miracle...), Tsuna's ring glowing (which it's done, so that can't be the miracle...) and then SUDDENLY....
WHO'S THAT POKEMON?
IT'S VONGOLA PRIMO!
(His Pokemon cry, by the way, would be "WILL OF THE VONGOLAAAA")
Primo reveals that he'll be forming a limited time only contract with the Arcobaleno to help his sucessors and allow them to inherit the REAL power of the Vongola Guardians. He also reveals that, at least in Dying Will Mode, he's a little bit of an arrogant dick. 8( My hopes for secretly DERP DERP DERPITY DERP Primo are dashed violently to the rocks like a cardboard boat in a class 12 hurricane.
And not only does Tsuna have tsuper gay empathy with Mukuro, he also seems to have it with Primo. Reborn reveals that some time that night, the Primo Famiglia will be popping at random (and possibly intrusively) out of the rings to make sure their sucessors have the proper shounen manga brash determination to inherit their powers.
After that, the Decimo Famiglia will be TESTED, which apparently involves full on invasion of privacy while the Primo Famiglia watches their EVERY STEP IN DAY TO DAY LIFE. Imagine someone in your jewelry lurking about watching you dress. Undress. Shower. Fap. Fap while undressing. Fap in the shower. Yeah. This test for succession is shaping up to be a wholesale excuse for really old dead guys to perv on teenagers. SEXCELLENT.
In order to learn the correct fapping techniques to please the Primo Famiglia, Reborn pairs each of the Decimo guardians with....a....baby...thisjustgetsmorewrongthefurtherIrunwithit.
Which results in hilarious match-ups like THIS. I'm not even going to beat this cap for a joke, it sort of tells itself. /lazy summary writer cop-out awww yeah I'm awesome.
Everyone is like "OK WEIRD PLAN BUT OK CAN WE GO HOME NOW?" -- actually the real reason I'm posting this cap is because I want you to all watch this scene where Reborn is talking to Ryohei. Reborn talks for a while and Yamamoto doesn't move or even fucking blink once during the entire speech. It's like "oh hai I'm Yamamoto and I'm a nice person and also patient so patient that I don't even have to blink hahaha are you watching little guy I'm not blinking!"
Tsuna has to lug the loli home, and worries about how he's going to explain Uni to his mom. Hey Tsuna, why don't you try "Hi mom, the fangirls who read my shounen manga think I'm boning this chick so I gues she's my girlfriend but she's from the future and right now I think she's a fetus in her mother's womb so I guess when I fix things in the future and come home for good I'll have to get my rocks off by pressing my head to Aria's stomach and jacking off while I'm at it!"
You remember what I said about the Primo Famiglia intrusively popping in on people? Yeah. This is what I was talkin' 'bout.
(Also Lambo looks like he's just sitting on the edge of the toilet seat -- Nana, that poop ain't going into the toilet bowl, the brat's smearing it all over your seat. Charming.)
AND NOW THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR....
G is first up, and he prooves to be, like his childhood friend JEFF Giotto, an arrogant dickweed. He's the sort of guy who'll be popping in on Gokudera's alone time in the shower to go "yeah kid, you can do it that way I GUESS but if you put more wrist into it, it'll be better. =O=/"
UGETSU IS JUST FUCKING ADORABLE OKAY AND HIS HAT IS AWESOME HATERS TO THE LEFT DE GOZARU.
....not gonna lie, I have a secret boner for Knuckle because he's a man of God TO THE EXTREME. He and Ryohei exchange EXTREMES in an EXTREME test of EXTREME resolution. I have to use the word EXTREME a lot because I'm EXTREMELY talking about Ryohei TO THE EXTREME.
Alaude is basically Hibari right down to Kondo's voice, because the Japanese fangirls would have a fucking riot and burn down Amano's house if it was any different.
At least Lanpo seems to share in our sense of disgust that he's appearing in front of a five year old on the toilet. If anyone in Primo's family wasn't pedo, it's clearly this guy. ALSO: he calls himself Ore-sama. Atobe to match Aoba Koyo's Tezuka?
And Spade....Spade is just....
Well.
Let's put it this way. He appears and before he says a fucking word he looks at Chrome and goes "MMMMMMMMMMMMMM~" and I expect him to follow that up with either "GURLFREN', WE GET YOU A MANICURE, WE GET YOU SOME CLOTHES, WE GET YOU A SANDWICH AND YOU BE READY TO SCHOOL THAT SLUT BYAKURAN" or "PAPA LIKE."
