ode to what should have never been
Pairing: gd/top
Rating: nc-17
Summary: A look at how it all started, to what it is now. Non-au.
1,735 words~
It all starts out with a simple lingering look during dance practice.
Seunghyun watches Jiyong’s refection in the mirror, watches the way his body flows so simply, so easily with the music. There’s no hesitation, no stiffness in his movements. And Seunghyun can feel his face get a little hot with envy, and maybe something else too.
He only realizes that he might have been staring a little too long after it’s too late. Jiyong catches his gaze and doesn’t let go, just keeps swaying his shoulders as he looks straight back at him.
In the end, Suenghyun has to look away first, his cheeks more flushed than they should be.
“You feeling okay hyung?” Daesung asks as soon as they get a break.
Seunghyun nods it off, says he’s just feeling a little hot, that’s all. And Daesung buys it.
But he doesn’t miss the smirk Jiyong gives him afterwards as he catches Jiyong’s reflection from the corner of his eye.
_____________________________
Seunghyun hears the balcony doors open and then close, the shuffling of slippered feet approaching him.
“You should really quit smoking hyung, ‘sbad for your health,” Jiyong says matter-of-factly as he plops into the seat next to Seunghyun.
The older scoffs and grumbles under his breath, “…says the smoker.” He takes a slow long drag and exhales just as markedly, making sure at least one smoke ring went in Jiyong’s direction.
“Yah, well at least I do it less than you,” Jiyong muttered with a scrunched nose and a pout. Seunghyun can’t help but smile at that.
“Don’t turn into Youngbae now. Besides…” Seunghyun takes one last puff before reaching over to give Jiyong the cigarette, “I don’t suppose you got up at 4 in the middle of the night just to tell me that.”
The younger eagerly grabs the cigarette and starts smoking like nothing happened, a sly smile quirked on his lips. “I couldn’t sleep,” he eventually says.
After then a silence stretches out between them, but it’s not uncomfortable. They merely gaze out at the bright city skyline, leaning back in their seats as drowsiness naturally drapes the two.
Seunghyun eventually feels his eyelids get heavy, and lets them close. He’s almost about to fall asleep until Jiyong suddenly nudges him in the ribs and it jolts him right awake.
“Hey, you got any more smokes?” the younger whispers leaning in closely, his nose pink from the chill of the night.
Seunghyun chuckles. “Nope. Besides, bad for your health, remember?”
“Oh, shut up,” he quips as he crosses his arms.
Once again, Seunghyun grins at the sight, even laughing, and and Jiyong looks at him curiously.
“What’s so funny?” he asks as he tilts his head to the side.
“You,” Seunghyun smirks, “you’re so cute sometimes, it’s funny.”
Seunghyun expects the other to laugh in reply, or pout, or whine, or hit him, or something like that. Because that’s what Jiyong always does.
What he doesn’t expect is the younger to start blushing and then suddenly get up to go back inside. Seunghyun stares, confused, his mouth wide open.
“Fuck you then...,” he mumbles under his breath once he hears the balcony door close shut with a soft click. Seunghyun is nowhere near tired anymore.
_____________________________
Seunghyun is lying awake in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Again. He lets out one sigh after another as he grips tighter onto the pillow he’s hugging. With no more cigarettes to calm his restless nerves and considering he finished his prescription sleeping pills a while ago, right now all he can do is try to will himself to sleep. And right now, it isn’t going so well.
And that’s when a soft knock raps on his bedroom door. He wonders who it could possibly be at this ungodly hour, but then mentally kicks himself, because really, who else could it possibly be?
“Come in.” And the door opens slowly and then closes, the blinding light from the hallway momentarily blinding him for a few seconds. He can see Jiyong’s shadowy figure approach his bed. He can make out the shape of his hoodie, his patterned pajama pants against the darkness, and he chuckles because he’s so scrawny looking underneath all those baggy layers.
