The One In Which I Ramble...
An update, not because I have something to say but because I just felt like writing. So, I guess expect a ramble that goes nowhere. :)
I called out of work sick today. I'm not really sick. I do this sometimes. Usually when I've worked myself a little too hard. Working sixteen hours on Friday and then fourteen on Saturday counts as too hard, I think. I gave myself Sunday to recuperate but, I don't think it was enough. I was still tired yesterday. I woke up groggy and sore today. I got ready for work, had breakfast, and contemplated calling in sick. While I was trying to make my decision, I read my horoscope which said I should skip work today. Sometimes, the stars align. ;) It was only one job today and I finished most of the big stuff yesterday. The temp they hired can handle today.
I went back to bed after I called work to let them know. When I woke up again, I could hear my mom raking leaves in our yard and since I had told her I would take care of it today, I wondered why she was doing that. So, I got ready as fast as I could and the of course the moment I step outside she says she's done. I asked her what the fuck, mom??? Obviously, I didn't say the word "fuck" to my mother. Apparently, it was going to rain so she took care of it and she didn't wake me because she's my mom and knew I was tired. Which, aww, but at the same time, she's too old to be raking leaves.
I feel like I could sleep some more.
Before I fell asleep, I was thinking about how when I was 23 or 24 (I forget) I had a short relationship with a woman who was 29 (the age I am now). It was a frustrating time for me. I didn't understand her. I was surrounded by other young twenty-somethings and we were interested in things like going out, drinking, partying, living from moment to moment. She was interested in figuring out her life. It was a transitory time for her. And, I wasn't the right person to understand that. Not then, anyway. I remember she talked a lot and I don't remember a lot of what she said. I didn't necessarily want a serious girlfriend. I wanted a friend who didn't complain about hanging out if I called too late, who wanted to hang out with my friends, and who didn't want to have a 45 minute discussions about every single thing in my life. I thought we were on the same page. We were not. Of course, it ended. It wasn't heartbreaking. Just frustrating. Because, like I said, I didn't understand. I get it now, of course. She figured her stuff out and now has a partner who has kids and so they have a family together and she's v. domestic now. Which, in hindsight, may have been what she was looking for at the time. I'm happy, she's happy, because it never ended badly, and neither of us were involved enough for it to be heartbreaking.
So, she went on to her domestic bliss and I went on to have a series of short lived relationships throughout my twenties leading me to my own transitory time at 29 where I try to figure my life out. Funny how life works. Hmm.
After I posted my last entry on LJ, things regarding M got unbelievably better. Almost immediately, actually. It's not that the situation changed, just my perception, I think. I may have mentioned that the healing can take a while, and I've accepted that, which may have helped. And, I think I had been repressing thinking about the good aspects of our relationship for too long. It just wasn't healthy anymore. If you refuse to see something the universe finds a way to MAKE you see it.
I've been playing around with the idea of taking a class for the spring semester. Or, more likely the summer semester. I'm not sure what, yet. It doesn't really matter, I guess. It's just something to get my feet wet so I know what it's going to be like to be in school again. I've been putting it off, trying not to pressure myself, but the more time passes, the more I realize this is what's going to have to happen in order to bring about the changes in my life that I've been wanting. I have to go back to school. The time commitment scares me. The financial commitment scares. Commitment scares me, but it's time to get over that I think. Or, at least start trying. I can't tackle my fear of commitment in relationships right now (and I REALLY don't want to) but I can do it in this area of my life. This is what matters right now. Growing up is hard. I don't know if I've mentioned that before.
I have Ricky Martin's and Portia de Rossi's books on my 'To Read' list. Also, bought Walking Dead #1 since R at work can't stop talking about how great it is. Turns out it's also a tv show. This shows how little tv (as in none) I watch. Also, picked up Kill Shakespeare #1. I'm in a graphic novel mood, what can I say. I thought the premise sounded interesting for a lit nerd. Shakespeare's characters running around trying to find the evil wizard Shakespeare? You had me at "Shakespeare's characters."
Also, I figured out how to make my own .e pub files so I can load fanfic onto my Kobo instead of having to read at my computer all of the time. I was kind of proud of myself. :)
Saw HP#7 with Char and Jen and it was awesome. The movie was awesome and so were they. :) I was relieved that it lived up to all of my expectations. Movies almost never do that.
Listening to music with a lot of electronic stuff to it, which I tend to do in winter. Postal Service, Cut Copy, Ming and Ping, Robyn, Lady Gaga are on permanent rotation at the moment. Cut Copy especially lately. I don't think I'll ever get over how much I love that album.
I also LOVED Kings of Leon's new one. I don't remember if I already talked about it but I like the whole album. I love his voice. I love the guitars. I love the melancholy tint the songs have. It's just perfect.
Also, loving the "Tron" soundtrack right now. Daft Punk did the whole thing and it is AMAZING. Check it out.
My sister recommended The Pippettes to me and they are fun to listen to. Sort of a sixties/seventies revival.
New music that I downloaded that I think I like but haven't listened to in depth so can't recommend completely: Cee-Lo Green's new album, and Ellie Goulding's "Bright Lights."
EDITED TO ADD: Just listened to one of the best mashups I've heard in a while: Girl Talk's track "Oh No." Starts with a Black Sabbath/Ludacris mashup and then goes on to put together almost every artist you've ever heard of. Listen to the track and download the entire album free (LEGALLY) here: http://www.indieshuffle.com/girl-talk-oh-no/#!