After the Primo Famiglia makes their glorious appearances, we find Reborn and Uni on Tsuna's porch discussing how Uni will be taking part in this shindig as the Sky Arcobaleno and as Tsuna's tutor, which Tsuna overhears. I can't actually think of anything she'd be able to teach Tsuna, apart from "THIS IS WHAT BYAKURAN LIKES YOU TO DO WHEN HE TAKES YOUR VIRGINITY BY FORCE, TAKE NOTES, I'LL HAVE MUKURO VISIT TO ADMINISTER A TEST THREE DAYS FROM NOW."
I'm not going to lie, I was kind of hoping for the arc to be something along the lines of "the Zany Daily Life of the Primo Famiglia When they Weren't Pedophiles Lurking in Jewelry" but that might have forced the anime writers to exert some semblence of creativity and originality, so I guess I was getting my hopes far too up. EITHER WAY! I'm all down with this Primo Famiglia business despite the rehashed plotlines, if only to see them all be ridiculously attractive, and hopefully to get a good guage on their personalities. *u* I'm already madly in love with G and Ugetsu, those adorable fuckers.
For like 99% of you who haven't seen my manga summaries, I guess I'll just drop a quick warning for:
1) Rampant sailor-like swearing and immature humor
2) Obvious TSUNA character bias TSUNA that you would never TSUNA guess I would TSUNA have if you didn't TSUNA read my summaries.
3) ZOMG IMAGE HEAVY
4) Possible manga spoilers (for those only watching the anime~)
ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THIS MAY TURN YOU OFF, OF COURSE, BUT IF NOT PRZ TO BE COMING THIS WAAAAAAAAY~ ===/O/
We start the arc with a few cryptic words exchanged between Uni, Lal, and Reborn before we find our intrepid hero hurrying down the hall to find Reborn. "REBORN, BRO, HOMIE, WAT BE GOIN ON?!" Tsuna asks, and Reborn drops the bomb that "LOL U GAIZ STILL SUCK A GAY MARSHMALLOW SUCKER BEAT YOU" and tells Tsuna to go gather the people from the past for ~*SECRET MEETINGS*~, which he gladly does like a good bitch.
Apparently "PEOPLE FROM THE PAST" includes Uni, never mind the chance that she probably hasn't even been fucking BORN ten years ago. Tsuna rallies the troops, and the girls come parading in with Uni in pretty girl clothes because obviously they're GIRLS and they ran off to have GIRL TIME and play DRESS-UP WITH PRETTY GIRL CLOTHES because obviously that is what GIRLS do. ALL THE TIME.
They arrive in front of Shouichi's big fat white time machine, and find Spanner looking approximately as awkward as he usually does in the anime (SPOILER: HE ALWAYS LOOKS REALLY AWKWARD. Like he's constantly surveying Tsuna's crotch or something) and drops the bomb that they're going to be going to the PAST. AGAIN. And this is where I start going "UH GUYS UH HAVEN'T WE SEEN THIS PLOT DEVICE BEFORE?! GUYS? REBORN ANIME WRITERS? ANYONE LISTENING TO ME?"
....the answer to that, by the way, is no they weren't listening to me and thought going back to the past to somehow stall for time (even though it seems like time passes SLOWER in the past?) is a great, totally original plot device that they totally didn't utilize two arcs ago.
Crash landing back into the past, our heroes find themselves at Namimori Shrine again, where Reborn appears and informs them all that they need TUTORS because we always need TUTORS oh my god TUTORS fix everything because as you all know this is Home TUTOR Hitman Reborn we can't go for an arc without making sure people are TUTORED. And who else is here to do the job but the Arcobaleno.
Also, they'll be performing a super special awesome fantastic never before seen in Vongola history miracle today at the shrine, which involves Uni clasping her hands and closing her eyes like she always seems to do (ok so that's not the miracle...), Tsuna's ring glowing (which it's done, so that can't be the miracle...) and then SUDDENLY....
WHO'S THAT POKEMON?
IT'S VONGOLA PRIMO!
(His Pokemon cry, by the way, would be "WILL OF THE VONGOLAAAA")
Primo reveals that he'll be forming a limited time only contract with the Arcobaleno to help his sucessors and allow them to inherit the REAL power of the Vongola Guardians. He also reveals that, at least in Dying Will Mode, he's a little bit of an arrogant dick. 8( My hopes for secretly DERP DERP DERPITY DERP Primo are dashed violently to the rocks like a cardboard boat in a class 12 hurricane.
And not only does Tsuna have tsuper gay empathy with Mukuro, he also seems to have it with Primo. Reborn reveals that some time that night, the Primo Famiglia will be popping at random (and possibly intrusively) out of the rings to make sure their sucessors have the proper shounen manga brash determination to inherit their powers.