Seunghyun feels his bed dip a little as Jiyong sits on the edge, and he naturally scoots over to make more room for him.
“Hyung, can I ask you a question?” he finally asks, his voice thick and groggy. Clearly he had been sleeping before so why was he up now of all times?
“Sure,” Seunghyun replies, sitting up a little himself.
“What if I said I liked you?”
And Seunghyun stops breathing for a second. He thanks God it’s dark because he’s sure that right now his face would probably be bright red, and Jiyong’s already cocky self definitely does not need to see that.
He fiddles with his fingers as he tries to think of something to say, the gears in his mind turning but getting him nowhere.
Jiyong is obviously impatient when he’s tired. He turns to face Seunghyun and although Seunghyun can’t see his pout, he just knows it’s there.
“Hyung, did you hear me?” his voice a bit sharper than before, “I said I-”
“Of course I heard you! I’m not deaf!” Seunghyun whisper-yells. And after a moment of consideration he finds his answer. “I’d say... okay.”
“Okay?...” Jiyong asks anxiously. Seunghyun can just barely make out that he’s biting his lip.
“Yeah, okay,” and truth be told, he’s just as nervous as Jiyong because he pauses to take a breath, “If you said you liked me, I would say okay.”
And both are quiet, minds running a mile a minute, worrying about what this could mean for them. The silence is killing Seunghyun because suddenly he feels he said the wrong thing, again, like last time. He’s almost about to apologize when he feels the bed shift. Jiyong climbs up onto the mattress and takes a seat right in front of Seunghyun, just mere inches away from his face.
His voice is soft and still quite drowsy. And Seunghyun wants to almost strangle him for being so fucking cute all the time.
“Hyung… I like you.”
“Okay.”
And they kiss. For the first time. And Jiyong smells like his lavender shampoo, tastes like his citrus flavored toothpaste. And Seunghyun kind of wants to die from happiness.
_____________________________
“I think I kinda want you…right now.”
And that catches Seunghyun by surprise. He blinks just a few times, mind processing to make sure he heard right. And well, fuck, because he did.
Jiyong frowns for a fraction of a second and then clears his throat. “I said… I think I want-”
“I fucking heard what you said, you idiot.”
“Really? I’m the idiot?
You’re the one standing there like you’re trying to do some mental math or something.”
“Fuck you. And not all of us have as much trouble with numbers like you do.”
Jiyong looks incredulous, “What? Fuck me?! I just said I wanted you and you’re just gonna-”
Seunghyun closes the distance between them in a fraction of a second, palms already cupping the younger’s small face, his hips pinning him hard against the wall. And Jiyong doesn’t even have a chance to gasp before Seunghyun crashes his mouth into his.
And they kiss and it’s deeper than they've ever gone before, tongues sliding and flicking against each other, teeth knocking a bit too hard. It’s desperate and entirely too messy, but it’s what they both want from each other, what they both need.
“How was it?” Seunghyun asks when they finally pull away to catch their breath. Jiyong grins at him and Seunghyun smiles back.
“It was alright,” Jiyong chides, tongue flicking out to lick unnecessarily at his lower lip, “I’ve had better.”
Seunghyun laughs and leans forward, “Idiot,” he mumbles against the younger’s lips.
_____________________________
“How’s that?” Seunghyun asks, carefully watching for the Jiyong’s reaction, for any slight indication that this isn’t okay, because in all honesty it shouldn’t be.
But it never comes, instead, just soft puffs of exhales that quicken by the second.
“…It feels g-good…,” Jiyong eventually manages to whisper as he bites back a moan. And that’s all Seunghyun needs to keep going. He notices the bright flush on the younger’s face, the slick of sweat right above his brow. Seunghyun changes his angle, taking on a slightly tighter grip, a faster pace.
And Jiyong comes undone. And it’s utterly beautiful.
