Fall Quarter 2009
This break was all that I could've asked for and more. Granted, I'm not perfect and my situation still needs improving, but I'm still luckier than I think I am. I would say I'm very fortunate to have learned from my mistakes and to have the things that I do, such as my possessions, and my apartment, my friends, and my job, even if they seem sub-par to me at my more short-sighted moments. Anyway, I think this break has taught me that there are rewards for discipline, even if you can't see them at first. This was probably the most difficult quarter of my academic career, but it seems like I go into every new period of my life with something to prove. This quarter it was all about proving that I can be self-sufficient and create a new circle of friends, as well as succeed academically and fulfill all of my responsibilities, and I think I did a pretty good job of that under the circumstances. So the goal of this next quarter is to see if I can expand upon that and do even better, and we'll see how it turns out. I had to get through some really difficult and trying times this quarter...first of all, there was the balancing act of work and school which put considerable strain on me to begin with. Then I had all of that emotional shit to deal with, regarding the break-up and the fallout from that, regrets, coming to terms with how shitty my summer was, etc. Then on top of that I had to shed some friends, so I was without for a while, and I never had time for any of the new people I met because I was so busy. This was the first quarter I've ever spent 12+ hours on campus at a time. But I pushed through, and at the end of the quarter, I've gained friends, I've gained self-respect, I'm closer to finishing my degree, I've quit smoking, I've gotten rid of the things that did not serve me, and I feel better all around. I told Ichiro yesterday that I feel like I'm in a good position now, although it's not necessarily ideal yet. Compared with where I was at this time last year, I'm not desperate. Compared with where I was when I was in a relationship, I'm not willing to let myself be insulted and walked all over. Compared to where I was after I ended it, I'm not depressed or full of regrets or emotionally needy. So...go me.