After that, the Decimo Famiglia will be TESTED, which apparently involves full on invasion of privacy while the Primo Famiglia watches their EVERY STEP IN DAY TO DAY LIFE. Imagine someone in your jewelry lurking about watching you dress. Undress. Shower. Fap. Fap while undressing. Fap in the shower. Yeah. This test for succession is shaping up to be a wholesale excuse for really old dead guys to perv on teenagers. SEXCELLENT.
In order to learn the correct fapping techniques to please the Primo Famiglia, Reborn pairs each of the Decimo guardians with....a....baby...thisjustgetsmorewrongthefurtherIrunwithit.
Which results in hilarious match-ups like THIS. I'm not even going to beat this cap for a joke, it sort of tells itself. /lazy summary writer cop-out awww yeah I'm awesome.
Everyone is like "OK WEIRD PLAN BUT OK CAN WE GO HOME NOW?" -- actually the real reason I'm posting this cap is because I want you to all watch this scene where Reborn is talking to Ryohei. Reborn talks for a while and Yamamoto doesn't move or even fucking blink once during the entire speech. It's like "oh hai I'm Yamamoto and I'm a nice person and also patient so patient that I don't even have to blink hahaha are you watching little guy I'm not blinking!"
Tsuna has to lug the loli home, and worries about how he's going to explain Uni to his mom. Hey Tsuna, why don't you try "Hi mom, the fangirls who read my shounen manga think I'm boning this chick so I gues she's my girlfriend but she's from the future and right now I think she's a fetus in her mother's womb so I guess when I fix things in the future and come home for good I'll have to get my rocks off by pressing my head to Aria's stomach and jacking off while I'm at it!"
You remember what I said about the Primo Famiglia intrusively popping in on people? Yeah. This is what I was talkin' 'bout.
(Also Lambo looks like he's just sitting on the edge of the toilet seat -- Nana, that poop ain't going into the toilet bowl, the brat's smearing it all over your seat. Charming.)
AND NOW THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR....
G is first up, and he prooves to be, like his childhood friend JEFF Giotto, an arrogant dickweed. He's the sort of guy who'll be popping in on Gokudera's alone time in the shower to go "yeah kid, you can do it that way I GUESS but if you put more wrist into it, it'll be better. =O=/"
UGETSU IS JUST FUCKING ADORABLE OKAY AND HIS HAT IS AWESOME HATERS TO THE LEFT DE GOZARU.
....not gonna lie, I have a secret boner for Knuckle because he's a man of God TO THE EXTREME. He and Ryohei exchange EXTREMES in an EXTREME test of EXTREME resolution. I have to use the word EXTREME a lot because I'm EXTREMELY talking about Ryohei TO THE EXTREME.
Alaude is basically Hibari right down to Kondo's voice, because the Japanese fangirls would have a fucking riot and burn down Amano's house if it was any different.
At least Lanpo seems to share in our sense of disgust that he's appearing in front of a five year old on the toilet. If anyone in Primo's family wasn't pedo, it's clearly this guy. ALSO: he calls himself Ore-sama. Atobe to match Aoba Koyo's Tezuka?
And Spade....Spade is just....
Well.
Let's put it this way. He appears and before he says a fucking word he looks at Chrome and goes "MMMMMMMMMMMMMM~" and I expect him to follow that up with either "GURLFREN', WE GET YOU A MANICURE, WE GET YOU SOME CLOTHES, WE GET YOU A SANDWICH AND YOU BE READY TO SCHOOL THAT SLUT BYAKURAN" or "PAPA LIKE."
After the Primo Famiglia makes their glorious appearances, we find Reborn and Uni on Tsuna's porch discussing how Uni will be taking part in this shindig as the Sky Arcobaleno and as Tsuna's tutor, which Tsuna overhears. I can't actually think of anything she'd be able to teach Tsuna, apart from "THIS IS WHAT BYAKURAN LIKES YOU TO DO WHEN HE TAKES YOUR VIRGINITY BY FORCE, TAKE NOTES, I'LL HAVE MUKURO VISIT TO ADMINISTER A TEST THREE DAYS FROM NOW."
I'm not going to lie, I was kind of hoping for the arc to be something along the lines of "the Zany Daily Life of the Primo Famiglia When they Weren't Pedophiles Lurking in Jewelry" but that might have forced the anime writers to exert some semblence of creativity and originality, so I guess I was getting my hopes far too up. EITHER WAY! I'm all down with this Primo Famiglia business despite the rehashed plotlines, if only to see them all be ridiculously attractive, and hopefully to get a good guage on their personalities. *u* I'm already madly in love with G and Ugetsu, those adorable fuckers.