His body jerks harshly, hipbones jutting out just under his fingertips. He’s writhing and moaning and saying dirty fucking things, his knuckles nearly white from griping at the head board too tightly, desperately trying to hold on to some ounce of his sanity. And it’s all because of me, Seunghyun reminds himself, reveling in the thought.
He watches as Jiyong’s lust glazed eyes gaze back into his own. But as Jiyong finds himself close, he suddenly thrashes his head back, eyes fluttering shut, back arching and body trembling with a such intensity that Jiyong can’t even talk properly anymore.
“…uhhh….Seunghyun…fuck….more….I-I…uhhh….hyungggg…”
Seunghyun goes faster, twisting his wrist as he goes up and down the younger’s length. His other free hand travels long the expanse of Jiyong’s bare belly, counting his ribs, and finding a nipple to abuse. He messages it with the pad of his thumb, flicks it and pinches it until Jiyong yelps impatiently.
“…fuckk…pleasseee…”
And Seunghyun can’t bare to tease him anymore. He swirls his hand around Jiyong’s head, thoroughly smearing the dripping precum, and leans forward to whisper vulgar things into the younger’s ear.
“You like that don’t you?
You dirty little slut.
You have no idea how hard I am for you right now.
God, you look so fucking beautiful like this.”
Seunghyun rubs his palm harshly against the head of Jiyong’s cock, pushes his thumb hard against the slit.
And that’s it.
Jiyong comes hot white ropes all over his hand, his body trembling as waves of pleasure run through him.
Seunghyun’s grabs a few tissues from the bedside to wipe his hand, waiting for the younger to catch his breath and calm down from his high.
“How was it?” Seunghyun asks when Jiyong’s eyes finally meet his, a dopey grin splayed on his face from the afterglow.
Jiyong can only hum in contentment, a soft “mhmm…” falling from his swollen lips. And that’s good enough for Seunghyun.
A/N: Been itching to write for a while...and of course the smut was the first thing I started typing. (-_-,,) Anyways, comments are always welcomed~
Rating: nc-17
Summary: A look at how it all started, to what it is now. Non-au.
1,735 words~
It all starts out with a simple lingering look during dance practice.
Seunghyun watches Jiyong’s refection in the mirror, watches the way his body flows so simply, so easily with the music. There’s no hesitation, no stiffness in his movements. And Seunghyun can feel his face get a little hot with envy, and maybe something else too.
He only realizes that he might have been staring a little too long after it’s too late. Jiyong catches his gaze and doesn’t let go, just keeps swaying his shoulders as he looks straight back at him.
In the end, Suenghyun has to look away first, his cheeks more flushed than they should be.
“You feeling okay hyung?” Daesung asks as soon as they get a break.
Seunghyun nods it off, says he’s just feeling a little hot, that’s all. And Daesung buys it.
But he doesn’t miss the smirk Jiyong gives him afterwards as he catches Jiyong’s reflection from the corner of his eye.
_____________________________
Seunghyun hears the balcony doors open and then close, the shuffling of slippered feet approaching him.
“You should really quit smoking hyung, ‘sbad for your health,” Jiyong says matter-of-factly as he plops into the seat next to Seunghyun.
The older scoffs and grumbles under his breath, “…says the smoker.” He takes a slow long drag and exhales just as markedly, making sure at least one smoke ring went in Jiyong’s direction.
“Yah, well at least I do it less than you,” Jiyong muttered with a scrunched nose and a pout. Seunghyun can’t help but smile at that.
“Don’t turn into Youngbae now. Besides…” Seunghyun takes one last puff before reaching over to give Jiyong the cigarette, “I don’t suppose you got up at 4 in the middle of the night just to tell me that.”
The younger eagerly grabs the cigarette and starts smoking like nothing happened, a sly smile quirked on his lips. “I couldn’t sleep,” he eventually says.
After then a silence stretches out between them, but it’s not uncomfortable. They merely gaze out at the bright city skyline, leaning back in their seats as drowsiness naturally drapes the two.
