I need to cut my fingernails

Aug 10, 2009 00:05

So I've neglected my goals while I've been in Vancouver. Which is another reason why I hate Vancouver. Or, vacations in general at this point in my life. I'm still trying to establish myself and get settled, I think, find my routine. I'm getting there, I think lately I've had a lot of motivation which is good, but I really want to step it up this month. I'm starting to worry about the money situation...need job but don't want. I think I make too many excuses for myself too, which I want to stop doing. Saying "that's too hard" or convincing myself that somehow life will be more difficult if I do something...it's starting to hold me back, I think. Well, actually it's BEEN holding me back. So...I'm not in much of a different place than when I first moved up here. Well actually, not true. I'm in a much different place. I've had some very formative experiences in coming up here but I'm still very much green at a lot of things. Not that I'm trying to speed up the maturing process, I'd like to hold onto my youthful naivete as long as I possibly can, but I don't feel like I'm MUCH closer to being independent. At least, not as much as I hoped I would be by this point. So...I guess I should take some steps to getting there if that's what I want to be. That seems to make the most sense. And one big roadblock is my excuses. Also how I spend my time. I waste A LOT of time, more than I probably think I do. I hope to remedy this. In general, I want to live a fuller life than I have, I think that's my ultimate goal here. Not to be mature, not to grow up (at least not any more than I have to), but to be happier and healthier and squeezing the most out of this period of my life as I can. I want to enjoy my fucking 20s, I'm tired of being held back by insecurity, parents, money, time, bitch friends, etc... Where am I going with this? I'm going to clean my room and then go to bed.

Tomorrow I move into my new apartment!!!!!!! :D
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