Re-hash
I don't know what I'm so depressed about. It's been almost a month since I dumped the bastard but I still can't stop thinking about him. It's enough to drive a bitch like me insane. I guess hanging out with his friends doesn't help. Apparently he's really jealous that Adam and I have been hanging out, and he told Adam he feels "betrayed." That's really laughable. At least Adam's not going to stop hanging out with me. But still, you have to stop and think. This is coming from Danny, who ignored Adam for three months when Adam was suicidally depressed and was reaching out to him, because Danny was "uncomfortable" because Adam supposedly had feelings for him. Or some shit. And then Danny even went so far as to tell Jim, who he was seeing at the time, that Adam had feelings for him. That to me is simply unforgivable. And I don't even think Danny has apologized for that, for ignoring him, or for telling his big secret to that asshole Jim. So I think it's kind of funny that Danny feels like Adam is betraying him by hanging out with me, just because I'm his fucking ex. Yeah, really, I am confused as to why I feel like shit because Danny is a fucking moron. If Danny wasn't such a fucking prick-ass douche bastard, we wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't have dumped his ass, and if we had broken it off, we might have been able to be friends. But it's precisely the fact that everything is all just some big ego game to him because he has such low self-esteem that I'm not willing to go crawling back to him for friendship, or anything really! So he can go fuck himself.
Yeah really, I have nothing to be upset about. I'm already back into the dating world, and I've already been on a date since we've broken up, and it seems somewhat promising, so I can handle my own business and make my own fucking friends and have my own experiences. Fuck, that's how I got where I am today, and that's why Adam wanted to continue to be my friend even after I dumped his loser of a "best friend" Danny. Really, I find it a little bit sad that Adam even considers Danny his best friend still. And I don't mean that as I look down on Adam, I just mean that Danny totally doesn't deserve a friend as loyal with so much to offer as Adam. Adam has tons of friends! Why does he choose to focus on Danny as his "best friend" when Danny constantly uses Adam for his car as well as other things? It's a one-sided relationship, just like it was when Danny and I were together. I get the feeling that Adam still has feelings for Danny, because it only makes sense. But either way, I would NOT be friends with someone if they treated me the way Danny does Adam.
The sick thing is, I remember Danny talking so much shit about Adam when we were together. He told me all about Adam being "in love" with him, and how Adam seemed like such a nice guy but he would cause drama and blow up at the smallest things...Looking at Danny's behavior, I totally understand why he would think that, because Danny never thinks he does anything wrong. So I completely sympathize with Adam. I mean, I fucking dumped Danny over something that he thought probably wasn't even a big deal...which really pisses me off.
God, that's another thing I have to keep reminding myself of, is that I told Danny STRAIGHT UP that I felt underappreciated and I was tired of having to beg for his attention. The last fight that we had, I said exactly those words, and yet he said that he was "blindsighted" (btw, it's "blindsided," fucker) by my breaking up with him. When your significant other storms out of your apartment because they feel they've been insulted and underappreciated and ignored, you don't just fucking ignore it and hope that it will fucking blow over and they'll be perfectly fine to be your tag-along the next day. That's what PISSED me the fuck off. He never even acknowledged that he did anything wrong. When I was pissed off at him, all he could say was "I don't like when you're mad at me," or "I'm sorry, I was just tired." Even after I broke up with him, he kept using the tired excuse! He sent me an e-mail the day after saying "I really did want to be with you even if it was all I could do to keep my eyes open." What the fuck does that say to me? "I really did want to be with you even though you're boring as fuck." FUCK THAT!! My god, what a stupid asshole. He didn't try to make me feel special, or make me feel even the slightest bit appreciated after I told him how he felt. He probably thought, "Oh damn, Jason's mad at me, I better not talk to him for a while so he'll forget that I pissed him off and I won't have to talk about my feelings or admit that I did anything wrong or have to talk about any sort of issue because I'm an immature retard who can't handle that shit." UGH. And of course he was used to that controlling creep Jim hanging onto him for dear life, so from experience he probably thought "Well, I'm hot enough and Jason doesn't have much without me, so after a while he'll just have to forgive me because I'm all he's got." Fuck no, bitch! I'm not a psycho-ass alcoholic bipolar control freak, I'm a normal fucking human being! And bitch, if you insult me, I'm not going to just go running back to your sorry ass without a fucking apology.
Here are all the multiple opportunities he could've made it up to me, or made it better somehow:
1) The very night we had the argument, he could've tried to come over to my apartment and spend some time with me, alone. That's all I fucking wanted in the first place! Or he could've actually admitted to what he did and realized that I wasn't getting pissed off for no fucking reason.
2) The day after, he had the WHOLE FUCKING NIGHT to make it up to me. He texted me and was like "So when's your dad coming?" And I was like "Saturday" which meant we had the whole night to do whatever. What does he do instead? He invites me over to his fucking friend's house for a barbecue. I'm sorry, but that was the wrong fucking choice! And he could've come over to my apartment when the damn barbecue was over, but he didn't even call or text me, probably because he thought I was still pissed off. DUMB-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!!!
3) I was so desperate to hear from him that week-end that I texted him, saying my dad was leaving Sunday night. Do you need a bigger fucking hint, moron? Of course, I heard nothing from him at all. Nothing Saturday, nothing Sunday. I didn't even know that he went to his fucking parents' house. He could've told me what the fuck he was doing, he could've made plans with me for Monday (which we had off because of Memorial Day), he could've told me he wanted to hang out with me Sunday night. ANY OF THOSE THINGS WOULD'VE MADE ME HAPPY. But no, he didn't do jackshit, because he thought it would blow over, or because he thought I would never dump his ass.