Seunghyun eventually feels his eyelids get heavy, and lets them close. He’s almost about to fall asleep until Jiyong suddenly nudges him in the ribs and it jolts him right awake.
“Hey, you got any more smokes?” the younger whispers leaning in closely, his nose pink from the chill of the night.
Seunghyun chuckles. “Nope. Besides, bad for your health, remember?”
“Oh, shut up,” he quips as he crosses his arms.
Once again, Seunghyun grins at the sight, even laughing, and and Jiyong looks at him curiously.
“What’s so funny?” he asks as he tilts his head to the side.
“You,” Seunghyun smirks, “you’re so cute sometimes, it’s funny.”
Seunghyun expects the other to laugh in reply, or pout, or whine, or hit him, or something like that. Because that’s what Jiyong always does.
What he doesn’t expect is the younger to start blushing and then suddenly get up to go back inside. Seunghyun stares, confused, his mouth wide open.
“Fuck you then...,” he mumbles under his breath once he hears the balcony door close shut with a soft click. Seunghyun is nowhere near tired anymore.
_____________________________
Seunghyun is lying awake in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Again. He lets out one sigh after another as he grips tighter onto the pillow he’s hugging. With no more cigarettes to calm his restless nerves and considering he finished his prescription sleeping pills a while ago, right now all he can do is try to will himself to sleep. And right now, it isn’t going so well.
And that’s when a soft knock raps on his bedroom door. He wonders who it could possibly be at this ungodly hour, but then mentally kicks himself, because really, who else could it possibly be?
“Come in.” And the door opens slowly and then closes, the blinding light from the hallway momentarily blinding him for a few seconds. He can see Jiyong’s shadowy figure approach his bed. He can make out the shape of his hoodie, his patterned pajama pants against the darkness, and he chuckles because he’s so scrawny looking underneath all those baggy layers.
Seunghyun feels his bed dip a little as Jiyong sits on the edge, and he naturally scoots over to make more room for him.
“Hyung, can I ask you a question?” he finally asks, his voice thick and groggy. Clearly he had been sleeping before so why was he up now of all times?
“Sure,” Seunghyun replies, sitting up a little himself.
“What if I said I liked you?”
And Seunghyun stops breathing for a second. He thanks God it’s dark because he’s sure that right now his face would probably be bright red, and Jiyong’s already cocky self definitely does not need to see that.
He fiddles with his fingers as he tries to think of something to say, the gears in his mind turning but getting him nowhere.
Jiyong is obviously impatient when he’s tired. He turns to face Seunghyun and although Seunghyun can’t see his pout, he just knows it’s there.
“Hyung, did you hear me?” his voice a bit sharper than before, “I said I-”
“Of course I heard you! I’m not deaf!” Seunghyun whisper-yells. And after a moment of consideration he finds his answer. “I’d say... okay.”
“Okay?...” Jiyong asks anxiously. Seunghyun can just barely make out that he’s biting his lip.
“Yeah, okay,” and truth be told, he’s just as nervous as Jiyong because he pauses to take a breath, “If you said you liked me, I would say okay.”
And both are quiet, minds running a mile a minute, worrying about what this could mean for them. The silence is killing Seunghyun because suddenly he feels he said the wrong thing, again, like last time. He’s almost about to apologize when he feels the bed shift. Jiyong climbs up onto the mattress and takes a seat right in front of Seunghyun, just mere inches away from his face.
His voice is soft and still quite drowsy. And Seunghyun wants to almost strangle him for being so fucking cute all the time.
“Hyung… I like you.”
“Okay.”
And they kiss. For the first time. And Jiyong smells like his lavender shampoo, tastes like his citrus flavored toothpaste. And Seunghyun kind of wants to die from happiness.
_____________________________
“I think I kinda want you…right now.”
