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The young boy, Jeff, grew up surrounded by other geniuses or rich kids so it was a pretty good environment to expand his knowledge. It turned out he was even smarter than most of the other kids there, and he constantly got compared to his estranged father. So Jeff decided to study his father and try to follow his footsteps, and really just busied himself too much to make many friends. He only really had his roommate Tony and the head of the Ultra Science Club, Maxwell. But life was okay.
THEN ONE NIGHT. A meteorite fell to earth and it was huge! But it fell on an entirely different continent so it didn't really affect Jeff's life much. OR DID IT? A few weeks later he had a dream where a girl contacted him through means of psychic powers claiming to be a friend he'd never met who needed his help. Except it wasn't a dream, it really happened! Jeff was pretty sure, anyway. What did he have to lose by following the dream's instructions and finding out? Except, you know, his LIFE but whatever.
So with the help of Maxwell and Tony, he escaped the school in the middle of the night and went on an epic journey. He rode a lake monster! Made friends with a monkey! Had a pretty lame reunion with his father! Flew a UFO-like ship across the ocean to meet Ness and Paula! Fought zombies and taxis and piles of puke! Drank trippy alien coffee! Fixed broken things and turned them into awesome weapons! Saw a couple of concerts! Rescused kidnapped girls! Met a super cool Asian Prince! Had his soul sucked out and put into a robot to go back in time and fight the ultimate cosmic horror and become convinced there was o hope until the prayers of everyone whose lives they'd affected along their journey defeated the evil and brought them safely back to their own time and bodies!
Yeah, uh. Giygas was a pretty fucked up experience. One Jeff could never forget even if he tried, and believe me, he has tried.
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He reunited with Ness and Paula! And... Pokey, that fat jerkbutt who trolled the Chosen Four throughout their entire adventure. Man, he got OLD. And uglier. And apparently had been dicking around in the timestream all over the place and affected so many other lives. Said lives included those of Lucas, Falcon, and Samus, all of whom Jeff grew closer with over time. Even if it meant through panty raids. He started a romantic relationship with Lucas and grew to consider Samus and Falcon to be the parents he never really had.
He adopted a Pikmin! Who in turn preferred Falcon as a Dad, which only contributed to Jeff's inferiority complex. Oops. He went to space! Which was awesome! Aliens invaded the city! Which sucked, especially when their Queen took the form of Giygas and reminded him of all the cosmic horrorterror he had to face back then and totally brought all the nightmares back for a while. He turned into a chick! Which was... weird... He learned the truth of his heritage from his father! WHAT THE...
Basically his years at SBG were filled with a lot of new friends, weird happenings like body-swaps or mushrooms slipped into the food, and a ton of angst over things relationship drama or personal problems. The teenage years are a real blast that way. Then, just as he was about to graduate, his Dad called him up for work on a super special secret project!
Jeff was still a little butthurt over being nonchalantly told he was a clone, but he went anyway. The nature of their experiment was so top-secret that even this app cannot disclose that information, sorry. He also did some kind of volunteer project helping to integrate space aliens into human society. It was some pretty cool stuff and he learned a few scientific tips and tricks and a few phrases in alien languages (mostly “hello,” “my name is___”, “thank you”, etc).
Eventually he missed SBG so much he just had to head on back. Sorry Dr. Andonuts, but he needed his REAL family... And... also SBG has this weird way of pulling you in and never letting go. So he went back to get himself a college education and also start training to be a teacher... A job he wouldn't have dreamed of in the past, what with all the speaking in front of large crowds he would have to do, but Jeff has changed a lot over the years.
Anything Else?: OH GOD PBS EVERYWHERE.
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...But enough about that! How is everyone? Did I miss everything? I hope I didn't miss graduation. I mean, my grades were so good I know I'd have graduated even without finals, but... I dunno, you only get one chance at walking across that stage, right?
In-Character 3rd person writing post: The only downside of coming back to Smash Academy was the inevitable flood of questions about where he'd been and why he hadn't called and maybe a few punches from certain people. If only there were some kind of way to just ease into it without anybody noticing until he'd already been there for a while.
The next best thing, Jeff decided, was arriving in the dead of night while everyone was asleep. Or... mostly asleep. Jeez, why were there so many night-owls at this place? Maybe he should have come early in the morning when everyone finally was going to bed...
Well, it was too late now; he was already standing outside the dorms, backpack slung over his shoulder. The building was locked, and his Bad Key Machine was yet to be shipped to him with most of his other belongings. "Butts," he muttered, circling the building to see if another entrance had been added while he was gone. It hadn't.
Luckily, his room was on the second floor. He could totally scale the wall and climb right in! Assuming Bulbasaur hadn't gone and gotten a replacement while he was away. If he did, that would be kind of awkward.
Come to think of it, climbing into his window in the middle of the night after months of being gone was kind of weird too.
Never mind that! Time to do this thing! He tucked his fingers into the cracks between bricks and began to climb...
...
He made it two inches before sliding back down. As quickly as he could climb a rope, Jeff was not suited to scaling buildings. He frowned up at the window that was just out of his reach.
At least it was warm enough to sleep outside...
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ENJOY YOUR BICEPS
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