So I guess I can understand a little bit why he would've been blindsided when I fucking handed him all his shit back on Sunday night and then said "Don't expect to hear from me again." But still, his friends say we could've talked about it? WE HAD AMPLE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT IT! But Danny doesn't talk about things because he doesn't think he has to and because he just expects things to blow over and people to just go running back to him. Well, he thought wrong about this bitch, because although it was a hard decision to make, it was necessary, and I was more than willing to do it because I will not be treated like I'm just there for someone's amusement. So he can burn in hell.
Yeah really, I have nothing to be upset about. I'm already back into the dating world, and I've already been on a date since we've broken up, and it seems somewhat promising, so I can handle my own business and make my own fucking friends and have my own experiences. Fuck, that's how I got where I am today, and that's why Adam wanted to continue to be my friend even after I dumped his loser of a "best friend" Danny. Really, I find it a little bit sad that Adam even considers Danny his best friend still. And I don't mean that as I look down on Adam, I just mean that Danny totally doesn't deserve a friend as loyal with so much to offer as Adam. Adam has tons of friends! Why does he choose to focus on Danny as his "best friend" when Danny constantly uses Adam for his car as well as other things? It's a one-sided relationship, just like it was when Danny and I were together. I get the feeling that Adam still has feelings for Danny, because it only makes sense. But either way, I would NOT be friends with someone if they treated me the way Danny does Adam.
The sick thing is, I remember Danny talking so much shit about Adam when we were together. He told me all about Adam being "in love" with him, and how Adam seemed like such a nice guy but he would cause drama and blow up at the smallest things...Looking at Danny's behavior, I totally understand why he would think that, because Danny never thinks he does anything wrong. So I completely sympathize with Adam. I mean, I fucking dumped Danny over something that he thought probably wasn't even a big deal...which really pisses me off.
God, that's another thing I have to keep reminding myself of, is that I told Danny STRAIGHT UP that I felt underappreciated and I was tired of having to beg for his attention. The last fight that we had, I said exactly those words, and yet he said that he was "blindsighted" (btw, it's "blindsided," fucker) by my breaking up with him. When your significant other storms out of your apartment because they feel they've been insulted and underappreciated and ignored, you don't just fucking ignore it and hope that it will fucking blow over and they'll be perfectly fine to be your tag-along the next day. That's what PISSED me the fuck off. He never even acknowledged that he did anything wrong. When I was pissed off at him, all he could say was "I don't like when you're mad at me," or "I'm sorry, I was just tired." Even after I broke up with him, he kept using the tired excuse! He sent me an e-mail the day after saying "I really did want to be with you even if it was all I could do to keep my eyes open." What the fuck does that say to me? "I really did want to be with you even though you're boring as fuck." FUCK THAT!! My god, what a stupid asshole. He didn't try to make me feel special, or make me feel even the slightest bit appreciated after I told him how he felt. He probably thought, "Oh damn, Jason's mad at me, I better not talk to him for a while so he'll forget that I pissed him off and I won't have to talk about my feelings or admit that I did anything wrong or have to talk about any sort of issue because I'm an immature retard who can't handle that shit." UGH. And of course he was used to that controlling creep Jim hanging onto him for dear life, so from experience he probably thought "Well, I'm hot enough and Jason doesn't have much without me, so after a while he'll just have to forgive me because I'm all he's got." Fuck no, bitch! I'm not a psycho-ass alcoholic bipolar control freak, I'm a normal fucking human being! And bitch, if you insult me, I'm not going to just go running back to your sorry ass without a fucking apology.
Here are all the multiple opportunities he could've made it up to me, or made it better somehow:
1) The very night we had the argument, he could've tried to come over to my apartment and spend some time with me, alone. That's all I fucking wanted in the first place! Or he could've actually admitted to what he did and realized that I wasn't getting pissed off for no fucking reason.
2) The day after, he had the WHOLE FUCKING NIGHT to make it up to me. He texted me and was like "So when's your dad coming?" And I was like "Saturday" which meant we had the whole night to do whatever. What does he do instead? He invites me over to his fucking friend's house for a barbecue. I'm sorry, but that was the wrong fucking choice! And he could've come over to my apartment when the damn barbecue was over, but he didn't even call or text me, probably because he thought I was still pissed off. DUMB-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!!!
3) I was so desperate to hear from him that week-end that I texted him, saying my dad was leaving Sunday night. Do you need a bigger fucking hint, moron? Of course, I heard nothing from him at all. Nothing Saturday, nothing Sunday. I didn't even know that he went to his fucking parents' house. He could've told me what the fuck he was doing, he could've made plans with me for Monday (which we had off because of Memorial Day), he could've told me he wanted to hang out with me Sunday night. ANY OF THOSE THINGS WOULD'VE MADE ME HAPPY. But no, he didn't do jackshit, because he thought it would blow over, or because he thought I would never dump his ass.
So I guess I can understand a little bit why he would've been blindsided when I fucking handed him all his shit back on Sunday night and then said "Don't expect to hear from me again." But still, his friends say we could've talked about it? WE HAD AMPLE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT IT! But Danny doesn't talk about things because he doesn't think he has to and because he just expects things to blow over and people to just go running back to him. Well, he thought wrong about this bitch, because although it was a hard decision to make, it was necessary, and I was more than willing to do it because I will not be treated like I'm just there for someone's amusement. So he can burn in hell.