And that catches Seunghyun by surprise. He blinks just a few times, mind processing to make sure he heard right. And well, fuck, because he did.
Jiyong frowns for a fraction of a second and then clears his throat. “I said… I think I want-”
“I fucking heard what you said, you idiot.”
“Really? I’m the idiot?
You’re the one standing there like you’re trying to do some mental math or something.”
“Fuck you. And not all of us have as much trouble with numbers like you do.”
Jiyong looks incredulous, “What? Fuck me?! I just said I wanted you and you’re just gonna-”
Seunghyun closes the distance between them in a fraction of a second, palms already cupping the younger’s small face, his hips pinning him hard against the wall. And Jiyong doesn’t even have a chance to gasp before Seunghyun crashes his mouth into his.
And they kiss and it’s deeper than they've ever gone before, tongues sliding and flicking against each other, teeth knocking a bit too hard. It’s desperate and entirely too messy, but it’s what they both want from each other, what they both need.
“How was it?” Seunghyun asks when they finally pull away to catch their breath. Jiyong grins at him and Seunghyun smiles back.
“It was alright,” Jiyong chides, tongue flicking out to lick unnecessarily at his lower lip, “I’ve had better.”
Seunghyun laughs and leans forward, “Idiot,” he mumbles against the younger’s lips.
_____________________________
“How’s that?” Seunghyun asks, carefully watching for the Jiyong’s reaction, for any slight indication that this isn’t okay, because in all honesty it shouldn’t be.
But it never comes, instead, just soft puffs of exhales that quicken by the second.
“…It feels g-good…,” Jiyong eventually manages to whisper as he bites back a moan. And that’s all Seunghyun needs to keep going. He notices the bright flush on the younger’s face, the slick of sweat right above his brow. Seunghyun changes his angle, taking on a slightly tighter grip, a faster pace.
And Jiyong comes undone. And it’s utterly beautiful.
His body jerks harshly, hipbones jutting out just under his fingertips. He’s writhing and moaning and saying dirty fucking things, his knuckles nearly white from griping at the head board too tightly, desperately trying to hold on to some ounce of his sanity. And it’s all because of me, Seunghyun reminds himself, reveling in the thought.
He watches as Jiyong’s lust glazed eyes gaze back into his own. But as Jiyong finds himself close, he suddenly thrashes his head back, eyes fluttering shut, back arching and body trembling with a such intensity that Jiyong can’t even talk properly anymore.
“…uhhh….Seunghyun…fuck….more….I-I…uhhh….hyungggg…”
Seunghyun goes faster, twisting his wrist as he goes up and down the younger’s length. His other free hand travels long the expanse of Jiyong’s bare belly, counting his ribs, and finding a nipple to abuse. He messages it with the pad of his thumb, flicks it and pinches it until Jiyong yelps impatiently.
“…fuckk…pleasseee…”
And Seunghyun can’t bare to tease him anymore. He swirls his hand around Jiyong’s head, thoroughly smearing the dripping precum, and leans forward to whisper vulgar things into the younger’s ear.
“You like that don’t you?
You dirty little slut.
You have no idea how hard I am for you right now.
God, you look so fucking beautiful like this.”
Seunghyun rubs his palm harshly against the head of Jiyong’s cock, pushes his thumb hard against the slit.
And that’s it.
Jiyong comes hot white ropes all over his hand, his body trembling as waves of pleasure run through him.
Seunghyun’s grabs a few tissues from the bedside to wipe his hand, waiting for the younger to catch his breath and calm down from his high.
“How was it?” Seunghyun asks when Jiyong’s eyes finally meet his, a dopey grin splayed on his face from the afterglow.
Jiyong can only hum in contentment, a soft “mhmm…” falling from his swollen lips. And that’s good enough for Seunghyun.
A/N: Been itching to write for a while...and of course the smut was the first thing I started typing. (-_-,,) Anyways, comments are always welcomed~